Author's Note
Set in the expanding and ever-developing AU, The Critique Universe, as for other review stories like RWBY's Nostalgia Commentary Collection (based on Nostalgia Critic), Maka Albarn's Angry Gaming Commentary Collection (based on Angry Joe), and Athena Cykes, the Angry Video Gaming Attorney (based on The Angry Video Game Nerd), this spinoff story will be based on Phelous' reviews of poorly-executed films in both horror and animation as well as games occassionally.
This story will focus on gen:LOCK character and futuristic technological hacker recruit of the gen:LOCK program, Cameron MacCloud, as she would review those poorly-executed horror/animated movies and occassionally review games as well. Unlike the events of gen:LOCK, this story retcons/ignores the events of Julian Chase's crippling physical injury (that caused him to gain a Mixed Reality holographic appearance) as well as the fall of The Anvil base in the show's first season, this will take place in said base where Cameron and her other gen:LOCK friends Julian, Miranda, Yasamin, Valentina and Kazu reside.
Not only it will include characters from Rooster Teeth's gen:LOCK, but also a character (or eventually two) from the anime/manga Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash (the prominent one being Cameron's love interest), and will incorporate crossover guest appearances from new and/or old characters from different shows in the set universe. As with my other stories, I DON'T own any of the content, characters and rants, just my own personal story idea. This story has no need to harrass do anything harsh, just for enjoyment and fair use. Enjoy!
In this first non-canon review of the story, Cameron MacCloud reviews the critically-panned 2009 slasher horror remake of The Stepfather. Does it live up to its expectations of the original, or does it end up being a bland remake?
This improvising review episode is originally written by myself.
THE ANVIL
The teenage Scottish hacker and gen:LOCK recruit Cameron MacCloud returns to her new room given by the Anvil's crew for her and her friends in the gen:LOCK program including Julian Chase and his love interest Miranda Worth, Yasamin Madrani and Valentina Romanyszyn (they both share a room together), and Kazu Iida.
Apparently, she felt disappointed by the horror movie she recently watched, which was known as the remake to the 1987 serial killer/slasher movie The Stepfather.
"It looks like The Stepfather has made a remake some time ago. If you thought the remake of Prom Night was horrible, I cannae wait to get a load of what this has came to be...", Cameron introduced.
Cameron MacCloud's Commentary Review of The Stepfather (2009) Part 1
Cameron starts, "The 1987 Stepfather was not the best horror film of both that year and the decade, but it had one of the best performances that year which still failed to get any nominations or recognition by the major film awards guilds. Although the main star Terry O'Quinn did manage to get a few award nominations in such guilds like the Saturn Awards and the Independent Spirit Awards. Thanks to Michael Douglas, William Hurt, Jack Nicholson, Marcello Mastroianni and Robin Williams from movies such as Wall Street, Broadcast news, Ironweed, Dark Eyes and Good Morning, Vietnam respectfully, he sure has been underratingly snubbed.", before informing, "The film was directed by Joseph Ruben, who has done some good films like Dreamscape and Return to Paradise but had also made some bad films, such as Sleeping with the Enemy, Money Train, The Good Son and even The Forgotten. However the writer for the original was by Academy Award-nominated screenwriter Donald E. Westlake who was most famous for writing the screenplay of The Grifters. The original Stepfather, although it wasn't actually and directly a slasher film and/or based on a true story, that film was based on actual events by mass murderer John List. Ultimately, the original had an 88% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and grossing over two million dollars at the box office, and its success to not two sequels, but a remake twenty two years later.", sighing, "Is this a wee like the Prom Night remake? Coincidentally, both the director and the screenwriter of the remake also did the Prom Night remake over one year earlier... We're in for a shite of a ride on this awful remake, huh?"
The Stepfather (2009)
"The 2009 Stepfather starts off showing a man named Grady 'Blake Edwards' as he starts off the day by partaking in a extended morning preparation sequence during the opening credits, as he leaves Utah to go to who-knows-where before we're shown that his loving wife and three kids were murdered presumably by him on Christmas Day.", the young blonde recruit remarked before questioning, "That's a hell of a way to start a serial killer movie. Why not make this the Silent Night Deadly Night remake we've been waiting for then?", continuing, "We then cut to a recently-divorced woman named Susan Harding who meets Grady in a grocery store with her youngest children Sean and Beth."
Cameron watches the snippet of the movie where Grady, who tells Susan Harding her name is David Harris, meets the woman as he tells her children about the cookies on sale as they were still in the grocery store.
The Scottish hacker said, "If he knows this so well, why shouldn't he work at a store like Walmart or something?", before she said, "As a matter of fact, he does eventually. Sorry for the minor spoiler, it's actually another coincidence this lame foreshadow is trying to accomplish.", resuming, "The two of them of course started falling for each other as we cut to six months later, as we're introduced to Susan's oldest son Michael, played by Daniel Humphrey's Penn Badgley, who returns from military school with his girlfriend Kelly, played by Amber Heard who also did Mera in the DC Universe.", commenting, "A well-done transition right there...", before saying, "And the two of course meet Michael's mother who recently just engaged to Grady who they meet as well at a birthday party. So Michael begins to bond with David as his new stepfather."
