God Save the Queens
The New Mer-Mysteries, Book 3
A She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Fan Fiction
By Starlight Wanderer
Our tale begins in a dark tavern; a dirty establishment for dirty people. All manner of cutthroats and vagabonds congregated in the dimly lit establishment, side-eying any and all who entered their domain. They paid special attention to the knight, dressed from head to toe in shining armor of the finest quality; a suit usually reserved for royalty and nobles.
"Adora!" waved an archer from a secluded corner of the tavern. "Over here!"
"Bow!" the knight hissed. "You don't know who I am yet!"
"Oh, that's right." The archer kicked his feet up upon his table, paying no mind to the knight's presence. "Boy, I sure hope no knights try to come talk to me. I'm definitely not in the mood."
"He's a strange one." The knight hadn't noticed her mage sidekick enter behind her. The spellcaster was dressed in fine robes, an ancient tome and several bottles of mystery hung on a belt tied loosely around their waist.
"Your kind ain't welcome in these parts," the bartender said. He was a large man with the majority of his hair hung from a thick beard.
The knight squared up with the gruff man. "I roll for Charisma." With her +3 modifier, it was successful. "We don't want any trouble," the knight explained, "we're looking for capable fighters for a quest. Royal decree."
"That sounds so boring," the archer spoke up from his corner. "I probably wouldn't go, even if I was asked."
"Ugh!" the mage signed, storming off to the archer's table. "Do you want to come on our quest?"
"Would I?" the archer jumped out of his seat. "I've been waiting for this day, when I, Bow the Spectacular, would finally venture out from his childhood home! Born into nobility, I was cast out from my home for taking up the ver—"
"Enough, expedition dump!" The mage took the archer by the ear and drug him out of the tavern.
"Hey! No god modding, Glimmer!" Bow whined as the group exited the dingy tavern.
"Honorable Bow," the knight spoke, "Our quest will be long and arduous. Are you sure that you are up to this task?"
"I sure am! So, where are we going?"
"The Queens of Faraway have been kidnapped," the knight explained. "A royal decree was issued for all adventurers of sufficient mettle to seek them out and return the Queens safely."
"Out from the shadows, comes a vaunted explorer; I appear on the scene, Hey, Adora… "
A melodious voice sung out from a nearby alleyway, and out stepped a cat-eared bard, strumming upon her lute with grace.
"Hey Catra," the knight waved. "We thought you bailed."
"You try coming up with all these rhymes… "
The bard was politely reminded of her proclivity to song, and thus rephrased herself. "Missing queens and heroic deeds, quite an epic song it makes; but if you wish to travel far, it's me whom you should take!"
"Must we?" the mage asked, folding her arms with disapproval.
"I think she's adorable!" Bow clapped.
"Very well," the knight said. "Our party of four shall brave the wilderness to return the Queens to their home.
The party had no leads on where the missing Queens could have been taken. They decided to follow the main road, asking any they came across for information.
"So…" Bow broke the awkward silence. "I've already given my backstory. Why don't you guys share yours?"
"Bow!" the mage replied angrily, "Stop breaking the fourth wall! You're killing my immersion."
"Very well," the noble knight interjected. "I am Adora of Sherania, a knight of the royal court. I feel responsible for the Queens' kidnapping. As a protector for the realm it is my sworn duty to keep them safe, and I failed. That is why I have assembled all of you, to help reclaim my honor and my Queens."
"I'm Glimmer the Moon Mage," the mage added sourly.
"And?" Bow pressed.
"I'm not giving away my whole backstory!"
"Oh! How very mysterious… "
The bard strummed a chord upon her lute. "Catra the songstress, is what I am called; the songs that I play, inspire and enthrall."
"There!" Bow smiled widely. "Now we all know a little something about each other."
"I just wish I knew where we were going," Glimmer complained.
"Two Queens gone missing, a tragic display; yet a rumor I heard, might show us the way. Beyond the mountains, a wizard of malice; he kidnaps young royalty, right from their palace."
"That's amazing, Catra!" Adora beamed. "Where did you hear such a rumor?"
"I peeked at Netossa's DM sheet… "
"Hey!" Netossa slammed her hands down on the table, rattling the various miniatures and tokens strewn about. "Catra you cheated!"
"What do you expect?" Catra leaned back in her chair. "I'm Chaotic Neutral, I don't play by the rules."
"Come on," Glimmer pleaded. "It's not that big of a deal."
