A/N: Just to clear somethings up, in Ace's first life, it was he who saw Sabo die and not Dogra.

Sorry for any mistakes you many encounter, hope you enjoy.

Chapter Summary: For as long as Ace could remember, his first memories were of a tattered straw-hat, the lifeless body of a blonde haired, blue eyed boy, and the pain filled gaze of a father long gone.

He's seven when he finds out the tragedy behind each one and how interconnected they were.

He doesn't remember when he started dreaming of them — the blue eyed boy with the pipe and the too big top hat, the raven haired boy with a tattered straw-hat who's smile never wavered and a man larger than life who calls him his son — but it made him all the more happy, knowing when sleep danced on his lanky frame, there was always a warm hand to hold him close, chasing away his demons despite it being nothing but a fake reality that had blossomed in his mind after the revelation of his birth father.

But it's night like those, when he comes back from asking the usual question of...

"What if Roger had a child?"

and the answers received break him that much further than he can adjust to —more so when he's only five summers old and the world seems to be against him since his making — that Ace needs, wants those dreams, to become a reality. To have the straw-hatted boy wrap his rubbery arms around him as they snore away, to have that blonde boy give him that small lopsided smile that's filled with so much acceptance and love that it causes his eyes to moisture, and to hear the booming laughter of the man who calls him his son as he pats his head gently.

But Ace knows, by God does he know, that even if it were to become a reality, and not stay as a figment of his imagination, that they would shun his existence like so many before them have done, and that they would leave him too, because his first memories of them is a tattered straw- hat, the lifeless body of a blonde haired, blue eyed boy, and the pain filled gaze of a father long gone. And that's enough for Ace to know whatever happiness that may come knocking on his door, will be as fleeting as a new born babe's cry.

So Ace learns to be content with his imagination, ploughing through the months as the verbal assault continues, as his existence is shamed, his self worth plummeting; deteriorating into nothing but ash and all that keeps him afloat in his now bleak and blackened life is his facade.

A facade that chips and cracks away as snippets of memor-- dreams and conversations are recalled — some distorted and others as vivid as Dadan's hair that sometimes Ace thinks the memor-- dreams are tangible, causing him to loses himself in the fake reality — holding hands with two other boys as they laugh and stumble towards an end that is no doubt cold and bitter because when morning dawns, he's the only boy left standing with fragments of their conversation ringing in his ears as his only companion.

And Ace hates the cruelty of the situation. Hates how's he left wanting more, hates how his eyes moisten with tears at something that's not real. Hates how they are not real and hates how his hope is crushed time and time again after waking up from those bittersweet dreams of a bond forged by sake and an oath.

"Did you guys know, we can become brothers if we exchange this cup of sake."

He dearly wants to hear those words, and experience such a bond, but how can he when he feels that those two boys are simply part of the Ace that he wishes to rid himself off? the part that he knows will only bring him more pain than his five year old body can bear, and that the Ace everyone sees; the one who beats thugs for enjoyment and is constantly angry, is the only side that can help bear the pain that the world throws his way?

"No matter where we are or what we do, our bond will not be broken!"

It's wishful thinking, the naivety in those words is nothing but a child's dream because Ace knows bonds can be broken. They are fickle and one action or one words can destroy such thing, flickering it out of existence; such as his birth ending his mother, snapping whatever bond he may have shared with her when simply a fetus. But he had killed her hadn't he? And in consequence, severing her life thread and ending their bond —- one that had been one-sided on his mother's behalf. (The bond between mother and son, but Ace knows he still loves his mother, even if he hates her for protecting him in exchange for her life, and letting him be born in this accursed world.)

And it was that bitter realisation, that made Ace hate himself more, because time and time again, he spat at his mother's sacrifice. Letting people make a mockery out of his birth when it had come at a price that could never (in his eyes) be paid back. It made him detest the miracle that was called life, and being Rogers son as well as being told he was unwanted, a child of devil and his life was of no consequence, had furthered his belief that he shouldn't have been born, that he shouldn't live.

"You want me to live?"

"of course!"

To live? How does one come around to doing so? It leaves a bitter tang in his mouth, knowing that it is a fruitless question that he knew had no answer for a nobody like him. But he doesn't mind so much, not necessarily. Ace has no reason to live, sees no purpose to look upon the endless blue sky for another day. He's content with simply being there, existing, surviving for the sole reason of making a name for himself. To remove himself out of the shadows his father had unknowingly created for him, making him his unwilling successor.

