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To my brother.
I leave in this book the story of my life and my will, where my family and friends entrusted me with their memories and emotions for its creation. Where I hope that the past will help the new generations to choose their path in the future along with the new bonds they will form.
Ryo Kurogane.
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The sound of wood burning and cracking echoed incessantly around me... standing in front of my home completely consumed by fire, I could only freeze, with the irritating heat of the flames hitting my face. A woman covered between her arms, trying to hide those visions from me, but it was impossible, nothing would stop it.
Dozens of people tried to enter what was left of the house, looking for some way to rescue whomever was inside... their screams, their desperation, the crying of the woman who surrounded me with her arms, the picture of that pair of bodies suffering and being burned by the unstoppable fire, where their screams of pain suffocated all other sounds...
They were the ones that finally made me open my eyes with abruptness, before I woke up and get up in fear.
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I was trying to calm down... it was not a new nightmare, but I would never be used to it. As I held my hand to my face to wipe off the sweat, I could only complain about the slight pain of the bruise on my eye.
Annoyance did not took so long to dominate my face... as I slowly fell back to sleep, I could only remain silent, knowing that I would never be able to fall asleep again.
The clock hands began to sound more and more intensely, there were still minutes to go before the alarm, but it was not the first time I woke up before hearing it. I knew that sooner or later I would have to get up, but I refused to stop feeling the soft contact of my bruised face with the pillow.
With each slight movement the prick of pain emerged and with it, like a reality slap, the memory of its causes returned.
My head crashing into the concrete came first. The silence of my home was replaced by shouts and alienated offenses towards me in the post office of my village; Hotaru. The crude sound of kicking did not take long to emerge again in the same way... my work did not end in the best possible way that day if I am honest.
My mind would return to the present at times; as I got up and sat down on the bed, I could barely make out a few moans because of the pertinent pain that was already there, while the bruises and wounds would now stand out on the rest of my body as well, bandaged in some areas, and with the pain of these, the memories would return.
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A new shipment from the capital had arrived; letters, food, medicine or other supplies, nothing out of the ordinary. Our village, Hotaru, was very small and poor, and the region was too centralized; the shipments arrived in large trucks once every week start, more in the absence of vehicles or even some way to transport them comfortably and effectively, it was left in the hands of a few young people who were still in the village to distribute them for the rest of the days, including me.
In Hotaru, either you were too young to start studying at the elementary school, or too old to just take care of the stores and the precarious health centers, adults worked in the capital in order to supply their parents and children in Hotaru; But very few managed to earn enough to take them to the capital itself and escape the poor quality of life in the village; only a very select group of adults lived in Hotaru, those who were kept in the false meritocracy by their absurd income from a good contact or position in the small municipal center. The mayor was a good example; disconnected from everything that was happening to his village, his good position and contacts made him untouchable before a group of elders and children who could not do anything; even when the adults could support them... the habit to that kind of life ended up making people forget the virtue of a better one.
At twenty-two years old someone in my shoes would have left town already... any opportunity, even without resources or contacts was better than spending your youth in a place like Hotaru. But I knew that my life would be bound by will to the love I had for the people who took care of me and gave me their support when I needed it the most... Hina and Yuta would not leave, they already had their life made in Hotaru, even if I could find a thousand reasons to throw away the idea of living there, the love for their own home became a stubbornness that I even have to admit that it ended up influencing me in a certain way because of the love I had for them.
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-Why do I always get to carry the large orders?! -As one of the last boxes of goods entered the warehouse of the post office, I could only exclaim with fatigue and a faint hint of sarcastic laughter about the situation itself, reciprocated by some laughter; the boxes would spend quite some time in storage before the last one was taken to its owner during the week.
There would not be a single person next to me who was under fifty; I did not know them all, but the years of work made their faces everyday, even familiar.
—Is there anything else left, Yuta? — As he entered the warehouse with one of the goods, Yuta found himself with a notebook, counting the boxes that we had already kept together with other colleagues, an old man with light brown hair, thin and serious, dressed mostly in his classic white leather jacket and blue jeans.
—I think there is a box missing from the second entrance, Ryo —The old man spoke, but it wasn't long before he looked up and called my attention —That one has food—The man pinned out, as I nod him to take the box to the corresponding winery. At that time, at the beginning of winter, it was not so complicated to keep the food in the cellars during the week; at least the weather helped in those situations; otherwise one would not even think of storing it before distributing it.
