A/N: As an FYI for the timeline, this story takes place after the events of Civil War in an AU where Infinity War and Endgame never happened. For context, this story references Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Civil War a few times. Hope you enjoy the read!

Since the events of Civil War, Steve and Bucky find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Bucky is confused by his feelings for Steve, but can't help the attraction he feels towards him. He also knows he can't risk hurting him. The Winter Soldier is still in his head. Bucky knows he's destined to spend his life alone, but Steve will fight for his friend, come hell or high water. Rating to go up in later chapters.

A Good Man

Chapter 1: Nightmares and Confessions

Bucky awoke abruptly, sweat streaming down his face, his fingers fisting the sheets beneath him. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest, still reeling from the nightmare. He analyzed his surroundings, confirming he was in fact in his room at the Avenger's Tower in New York City.

His home. Not the warfront. Not Russia. He was back in the States in the city he had grown up in.

Once he had mostly calmed and his heart had stopped racing, he tried to remember what the dream was about, but it only came to him in brief flashes. A Hydra agent reading from the red book…the feeling of losing himself to the Winter Solider, the ruthless killing machine they had turned him into.

How many men and women had died by his hand? Dozens? Hundreds? It seemed the list was never ending.

Steve had told him it wasn't his fault, but what did he know? He was America's poster boy after all. He had no blood on his hands and he never would. Bucky scoffed.

The man had been born with an unflinching moral compass.

He supposed it was one of the things he had liked about Steve when he first met him.

They had known each other since they were four, met in grade school and were inseparable ever since. Like brothers. In the early years of their friendship, their relationship was mutually beneficial. Steve had helped Bucky in school and Bucky had helped Steve with bullies. The kid was always small, even at that age.

While Bucky had grown like a weed as a teen, Steve stayed small and skinny. Despite that, he had the most guts out of any of Bucky's friends; never knowing when to stand down, even when he was hopelessly outmatched.

Bucky had never forgotten the time Steve had asked some guy to stop harassing a waitress at a diner he was at. The man and his buddies had dragged Steve outside and beat the living crap out of him. It was Bucky who had found him. Bleeding and bruised, Bucky had carried him home. He had wanted to take Steve to the hospital, but the other man wouldn't allow it.

"Those doctors and nurses have worse to worry about than me."

"Steve, it's their job."

"I'll be alright."

Bucky had been furious.

"When're you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut, kid?"

"Who're you calling kid? You're only a month older than me, Barnes."

"I'm not joking Steve. Someday you're really gonna get it good."

"They shouldn't have talked to her like that," He grumbled. Bucky shook his head, his exasperation waning when he saw the blood drip from Steve's bloodied nose onto his pants. Bucky picked up a dish towel and wiped the blood away from his face, but more soon replaced it. He sighed and pressed the towel to Steve's nose.

"Hold it there," He instructed. Steve did as told for once. Bucky watched him for a moment, debating his options.

"Well if you insist on brawling, the least I can do is teach you how to throw a punch."

And he had. A lot of good it did him. Steve still lost every fight, but he never gave up.

Bucky sat up, his bed sheet pooling at his waist. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes and glanced at the clock. The light blinked 4:14 am.

He sighed. There was no use trying to sleep after the dream and to be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to. He would most likely just slip into another nightmare. The man stood, pulling a pair of sweatpants out of the dresser and tugging them on over his boxer briefs.

His hand that was flesh was still clammy. He headed towards the kitchen in the hopes that some tea would help calm his nerves. Bucky was still bare chested but knew he wouldn't run into any of his other "teammates" at this late hour.

Steve insisted none of the other Avengers held any latent resentment against him after their big blowout in Europe, but Bucky didn't buy that for a minute. Especially when it came to Stark.

Steve had said that Tony had eventually come to terms with the fact that Bucky wasn't Bucky when he committed the atrocities he had as the Winter Soldier, but how could he forgive him? Bucky hadn't even forgiven himself.

He didn't relish the idea of living on Stark's property, but what other options did he have? It wasn't like he had any money of his own and he was trying to work on the inclinations that would have him acquire the money by more unsavory means.

