Hi guys, so here is another story I have had in my head for quite some time! It's set at the end of Spirit Bound, but without the murder of the queen, and is a bit angsty! I have a plan for another one or two chapters I think, but let me know if you would want it to be more than that and I will see what I can do! There will be lemons in this story I think, as well as some pretty angsty topics, and so that's why its rated as it is.
I woke up early, and got out of bed as soon as my alarm went off. I slept terribly last night, and my crumpled sheets that were pretty much on the floor were proof of that. I walked into the bathroom, and splashed my face with ice-cold water, in an attempt to shake-off the exhaustion that always seemed to surround me these days. I pulled back up, wiping my eyes, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I barely knew the girl that stared back at me.
Her eyes looked empty, there was no sparkle or life in them, and the area underneath her eyes was dark and tired. Her hair was limp and dry and her skin was tight and pale. Her cheeks were gaunt, and she looked slimmer usual, some would say skinny. This girl looked like she had been through hard times, and I supposed I had.
I walked out of the bathroom, after pulling my hair into a tight bun that hid its length and I grabbed a clean pair of running leggings from a neat pile on my shelves. I pulled them on, along with a top from within my nest draws, grabbed a hoodie and my keys, and left my flat. Lissa has gotten me a guardian flat that was relatively near the accommodation she was sharing with Christian, and it had been allowed as we had finally finished the process of me becoming her assigned guardian after almost 6 months of living at court. Time had really flown these past months.
I neared the gym, and instead opted to run on the track before my morning workout. I had been exercising a lot recently, and if anyone asked me why, I would say it was because I wanted to be my best for Lissa. If I was honest though, it was because I was able to take my mind off things, Russian things.
I had ended things with Adrian after Dimitri had told me he didn't love me anymore, and he had taken it well. I realised that I still loved Dimitri, and would probably always love him, and so it just wasn't fair on Adrian.
I set off running on the track, welcoming the rhythmic beat of my feet and put on headphones to blast away my thoughts. I listened to the same playlist every day. It had a mixture of music, some catchy Russian songs with a strong beat to them that I had heard in Russia, some modern pop songs, and some songs that you would hear in a club here in America. I liked the strong beat they all had, a beat that blasted feelings away and pushed my body on.
Once I had done my usual 5 miles, in a time that I was pleased with, I contemplated going into the gym and beginning my strength and conditioning training, but decided that since I had a late start with Lissa today, and we were just sitting in meetings all day, I would run a bit further. Running was my escape. I kept up my punishing pace, enjoying the burn that was in my legs and zoned out of my head.
All of a sudden, I was shifted out of my meditative state. I jumped into a defensive stance, ready to take on whatever would be thrown at me. But I wasn't ready enough. There was no strigoi, or physical threat. Instead, it was a change of song.
'I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart'.
I stopped dead in my tracks.
'But you came around, and you knocked me off the ground from the start'.
I could feel a familiar burning in my throat.
'You put your arms around me, and I believe, that it's easier for you to let me go'.
A strigoi could have walked up to me now and I wouldn't have even noticed.
'You put your arms around me and I'm home'.
I stopped the song quickly, feeling a scream or a sob begin to rise in my throat. That song was just too close to my situation at the moment. I replaced it with another loud Russian rap song, and pushed my body to continue with the running, running even harder and using the burning and protests of my body to further push any thoughts of my troubles away. I ran and ran, not even noticing the time or just how tired my body was. I was only jolted to my senses once again, when my phone rang.
"Rose? It's Lissa. Is everything ok?"
"Yeah" I said through my headphones, slowing to a walk. "Why are you ringing me?"
"Er, well you were meant to be here on shift half an hour ago".
Well shit. I had been running for over two hours. "Oh god, Liss I'm so sorry" I stuttered out, still a little out of breath. "I can be there in 15 minutes".
"It's no hurry, Guardian Harrison is just extending his shift until you get here. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I've been running and I just lost track of time. Tell him thanks, and that I'll be there in 15".
I hung up the phone before she was able to ask why I had been distracted. Aside from me telling her that I was going to back away from Dimitri completely, shortly after the church incident, she had never pried or tried to get me to talk about my feelings, something that I was both glad and frustrated about.
I ran back to my room and jumped in the shower, in and out in under two minutes, tied my hair back into a more formal up-do, that also hid the fact that I hadn't had time to wash it after my workout. I grabbed my guardian clothing, completely forsaking my usual moisturising routine, threw on the clothes, and ran out the door once more. All in all, I arrived at Lissa's accommodation precisely 12 minutes after she had rung me.