"why?"

"Because I want to be your friend!"

Every child hopes to hear those words, to have that someone lend them a hand and enclose them in that warm bubble they call friendship, but Ace knows he'll never hear such words, knows that it's all a play, orchestrated by himself because...

"being alone is much worse than getting hurt."

And Ace can assent to such statement, because he hurts himself by constructing these two boys from his own twisted personality to fight his loneliness when his abusers pay him no mind, and Ace knows such thing is considered to be absurd and downright morbid, but Ace finds acknowledgment and companionship in them, even if only for a moment, but Ace is somewhat content with it because even if they do not know it, they have acknowledged him as a street rat who's much to invested in Roger and his child.

So the years continue to pass by in such similar mundane fashion, his dreams spanning on that it keeps Ace warm when lonely winter nights hit Dadan's country — for he has something to ponder over and keep his mind busy, even if it pains him to do so.

And whilst those dreams may keep him company, Ace no longer dares dwell on the significance or meaning of his dreams, learning to be content with his imagination and seeing them as just that.

But when Ace stumbles across Grey Terminal, a place that was a frequent visitor in his landscape, Ace wonders, for a tiny moment if his dreams were prediction of the future, a future that brought a sense of belonging, friendship, love and upon many things, one that no doubt would await him and who else?, but dismisses the idea as soon as it comes —- ignoring the tingling sensation at the back of his mind.

It makes no good to ponder on frivolous things such as dreams. He is no believer of such thing, and with that turns away from the place he associates adventure with. It would do him no good to dwell on the what if's that have clustered in his mind — saving him from the headache and pain that would no doubt follow with trying to dissect something of no importance.

But as hard headed as he may be, the yearning and longing increases, becomes insistent as he stays away from Grey terminal, and two weeks into his avoidance of the place, Ace decides to given in and satisfy his curiosity, ignoring the ferocious echo of his heart in his ears as he makes his way to where everything had truly began in terms of bonds and companionship in those dreams of his.

Burn Twice As Bright

Standing on trembling legs, Ace can't help the sense of nostalgia wash over him as he reminisces of the distinct blonde hair, with it's too large, black top hat resting upon the curly, golden locks. The blue fabric of his clothing brighter in the morning sun as he sits on the trash stored in Grey Terminal, looking very much at home as his fingers twiddle over pieces of junk.

Ace feels his breath hitch, bile rising as he stared at the boy whom he thought was nothing but a mirage, a fake reality created by himself.

Yet there he was, a boy of his own that was undoubtedly real. A living flesh much like himself. Ace wonders for the second time, if his dreams are simply fragments of the not so distant future. And whilst he tries to dismiss such possibility much like the first time round, it proves futile with the evidence sitting across from him.

And Ace will not deny the little hope that blossoms in his chest at such possibility, because this boy would be his first companion, first friend and one of the two whom he would share a bond of brotherhood with. Ace wants to grab at this moment with his two hands and hold it tight and as he moves towards the blonde boy to do so, he feels himself flatter and involuntary flinch back as a memory flashes to the forefront of his mind.

It's his first memory of the boy, of his lifeless corpse floating upon the vast ocean.

For the second time that day, Ace wavers in his decisions. No doubt, if this is fragments of his future, his first friend would leave him be and become, once again, nothing but mere, bittersweet memories.

And in good conscience, Ace shouldn't befriend the boy if his fate would be death mere years after meeting him. He shouldn't do that to someone who had given him his first of everything, someone who had become his brother, his family, but Ace is selfish and wants him and everything that comes along side him. The good and the bad.

They've been together since he could first dream, and dreams were not the same as reality. Ace wants them to become a reality, to experience and feel those emotions given and received because... because he... Ace just wants to be selfish and indulge himself in the company of his makeshift family, just this once. But he doesn't want to loose him after some years. Doesn't want to cut their time short. He wants to spend his time on Earth with him and the straw- hat boy, and then some more in the afterlife.

They are his as he is theirs. They have no right to leave him and —

"you promised you wouldn't die, didn't you? ACE!"

neither does he.

He couldn't feel, nor could he hear. The world was nothing but the dull roar of the ocean waves compared to the burning inferno that blistered through his back and out through his chest. Melting his organs as an agonizing and heart- wrenching scream broke through his vocal cords.

