I can take your pain away
If you tear down your fortress of memory
I can take your pain away
You don't always need to be strong
Dawn was an ambulance siren, faraway and fading, but loud enough to crest the waves of her sleep-addled mind. Practiced hands reached for the phone in the darkness, perched precariously at the edge of the mattress and connected by umbilical to its life giving source of power. The bleary numbers gradually cleared as her eyes focused, taunting her from behind a cracked screen. She wasn't late, far from it, actually, but she was just early enough that it would behoove her to not fall asleep again and-
And what? Be late? What are they gonna do, fire me?
Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she just stopped going in. Would they notice? Would the students just go about their day, directed by disembodied voice and bell to their classes, meanwhile the papers mounted on her desk, waiting for a teacher that never arrived, until it all collapsed?
Light filtered in slowly, soon overwhelmed by a cold fluorescent bulb, revealing a room that was just wide enough to stretch her legs in. Open bills lay stacked on a coffee table, sitting across from a chair occupied by a disguise hastily discarded, hanging limp on a coat hanger like a hero's cape forgotten.
She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. Young, still young, she confirmed, the bags under her eyes adding to a serious-slash-tired demeanor that thankfully kept most away on public transit but invited unwelcome comments about smiling more often from certain coworkers who would do well to keep their massive chins tucked in lest someone clock them upside the head. The woman spit out the last of the toothpaste and rinsed it out, pulling on a cozy, striped yellow sweater that resembled the sunrise she couldn't see from this side of the apartment complex. Having donned her suit of armor, and brandishing a thermos of light and sweet, Sadayo Kawakami was as ready as she was ever going to be to face a Tuesday. And so she charged, headlong into battle, ready to mold young minds, whether they wanted it or not.
"Rule number one: I'm not your father. Rule number two: Don't embarrass me. Rule number three-" Sojiro paused on the third finger, tapping it in succession as the thought got further and further away. His young ward bristled in the fake leather seat, the sun beginning to cook him in broiling exhaust and the overpowering smell of cologne. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons crooned over the car radio while the man in the driver's seat cleared his throat and resumed.
"Rule number three: Keep your damn nose clean. I've read your file, and you've got another thing coming if you think I won't tell the state that you're running around decking people in broad daylight. Get a hobby, get a job, or so help me God I will put you to work. I don't take freeloaders."
Ren sized him up, the dapper older gentleman in a cream white suit speaking as if he were about to backhand him and tell the boy to come back with his money. This and more retorts simmered in the back of his mind, eyes inscrutable behind a pair of black rimmed lenses.
"Understood." He added "Sir" after a short pause.
"Don't get smart with me, boy. We've still got this hearing at school to sit through, and we'd be there already if SOME people knew that green means GO!"
The subsequent lean on the horn was but one cry of many, the traffic moving slower than the cholesterol in his arteries. Eventually, their destination came into view, a squat monolith of concrete and glass, nestled in between the other gray stacks, its wide stairs welcoming in a throng of students like the maw of a great beast.
"Shujin Prep, not an easy school to get into, especially with your grades." Sojiro remarked, parking the car and slipping a few coins in the meter. "If I were you, I'd just be glad they didn't haul your ass to juvie."
"Guess somebody up there's looking out for me."
That got the first smile he'd seen from the man all day.
"Yeah, kid, I guess they are."
Hearings, parent-teacher conferences, none of these were new to Ren. The permanent record that so many students feared, a monument to all their sins, had been paraded around in front of him so many times that the effect had long since worn off. Terms like "issues with authority" and "needs to apply himself" were now more frequent guests at these meetings than his actual parents were . This time was no different, a bald man who resembled a toad in a tweed suit reading out the usual while Sojiro looked like he'd rather be pouring coffee.
"Pardon me, Principal?"
Three men turned their heads in unison, landing on sunshine in a sweater and blue skirt. The more of her that became visible as she stepped into the room, the straighter Ren sat in his chair, out of respect, of course.
"You're late." All the Principal was missing was a cigar the size of a baby's forearm to complete the look of a cartoon villain, but the young woman who sidled up to his desk had a certain classic quality to her as well, the kind one might find on faded centerfolds, or painted on the sides of fighter planes. Now there was a sight he could see himself pledging allegiance to.
"My apologies, Mr. Kobayakawa, it won't happen again." She bowed, hands clasped together at her waist.
