ALL OR NOTHING
Hello everyone. Finally, I have a privilege of having free Saturday, so I'm here to share my new story with you. This idea appeared in my head about a week and half ago, during dealing with difficult tasks-(yes, this is my way of distraction) and it just won't leave me in peace. This is going to be AU story, which has nothing to do with the events from the series. It will have few chapters, but not a lot.
Story summary: Elsie and Charles are having a love affair that nobody knows about. They are enjoying their happy moments, but sudden turn of events causes their separation...Will they be able to find each other again?
Legal note: Don't own any of DA characters. They belong to their creator, I'm just playing with them from time to time.
Downton Abbey, 1897
Elsie and Charles just passed each other in the hall, during busy work day and their hands touched gently, expressing all the deepness of love, that they felt for each other. It was just a brief moment, unnoticeable for anyone else but them and yet it gave them so much happiness and a strength to carry on with their daily tasks.
They were having a secret affair for almost six months now and as unexpected as it may seem, they managed to keep this information away from everyone else. It was very difficult in such big house as the Abbey, especially with the positions that they were having.
It was almost impossible for them to find a little time to be alone during the day, with everyone around, wanting something from them all the time, but somehow they did.
Ever since Elsie came back to work in the house, a year ago, from the first moment that she and Charles met, they sensed, that there was something really amazing between them. Their mutual attraction was magnetic. They were fascinated with each other on every possible level. Physically, intellectually, emotionally.
For Charles meeting Elsie was like a revelation. She was so extremely beautiful, that he just couldn't keep his eyes off her all the time. But it was not just a physical attraction. Her intelligence, her knowledge, her unique sense of humor, her attachment to hard work and discipline-the values that he appreciated so much, made her an ideal in his eyes and as soon as she started to work by his side, as his equal, he knew, he was sure, that this woman will be a central figure in his life.
For Elsie meeting Charles was a miracle. Never, in her whole life, she has met such an extraordinary man. So charismatic, evoking such respect in people. Not only she was attracted by his physical appearance-his manly look and deep, making her shiver voice, but everything he did or said, has met with her approval.
Even his bossy attitude, that she normally didn't like with other men, was completely different. Of course he was the head of the household, but he always valued her opinion and never treated her with superiority just because she was a woman, which was so common in those days for men.
As Elsie appeared at the Abbey, slowly and gradually they got closer and closer. Starting from many talks that they had, late at night, about different things, through sharing their secrets and most difficult experiences of their life, until the moment when they both decided, that just talks are not good enough for both of them anymore...
When they shared their first kiss, they were so shy, so uncertain, but at the same time, they both knew, that this was inevitable. Both of them wanted that...One thing led to another and one night, Charles visited Elsie in her bedroom, late at night and she let him stay till the morning...And that's how it went on from many months..Keeping this a secret, required a lot of different skills from both of them. It certainly wasn't easy and if they were caught by anyone, it could cause enormous scandal. They were both aware of that, but each of them had their own way for approaching this subject.
Charles's attitude was more towards the thought, that it wouldn't be so bad, because whoever would find out about it-meaning the lower staff, would not have enough courage to tell someone from the upstairs family, being afraid, that they might get sacked for spreading rumors. It was highely unlikely in his opinion, that someone who was his subordinate, would have enough courage to get him in hot water.
Elsie wasn't as certain as Charles. For her, such scandal would mean losing everything. Not only her job, but also her reputation. She would have to go back home, with no perspectives for the future. That was the reason why Elsie after a while, started to ask Charles about his intentions, to investigate whether he sees any future for them-as marriage.
Every time Charles ensured her, that she was the woman of his life and the only person, that he would want to create a family with, but being so much involved in his work, in the life of the Abbey, he still couldn't decide how to solve this situation. They had many talks about that...On this night, it was no different...
After they made love, Elsie was lying in his arms and watched, as he was playing with her hair, while she gently stroke his chest. The way Charles looked at her, convinced her, that he was really in love with her, but still she wanted more...
"Charles...Have you thought about what we talked recently? About our future, about how we can solve this situation...?"
Charles sighed heavily, because it was a difficult topic...On one hand, he wanted nothing more, than to make Elsie his wife and possibly the mother of his children, but from the other hand, he simply couldn't stand the thought of leaving the Abbey, leaving his whole life, his brilliant career that he achieved and starting a new path in life-in a job that he was sure he would hate...
"Elsie...Sweetheart..Of course that I have...Recently I'm not thinking about anything else...I know that what we have here and now is wonderful, but it's not fair to you...Because if someone would found out, you would be in trouble..."
"That's true...This is how this world goes...Women are always the one to be blamed...Charles, I don't want you to feel pressured by me in any way, but I would like to know, if I'm still important and valuable for you, even though I...Even though we...Are Intimate..."
"Elsie.. How can you even think that you are not?"-Charles kissed Elsie's hand and drew her closer to him..."My love you are my miracle...My everything... It's just that I have no idea how to solve this..If we want to get married, we will both have to leave service and the very thought of leaving the Abbey...It just...It breaks my heart..."
"I know that my treasure...I know...I would give everything that I have to spare you this problems...If there was any way...Oh Charles...Did we make a mistake when we...?"
"No Elsie...No...We haven't..What we have it's beyond words...I was never so happy in my entire life..I promise, that I will try to think of something...To solve this situation, so any of us wouldn't hurt..."