"I had an entire questline all prepared," Spinnerella pouted. "Weeks of my life wasted!"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." Catra focused up. "We'll just… pretend I didn't say that."
"Well it's too late now," Netossa said grumpily. "We'll keep going, but no more cheating, Catra!"
The main road led south into the cloud-covered thicket known as the Forest of Despair. Thick trees twisted and tangled across the path; Adora put her steel sword to use by cutting a path. Despite being midday, the sky was dark and the forest around them seemed devoid of light. Sinister rustlings in the nearby bushes were the only sounds they could hear.
"Did we have to go through this place?" Bow moaned. "I don't like creepy forests."
"Walking along, I saw at a glance; the cowardly ranger, did soil his pants," the bard cackled.
"It shouldn't be much longer," Adora pressed on.
A high pitched shriek startled the part, causing them to draw their weapons. Out from the shadows, came six rat-like humanoids, each one wielding a small blade.
"Kobolds!" Adora shouted. "Get ready to fight!"
Bow drew an arrow from his quiver and knocked it, while Glimmer began incanting a spell. Catra, unfortunately, had no means to attack, and simply fled up a tree to safety.
"You're so useless!" Glimmer shouted.
Bow was the quickest, and attacked first. "I want to shoot one of them with my arrow!"
"Stop talking about it and just do it!"
Loosing the arrow, Bow managed to strike a critical blow, killing one of the kobolds instantly. Adora followed, slashing with her steel sword.
"Oh no, I rolled a 1!" Adora cried as she tripped and fell into the mud.
"Stand back," Glimmer said, "I've got this. Spectral Fire!"
Nothing happened, leaving the party stunned.
"That's a level four spell," Adora explained, still covered in mud. "You're only level one, Glimmer."
The kobolds each took their turn attacking Adora as she struggled to get up. Within a few moments, her health had been halved.
"Adora!" Bow cried. "Glimmer, use a healing spell!"
"I don't know any healing spells, Bow!" Glimmer shouted back.
"Oh, now she knows what spells she can cast!" Adora said sarcastically.
Bow used his turn to slay another kobold, before Adora attempted to put all her power into a mighty swing. The mud, however, affected her mobility, causing her to miss completely.
"Oh come on!" Adora cried. "Since when is that a thing that happens?"
Glimmer, now casting an appropriate spell, used a lightning bolt to wound two kobolds, causing them to flee. Bow hit another one in the arm, and that seemed to scare the lot of them off.
Quickly the others rushed to help Adora up and tend to her wounds. They were not life-threatening, but her armor had been pierced several times by the kobold blades, and the mud had begun to seep into her armor.
"We need to get Adora to a healer," Bow said. "We can't continue like this."
Catra, having returned from her perch, suddenly remembered another piece of critical information, and began to strum her lute. "Our valiant knight, in need of aid; her armor pierced, by savage blade. Atop the mountains, in snowy peaks; lives a healer, we shall seek."
"What mountain?" Bow asked frantically.
"There's only one mountain nearby," Glimmer replied. "The Mountains of Endless Death."
"Well that's just great!" Adora shouted. "Where in the rules does it say that mud is a -5 to all stats?"
"Calm down Adora," Spinnerella said. "It's just a little house rule we made up to keep things interesting, that's all. You're not dead."
"She'd probably be fine if Catra had actually helped at all," Glimmer groaned.
"What am I gonna do?" Catra asked, "Hit them with my instrument?"
"Maybe you can assault them with some of your awful rhymes… "
"Can I just talk normally now?" Catra asked. "The whole rhyming thing is slowing the game down."
"Nope," Netossa shook her head firmly. "You wanted to play a Bard, and that's the rules."
"I wanted to play a cunning Thief," Catra replied.
"Well, Bow is already a Ranger. You can't have a Ranger and a Thief. That's overpowered!"
"Well, I for one, love your performance," Bow smiled at Catra. "You really get into character!"
"At least someone appreciates my creative genius," Catra laughed.
"Can we just get on with this?" Adora said, frustration oozing from her voice. "We need to find this healer person before I keel over and die."
The party managed to make it out of the forest mostly unscathed, save for Adora's deteriorating condition. Fate had not been kind to the poor knight, and her open wounds were now infected. The healer was her only hope now, but first the part had to tackle the mountain before them.
As they climbed, the temperature quickly fell, and progress began to slow as a wicked snowstorm began to batter them.
"Fate is cruel, a twisted wit; this windy mountain, is cold as sh—"
"Stop singing and keep walking!" Glimmer shouted through the winds.
