This fic is part of a series! You can find a list of all the fics in the series with links in my profile.

Lois didn't think that her conversation with Superman would have any ramifications in her regular day-to-day life. She figured - and understandably, in her opinion - that he would keep his mouth shut about her maybe-crush on Clark Kent, and she wouldn't think about it any more than absolutely necessary.

Well, at least Superman held up his end of the bargain, as far as she knows. Her brain is failing miserably at holding up hers.

And that's definitely what Lois is going to blame for responding to her mother's usual "have you found a boyfriend yet?" question by telling her that she's actually seeing someone, and of course she'll bring him to her mom's birthday lunch this weekend! Yeah, Mom, you'll love him, he's great. Yeah, can't wait to see you too! I've got to go, definitely not because I need to go into the bathroom and scream, so bye!

(Lois doesn't go into the bathroom and scream, but it's a close thing.)

The natural thing to do, Lois knows, is to wait a few days and then tell her mother that she and her new boyfriend broke up. It'll get her some sympathy, and it might even keep her mom from mentioning boys too much through the visit. Yes, it's lying, but Lois has already lied to her mother, and short of admitting that, the only thing she can do is keep going with the lie somehow. It makes sense to fake a breakup.

Or…

"Clark, do you have any plans on Saturday?"

Clark looks up at Lois, looking vaguely befuddled. "Um, no?"

"You're sure? Nothing's going on?"

"Not that I can think of. Why?"

"Well…" Lois wheedles, "how would you feel about pretending to be my date at my mom's birthday lunch so she gets off my back about needing to find a boyfriend?"

Clark stares at her blankly. "What?"

"Okay, so long story short, I was on the phone with my mom, and she started talking about how I should find a boyfriend again, and I accidentally told her that I have one. And that he would come with me to her birthday lunch. Do you see the flaw in this plan?"

"…You don't actually have a boyfriend?"

"Exactly. Hence the need for a fake one."

"And you want me to be your fake boyfriend?" Clark asks. "Why?"

"Because you're my friend, and I can trust you," Lois says. She pointedly doesn't say, Because I have a crush on you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since I admitted it last month to Superman, of all people. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I can just tell my mom that my totally real boyfriend and I broke up. That would probably be easier, honestly, and I'd get some sympathy points for having my boyfriend dump me, but it'll also be a thing through the whole visit, which is why I came to you first."

"And…" Clark gestures between them. "This won't be a 'thing'?"

"This will be a nicer thing," Lois replies. "With way less of my mom thinking I'm destined to die alone, which is good. I wouldn't mind so much if she just thought it, but she talks about it too, and that gets annoying really fast."

"She tells you she thinks you're going to die alone?"

"Not in as many words, but the sentiment is definitely there."

"And you think things will be better if I'm there, pretending to be your boyfriend?"

"I absolutely can't blame you for how dubious you sound, but yes, I think they will."

Clark nods. "Then I'll do it."

"Wait, really?" Lois gapes at him. "You don't have to if you don't want to. All my mom's middle-aged friends will be there, and they'll all probably drink too much wine and start embarrassing themselves and everyone around them, and then there's my mom, and Lucy might show up, which is always a massive thing, and-" Lois stops herself. "How did I end up trying to convince you not to come?"

"I don't know," Clark admits, "but I'll still do it, if you want me to. I don't mind drunk middle-aged women. They always think I'm a nice young man. I can handle it."

"And you'll actually pretend to be my boyfriend so I get a break from my mom's nagging about needing to find one?"

Clark shrugs. "I don't have any other plans."

"You are a lifesaver," Lois tells him, flinging her arms around Clark's shoulders. "An absolute lifesaver."

Clark smiles his awkward little smile. "I do my best."

Lois pulls away, her brain whirring with fledgling plans. "Okay, so we'll need to make sure our stories match up, and I should definitely give you a primer on everyone who might be there so you'll be ready for whatever sort of craziness we run into, so… When are you free?"

"Uh, most days, honestly," Clark admits. "I don't go out much. When are you free?"

"Is today after work too soon?" Lois asks, checking the clock. It's half past four, so that's probably too soon, but it's also Wednesday, so they only have a few days to prepare. "I just have one more thing to finish up, then I'm done for the day."

"I'm free after work, no problem."

"We can get dinner and plan, then. Does pizza sound good? Or we can go to an actual restaurant, but my apartment is a little more private. We can get some other type of takeout if you want."

"Pizza sounds good. Should I meet you at your desk when I'm done for the day?"

"If it's not too much to ask. And trust me, I know this is a lot to ask, so if you want to back out-"

"I agreed to it," Clark interrupts. "I'll do it."

