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So, I had a really dumb idea, and now I'm making it the internet's problem.
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Hunter had a secret.
A stupid secret.
A really really stupid secret.
A secret he'd been desperately hoping would never come to light.
"Hey, Hunter, just wondering, but what's your last name, anyway?" the human asked.
"What?" Hunter replied, far too quickly.
"Your last name. You know, how I'm Luz Noceda, and Amity is Amity Blight?"
Last names. Right. People had those.
He should have thought of that.
"Uuuuuuuuuum… Chaaaaaaaair?"
He had been looking at a chair. He just hoped Luz didn't notice that.
"Chair?"
"Uh-huh."
"You're telling me that your full name is Hunter. Chair."
"Yeeeeeeeep."
"Would you be surprised if I said I don't believe you?"
Hunter sighed.
"Not really, no."
"Come on, lay it on me. It's not like it can be that bad."
"You have no idea…"
"Hunter."
"Yeah, I really don't want to say it."
"Pleeeeeeease?"
"Hmmmmmmmmmm, okay, fine. Technically, I don't think I have one."
"Wait, what?"
"I'm pretty sure I don't, at least."
"Are you saying you don't know?"
"Eeeeeeeh, kinda?"
"So you're telling me that, as far as you know, your name is just Hunter?"
He couldn't help but make a face.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
"What?"
He pressed his palms together and held them in front of his mouth, breathing in deeply.
"Okay, so. Would you be mad if I told you my name isn't really Hunter?"
"Excuse me?"
"Would you be mad?"
"I mean, a little probably, considering how long it's been at this point."
"Oh. Okay then."
He decided that was the end of the conversation, but Luz had other ideas.
"… Your name's not really Hunter, is it?"
He grimaced.
"Hmmmmmm, no?"
"Well, what is it, then?"
"… The Golden Guard."
"Dude, that's your title."
"Haha, you'd think that," he laughed. "But, legally, my name is The Golden Guard. I made up the Hunter thing on the spot, 'cuz, well, ya know."
"I don't, but okay," Luz replied. "So, is it like, your first name is 'The Golden' and your last name is 'Guard'? Or is it just all one first name? Or… please don't tell me that your first name is The, and Golden and Guard are your middle and last names… Wait, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that you just made me realize a whole other possibility, and the fact that I can't deny it is horrifying."
"Explain?"
"I know that my name is The Golden Guard, but I'm not really sure what's first name or last name," Hunter explained. "I always thought it was either all first name or that my last name was 'Guard'. But now I have to come to terms with the fact that my first name might actually be 'The'."
"… Heck."
"You could say that again."
"Heck."
"Yup, that joke's totally original," The sighed. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"… We could just pretend this conversation never happened and just keep calling you Hunter?"
"… Yes, I think that's for the best."
"Yes, it is."
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Bet you thought his name couldn't get any worse than Hunter lol (/hj).