Adora pushed onwards, the icy sting of the blizzard violating the holes in her armor and chilling her bones. She could not fail; her Queens depended on her.
"I think I see a light!" Bow said, without the proper perception check. As it would turn out, he did not, in fact, see a light.
"I think I see a light!" Glimmer's much higher perception allowed her to succeed where Bow had failed. Through the white fog of the snowstorm, a faint yellow glow slowly came into view.
As they moved closer, the light illuminated a small cottage amongst the snow drifts. There was a single window, through which the party could see more light inside.
"This has to be the healer's place!" Glimmer said. "Come on, Adora! You can make it!"
With their last ounces of strength, the group found themselves at the door of the cottage. Glimmer quickly rapped upon the door, and after a moment it opened up.
"Um… hi?" The woman standing in the door had a cocoa complexion with long, flowing black hair. A look of incredible inconvenience stuck to her face.
"Hey!" Bow said. "It's Mermista!"
"Who's Mermista?" the woman asked. "I'm, like, the healer or something."
"Damnit!" Glimmer cursed, "Now's not the time for impressions, our friend is in trouble and needs healing."
"Ugh, fine… " the healer sighed. "I was just settling in to watch Sea-Ra and the Porpoises of Power, but I guess I could heal your friend."
Bow and Glimmer helped move the nearly collapsed Adora inside; Catra made sure to provide a rousing tune for the spectacle. The cottage was spacious on the inside, at least for its single occupant. Oil lamps provided a flickering warm light while soft rifts dampened the party's footsteps.
Once inside, Adora was taken to a soft bed, where her armor was stripped off to reveal the extent of the damage underneath.
Her body had numerous cuts and scrapes, nearly all turning sickly colors as the infections spread. Adora's body was wracked with pain, as she struggled to remain conscious.
"Yeah," the healer who definitely wasn't Mermista said, "she's probably gonna die. That sucks."
"There's nothing you can do?" Bow asked, his eyes brimming over with tears at the thought of losing his new travelling companion.
"Of course there is," Glimmer said defiantly. "Someone is just making things harder for Adora!"
"The gods can be kind, the gods can be cruel; but right now the gods, are acting the fool."
"The bard's right!" Bow agreed. He slowly drew an arrow from his quiver and aimed it straight at the healer. "I roll to threaten the healer."
"You can't do that," the healer said, nonchalantly, "I'm, like, immune to attacks and junk."
"Oh, I wasn't going to attack you," Bow grinned, adjusting the tip of his arrow slightly to the left. Loosing the arrow, it flew inches away from the healer's head, knocking over an oil lamp. The hot oil spilled onto the rugs beneath; flames quickly rose up and began to spread about the cottage.
"Bow!" Glimmer cried. "What are you doing?"
"You're out of your mind, you're out of your mind; that was stupid, you're out of your mind!"
The healer, which as previously stated only bore a slight resemblance to Mermista, summoned a magical stream of water to put out the blaze. "Wow, not cool you guys," she said.
"I knew she'd have Mermista's water powers," Bow explained, "But she didn't know that I knew that, so by setting her house on fire, she now realizes I'm done playing games! Heal Adora, now!"
Neither Glimmer, nor Catra fully understood where Bow's sudden outburst had come from, but the healer had been convinced.
"If I heal your friend will you all get out of my house?"
"Yes!" Glimmer shouted. "Do the thing already!"
"Does Mermista know you based an NPC off of her?" Bow asked, satisfied with his chaotic victory.
"We've got NPCs for all of you, actually," Spinnerella explained. "Why spend the time creating a unique, original character when we can just copy something else?"
"The irony actually makes my brain hurt," Glimmer sighed.
"Is Adora healed now?" Catra asked. "Can we get on with this thing, or what?"
"Don't think I haven't noticed," Adora folded her arms angrily, "I don't know what I did, but you two have it out for me. I just know it."
"Rule number one!" Netossa pointed to the sky in a grandiose gesture. "Separate character from player. It's just not a good session for you, that's all."
"Well then," Adora stood up from the table. "I think we should call it for today."
"But, Adora!" Bow protested. "We just got you healed!"
"Some of us still want to play," Catra insisted.
"Well then play without me," Adora replied.
Catra leapt up from her seat and took Adora in her arms. "Adora… finish playing with us and then when we get home… " she leaned in to whisper in Adora's ear, "...we can play with each other. What do you say?"
"Catra, we don't even have the DM guide at our place. How are we supposed to play together if neither of us knows how to run the game?"