"Lifesaver," Lois repeats. "Okay, I'll let you work. Thank you again, really."

Clark smiles. "Of course, Lois."

Lois heads back to her desk and sits down in front of the article she's supposed to be editing. She should be working on it now. She should focus.

She is absolutely, completely unable to focus.

It's probably too late for Lois to decide that this whole thing was an awful idea and she should have just faked a breakup. She's already gotten Clark to agree to it, and it's not like she's wrong about how much easier this will be, at least for the lunch itself. Of course, they'll need to fake a breakup later, but Lois's mom doesn't need to be involved in it at all. They'll do it at a time when Lois isn't visiting her, and hopefully her mom will be over it by the next time Lois does. It'll probably end up becoming more "you're going to die alone!" ammunition, but Lois's mom tends to turn everything Lois does into that sort of ammunition, so that's not anything special. Lois can handle that.

What Lois may or may not be able to handle is pretending to date Clark Kent.

"Okay, Lane," she whispers to herself. "Focus. You can freak out about this later, but right now, you're at work, and you need to focus. Edit your article."

And so edit the article, Lois does, albeit more slowly than she probably usually would. She's just finishing up when Clark comes over, coat on and clearly ready to go.

"I'm almost done," she tells him, refusing to get distracted again. "I've just got to finish editing this last paragraph. Give me a minute."

It takes two, but Lois finishes triumphantly and shuts her laptop. "Okay. Are you ready to go?"

"I'm ready whenever you are," Clark agrees.

Lois gathers her stuff up quickly and pulls on her coat, then she heads out of the Daily Planet building with Clark at her heels. "My apartment is this way," she tells him, turning right. "It's not that far, so I usually walk. We can get a taxi if you want, though."

"I don't mind walking," Clark replies. "I normally walk home too."

"It's a little less pleasant when it's cold, but it's not too bad today. How cold does it get in Smallville?"

"It's about the same as here, but not quite as windy. You could come visit sometime, if you want. Maybe you could come for my mom's birthday."

"If you ever need a fake date to anything, I'm your girl," Lois agrees. "And since your mom seems to be a nice, normal woman, I bet her birthday would be nicer than my mom's."

"Do you and your mother not get along?" Clark asks tentatively.

Lois sighs deeply. "It's not that we don't get along, it's just… We're very different people. My parents got a divorce a few years back, and since I don't get along with my dad, I sort of ended up on my mom's side. And I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but we don't always get along either. I just get along with her better than I get along with my dad, which is a pretty low bar, to be honest. So I stuck with Mom, and Lucy stuck with Dad, and now family events are really, really tense."

"You said it might be a thing if Lucy shows up," Clark remembers.

"That's the nice way to put it. Basically, if Lucy shows up, then my mom's going to ask her questions about my dad, but just because she's hoping that she's doing better after the divorce than he is. The thing is, by all accounts, my dad is doing fine, and even if he weren't, Lucy wouldn't admit it, so then my mom's going to just start trying to one-up my dad, even though he's not even there to one-up in person, and who knows how long it'll go on for, so yeah, I'd say that probably counts as a 'thing.'"

"Yeah, probably," Clark agrees. "You and Lucy don't get along very well either, right?"

"Lucy hero-worships my dad, and I think he's a xenophobic jerk," Lois says. "I mean, there's more to it, but I think that's the basis."

"Huh." Clark looks like he's not quite sure what to say, which is entirely fair. That makes it very convenient that they've reached Lois's apartment building.

"I live here," Lois says, walking up to the door. Clark almost trips over himself as he scurries after her. Lois leads Clark down the hall and over to the stairwell. "Don't bother with the elevator," she adds over her shoulder. "It breaks at least once a week. It probably needs to be completely replaced or something, but the landlord hasn't gotten around to it yet."

"My apartment building doesn't even have an elevator," Clark says as he follows Lois up the stairs. "What floor are you on?"

"Fifth. But the stairs are a good workout. What about you, how many flights do you have to go up at your place?"

"I live on the seventh floor," Clark replies. Lois winces sympathetically. "No, but it's okay," Clark quickly adds. "I don't mind stairs."

"At least the elevator at the Daily Planet works," Lois says. "If that broke, we'd have a lot of stairs to go up."

Clark nods solemnly. "That would be a long trip."

They reach Lois's apartment before too long, and Lois unlocks her door to let Clark in. "It might be a bit of a mess," she warns as she slips off her shoes. "But I don't think there's any dirty laundry or anything, so it shouldn't be too bad."

"My apartment is always a mess too," Clark replies. "Don't worry about it."