It's his first time seeing such sight, seeing his own bruised and bloodied body, a gaping wound prominent on his person, one that had ensured his death in the arms of his much older, younger brother — who's hands were splattered with his blood, crying for him as his own body slid from his brothers grasp and onto the ground.

"Don't kill me off so easily!"

But yet there he was, an already dead corpse, a broken promise and a now alone baby brother in a world that was nothing but a morbid reflection of himself.

And yet now, reminiscing of a past life, Ace understands the true impact of what words can mean and the consequence that may follow through with broken promises, and that arrogance can set off chain reactions like no other.

"Was I a good father?"

This was the man who had inducted him as his son, who showed him familial touch outside his two brothers.

"Of course you were."

Ace had no other father to compare this man to, but these memories, his dreams, if he were to go by them, Ace knows this man was more than a good father. Better than shitty gramps. He is the best father anyone could wish for.

What followed next was a series of flashbacks, detailing through his life.

His childhood years, were three boys had become two.

When he first set out to sail. Age seventeen.

His first crew. The Spade Pirates.

Joining 'Oyaji's' crew. The Whitebeard Pirates

How certain faces had his heart soaring for the skies, eyes dampening and hands shaking with anxiety. Thatch, Marco, Haruta, Izou.

His reunion with his little brother in Alabasta. Luffy.

And last of all, his fall from grace — one of betrayal and hurt. Of how shitty gramps had somewhat chosen duty over family.

Of how his little brother came storming through like an atomic bomb to rescue him, and in the end, he threw away his chance to live by letting that damn magma bastard get the best of him.

Burn Twice as Bright

He's little hysteric, seeing the cerulean blue eyes of boy long dead up close again will do that to you, Ace knows that. But it doesn't stop his devil fruit from activating —- adding to his hysteria, because as far as he knows, when a devil fruit user dies, they lose their ability, but yet here is, up in flames at the tender age of seven. Ten years to early for him to have eaten his Mera Mera no mi.

But that little realisation is nothing compared to him being alive, with an equally alive Sabo, so having his devil fruit was of small significance in the wider picture.

A very much alive Sabo is too much to handle for his already fragile mind. He had thought he had come to terms with Sabo's death, long before he had first set out to sail, believing they would meet somewhere in the afterlife.

But this was not the afterlife and nor was he dead. He was very much alive and so is Sabo.

He had spent the first seven years of his second life thinking his dearest friend was nothing but a figment of imagination, spent those seven years ignorant of what had happened to him in a timeline that had vanished into existence.

Ace didn't think much of his next actions, blaming it on the fracturing of his mind, the series of emotions that had rapidly built overtime finally exploding in a torrent of a whirlwind as his body blazed with new found ferocity, his fire on the brink of eradicating everything within his perimeter, but before more damage could be done, Sabo's hand comes slapping at his cheeks — hysteria prominent is Sabo's voice.

"Hey, hey, calm down, it's just a panic attack." A sound between a laugh and a cry leaves his mouth as bitter realisation dawns on Ace, that he's been bestowed with a second chance to right his wrongs. He, who is nothing but a failure. He, who had failed to save Sabo, then Thatch and not long after Oyaji, and soon himself, leaving Luffy all alone -- his pride and joy who hated being alone more than anything else.

He was a complete and utter failure.

Portgas D. Ace is many, many things. An emotionally stunted man? Indefinitely, living with bandits or in the forest ensures it. A brother and a son? Without a doubt. A Pirate? He thrived as one.

But to be a Savior? A hero? Most certainly not. He was a Pirate. He was supposed to live life without regrets, wasn't he? Not wallow in self pity and hatred. Blaming himself for every disaster that striked his way.

It's a reflection of calamity and Ace just wants everything to end. It's unbearable and he believes he's already suffered in one lifetime already. He doesn't need to add another lifetime of suffering, even with the possibility of saving everyone. He just wants to be.

It's his adolescent wish turning into his own personal hell, and he doesn't know how to adapt to this reality for it shatters the last of his sanity, leaving him an incoherent, babbling mess.

He's much too broken to be saving the world. Much too fragile to be blessed with a second chance. He's a man in a child's body, carrying the sins of a father long dead and his own sins to start anew.

He'll undoubtedly fuck up because that's the only good thing he's capable off.

But he knows one thing... The future he knows is not set in stone. He'll make sure of it. Hopefully.

-/