Elsie didn't answer...She just put her head on his chest and let him rock her gently in his arms, thinking, that what Charles was saying was not possible...There was no way to solve the situation without hurting someone-either the people from the Abbey or her...Falling asleep, Elsie managed to think yet, that she was really hoping, that Charles won't choose to hurt her...
Three months later...
Elsie was crying in her sitting room...She was crying like her world just ended...This morning, after breakfast, she received a letter from Argyll. Her aunt Freya, let her know, that her mother died and Elsie has to go back home, to bury her mother and to take care of her sister Becky. Aunt Freya was helping both of them after Elsie's departure, but because of her age, she was no longer able to do it..
Elsie was so saddened...Tears were flowing freely on her face, as she realized, that with that letter, her life has changed for good...There was no turning back...She had to abandon safe and organized life, that she has built for herself here, at the Abbey and go back to the place that she didn't really want to go back...
What was even worse, that news has not been the only radical change in her life...There was something else, that nobody besides her knew...Even Charles...Just few days ago, Elsie found out, from the local doctor, to which she went, concerned with strange health symptoms, that she was having for a longer time, that she was expecting a baby...
She still didn't find enough strength in herself to say that to Charles and now, before she could even deal with one problem, she had to face another one..
When she calmed herself a bit, enough to be able to think rationally, she thought, that maybe God was given her some kind of sign by what happened...Maybe all those things happened for a reason... After all, she couldn't live in a state of such suspension, as she was living during those last few months...
She decided, that in the evening, she will tell Charles about her situation with her sister and the fact, that she has to go back to live in Argyll and if he will decide to leave with her, she will tell him about the baby too..
She was sure, that he will not hesitate anymore, knowing her situation...However first, she had to deal with His Lordship and asked him to leave without notice...She was hoping that he will understand the situation...She couldn't wait, as she had to take care of her family.. The only family that she has left...
She asked His Lordship for a conversation and presented her current situation...She emphasized, that she has to leave right away, even tomorrow, if she can only catch a train.
To her relief, he was very understanding...He even offered Elsie an extra bonus to pay, telling her, that she has to have some kind of financial security, when she gets to Scotland and before she will find another job in there, to support herself and her sister.
Elsie was extremely grateful to him and she thanked him for all the wonderful cooperation, that they were having for more than a year...
However, in the evening, things didn't go so smoothly, as Elsie would want it to go...
"So what are you saying Charles? Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to go away with me?"
"It's not that Elsie...It's just that it's so sudden...You want to leave tomorrow and I would have to quit right away, to tell His Lordship the truth, to pack...It's not that easy...Can't you wait few more days?"
"No Charles, I can't..I want to attend my mother's funeral...I'm sure you can understand that..Besides, my little sister is all alone now...She is probably scared and needs to be taken care of immediately...I can't ask my aunt to do that...She has already done enough for me..."
"But Elsie, how am I suppose to do that? To arrange everything by tomorrow?"
"Simply Charles...By telling the truth and confessing to His Lordship, that you have chosen a different life...Charles...God is giving us a chance...Either we will take it, or not...Besides...There are other, important circumstances, that we should consider now..."
"I don't get it Elsie...What other circumstances? What are you trying to tell me...?"
"Charles...This isn't a time for that...I want you to make your decision, based on the certainty of wanting to be with me...This is the only thing that I care about now..."
"Elsie, you know that I want to be with you, so much...But my job, the Abbey...My whole life...I should leave all that?"
"I'm leaving all this life behind me too Charles..."
"But it's easier for you...You have only worked here for over a year, while I..."
"Charles...Please let's not talk more about that...I'm exhausted...I need to lie down and rest...I'm almost packed and I will be leaving in the morning..The decision whether you want to go with me or not, I'm leaving to you...If I will see you tomorrow, in the carriage, that is suppose to take me to the station, I will know, that you have decided to built your life with me..If not...Everything will be clear...I'm leaving before breakfast..."
Elsie left Charles's pantry, leaving him in a state of shock and the hardest decision that he had to make..
She was weighing in whether she should tell him about the baby, but she knew that if she did, he would go with her under pressure...Because he was responsible...Elsie wanted to be sure that Charles actually wants to be with her, not just because of the baby...
On the next morning, when the hall boy was helping Elsie to get her bags into the carriage, he was surprised, that Elsie was checking the back door all the time, like she was looking for someone...She delayed the deparature, until old Barnes, who rode a carriage, told Elsie, that if she won't hurry, she will miss her train...
Elsie knew that he was right...She looked in the direction of back door one more time, hoping to see her beloved man, running to start a new life with her, but unfortunately, she didn't...
So she got on the carriage, on this misty and rainy morning and she swallowed her tears... She was devastated as never before, because not only did she leave her secure world, the man that she loved more than anyone, although he apparently didn't feel the same way about her, but also she knew, that from now on, she will be all alone in this world, responsible for two lives-hers and Becky...And in few months, for three lives, as there was a new one, growing in her belly...Sobbing and shaking from cold and emotions, she placed her hand on her belly and whispered quietly, so no one besides her could hear:
"Its' all right my sweet baby...Daddy doesn't want us, but mummy loves you very much..."
That's all for this chapter...I hope I have intrigued you a bit at least...You are probably mad at Charles now and I can't blame you for that, but Elsie also didn't handle this situation very well...If you are wondering about what will happen next, you are more than welcome, to read next chapters...Please let me know what you think...Stay safe and take care of yourself and your families. See you soon!