"Hmmph. Now, where was I?" He looked around the office, surrounded by plaques and shiny frames, a bit hard to make out in direct sunlight with all the glare, but the golden light provided the teacher with an almost halo like quality. At least, he assumed she was a teacher. Otherwise, he'd be going out of his way to get sent to the principal's office.
"I believe you were just about to introduce-"
"Yes, of course." He brushed off the boy like an annoying insect. "Ms. Kawakami here is going to be your homeroom teacher: class 2-1, as it were. She'll bring you up to speed on any class material you have missed out on thus far. In addition, she will be taking special interest in your conduct in particular to ensure you adhere to our school's rigorous standards and bring pride to our sterling reputation. We take all kinds, Mr. Amamiya, but in doing so, we expect diligence, excellence, and obedience. Are we clear?"
Ren's attention had been fixated on a fly buzzing near the man's head, and did a remarkable job of seeming as though he'd imbibed every word like it was the gospel truth.
"Crystal, sir."
"Good. Now you, sign these papers and let's get a move on." He and Sojiro eyed each other with equal contempt, leaving Ren to address the other occupant in the room.
"Hi. I'm Ren, Ren Amamiya." He introduced himself.
"I know, I read your file." She replied, keeping a clipboard close to her chest.
So you think you know me? He kept the response poised just behind his teeth.
"Find anything good?"
"Just the parts that weren't covered in red ink."
From where Sadayo was standing, he didn't look at all like the youth in rebellion that his record had painted such a vivid picture of. His posture was relaxed, eyes studious, hands soft and slender like those of a musician. The most unruly thing about him was his hair.
"Oh. Impressed?"
The attempt at cockiness was cute, but he was a little too eager to ruffle feathers in front of these old birds. His smile didn't last long, the Principal puffing his chest and reviewing the forms from Ren's newly instated legal guardian.
"Alright, everything seems to be in order. Welcome to Shujin Academy, young man." He shook Ren's hand, or more accurately, his whole arm. "We have high hopes for you."
"Thanks for believing in me."
"Yes, well… Kawakami, take them away."
Sojiro, ever the gentleman, opened the door for the two of them as they exited the stuffy office, now witness to the river of bodies in red, black, and white uniforms.
"You seem familiar, have I seen you around somewhere?" The older man remarked, pulling on his goatee as if the memory would come out with it.
"God, I haven't been teaching here that long, have I?" Sadayo chuckled. "No, old timer, I just blew into town."
Sojiro gave a shrug that said can't blame a guy for trying and gracefully bowed out.
"Until next time. Get home safe, kid."
Ren nodded in return, turning back to the teacher and her crossed arms. No matter where she was, it looked like there was somewhere else she'd rather be, in contrast to Ren, who seemed like he could lean against thin air and still look comfortable.
"Makes two of us, I suppose."
"Two of what, exactly?"
"Out of towners." And didn't he know it, the eyes and hands that passed him by averting their gaze and holding onto their backpacks a bit tighter, thinking they were out of earshot. "Care to show a guy around?"
"Please, I've been working here for years, but the last thing I need is some kid's dad hounding me for extracurricular activities."
"Is that a problem you run into often?" Ren prodded, a problem solver at heart. "And Sojiro isn't my dad."
"Good to know. Come on over to the teacher's lounge."
Sadayo sidestepped the question and directed him to her office, really more of a cubicle in an arrangement of about a dozen others, their walls felled in what was called an open floor plan to increase workflow but really just led to awkward eye contact. Her desk in particular was festooned with papers and notes, brown rings left as evidence of the many cups of coffee it took to power through the day.
"So, here's all the things you'll need to get started. First, your student ID-" Most treated it like a mugshot, but even in wallet photo form, Ren seemed to be giving the camera a sly grin like he knew something they didn't.
"And the Student Handbook." She hefted up a hardcover doorstop of a book that needed another round of dusting off. "Oh, and shoot- Where is it? I know I have a few lying around here somewhere..."
The woman rifled through her desk drawer, pulling one out far enough that a splash of color caught Ren's eye amid all the detritus.
Feeling Lonely? Place Need Sprucing Up? Our Girls Are 'Maid' To Order!
The loud, bright pink letters flashed like a neon sign in his mind, gone altogether too quickly when she slammed the drawer shut and shoved a lanyard into his hand. He swore he heard her mutter "Unbelievable..." under her breath.
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's fine." She waved him off, though there was some color to her cheeks now. "Just been one of those days. Anyhow, I know the Principal said that I'd be taking special interest in your case, as I take an interest in all my students, but I'm also a busy woman, so that doesn't mean you can just call me out of the blue. Any conferences or anything have to be scheduled a week ahead of time."