Catra let go of Adora with a heavy sigh. "You are the dumbest lesbian in the history of everything."
"Come on," Netossa spoke up. "We're almost done with the current storyline, Adora. Just a little more and we're done, I promise."
Adora returned to her chair with a silent pout.
"Great!" Spinnerella cheered. "Prepare for battle!"
Her wounds healed, and her body nearly back at full strength, Adora had no trouble pushing onwards past the peak of the Mountains of Endless Death. At the apex, the party could see the desolate valley below them, scorched black as soot.
"That must be where the wizard is," Bow said.
"What even gives you that idea?" Glimmer asked, annoyed. "It looks like a dragon's personal hunting ground."
"Don't wizards keep dragons as pets? I thought that was common knowledge."
"It doesn't matter," Adora said firmly. "We find the wizard, we find the Queens."
"Or we get friend to death by a giant lizard… " Glimmer moaned.
The party began their trek down the far side of the mountain, taking great care to avoid the uneven surfaces and many pitfalls of loose rock that threatened to send them tumbling. As they descended, they kept a cautious eye to the skies above for any signs of fiery death. The bard did her best to keep spirits high with a rousing tune.
"We'll be comin' down the mountain when we come, we'll be comin' down the mountain when we come; we'll be comin' down the mountain, we'll be comin' down the mountain, we'll be comin' down the mountain when we come!"
"Do you think you're amusing?" Glimmer sighed.
"Maybe she takes requests?" Bow proposed.
"Something uplifting," Adora suggested, "We're in the final leg of our journey. Sing us a rousing tune to prepare us for victory."
The bard loosened up her vocal chords, before plucking the strings of her lute, her fingers dancing across the fretboard.
"You are my fire, the one desire; believe when I say, I want it that way. But we are two worlds apart, can't reach to your heart; when you say, that I want it that way."
"Tell me why!" Bow sang.
"Ain't nothin' but a heartache… "
"Tell me why!" added Adora.
"Ain't nothin' but a mistake, tell me why; I never wanna hear you say… "
"DRAGON!"
"That's not how the song goes, Glimmer!" Bow replied.
"Enough about the song!" Glimmer shrieked. "Take cover!"
A massive shadow swept over the party as an enormous beast flew in close, landing several meters ahead of the party. It was, indeed, a dragon; the beast was the size of a small castle with blood red scales covering its entire body.
"Uh… Adora?" Bow's voice pitched up with fright. "What's the plan?"
"Don't die!" Adora drew her sword, ready for another chance to prove herself in combat. She charged at the beast as it snarled in her direction. She raised her sword back for a mighty swing and… froze in place.
"It's not your turn!" Glimmer shouted.
"I've got it!" Bow called out as he drew a fresh arrow atop a rocky outcrop. He took aim and fired, but the arrow bounced right off the dragon's ruby scales. "It had no effect?"
"Let me try," Glimmer sent a flurry of magic energy towards the dragon. It seemed to bother the beast more than damaging it.
Adora stood frozen in the shadow of the dragon as it shook off Glimmer's magic, turning its sights on her. "Can I please do something?" she screamed.
"It's still not your turn!" Bow explained.
"Who the hell is faster than me and isn't you or Glimmer?"
"Ancient spirits of eld and yore, hear my song and venture forth; powers from the endless void, mine enemy you shall destroy!"
"Catra!" Adora shouted. "Now is not the time for… "
A deafening roar shook the very mountain beneath them; it vibrated the air and dissipated the clouds. Adora felt like the earth itself was going to crumble under her feet. High above the battlefield, an inky black disc formed in the sky, spinning slowly as it grew in size.
Then, from deep within the dark void, an arm shot forth. It was gargantuan, able to clasp its hand around the already massive dragon with ease, before quickly retreating with its prey into the inky disk, which then quickly spiralled shut and disappeared.
For a moment, the party stood silent in disbelief at what had just transpired.
"What the hell was that?" Bow cried.
"Xenoth, Father of Time Infinite," Catra explained nonchalantly.
"And you just summoned that thing?" Adora asked bluntly.
"I'm gonna have to agree with them," Netossa said. "That's a legendary Summoner skill, you can't do that."
"Actually, I can," Catra shot back with a cool attitude. "I dual-specced my Bard with a summoning sub-class, and my Lute of Eternal Darkness grants me a stackable +1 to elder summons upon each use."
Spinnerella laughed out loud. "Nice try, Catra, but dual-classes don't exist in Labyrinths and Legends 8th Edition."