I walked in, not needing to knock because of our close relationship, and sensed that she was in the kitchen. I had gotten very good at almost completely blocking out the bond recently, and so only really tuned in when I needed to find her. "Sorry I'm late" I said as I moved into the kitchen. I gave Harrison a sharp nod, and he began to leave. "Thanks for covering" I whispered as he walked past me, and he gave a broad smile in return. He was Lissa's other primary guardian, and we got on rather well. We covered for each other when needed, and I trusted him, which said a lot.
"How come you were so distracted when running?" Lissa asked me.
"I was going to do a long run this morning, and I guess I just lost track of time" I lied. I could tell she didn't believe me, but she wasn't going to push it with Christian in the room.
"I'm going to have to head off now" she said to Christian. "I'll be in meetings all day, but I should be home for around 4am". He nodded, and gently kissed her forehead.
"Have a good day, don't work too hard, and kick some royal ass". I had to look away, their sugary sweetness burning my heart.
We set off out of the door, walking towards the palace, and for once I was actually glad for the meetings, they meant I could relax a little, and I was tired. "So, what really happened this morning?" Lissa began.
"I already told you, I did a long run and I guess I just lost track of time".
"That's not like you." She said quietly. "You seem to be exercising a lot at the moment".
"I like it Lissa" I said a little curtly. "It's one of the only things I can actually do by myself and for myself". Realising my words were perhaps a little harsh I added "Besides, if I don't stay in top condition, they might replace me, and what would you even do without seeing me all day". I nudged her shoulder and she gave a small smile.
"As long as that's the truth".
"Of course, it is Liss".
It wasn't.
The meetings in the morning went smoothly, and even finished before schedule allowing us a bit of a longer lunch break. We went to a nearby café, getting two sandwiches, before taking a slow walk. Lissa always preferred to do this, claiming it helped to clear her mind, and I for sure didn't mind. I picked at my sandwich slowly, for once being revolted by they idea of bacon smothered in mayonnaise. I picked out the salad, but tossed the rest.
We chatted for as long as we could, about totally harmless topics, mostly involving gossip, before heading back to the palace for the last two meetings. Once again, I stood against the wall whilst the moroi discussed their topics, and I zoned out. I hadn't realised just how tired I was, and by the end of the day I was leaning against the wall much more than I should have been.
"Are you ok?" Asked Lissa as we walked back to her accommodation.
"Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired" I replied. "I think it's because I did a long run this morning". Luckily, we arrived back before she could begin the interrogation further. We had gotten into a comfortable routine over the past few months. Lissa and Christian would chat about their day's whilst he prepared dinner when we arrived back, and I would stand against the wall in guardian mode, allowing them a little privacy, even though it didn't really matter because of who I was. It was deemed safe enough that they would be unguarded during the night, and so they got to have real 'alone time' once I finished my shift at 6.
This day was no different, and I stood against the wall watching but not watching, when the doorbell rang. I went to answer it, keeping Lissa behind me, as protocol dictated. I opened the door to find Dimitri stood there, with a grimace on his face once he saw me. "It's Guardian Belikov" I announced, stepping back so Lissa could speak with him. Whilst he had been given back his guardian title, he still didn't have a charge, and was on gate duty, with very few shifts.
"Come in!" Lissa said, and I took up my position against the wall once more. I tried not to listen in to their conversation too much, and instead focused on watching Christian make dinner. After a few minutes however, my plan to stay unnoticed was beginning to unravel as I started to feel woozy. I placed my hands behind me on the wall, attempting to grip it to keep myself up as the world spun, but before I knew it, I was sliding down into a heap on the floor. Both Dimitri and Lissa jumped up, running over to me.
"Rose, what's wrong!" Exclaimed Lissa.
"I'm fine, I'm fine" I grumbled, trying to stand up. Dimitri had pulled me over a chair, a look of concern on his face. He reached out a hand to help me up, put I refused to look in his eyes, and instead pulled myself up onto the chair.
"When was the last time you ate?" Asked Lissa, concern lacing her words.
"You saw me eat at lunch" I sighed, not wanting to get into this again.
"I saw you pick salad out of your sandwich and throw the rest yeah" she replied. "What did you eat before that?"
"I didn't. I never eat before I work out, and then I was late, so I didn't have time to grab breakfast". That was a bit of a lie, I never really ate breakfast anymore.