—Very well —I looked at him smiling, with a scowl and satisfied with the work, noticing how he had finally filled the cellars that corresponded to me; Yuta was watching me, but the seconds of silence did not take long to emerge as he knew he was doing it with concern.
—Have you eaten well? —Yuta finally spoke again, as I started to go for the last box.
—You know that I can support myself with this work, old man... —My serious face was maintained as I said that normally, I was not going to beat around the bush, I knew what Yuta wanted with that question —Besides —I turned towards Yuta, with a little smile -Hina would never let me go hungry, even if I refuse, she continues giving me food every time I go to leave her orders -I recognized with a faint laugh, not passing much to be reciprocated by a similar one on Yuta's part, before leaving the place.
The atmosphere in the small center was increasingly calm ... it was about five o'clock in the afternoon and for those hours people were not long in retreating to their homes. As I left the place to get the last box, I just stretched my arms and stretched my back. I couldn't ignore the weight of the loads... and putting them away was just the beginning; at least we had some good carts to help us carry them.
After going out to the street, one of the few that was paved in the town, there were only two entrances where trucks with cargo from the capital could arrive to drop off orders. Its neglected and damaged appearance along with the darkness itself inside for lack of proper wiring or any entrance of natural light only gave a greater image of rejection towards anyone in general, plus the habit of a few made us immune, so to speak.
By that time almost none of the workers were there, my companions had already left, only Yuta and a few other elders would stay until the last load was put away.
There was no one circulating on the sidewalk, it was not an active town in itself, much less at that time, but even I noticed something strange in the environment, as I arrived at the second entrance, only a cold silence was the only result after noticing how the gate was a little more closed than last time, the habit of doing the same since I was a teenager gave me the reason.
—I didn't leave you like that... —I whispered strangely, but not much happened when I began to frown at the worst.
I wouldn't rush, there was another access through the first entrance so, after entering slowly and quietly, I could only keep my eyes open for anything.
It was not the first time that they tried to rob us... in a town where most of the people are elderly, the weak security was a plus for those who even traveled as far as the capital to have the opportunity to take away what little those people already had.
A door at the end of the first entrance connected to the second one, I kept bending down, trying to make as little noise as possible; however, the sound of glass bottles ringing did not take long to confirm what I feared.
Losing a box of food was the least of it... I had to be careful, I did not know how many people there were, if it was just the typical inexperienced teenager with the airs and graces of having the world in the palm of his hand, I wouldn't hesitate to stop him. Yuta had already taught me enough to deal with more dangerous people once he agreed to have me work with him.
I stopped as soon as I got to the edge of the door leading to the second entrance, I began to hear several whispers of different tones, thus worrying about the number of people. I looked at them carefully; there were three of them... the height and body of one seemed younger than me while the others looked much older, all with their faces covered, I remained static and with suspicion, obviously I could not trust myself in the face of the clear disadvantage.
I was trying to analyze them a little more in order to recognize their faces or something like that, however, it didn't take long for me to be surprised as I noticed what they were poking around in that box. The sound of the delicate glass bottles ringing again soon caught my attention...
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Only to finally realize that this was not food... my face tensed and alarmed to the fullest once I realized what the bottles were that were being left aside. They were medicines that could only be obtained in the capital; the name, the quantity, nobody else in Hotaru bought them, the village pharmacy bought in larger quantities and that week they had not ordered them.
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That box was Hina's order.
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A woman, now seventy-eight years old, from a small store in the village, sold medicines at a much more accessible price. Her provider was not the same as the local pharmacy, which focused on producing artisan herbal remedies only. Hina supplemented them with those she made herself from herbs from the forest surrounding the village, but the amount she produced was only a fraction of what was demanded of her; that was her main source of income, from what little she could make.
It was no longer something simple and replaceable... I knew that Hina would not have enough to cope with such a loss.
Anger and helplessness overcame me. I shouldn't have... but I'd be lying if I said I could control my reaction to that point. Hina had been the woman who basically took care of me and raised me as a child, I better than anyone else knew how much she suffered with the bills she had to pay and how little she earned.
—Hey! —I shouted... I didn't know how else to react, my body moved by itself to that point, I just wanted to get their attention in order to alarm them and show the anger I was unable to suppress.