"You give out your phone number to students?
"I-" She closed her eyes and breathed out through her nose. "I don't give it out to just anyone. It's a privilege, but one that will be swiftly revoked if you overstep my boundaries. Understand?"
"Of course." Ren quickly whipped out his phone and offered it to her.
Jeez, this one's nicer than mine. For a delinquent, he isn't exactly strapped for cash. Her gaze wandered over the strange icon in the shape of an eye, but she thought little of it. Is that the one they use to make dance videos of? God help me if Chouno wants to do one of those with us teachers.
"There, all done." She handed it back to him.
"Excellent. Do you prefer Ms. Kawakami or Sadayo?"
"Just Sadayo is fine."
"Alright then, is this the part where I meet the class president and get sworn in?"
"If you want to. Word of advice, it gets cliquey around here, and transfers are rare this late in the year, so everyone's kind of abuzz. It might be best to keep a low profile."
"Isn't it better to make a strong first impression?" He leaned against her desk.
"Like you're doing right now?" She leaned further back into her chair. "Look, I know it's hard on your first day, those whispers in the hallway aren't exactly quiet, but the school is pretty tough on the whole sink or swim mentality. I try my best with all my students but-"
"You can't protect them?"
"Protect is a pretty strong word." She raised an eyebrow. "We're a little short staffed at the moment, so I sub in when I can."
"We'll be seeing a lot of each other then."
"Seems that way. Who knows, if I do this job too well he might make me a guidance counselor too." Sadayo gave a hollow laugh. "Now, is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Would you like me to bring you some yakisoba bread?"
"Ha, yeah sure, whatever, I'll have you know the position of class clown is already occupied by Ryuji Sakamoto, so you're going to have to find another niche."
"Bet on it."
He thanked her for the welcome gift and left, closing the door behind him, and opening her up to interrogation. No sooner had the boy left that Chouno came scurrying over with the coffee she'd been nursing and sat right across from her.
"Hey, was that the new transfer student? That was totally him, right?" Their resident English teacher was an excitable woman who seemed to revel in high school gossip now even more than when she was the subject, clasped hands churning a cauldron of rumor. "Wow, he looks… intense. Did he really throw a guy into traffic?"
"He didn't kill anybody, Chouno. If you must know, it was an aggravated assault charge." Sadayo rubbed her temples. "He shoved a man down on the sidewalk, not in the middle of the street."
"Oh..." She seemed almost disappointed. "Well either way, that's still pretty tough. We don't have anything like that here, I mean, the most physical anyone gets outside of gym class is the chess club when they have to share a room with the forensics team. Also, you wouldn't think that he beat a guy up just by looking at him, he's so thin, like he might just blow away in the wind. He looks like one of those k-pop boys, do you listen to any of that stuff? My students-"
Sadayo looked at her thermos, much too light to be dealing with any of this right now.
"Yeah, sounds great. Listen, I'm gonna go get some coffee-" She stood up and was nearly knocked over by a wall of muscle named Kamoshida.
"Hey ladies, am I interrupting something?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a faded t-shirt a size too small blaring "RISE. GRIND. REPEAT." at her in all caps. "Passed by that new kid on my way in, I was expecting some hardass I'd have to whip into shape, but he looks more pussy than, well-"
Kamoshida coughed, remembering the mandatory sensitivity training he'd endured over the last quarter.
"You know what I mean, kid's wrists are like limp noodles, probably don't weigh more than a buck twenty soaking wet. Tell you what, if it was me that got my ass beat by a kid like that, it's a wrap, cause I'm sure as shit not showing my face around here again."
"Thanks for the analysis, coach." Kawakami attempted to maneuver around him on her way to the coffee machine. "I guess if he's not up to your standards that means you won't pull him out of class for practice."
"Hey, you two are about molding young minds, I've gotta put these kids to work." His flexing threatened to pop the whole shirt off at any moment. "I'm over here cooking a National Championship Team three years running, and you don't make an omelet like that without cracking a few eggs. So I apologize if one of 'em misses your Spanish quiz or whatever."
"Okay then-"
"And speaking of." He blocked her escape once more, grin set to shit-eating mode. "I'll need to borrow your boy Mishima during sixth period."
"What for?" Just the other day, Sadayo had watched the boy fall asleep in the middle of class. The others had pointed and laughed when he answered her question with a snore, but he looked so tired, she decided to let it slide.
"Pfft, what for? He's the ball handler, Kawakami. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it, and I won't take no for an answer."
