Chapter 1: Ferry Boat Crash

The interns – Cristina, George, Alex, Izzie and Meredith – were at the clinic, waiting for their Triage training to begin. "This is bogus," Alex said. "Why can't we be doing real medicine?"

Dr. Webber strode into the clinic with purpose. "People," he said with authority, "we have been notified of a mass casualty incident. We have been asked to send teams into the field. We need all hands on deck."

The interns started asking questions, but Webber's voice quieted them. "I don't have any details. Training is over. Move."

They picked up their equipment bags and jackets and met Bailey in the ambulance bay. "Everybody got their triage tags?" she asked as the ambulance pulled in. An EMT surveyed the group and said, "I only have room for 5 of you." Bailey quickly looked over her group. "Cristina, stay behind and assist the chief with incoming."

"But Izzy is still on probation," she replied, almost stamping her feet like a toddler.

"I don't have time for your foolishness. Go and do what I told you to do," she said as the rest of the group loaded onto the rig. "Make sure you have your name tags on the outside of your jackets, so people know who you are."

Bailey wished she knew what she was facing. She liked being prepared, and she wanted to be sure that she gave her interns appropriate instructions. During the ride to the scene, she ticked through various scenarios in her mind, but nothing would prepare her for what she was yet to see. Alex was nervous. He did not like being in uncertain situations. Bad things usually happened when he was uncertain. Izzy was glad she was chosen. She was grateful she did not have to shadow Sydney or Callie today, and she hoped she would actually get to treat patients. As much as George wanted to think about this assignment, his thoughts always came back to his marriage. "Did I make a mistake?" he thought. Meredith did not want to stay at the hospital. She was emotionally drained. Her father, Susan, her mother. Today, her mother was scheduled for heart surgery, and Meredith could not get her mother's last diatribe out of her mind. "Any fool can fall in love and be blindly happy. Not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life. Imagine my disappointment when I wake up after 5 years to discover that you are no more than ordinary." Ellis' face was as red and angry as she had ever seen it.

The rig stopped, and everyone piled out. The sight was chaotic with fire fighters, EMT's and rescuers running through the crowd. They saw bodies – bodies shrouded in Red Cross blankets, bodies on gurneys and bodies in body bags. They could hear helicopters, sirens, shouting and crying. Meredith took a deep breath and smelled diesel, sweat and fear. "Holy mother of God," Izzy whispered under her breath as she surveyed the scene.

"What should we do, Dr. Bailey?" George asked.

"I don't have time to hold your hands. Do what I trained you to do," Bailey shouted at her interns. "Go save lives."

The interns dispersed.

Meredith ran over to a gurney and examined the patient. She bandaged the patient, tagged her, and told the woman that she would be OK. As she prepared to move on to the next patient, Meredith felt someone tug on her jacket. She turned around and saw a little blonde girl in braids. "Is this your mommy?" Meredith said, pointed to the gurney.

The girl nodded no.

"OK," Meredith said as she took the girl by the hand. "What's your name?"

The little girl was frightened and stared up at Meredith with her big brown eyes.

"It's OK," Meredith said as she patted the girl on the back. "I know you're scared. I'm a little scared too. Let's get someone who can help you find your mom."

The little girl wrapped her arms around Meredith's leg. "It's all right. But I have to work, so we need to find someone to help you," Meredith said as she peeled the girl away from her. She took the little girl by the hand and approached a search and rescue worker. "Can you help this little girl find her mom?" she asked hurriedly as her eyes focused on a patient in distress on the at the edge of the water. The man was flailing, rolling on the ground trying to get up.

She ran over to him, and she saw he had a piece of metal in his leg. "I need to go. I have a meeting. This really hurts," he cried as he pulled the metal from his leg. Meredith knelt next to him, trying to get him to lay back down. "You need to stay here and let me examine you," she said. The man was wearing a suit and clutched his briefcase. The lanyard around his neck said his name was Jim Clarence. Above his name was his picture and below it said, 'Information Technology.' The metal left a nasty gash on his leg and Meredith knew that the leg needed her attention before he bled out.

Meredith pressed down on Mr. Clarence's leg to try and stop the bleeding. She also tried a tourniquet, but the blood kept coming. She was too far away to grab her medical bag, and she could not take her hands off the cut. She looked up to call for help, and she saw the little girl standing there. Meredith was frantic; she had to worry about her patient and the little girl. "OK, you can stay here, but you have to turn around and don't look down at the blood. I need your help. We have to work together to save him," Meredith explained. She asked the girl to bring her "a tweezer shaped thing" and she tied off the artery.

"It's OK," Meredith said as she tried to console the girl. "I don't talk when bad things happen." She remembered Derek's face imploring her to tell him what she was feeling. Meredith began to clean up her supplies and the man tried to get up once again. He was shivering and Meredith laid her coat over him. As she stood up, Mr. Clarence hit Meredith's leg with his own leg, and she was pushed into the water.

Crap, crap, crap, she thought. She had so many thoughts running through her head. Thoughts about the little girl, her patient, Derek, and her mother. The water was icy, she was thrashing in the water trying to get her bearings. Arms and legs frantic as she tried to get to the surface. Her head broke through, but it was so foggy that she couldn't tell shore from sea. She was pulled down again, and her mother's voice rang in her ears.

Disappointing.

Icy water penetrated her every pore

Unfocused.

Her raw feelings freezing over

Undisciplined.

Her pain subsiding into sweet oblivion

Ordinary

She heard the perfect silence of disappearing

It was the last blow from her mother that caused her to pause. "I never should have had a kid." Ellis told Meredith when she was remembering her affair with Richard. There was so much she wanted to say, but it was at that moment she stopped fighting and thought "What's the point? Why was I ever born?"

As soon as she thinks "I wish I were never born," she finds himself sitting on dry land with Jim Clarence, the man who kicked her into the water. She was dry. His leg was wound free. Meredith and Mr. Clarence were in a globe like structure, like a giant snow globe. She could see all the rescue activity going on outside the globe, but it didn't seem as if anyone could see them.

"Seriously, what the hell is going on," Meredith asked.

He patted down on the chair next to him. "Sit down," Mr. Clarence said. "You got your wish. You were never born."

"What?" Her hands reached up in frustration as she shook her head.

The structure reminded her of the Planetarium, seats facing the ceiling with images swirling above her head. "There is something I need to show you," he said calmly, "Please sit down."

Meredith did not comply but walked to the transparent wall where she saw the activity at the scene.

"It's Baily," she said to Mr. Clarence. "Look, and Derek," She pounded on the wall of the globe. "Derek," she called out to him.

"He can't hear you. You were never born, remember."

Dr. Bailey was busy evaluating the victims of the crash. She turned around and saw Derek walking toward her. "What are you doing here," Bailey said to Shepherd. "I thought you'd be in surgery."

Derek shrugged. "Chief Burke asked me to get ahead of the closed head injuries."

Meredith shrieked, "Chief Burke? Burke isn't the chief, Webber is. What's going on?"

Jim Clarence swallowed. "You better sit down. This is a long story." He pointed to the area above Meredith's head, and a fuzzy picture appeared and slowly came into focus.

"Cristina," Meredith said excitedly.