Lois heads to the kitchen and turns on the kettle to boil water for tea, then she goes to the table and sweeps the mess of papers into a somewhat-tidy pile. "Do you want anything to drink?" she asks, pulling out a mug and putting a teabag in for herself. "I've got tea, or water, or milk, or juice, maybe? I think I've still got juice."

"Just water is fine," Clark says, hovering in the doorway.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

Lois pulls out a glass and fills it with water. "You can sit down," she tells Clark as she passes it to him. "I'm just waiting for my tea."

Clark sits down, very awkwardly. Somehow, he always manages to look both awkwardly big and awkwardly small. Lois doesn't know how he does it.

"Okay," she says, "so I've briefed you on the situation with me and my mom, but let me just give you a quick rundown on my mom's friends. They're middle-aged women, and they're almost all divorced, and they all simultaneously hate men and think that being single at my age is practically a war crime. I think they're more likely to love you than hate you, all things considered, but I can't promise anything. And they'll all definitely get drunk on wine and embarrass themselves and everyone else in the general vicinity."

"I can handle that," Clark assures her. "Like I said, middle-aged women always like me."

"I guess that makes sense," Lois says, eyeing Clark. "You've got that Midwestern charm, and you're absurdly polite, so those are both points in your favor. Yeah, you'll probably be okay with my mom's friends. Just tell me if anyone pinches your butt or something. That happened with one of my boyfriends a while back, and even though he said it had nothing to do with our breakup, it definitely had something to do with your breakup."

"I won't break up with you because one of your mom's friends pinches my butt," Clark promises, a bit of a smile on his face.

"Glad to hear it," Lois replies with a smile of her own. "So, I think that's everything about the lunch. Now we need to get our stories straight."

"Right. Our stories. What are our stories going to be?"

"Well, we should stick to the truth as much as possible. So… We met at work, because we're both reporters at the Daily Planet."

"We had a bit of a rivalry at first, but then we became friends."

"I mean, it wasn't really a rivalry. More like… friendly competition. And then we became friends, and then… How long have we been dating?"

"When was the last time you spoke to your mom? Before this, I mean. When did you last tell her you weren't seeing anyone?"

Lois knows exactly when she last told her mom that, because it was the same day that she spoke with Superman about her feelings regarding Clark Kent. "A little under a month ago."

"So, maybe we started dating a few weeks ago?" Clark suggests. "After you told your mom you were single, but long enough that it makes sense for me to come for her birthday."

"I think any time at all would be long enough in my mom's book, but I see what you're saying. Three weeks, then? Approximately."

"Three weeks," Clark agrees. "How did we start dating?"

"You asked me-" Lois begins, then she shakes her head. "No, I don't feel like you're the type to make the first move, are you?"

"Not really," Clark admits.

"So… We were working on an assignment together. We were hanging out at my place, and we had pizza, and then…"

Clark is watching Lois very intently. "And then what?"

Lois swallows. "And then I kissed you, we realized we both had feelings for each other, and we lived happily ever after. For the next three weeks, at least. Does that work?"

"That works," Clark agrees. "It's close enough to reality that we should be able to remember it."

Lois nods. "By the way, do you want to order pizza now?"

"You don't have to," Clark says quickly. "I can just go, if you want. We've got everything figured out, don't we?"

"We might as well hang out a while longer, just in case either of us think of anything else to add. And we can share facts about ourselves, the sort of stuff a partner would know." Lois tries to sound like she actually believes what she's saying and not just like she wants to spend more time with Clark and is trying to make up an excuse to do so. "Unless you want to go, cause if you do-"

"No, I'm okay," Clark cuts in quickly. "I don't have anything else to do tonight."

"No hot date?"

"You're the hottest date I've got," Clark replies, then his eyes go wide and he quickly corrects, "No, that's not what I meant, that's not-"

"It's okay," Lois says, doing her best not to laugh. "I get it."

Clark looks like he'd like to melt through the floor. "Maybe you should ask someone who's not so embarrassing to be your fake boyfriend."

"You'll do just fine," Lois assures him. "You're charming."

"I'll try not to be too embarrassing."

"You'll be fine. Honestly, I've brought some really embarrassing boyfriends home, so you won't be that bad, no matter what."

"What sort of embarrassing boyfriends?"

"Oh, no," Lois says immediately, shaking her head. "Only a real boyfriend gets that sort of information, and only after a lot of dating. Honestly, whether or not a real boyfriend gets that information at all is up for debate. I'd also be completely okay with that information dying with me." She looks over at Clark. "What about you? Any embarrassing girlfriends?"