Volleyball was the second most popular sport at Shujin after favorites, and in Kobayakawa's eyes, she knew firmly where she stood in the rankings.
"It's just that he's been falling behind, so I've had to take time to help him out, and now I've got this new kid-"
"And what, they're supposed to swap places? Me trade one wimp for another? Boy, I'd love for that delinquent to get up in my face, I'd lay his ass out like a lawn chair- POW!"
Kamoshida's playful jab landed on a tupperware bowl being carried by one of their coworkers off to his left. Sighing heavily, Mr. Uchimaru looked down at the cake pops that lay scattered at his feet.
"My wife made these for everyone."
"My bad. Sorry, boss."
Sadayo rolled her eyes and helped her beleaguered coworker clean up. She didn't know quite what to expect when she took this job, but it wasn't worth what they were paying her. All the prestige and polish on the Shujin name didn't exactly rub off on payday. If you worked here, you did it out of passion, and they sure didn't let you forget it. The woman's phone buzzed at her desk, inviting eyes from her other colleague.
Oh shit, clients already? I'm not even off 'til 4:30!
"Just who is it that's always messaging you, Sadayo? I'm dying to know." Chouno leaned over the table, making Kawakami self-conscious about the depth of her own neckline.
"No one in particular, just spam."
If only you knew how bad things really were.
A ruckus was what she had envisioned, maybe even hoped for, but to her surprise and everyone else's chagrin, the transfer student caused no more of an uproar than Pizza Fridays at the cafeteria. He was calm, precise, and rather terse in his replies, impressing some of the student body with his ability to recall random facts and irritating others, but it wasn't the sort of drama that kept the rumor mill going. At first, she thought his file had been sent to them by accident and maybe some other academy had received a teenage ruffian who had their principal in a headlock right now. Such wishful thinking proved to be untrue, though he did make fast friends with Sakamoto, so perhaps there was a rebellious spirit in there after all.
It would not be inaccurate to say that she spent that first day feeling as though she were being watched, and not in the usual way. Sometimes, she'd catch his eye, hand propping up his chin, other times he'd be looking out the window or jotting something down in a notebook, but her instincts told her the lecture wasn't the only thing he was studying. Perhaps it was just nerves, he had come on rather strong in the teacher's lounge, though that behavior was more excusable from a kid going through a phase than a grown ass man. Whatever, he wouldn't be the first one to harbor a crush, or the last, but she wasn't here to play along with anyone's fantasies of Mrs. Robinson.
"Something to share with the class, Mr. Amamiya?" She called him out, the boy having set up a little fortress of notebooks in a rather poor attempt to mask the fact that he'd been on his phone the whole time.
"Just using my phone to do some calculations."
"And? Did you arrive at the answer?"
He squinted at the algebra problem on the board, not his strongest subject.
"I'm gonna say 2x."
"That's 2x squared, Mr. Amamiya. Remember your PEMDAS, people, it'll save your skin on a pop quiz. Now, dismissed."
She expected him to linger, or at least offer a witty reply as he passed, but no. If anything, he seemed relieved that class was over, chatting up Sakamoto and Takamaki about something he'd seen on his phone. Her ears were curious to know what they were whispering about, but too soon, they were gone, and she was alone again, straightening some papers out on the desk.
When she returned to the teacher's lounge, as the sun began to hang low and orange in the sky, Sadayo set her bag down on her chair, and spied a gift lying in wait. Atop her desk was a neatly wrapped pastry, straight from the school canteen, a rare sight as they were popular enough to sell out within minutes. It was a welcome offering too, as the commute home was a long one, before she got ready for her moonlight gig. Still, the wrapping caught her eye, as did the small note attached to it, the handwriting all too neat and elegant for a crumpled up piece of notebook paper.
We could all use a break, it read.
"We sure could." Sadayo unwrapped it and took a bite, feeling just a bit warmer on her way out of Shujin.
You are the king of silence
You don't need one word to talk to me
All I know is we have sympathy
Close your eyes and lean your head on me
Free
Song: Cibo Matto - King of Silence
A/N: I've had the idea for a Kawakami x Ren story floating around for a while now and decided to put pen to paper. This'll be the first story I write for Persona in general so any feedback is welcome. Since this is focused on their relationship, I won't be covering every significant event in game, but rather I'll try to offer a different look at their inner lives and what drives them closer together. Updates may be sporadic, but I love this pairing, and I think it deserves more good fics.
Thanks for stopping by