They dropped bottles on the ground, their breakage could only collapse what little control I had left, I could only pounce on them. Their surprise was obvious; they couldn't stop me from pushing and taking one of the "biggest" boys with me.
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Time returned to the present... still sitting on my bed, looking into the void; my house was small, far from the village, barely inside and it was three rooms in total; as soon as you entered you saw both the table where I ate and the small bed at the back, a very small wood stove on the right, while my clothes were left in a closet on the side of the table, leaving space for two doors on the left, which led to the kitchen and a small bathroom respectively.
My slow steps were the first to be heard, as I went to the bathroom to clean my face, I could only see myself in the mirror.
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The punches rumbled in my head again, as soon as I had contained the first one, I managed to hit him once in the face, before one of the others held me from behind. I did not stop, even after getting up again, I did not hesitate to kick him even on the ground, but another punch from the younger one in my right eye was next.
Back in the bathroom of my home, I saw my face and the bruise that had been left from that punch... trying to wash myself with cold water in order to mitigate the pain that returned from time to time, while seeing my black hair faded by the dirt that still remained in some parts of it only made the memories continue.
He would not stop; I could see his body, his posture, and even with his scared face uncovered with that hood, he did not give an impression greater than that of a mere young man of fifteen, as he pulled out a little blade; I only managed to be alarmed before, leaning on the very grip of the third one, I raised my legs in order to kick the stomach of the boy.
His body colliding abruptly with the surrounding wall was a relief, I would not hold back, but it was not enough against three, and more when, after giving that last kick, the pulling and hanging of the one I was holding became worse and worse.
The first one he had attacked would not be long in recovering. There was no longer any way, the one holding me was much stronger than I was, so, the suffocation would not be long in coming. I was stupid, I should never have faced them on my own, but what could I do?, wait for someone to do something, hoping that everything would end better in the future?. Hina is the woman who took care of me when my parents died in that fire; the closest to my family along with Yuta; she protected me and paid thousands of debts in order to give me to eat and educate me, I saw her suffer every day, hiding her economic problems from me, as soon as her grandson was born I did not hesitate to look for a job and become independent, I could not bear to see her suffer anymore... that explosion has been nothing more than the release of the impotence I have accumulated for so many years.
And the response to such helplessness was short... the other man now standing again did not hesitate to rush at me and beat me unrestrainedly to my stomach, and as if the same suffocation was not enough to make it difficult for me to even spit out my saliva in the face of such an attack, I would soon be allowed to breathe again once I gave the second blow to my face, being such that he was even able to pull me out of the other man's arms, making my face now bounce off the wall, before I fell hopelessly to the ground.
I lost consciousness, I only have very vague memories of that moment.
—This cheap shit isn't going to be useful either —I remember those words so well... an offense wrapped now, in an emotional attack, belittling what Hina was struggling to achieve with so much effort...
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The thieves did not hesitate to throw the entire contents of the box at me, breaking most of the remedies with it.
His kicks were the next thing, my vision finally became blurry until it faded after the first ones...
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The next thing I remember was waking up in my bed, bandaged; Yuta said that he managed to arrive along with the other elders who were left when they were still beating me, their number ending up scaring them away.
My gaze was fixed on the void as soon as I woke up, while Yuta explained to me what happened, I could only see how on the bedside table there was a small bottle... I recognized its name, it was a spreadable remedy that Hina made.
—It's late, I already spread you when you were asleep, she knew that you were going to refuse If I didn't.
—Yuta said the obvious after deducing my reaction as soon as I saw that remedy, but my gaze did not waver at those words.
Even in her worst situation, with her debts, with the care of her own grandson, and even more so after having lost that valuable cargo... Hina did not hesitate to give me the remedies she still had left.
I didn't say a word... I only turned my face to the other side, without wanting Yuta to look at my face, he could only throw a faint sigh, before leaning his hand gently and carefully on my shoulder.
—Take a few days of rest... —Continues Yuta —If you dare to show your face tomorrow at the headquarters, I will kick you out," — He said at the end in a slightly angry tone; he was not lying and it was not that he did not assume that I was obstinate, I did not answer him, but a few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again.
—Take care, son... —His last words were spoken in a whisper, before he gave me a couple of faint pats and left my home, finally leaving it in the same silence that continued until I woke up again.
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I wasn't going to stay in bed all day... Yuta knew me well enough to know that I would get back up, but I didn't hate my life either to suffer the consequences of going to work... moreover there was something I needed to do.