"Not really," Clark replies. "I haven't had that many girlfriends, honestly, and none of them have really been that embarrassing. Most of them didn't last that long either."

Lois eyes him. "See, you're both the kind of guy where it makes sense that you haven't had a lot of girlfriends, cause you don't seem like you have the confidence to date- No offense."

"None taken."

"But also, it seems like you should have had a lot of girlfriends, cause you're a really good guy and more girls should be jumping on that."

Clark looks vaguely bemused. "You think girls should be jumping to date me?"

"Well, maybe jumping is an exaggeration, but I bet you would be a great boyfriend. I'm just surprised there aren't more girls who've noticed that."

"You think I'd be a great boyfriend?"

"No fishing for compliments here," Lois tells him sternly. "I said what I said. I'm not going to say it again."

"I'm just surprised you said it at all," Clark admits. "I don't really think of myself as prime boyfriend material."

"Hey, I never said prime boyfriend material, I just said you'd be a great boyfriend. Probably. I don't even know if I'm right."

"I'd do my best. I'd want to be a good boyfriend."

"Surprisingly enough, that sets you apart from a lot of guys out there," Lois says. "So that's one point in your favor, at least."

"Really?"

Lois nods. "Really. By the way, what type of pizza do you want?"

"I'm okay with anything," Clark says. "What do you want?"

"I want my own pizza," Lois says. "You can pick what you want for yours. Do whatever you want, but pick it now so I can place the order."

"Uh… Veggie?"

Lois nods, grabbing her phone. "Give me a second."

Clark obediently waits while Lois places the pizza order, spelling out her address for the delivery person. "Alright," she says after she hangs up, "the pizza should be here in twenty minutes or so. Are you sure you don't want anything more than water to drink?"

"Water is fine," Clark assures her.

"If you're sure," Lois says, trying not to sound too dubious. "Oh, I might have a bottle of wine too, if you'd like that. What's your favorite wine?"

"Uh, I don't drink enough wine to have one. Why?"

Lois shrugs. "This is the sort of stuff a partner should know, isn't it? I'm a Pinot Noir girl myself, but I'm not that picky. Now it's your turn to ask me a question."

Clark stares at her blankly. "Uh… What's your favorite food?"

"Hmm. Are desserts included?"

"Sure?"

"Then chocolate," Lois says definitively. "I would eat nothing but chocolate until it killed me if it wouldn't, you know, kill me pretty fast. If we're not including desserts, though, I'd say my favorite food is probably… Huh, that's actually a tough one. I'm gonna have to go with… strawberries. What about you?"

"My favorite dessert is my ma's rhubarb pie," Clark says, which is so wholesomely American that it makes Lois want to puke a little bit. At least it wasn't apple pie. That would be too much of a cliché even for Clark Kent. "And my favorite non-dessert food is beef bourguignon."

"Huh," Lois says, raising her eyebrows. "I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that."

Clark shrugs. "My ma makes a really good beef bourguignon. It's a family recipe, I think."

"I'm not sure I've ever had beef bourguignon," Lois admits. "I'll have to take your word for it when you say it's good."

"You can have it when you come visit Smallville."

"Sounds like a deal. It's my turn to ask a question now, right? Uh… What's your favorite book?"

"To Kill A Mockingbird," Clark replies promptly. "Has been since we read it in high school."

"Ooh, that's a good one," Lois agrees. "It's definitely one of my favorites too."

"What's your number one favorite?"

"I… don't know. There are too many books out there! I can't pick a favorite."

"That's fair. Uh, can I tweak the question a little without it counting as a new question?"

"Sure, why not. It's not like we have real rules for this."

"What's the best book you read recently?"

"Probably President Marsdin's memoir about her first campaign," Lois decides. "Have you read it? It's amazing."

"I haven't read it," Clark admits. "I'm guessing you think I should?"

"Absolutely. It's really, really good. She describes breaking into politics so well, and her writing is surprisingly good, considering she's not a writer herself."

Clark nods. "I'll check it out."

"Want to borrow my copy?" Lois asks. "It's lying around somewhere."

"Is that something a couple would do?" Clark asks. "Loaning each other books?"

"Most of my boyfriends don't get to the book-loaning phase," Lois says. She's only partially teasing. "I hope you understand the honor you've been given."

"I understand," Clark says, and something about the way he says it is just a little bit too serious. Lois does her best not to flounder.

"What else should we talk about before the pizza gets here? What else would a couple know about each other?"

Clark shrugs. "Favorite movie?"

That seems like safer territory. Lois takes a moment to think about it, then she grins.

"Okay, I'm not saying it's my favorite, but have you ever seen Miss Congeniality?"