Out of My Head

Chapter 1: Idiots

A bit of dust blew into Van's face as another train passed by. The lanky man sneezed and began grumbling about intercontinental infrastructure. The tombstone in front of him was a silent conversation partner. The sun was their only witness. Zonnet Junction was a poor place to lay the dead to rest, but apparently no one had been willing to drag the old bastard somewhere else. Van couldn't blame them. He wouldn't have done so either. Still. Maybe if he had, he'd have his answers by now. Not that it mattered. If he starved to death here, that would be fine. There were some people that thought otherwise, and that was the only thing giving Van pause. He glanced over at the tombstone, laying against a verdant cliffside on a patch of grass just off the tracks. One more time.

"Hey, Gadved," he said. "Why should a man like me go on living? Don't think I've said it that way yet. The least you could do to make up for stabbing me in the back is give me an answer."

A gentle breeze caressed his face. The turf cushioned his body, if not his spirit. Graverobber Van rolled over on his side, thinking. All he had ever wanted was to be with Elena. But what came after that? Was he the kind of man that could live a normal life and have a happy marriage? As if in answer, some fire ants bit him in the leg. He brushed them off after yelling an epithet or two. In a way, he supposed it was only fitting he was like this. He was only continuing where Elena had left off. Maybe she was up there in the sky even now, looking down on him and taking some measurements. It wasn't right for him to give up this life if he was going to be true to her.

But something was off. Van didn't have his old puzzle that Gadved gave him anymore but he wasn't sure that he remembered how to solve it. Something about flipping the two panels over instead of sliding them down? This shouldn't have bothered him. He'd already solved it once, that should have been enough. Elena was the key to it all, Elena was…

Several hours later, Van woke up. It was night time now. The station was closing and he had to get back to the hotel/bar he was working at. The boss would kick him out if he didn't provide room service on time. The vagrant got to his feet slowly before bolting at top speed back to his place of employment slash temporary residence. He wove his way through the little kiosks lining the platform before heading to the town behind it. Truth be told, the place wasn't so much a town so much as a rest stop where people took a layover between major cities, but that meant Van's job was all the busier. The elevator column in the center of the place had only a small number of people still using it and that could only mean one of two things: a quiet night or everyone being packed in their lodgings already.

Over the entrance to the Cork Pork was a gaudy neon sign in the shape of a big stuffed roast. The owner of the establishment was exactly what one might expect given that sort of taste; he was indeed a portly man with a bushy black mustache, who ran the place together with his equally large wife. The two dressed in standard concierge service uniforms, but had informed Van that his dress sense was acceptable enough that a uniform wasn't necessary. Van strolled over the mauve velvet carpet, trying to ignore the terribly loud jazz emanating from the hotel bar. A customer was keeping the owners too preoccupied for them to comment on Van being late. The room behind the counter contained his task list for the night. Only one room was queued; he was meant to bring a bottle of champagne to 233. It looked like it would be a quiet night after all. Van fetched the bottle and headed off before he could get chewed out.

His knuckles rapped on the door of 233. "Pardon me, delivery here."

"Just a moment…"

It was a female voice, kinda familiar actually. That could be… a problem. Women could be vindictive if he forgot their names, as he quite often did. Oh well. There was always next town if it turned out badly here. After a minute or two, the door opened, revealing a tall lady wearing a white bathrobe. Her hair was light pink and her eyes a light blue. There were many people in the world that Van did not recognize at first glance, but this wasn't one of them, even if her hair wasn't tied up in a ponytail like usual. Anyone he'd fought while riding Dann was burned into his memory. Not to mention everything else that had happened between them. But if he could avoid digging up old history, that would be preferable.

"Here you go, miss," he said, offering her the bottle.

Pricilla's body coiled up at the sight of him. "Van, I… you jerk! How could you leave without even saying goodbye!"

So much for that. Van briefly considered just setting the bottle down and walking away but he knew that would endanger his job. She wouldn't leave him alone.

"Nice to see you too," Van said. "You gonna take this?"

He kept trying to offer the bottle as if it would make the problem go away, even though he knew it wouldn't. However, she crossed her arms behind her back and wiggled shyly.

"Only if you come in and share it with me," she said, a bit of acid still in her voice.

The tuxedo-clad man shrugged and went along with it. Inside the room was a basic two bed interior, even though Pricilla was by herself. There was a small table in a corner, and Van took a seat. Pricilla sat on the bed farther from him, as if she wasn't interested in the alcohol. Van wondered why she even ordered it. It was looking kind of nice from his point of view, he was thinking he might need it to get through the night.

"So, what part on your Armor broke?" Van asked, playing around with his cuffs.

Pricilla smiled. "How did you know?"

"Don't see any other reason for you to be all the way out here."

"I'm missing a few F40 air compressors," she said. "Brownie's joints are struggling to spring apart like they used to. It sucks because I still wanted to have a real match with you, Van."

"Well, hurry up and find some," Van said. "Its been a long time since I've felt alive. It's like I can't… nothing is real to me unless I'm inside Dann. I have to turn to stuff like this otherwise." Van uncorked the champagne bottle, pouring himself a glass. "Say, aren't you a little young for this kind of drink, missy?"

Pricilla clapped her hands together. "I won a tournament the other day so I felt like it was alright to celebrate a little. I'm glad you could join me, but don't tell anyone!"

"Yeah. Cheers," Van said, throwing back a shot. Pricilla simply sat and watched him. Maybe this was her idea of entertainment.