It wasn't like he was the only Enhanced mooching off Stark's wealth. Maximoff, Vision, Widow, not to mention Steve. Even Wilson had moved in recently.

Sam. Bucky reminded himself. The man had risked his life for Bucky in Europe in more ways than one. He owed him a lot.

While Barton, Rhodes, and Banner didn't live in Stark Tower they were around often enough.

Bucky was so wrapped in his own thoughts he almost collided with another figure as he rounded into the kitchen from the hall.

"Whoa." Bucky knew that voice anywhere.

"Steve." Bucky hesitated. "I didn't think anyone would be up."

"Neither did I. You damn near scared the hell out of me. What're you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. I was just gonna make some tea before heading back to my room," Bucky lied. Steve observed him, his eyes sweeping over Bucky's face and his skin which still held a light sheen of sweat.

He reached out to run his thumb over one of the dark circles under Bucky's eyes.

"You have another nightmare Buck?" Bucky cleared his throat, stepping out of reach.

"No, just couldn't sleep."

"You can't lie to me Bucky. I've known you since we were four." Bucky shook his head, biting back a retort. Instead he swept past Steve into the kitchen. He plucked the kettle off the stove and filled it in the sink. He felt Steve follow him inside, but didn't react as he turned the stove on and placed the kettle on top.

"I have them too you know," Steve said, taking a seat at one of the stools at the island. Bucky quirked an eyebrow. What would cause Captain America to have nightmares?

"They're of the war mostly," Steve continued. "Feeling like I'm running out of time, that I'm on Hydra's jet headed towards the ice." He shook his head and looked down at the counter. "Like I'm still frozen inside and I'm screaming, but no one can hear me." Bucky stared at his friend. Steve had never shared this before.

"You never told me that." Steve shrugged.

"I didn't want to burden you." Bucky pondered this. He had felt similarly about sharing about his past. Was it finally time to open up? He studied Steve. His friend was inclined forward on his elbows, watching Bucky with those bright blue eyes.

Bucky couldn't imagine anyone else he would want to talk about the past more with. Or who would understand better.

"What was it this time?" Steve queried. Still, Bucky hesitated. "Come on Buck, it's me."

Bucky looked up to Steve's earnest face and knew immediately the man wouldn't judge him.

"I dreamt…Hydra was putting me under again. I saw the red book and I heard the words." He shuddered just thinking about it. "I was losing myself again."

"You've been deprogrammed," Steve reminded him. "Shuri said she got the last of it out of you. Even if someone said those words to you now…they're just words. You're your own person again." Bucky gripped the island edge tightly. His mechanical arm whirred and the metal crunched under its weight, leaving an indentation of his hand in its wake.

"That doesn't erase the things I've done Steve."

"That wasn't you." Bucky shook his head.

"It was my hands, my body that did it."

"You weren't yourself. Hydra was manipulating you. You were brainwashed, Buck." Bucky sighed and shook his head, refusing to meet Steve's gaze.

"I should've been stronger. Should've fought more." Steve was standing now and he towered over Bucky. He placed his hand on Bucky's neck, directing his head so he was staring up at Steve. "I could've fought more. I stopped trying," Bucky admitted. Steve didn't speak.

Bucky looked down at the floor. He had never shared this with anyone but the weight of carrying it all these years by himself was crushing him. And there was no one he trusted more than Steve.

"When Hydra first brought me in, I was half dead. I had lost my arm in the fall and had lost a lot of blood." Steve's grip on Bucky's shoulder tightened. Bucky knew Steve still felt guilt about Bucky falling to his "death" off the train in 1944. "They fed me, warmed me up, got me healthy again. Once I had mostly recovered, they started the transformation. They tried removing my memories, but I held onto them. I didn't want to forget. Eventually though, some things faded away. Hell, I can barely remember my parents' faces anymore. Even the Commandos are blurry…But there was one thing that kept me going." He looked up into his friend's eyes. "You." Steve's face transitioned from concerned to shocked.