Another scene showed Michael looking at a locked cabinet as he asked David what was in it, with the latter excusing that he is planning to be a carpenter.
"Yeah, a carpenter can be a pretty ingenious excuse to mask yer serial killer identity- NOT.", Cammie said when seeing this.
Another part where David and Michael propose a toast as the latter corrects the term stepfather to the phrase father and son.
MacCloud noticed, "Ooh! Title drop! Stepfather and son could be a working title for a sequel...which is highly improbable.", synopsizing, "As the birthday party ends in the night, we get a cliched mother and son lecturing scene going on.", watching the part with Susan talking to her eldest son Michael as he asked her not to tell him the lectures, "Finally, a scene where the exposition has tried to stop to a halt... Although the movie doesn't stop there.", summarizing, "The next few days we see some wonderfully family bonding before all the psychological horror kicks in, starting with a noise complaint with one of the children upstairs."
The next excerpt showed one of the children Sean playing a loud game called Burnout Paradise, just before David comes in his room and angrily snatches the kid's controller and reminds him to turn down the volume.
"What did I tell you about playing Burnout Paradise?", mocked the young blonde recruit before saying, "After a sexy swimming scene with our young couple and a dinner scene, we then find out that Susan has a divorced husband with them named Jay who picks Sean and Beth up. I sense jealously reeking about...", continuing, "The next morning, David goes off to work as he decides to take Michael out to lunch later on.", facepalming, "Seriously? We're almost a half-hour in this movie and the only thing we've come across besides the opening sequence was scolding his son to turn the volume down! The acting in this movie so far is almost like watching paint fucking dry. Can this movie just go straight to the fucking point-"
The movie then showed the same scene at the restaurant as David tells Michael about his deceased daughter Lisa.
The Scottish hacker hesitated, "...Okay...that's one thing that's interesting! Oh, wait. Diddy kill his daughter in the opening though?", resuming, "Things of course heat up as he relieves his anger by just hammering a real estate sign! Yeah, because that's how a real angry person would do! That is until one minute later, we get to see Grady 'Blake Edwards', I mean, David's first victim."
The next scene had the old woman checking outside to see who was ringing the doorbell, only to find no one.
"She'd be saying, 'Oh, I do hope it was the milkman. I need to feed my cats some milk so they can grow healthy and strong-'", Cameron imitated before the same scene showed a cat jumpscare as she was unimpressed, "Scary... They seriously did the cat jumpscare before Horrible Bosses did? That was the only jumpscare in that other movie besides being a horror flick.", recalling, "Unless if black cats can signify either black luck, death or a imminently stupid 'right-behind-you' jumpscare, as we see Grady sends the old lady falling down the basement stairs and kills her by plugging her nose and mouth. Why not just strangulation? The nose-mouth plug was kinda different but either one is just unoriginal!", sarcastically remarking, "The nose-mouth plug is more like holding my breath underwater when I go swimming.", continuing, "Anyway, speaking of which we cut back to Michael and her girlfriend just circling around in the pool with their inflatable pool chairs for over a minute long before the two of them decide to canoodle afterwards."
The following part had a POV camera shot looking through the door to see Michael and Kelly having sex together.
MacCloud mocked the person seeing this, "'Oh! This'll be perfect for my porno collection!'", synopsizing, "David returns and interrupts their love session before Michael gives him the finger, which must've symbolized the number of critics who hated this movie, as we cut to another dinner scene. But- Whoa-oh! The ex-husband is back again! Oh, I wonder what he's gonna say to the stepfather..."
She watches the scene where Jay angrily knowing about what David did to Sean earlier when he was playing his video game, much to Cameron's surprise, as Jay in the same moment warns his ex-wife about David's identity before the blonde girl watching this commented.
"To quote Wizards of Waverly Place, everything is not what it seems.", the young blonde recruit shrugs before detailing, "As we get a touching ex-father and son moment with Jay and Michael, we get a pointless scene with Michael and David in the middle of the night. Ah'm not gonnae explain it because the atmosphere in that part is boring as hell! Oh, and we later cut to another dinner scene! Geezus, how many dinner scenes are in this movie? Is this trying to be like Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? This isn't even a Robert Altman or Wes Anderson film for god's sakes!", as she noted, "Also, Michael spends time with his brother Sean to play more Burnout Paradise. Hey, as long as he doesn't blare loud music in his room, it would be more appreciative."
The excerpt had the next part showing David meeting Jay again for a chat as the latter was planning to leave for the airport as Jay asks David to say his goodbyes to his kids as well as apologies to him for what happened.
The Scottish hacker heartwarmingly said, "Oh, Jay. At least you're the only one in this movie who still retained the film's flaming sparks of heartfelt. Oh-ho-ho-ho, what more can you want from him-"
The snippet has David suddenly smash glassware on Jay, knocking him unconscious.
"...And there goes the heartfelt.", sighed Cammie when seeing this part, "I mean, really? The movie is literally trying everything in its power to become this great of lengths to heartless measures! That is complete bullshite right there! Especially when David Grady decides to lock him up in the cabinet from earlier. Because that's what a stepfather would do to his wife's ex-husband, right? But no, it's just plain fucking stupid.", concluding the first part of her Stepfather (2009) review.
To be continued...