Walking was not so hard once my body got used to it, but, putting on my clothes really was a martyrdom, but it wasn't long before I started looking for something to eat for breakfast. In the small refrigerator of the kitchen you wouldn't find the most varied food in the world... usually I could eat everything I could afford, oats, fruits, vegetables and milk were the cheapest, meat was something I could only afford a few times a week, and luxuries like butter, salt or sugar were hard to find, at least in Hotaru.
After finishing, I only took a last breath in order to have a little more courage to face the pain of getting up again. I took a couple of steps towards the exit, noticing that on one side of the door, on a hanger where I left my bag, an old dark brown leather jacket stood out. I put my hand on it for a couple of seconds, before finally frowning and quickly putting it on, ignoring my wounds. I left my home with the same silence with which I started the day, closing the door with a faint hint of annoyance.
My house was quite far from the village... at least about two blocks before the roads and the rest of the houses started to emerge. The land was not too expensive in a town where no one has any interest in living, and it was even cheaper the farther away from the center. As soon as I started working at the delivery center with Yuta, at eighteen I was able to save enough to buy it, the rest was the work of myself and the old man himself along with friends of his. A short distance from the forest surrounding Hotaru, the trees were accessible and together with his experience, building my little home was possible.
I had no regrets... it was already a quiet town, but at that distance, the sound of the wind susurrating to the leaves of the distant trees was audible and pleasant.
As soon as I leave my house, a fluttering sound catches my attention, the sound was loud, but hearing it moving away calms me down. As soon as I raise my eyes to the sky, the figure of a strange bird fleeing into the forest gives me a kind of "identity" of what had caused that noise.
It was a slight surprise... it was rare to see pokémon outside the forest during the day. I could not identify it, not that I could grow up seeing them and studying them, their hatred of us justified their remoteness and I knew practically nothing about them.
I could only remain a little absorbed in the landscape of the forest, the sound of the very chaos that existed through its trees and bushes, knowing that inside this other world was a little hypnotic. A few seconds passed before I simply turned my eyes away and walked back to Hotaru.
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Few people circulated on the streets... most stayed in their homes or in the small stores that were exclusively in the center.
People knew me well enough, I would not hide my wounds, more just because I was lost in my thoughts enough to be embarrassed; the looks that came and went once I arrived at the center were indifferent to me, even more so when I finally arrived at my destination.
It was a small store of green color, located in the middle of others without a name, while the small decorations of flowers characterized it, its care was remarkable even with the own weight of the years that it brought with it in its painting and in the entrance itself.
At that time of the day, the business was just starting, there was no one in Hina's small pharmacy. Once inside, you could only see a shelf in the center of the room with some remedies, while on the sides another one stood out, along with the relevant space for the lack of supplies that could only undermine my sense of guilt even further.
At the counter, there was an old lady with her graying hair, dressed in wool clothes that reached her knees, the classic smell of flowers and nuts that she always ate and carried in her pocket, details that are still in my memory today.
The shocked and frightened look on the woman's face when she saw me standing and hurt was the least of it. Hina didn't hesitate to approach me, but she could only freeze as soon as I, ignoring the pain again, knelt down.
—I'm so sorry, about everything —My voice was trying to hold steady, breaking very slightly in a few moments as I raised my hand, revealing it as soon as I opened my fist, some wrinkled bills and a couple of coins —I know it's not much, but please keep it for the remedy you gave me — My voice was still stiff, my face, still hidden, remained frozen and tense, I didn't feel worthy to bend before all that had caused my impulse, I hadn't done it with Yuta, least of all with Hina.
But just pulling it up was fast enough to make me unable to react to the wounds... before Hina embraced me along with a sharp breath at the crying that the woman herself was beginning to demonstrate.
I will not deny it, Hina at her age was incredibly strong, her hug hurt like hell, but this was not the one that affected me. With Yuta it was different, I knew that he loved me, but only Hina was capable of hitting me in that way, her smell, her essence, her faint hipe in her crying broke me inside in a completely different way.
The money I saved was finally falling... Hina had not even cared, while tears were finally beginning to flow from my tired eyes, before my old cold features bowed to all the feelings I thought I was capable of bearing.
—You're... a moron —hose were the only words Hina said with sorrow, before I could just put my face on her shoulder, before I let out all the sorrow that was inside me.