It was hard to read what was on her face, which was a shame because he wanted to know how much longer he'd be held hostage here. She was keeping him away from his job and jeopardizing what little he had, and what was she getting in return? This awkward silence? A woman of strange tastes if that's what she had wanted, but he recalled she had confessed to being partial to him in the past anyway. Van could only assume she had been prepared for this if that was her mindset, but if she thought this was going anywhere, she was in for-

"Van, isn't this a little... beneath you?" she said.

Van sighed. "Maybe, but I'll decide how I live my own life, thanks."

"Okay, but you just told me that you only feel alive riding Dann," she said. "If that's the case, why not come fight some more in Duel Park?"

Though Van's mouth flew open to protest, he shut it immediately as he couldn't really think of a reason that didn't amount to "so that I can stay away from you." Not that he had anything against Pricilla personally, but he didn't like facing his past much. It was true that he-

"We can't have a real rematch unless it's in the ring, right?"

"Maybe."

It felt good to pilot Dann, but the memories from it were sometimes just more than he wanted to deal with. Yeah, that sounded good, that's what-

"Why don't you come with me, Van?" Pricilla said, twirling a finger in her hair. "You wouldn't really prefer to keep answering to that fat guy downstairs, would you?"

Van smirked, pouring himself another glass. "You got a point there, but you're not much better. You don't even give me a moment to think to myself."

"Aren't all your thoughts all dark and gloomy anyway though?"

Many people called Van an idiot, and as much of an idiot as he could be, Pricilla was an even bigger idiot. But every now and then, she said stuff like this that stumbled upon some absolute, primal truth. It almost impressed him. She was right, of course. Even if there was no happiness or joy in this world without Elena, that didn't mean he had to dwell on all the painful stuff. But what else had he been doing in his spare time? Every waking minute since he snuffed out that insane shithead with the claw had been nothing but a torment of his own device.

"Look, I…" Van started. "Okay, you win. I'll leave with you tomorrow. I guess you got another victory to celebrate, so I'll leave you to that before I drink this whole bottle by myself."

Speaking of which, Van reserved every right to change his mind tomorrow when he could be certain whether or not it was the alcohol talking, but he'd cross that bridge when he got to it. As he rose from his seat, Pricilla rose with him, coming uncomfortably close and looking up into his face with puppy dog eyes. It reminded him a bit of when he first met Wendy, and he knew that something awkward was about to happen.

"Don't go yet!" Pricilla said. "Remember what I asked from you just before you left for space? You still owe me an answer!"

He certainly did remember her confession, unlike with most women he met. Maybe that was a sign in and of itself. Or maybe not. But even though he had a get out of jail free card with the alcohol he'd just consumed, he suppose he did owe Pricilla more than that. She'd helped him out a lot even though he'd never asked for it. Van idly scratched a cheek with his finger. She was still a dumb broad putting him on the spot, making the same mistake as last time. It didn't matter if he was already supposed to have an answer prepared, didn't she know what kind of man he was?

"Pricilla, I..." Van started. "You know I'm… I'm not really the kind of person to get over things easily."

Pricilla face instantly warped into a crestfallen expression. A twinge of pain fired in Van's own chest. He didn't regret telling the truth but…

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to say no," Van continued. Her face snapped back up to his, her eyes widening. "I'll tag along with you for awhile and we'll see if something happens, okay?"

She nodded fiercely, jumping in place a little, fists balled up against her shoulders. "Yes. Yes! That's all I can ask for. Just don't run out on me again, okay? I want to see you bright and early! Promise?!"

"Yeah. I'll be Promise-Keeper Van for a night," he said, pushing her aside. "The Cork Pork appreciates your patronage. Have a good evening."

The whole exchange had given Van a headache and he didn't particularly want to keep thinking about it beyond whatever thought he'd already put into it. Thinking was bad anyway, right? Best to just head down the stairs and get back to whatever it was Mr. Owner wanted him to do. He was a bit weird, but not too bad of a guy. Van had meant what he had said to Pricilla though; he really would rather leave. The owner might not be a bad guy, but he didn't care about Van. And that had actually been preferable in Van's mind when he started off here, but now it was just stifling.

A bizarrely wide smile crossed the owner's face as he greeted Van. If he was in trouble, he didn't care since he was leaving tomorrow anyway, but getting lectured wasn't his idea of a pleasant evening. Still, the owner spread his arms.

"Van, my man, you spent some time with that customer," he said, his voice deep and accented. "It's good to see my employees going the extra mile when they can. I trust all went well?"

As usual, Van shrugged. "She was lonely and wanted someone to celebrate something with. Nothing went wrong."

"Hohoho, I hope you showed her a good time. I'll be looking forward to the great reviews!"

Was he just implying that- nevermind, that wasn't an avenue Van's brain wanted to go down. The owner was an idiot too, it seemed. That's what Endless Illusion was, the idiot's utopia. Elena wasn't meant for a world like this, but Van fit in perfectly. And though he hadn't realized it before, he'd been running from all the idiocy when he had met Elena. But during the fight with the Claw, he'd learned to embrace it. Perhaps now was the time to do so again, the true way forward for him.

Van spent some time polishing some drinking glasses as the night drew to a close. A way forward, hunh...

I must confess that when writing this story, I could not bear to use the abominable but unfortunately canon spelling of 'Pricilla.' I simply wrote it using the way the name is actually spelled in the real world (Priscilla) and then used find and replace at the end. If it bothers you as much as it does me, DM me and I'll send you a copy of the story with the real spelling.