"The memories of our friendship. Growing up together and you saving me in Germany. What we had gone through in the war. I refused to give up. I kept thinking Steve will come for me. He'll save me." Steve's grip on Bucky's neck tightened. It was almost painful at this point, but Bucky didn't push him away. "Then, after your jet had gone missing when you went after Red Skull, they brought in the newspaper to prove to me you were gone. I thought you were dead…It hurt so much. There was no hope and what would I have to live for even if I was saved? I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to forget you." His last words came out as a whisper. Bucky didn't know when the tears started, but now they were streaming down his cheeks. How long had he been holding this in?

"So I gave in. And they were able to wipe my memories and replace them with hate and the Hydra agenda. So yes, it is my fault Steve."

"Bucky," Steve managed. His voice was strained too. "It's my fault. I should have looked for you after the train…I thought you were dead." Bucky looked up at his friend and was surprised to see tears in Steve's eyes as well. "I thought I lost you, so I threw myself into the search for Red Skull. I wanted to kill him for what happened to you. Wanted to see the life leave his eyes." Steve wiped at Bucky's tears with his thumbs. "I didn't care if I lived or died. All that mattered was avenging your death."

Without warning, Steve pulled Bucky into his arms, holding him to his body tightly. Bucky let himself be held, pressing his face into Steve's chest. He listened to the taller man's heart beat steadily. It was a rare moment of vulnerability between the two men. Bucky was rarely emotional, let alone teary. Maybe the lack of sleep was starting to affect him. Maybe he had held it all in too long. The pair remained in their embrace until kettle started to whistle.

Steve relinquished Bucky so he could turn the stove off and pour hot water into two mugs.

"I didn't think you cared," Steve admitted, taking the mug Bucky handed him.

"What?"

"About me. I mean, I guess I knew you did a little since you let me follow you around all those years in Brooklyn. I thought I was just some annoying kid."

"Steve," Bucky started. "How can you say that? After everything we went through together?"

"I didn't always feel that way. I guess it was because you didn't seem to care that I wanted to follow you to the war front. You knew how bad I wanted to serve, but I kept being rejected-"

"I didn't want you to die," Bucky interrupted. "It wasn't that I didn't care. I was gonna miss you like hell, but you were so small Steve. You didn't stand a chance on the warfront." Bucky smirked suddenly. "You didn't stay small for long, though. I swear I thought I was losing my mind when you rescued me in Austria." Steve cracked a smile.

Bucky had always had feelings for Steve, but after the serum it felt like his attraction had been dialed to ten. Suddenly Bucky was the one being saved by Steve, not the other way around. His feelings had confused and terrified him of course, it being the forties and all. Now there was one thing he didn't miss about his time.

"I remembered you, you know." Bucky continued. He glanced at Steve who was still watching him. "In D.C, after I saw you in the street. I couldn't remember exactly who you were but I remembered your face…Hydra wiped me good after that." Bucky remembered the pain like it was yesterday. Like white hot electricity running through his brain…

"Rumlow told me," Steve admitted. "I can't imagine what you went through. I'm so sorry"

"Don't feel too bad. I tried to kill you after." Bucky deflected. "…And you still tried to save me when the ship was falling from the sky and I was trapped under that beam. After everything I did." Steve's selflessness was not lost on him. It was something Bucky was grateful for but knew he didn't deserve.

"I knew there was a part of you that was still the person I remembered…And then you tried to kill me again." Steve smiled crookedly.

"You were my mission. I'd never failed them before."

"But then you pulled me from the river," Steve reminded him. Bucky nodded. "I would have drowned."

"I don't know why I did it," Bucky admitted. "All I knew is when you were falling it felt like I was falling too." They sat in silence for a few moments. After a beat, Steve reached out and placed a hand on his arm. It was warm from the tea.

"Thanks for finally opening up and telling me what's been going through your head. I don't want you to ever feel alone, Buck. I'm with you to the end of the line, remember?" Bucky nodded, though it was for show. If only he knew how I really felt about him, he would take back those words.

"I don't know about you, but there's no way I'm falling back asleep tonight. What's say you and I do a couple laps? Clear our head." Bucky stared at him, stony faced. It was 4:30 am and the man wanted to work out. Maybe he wasn't human after all.

"I'm not much of a runner." This time it was Steve's turn to smirk.

"I meant the pool."

"This place has a pool too?" Bucky shook his head. "What doesn't Stark have?"

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