"Which is why I gave you a 7th Edition character sheet," Catra grinned slyly. "And you approved it, so that's not my problem."
Netossa and Spinnerella exchanged confused looks, before ducking behind their DM screen; the frantic whispering and lashing of pages were music to Catra's ears.
After several moments of checking and re-checking, the two sat back up. "Very well, Catra," Netossa said, poorly hiding the distaste in her tone. "We will allow you to continue but next session you must re-do your sheet to match the current game version."
"And you need to stop picking on Adora," Catra shot back. "You've had it out for her this whole game. First the mud, then the infections, nearly dying because your NPC wouldn't heal her, and then you conveniently nerfed her racial speed bonus to get her killed by the dragon."
"Well… "Spinnerella's face turned flush, "Adora forgot Netossa's birthday!"
"Yeah!" Netossa added.
"You never told me when your birthdays were!" Adora shot back.
"We totally did," Netossa replied.
"When?"
"During the Battle of Bright Moon!"
"You're joking… right?" Glimmer said. "You thought the middle of a battle was a good time to give that information out?"
"When was this?" Catra asked.
"You remember," Adora replied. "Big Horde battle, we fought… "
"You have no idea how little that narrows it down," Catra shrugged.
"Guys, are we really doing this?" Bow interrupted everyone. "Netossa, if you were upset about Adora missing your birthday, you should've just said something."
"Yeah," Adora added, "Look, I'm sorry. I know I'd be upset if someone forgot me on my birthday, but ruining game night won't solve that."
Netossa sighed, her partner began rubbing a loving hand up and down her back. "I wasn't really going to kill you, I just wanted you to know how I felt."
"Great!" Bow clapped. "So now that we're all friends again, can we hurry up and finish? My dads are probably wondering where I've been."
"Well, there's a slight problem… " Netossa said shyly.
"You see," Spinnerella explained, "our final plan to mess with Adora was… "
"What do you mean they're not here?" Adora's voice threatened to collapse the wizard's cave. The poor man in his tattered robes looked like a child being scolded by their parents, only his parents had a sword, sharp arrows, dangerous magic, and the power of the eldritch gods.
"It's like I said," the wizard explained, shaking in his boots, "the Queens of Faraway sought to test your adventuring prowess. They were never gone… in fact, I imagine they're still in the castle right this moment."
"Did we get the bad ending?" Bow asked.
"Something tells me there was no good ending to this," Glimmer moaned.
"Such a pitiful waste, our lengthy roam; screw you guys, I'm going home."
"To hell with that!" drew her sword and pointed it towards the wizard. "Use your magic to teleport us back to town!"
"I know no such spell… " the wizard began to sob.
"Well you better think of something! I'm not walking all the way back up this damn mountain, through another blizzard, and a muddy, kobold infested forest!"
"V-very well," the wizard whimpered. "There is a spell… forbidden magic from the old kingdoms… it would send you straight home."
"Good," Adora sheathed her blade. "Do it, now."
"I must warn you, though, there are risks involved… "
"I don't care! Just do it!"
"Adora... " Bow spoke up. "Maybe we should think this through."
But it was too late. The wizard's spell had already begun; a bright purple run formed on the floor of his cave, encircling the party and engulfing them in light.
"What a lame ending," Catra groaned, picking up her miniatures and gathering up her belongings.
"Well," Adora sighed, "I'm sure you'll make it up to us next time, right?"
"Oh, definitely," Netossa grinned. "We've already got some ideas bouncing around."
"How many of them involve Catra singing, and can it be zero?" Glimmer whined.
"No promises," Spinnerella winked. "But thanks for coming everyone! Sorry about trying to kill you, Adora."
"Next year's birthday present is going in the mail tonight," Adora shot back with a grin. "Just promise me you won't change too much for next time?"
"No big changes," Netossa nodded. "We're just gonna write a quick little epilogue to finish up some… minor details… and then it's movie night!"
The group said their goodbyes and headed out, leaving Spinnerella and Netossa's until the next week's session.
The blinding light faded and the party's eyes adjusted to the sight before them. They were indeed back in town, but exactly what town was not entirely certain. The cobblestone roads were shimmering with metallic light, the wood and thatch buildings now towered into the heavens with bright lights swirling all around. Above their heads, flying beasts darted to and fro in a mad frenzy.
Two large plinths stood in the center of the town, with images projected onto their faces. The images of Queen Netossa, and Queen Spinnerella, supreme rulers of Planet Faraway.
TO BE CONTINUED...