"Oh Rose, you need to take better care of yourself." Christian handed me a breakfast bar, and I began slowly nibbling on it, more for their sake than mine.
"I'll walk you back" Christian said, joining the conversation.
"No, honestly, I'll be fine. I probably just ran a little far this morning". I really didn't want the embarrassment of being walked home by a moroi, however kind the offer was.
"I'll walk you back, I'm going that direction anyway" Dimitri said quietly. I had almost managed to forget he was here. I tried to argue against it further, but nobody was listening to me, and so I figured I might as well just let him walk near me if it shut them up. He went to catch my arm, presumably thinking I needed the support, but I pulled away quickly, not wanting to feel the contact of his skin on mine, and gave him a glare, warning him not to do it again.
We set off out of the door in silence, and had made it most of the way towards my flat before he spoke. "I'm a little worried about you Rose". His voice sent chills through me. "Lissa said you ran for 2 hours this morning and even forgot your shift". I tried to ignore him again, but eventually answered saying "I'm just training hard at the moment." I noticed that we were pretty much outside my block, and so added "We're here, I'm leaving now". I walked away before he even got the chance to respond.
Once I was back in my flat, everything felt better. I took off my uncomfortable clothes and threw on some joggers and a hoodie, noticing that I had to tighten the string holding up the joggers, but it didn't bother me. I grabbed a yoghurt from my fridge, pored a glass of vodka, and sat in front of the tv, not really watching. It didn't take much vodka to make me a little drunk, and I revelled in the feeling, enjoying the escape from my thought. Eventually I took myself off to bed, and fell into a dreamless sleep.
I awoke the next day to my alarm, and as I usually did, got out and dressed in workout gear. I pulled out one of my favourite tight tank tops, but when I put it on, it didn't really cling like it used to. Not liking the change in my appearance, I swapped it out for a loose t-shirt, and set off towards the track again. Today was my day-off, meaning I could push my body as hard as I wanted to. I set off running at a difficult pace, becoming upset with myself after realising I would have to slow down. Again, like yesterday, I ran for around two hours, forsaking my gym time for running. Once I was finished, I headed back to my flat and jumped in the shower.
I was meeting Adrian for coffee this afternoon, so I had time for my full pampering routine. I washed my hair, leaving it loose to dry on its own, and moisturised my face. I even put on some concealer and mascara to hide my dark circles. Staring at my face, I decided I would add a little eyeshadow to try and make my eyes look less sunken in, and opted for a smoky eye. All it did was accentuate my paleness, and so I wiped it off. I opted for jeans and a hoodie to go and meet Adrian, and decided I had better eat an apple before I went, only to avoid collapsing again like I had done at Lissa's.
Adrian was already waiting for me when I arrived at the café, and was sat at his favourite window seat. I walked in, ordered a black coffee, and went to join him. He stood and pulled me into a bear hug which made me laugh when he saw me. "It's been a while, little dhampir" he said smiling.
"I'm sure I saw you at Lissa's only two days ago" I joked, but he was right in saying it had been a while since I had met him socially. I never seemed to have time to see any of my friends socially anymore.
They conversation with Adrian was easy and comfortable, and once we had finished our coffee, he suggested a walk around the court gardens. We set off, and he linked his arm through mine, pulling me close. "So how are you really doing?" He asked me.
"I'm well" I replied automatically.
He stopped, turning to face me. "I can see your aura Rose, don't lie to me". Anger flared within me.
What right did he have, invading my privacy like that? I could feel the familiar power of spirit darkness within touching distance, and so I pulled, wanting it to help me out of this uncomfortable situation. "I don't give a fuck what you can see, or think. You have no right invading my privacy like that, you, Lissa, even fucking Christian, just leave me the hell alone" I ranted, in a voice that was a mixture between a growl and a scream. I stormed off, leaving a shocked Adrian in my wake, and headed off to my flat, to the comfort and escape the bottle of vodka waiting for me would bring.
Poor Rose is struggling a bit! I always think these sides of her should be shows, because we all have rough times, and I think she would go into a serious funk after the year she had up until book 5! (Not that things got calmer in book 6, but in this story none of that has happened!) Please let me know what you think of this story and leave me a review, any feedback is welcomed it always motivates and inspires me so much! Thanks for reading.
Also, have a listen to the song that caught Rose out, it's 'Arms' by Christina Perri and is one of my favourite songs. I'm fairly sure that it will feature in this story again, and was the inspiration for the title.