"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
Alex Davis was looking through the door of a cheap motel room. Inside was a camera on a tripod, a ratty looking bed, and on it, two skimpy swimsuits.
She shot a look at her brother, who was trying his best to look innocent.
"I have a very distinct feeling as to what you dragged me and Corey all the way out here for."
"Mmmaybe."
She buried her face in her palm, took a moment to breathe, and glared at Ash. "Why?"
"Uh, um, money of course! Amateur adult films are selling like hot cakes nowadays. You do this and Mark and I will never bug you two for money to buy guns ever again." He put on the best grin he could. "Trust me."
Alex's glare intensified to a level she usually reserved for those who managed to gum up her chainsaw with their entrails.
"Fine. But the next time I buy weed from a sketchy dealer, you're going to pick it up. Alone."
"I will," he said, putting his hand over his chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"You think I should flex a little? Some people are into that."
"If I didn't know you any better, Alex, I would say you're starting to get into it."
"Shut up, Corey."
Corey shrugged and fished her mask out of her jacket pocket. "Masks or no masks?"
"No masks, of course! How are we going to scare the shit out of the scum of Miami if they're immediately reminded of the crap they beat off to last night?"
"Fine, suit yourself." She stuffed the mask back into her jacket and tossed it onto the floor of the bathroom. "Ready when you are."
"Give me a moment, will you? I think my idiot brother forgot that I'm a bit larger than most women."
Eventually, both of them finished changing and returned to the bedroom, where Ash was waiting with the camera.
"Ready, girls? You both look smashing."
"Fuck you."
"Thanks. Anyways, I've already got a plot all laid out in my head, so just hop onto the bed and do as I say."
Corey gently caressed Alex's well-built stomach, receiving a hand rubbing along her back in response. Their bosoms sensually squished into each other, exciting the both of them even more. Eventually, Corey couldn't bear the sexual tension any more. She reached back and undid-
"Ash!"
"What?"
"Will you stop narrating everything out loud? I don't know about you, but for me that's the biggest fucking libido killer that could ever exist. Do you not know how porn works?"
"I was?"
"I could hear your muttering all the way from here!"
Ash rolled back the tape on his camera and watched the recording. Indeed, he had been muttering loud enough for the camera to pick up the whole time. Frustrated, he removed the tape and inserted a new one.
"Okay, fine! Let's start over. No muttering this time."
The recording began again, but before the three could get to anything exciting…
*RING RING*
"What the fuck?"
Ash paused the recording and everyone began looking all over for the source of the ringing. Eventually they found it: a small, brightly coloured, oddly familiar telephone.
"Wait, isn't that one of the phones we had at the bar?" Corey asked.
"Yeah," said Ash. "I took it with me in case anyone needed anything while we were recording. Frankly I nearly forgot it was there." He shrugged. "Well, gotta stay vigilant after all."
"Well answer it! That ringing's getting on my goddamn nerves," said Alex.
Ash obliged. "Hello?"
"Hi! My name's Evan Wright, and I'm writing a book about the Masked Maniac murders that happened two years ago."
"Okay…what does that have to do with us?"
"According to my sources, you were part of D Company fighting alongside him in Hawaii. Do you know anything about him and his service there? Any information can be helpful!"
"Uh, sorry, I don't know much. He and his unit were very well hidden and we hardly ever saw them. Saved our butts a few times though."
"Well, that's still useful to me. A combatant as efficient as he would have had no trouble doing the things he gained notoriety for. Thanks, and sorry for troubling you!"
*CLICK*
Ash looked down at the phone handset for a brief moment before putting it back.
"Well, that was weird."
"Who was it?"
"I think it was the writer guy Alex and I ran into when we were protesting the Masked Maniac's trial. Anyways, let's get back to-"
*RING RING*
Ash's face fell. "Again?" He picked up the phone once more.
"Hello, number neighbor!"
"The fuck's a 'number neighbor'?"
"Our phone numbers are only a digit apart! That makes us number neighbours! Anyways, how are you doing, man?"
"I was busy and you interrupted me. How about that?"
"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that ma-"
*CLICK*
"What a fucking idiot. Well, back to-"
*RING RING*
"Are you fucking serious?"
Increasingly exasperated, Ash picked up the phone yet again.
"What?"
"Hello, mister! Life is dangerous out there. Thankfully, our life insurance policies have your back, ensuring that your loved ones will have an easier time recovering from your loss! For a monthly fee of only-"
*SLAM*
"A telemarketer! A motherfucking telemarketer! Jesus Christ, why did I decide to bring the phone all the way out here? It's nothing but a distraction!"
He looked back at Alex and Corey. The latter was sitting there with an expression of mild amusement on her face, while the former was trying her best to not laugh at her brother's misfortune.
A few deep breaths later, Ash managed to calm down. "Alright. Nothing more? Good. Let's just finish recording and get out of here. I'm already sick of this pla-"
*RING RING*
"OH MY GOD, IS THIS BULLSHIT EVER GOING TO FUCKING END?"
He brought the receiver up to his face in a fury.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"
"Ashley Brandon Davis! Is that any way to speak to your mother?"
"Oh. Hi, Mom."
A dam broke inside Alex, and her barely-restrained giggling turned to outright laughter.
"All I wanted to do was talk to my favorite son, and you have the gall to curse at me!"
"Mom, I-"
"We haven't talked in months! And frankly, with you using language like that, I'm starting to think you hate me!"
"Look Mom, I'm sor-"
"I was so worried about you, too! You just were never the same after you came back from the war."
"Mom. I'm sorry. Okay?"
"Fine. Apology accepted. But there's never place for language like that, you hear?"
Ash would've groaned if he could. Not this spiel about swearing again. If she saw how he and his friends talked normally, she would probably have a stroke-doubly so if she met Tony.
"Yeah, yeah. Look, I'd love to talk, but I'm in the middle of something right now. I'm, uh, hanging out. With Alex."
"Oh, really? I thought the two of you didn't really talk to each other a lot ever since you moved out of her house."
"What? No, we still see each other a lot. We'll talk to you together later, how about that?"
"Okay, Ash. But don't take too long, okay? Mommy misses both of you a lot."
"Yeah, OK. Bye." Ash put the phone down and shot the still-laughing Alex a look. "What's so fucking funny?"
"Ohhh. Aw man. Looks like you won't be getting the 'favorite child' title for a decent while, Ash."
"Yeah, fuck you too." He reached behind the phone and disconnected it from the landline. "There. No more distractions."
"Oh boy. I can't wait to awkwardly grope Alex on camera again."
"Yeah. Let's just get this over with."
"Why?" Alex said smugly. "Is it awkward watching your sister make out with another woman?"
"What? No." Ash's face flushed. "I borrowed this camera from Dean. He's expecting it back tomorrow. Hence our need to hurry up."
"Uh huh. Remember, this was your idea." She made her best come-hither gesture at Corey. "C'mon, sweetie."
"You really are getting into this, aren't you Alex?" responded Corey.
"What? No. I'm just teasing Ash," Alex said unconvincingly.
"Sure you are."
*SCREECH*
*BANG*
"Uh, was that gunfire?"
*BANG*
"I think that was gunfire."
"Dammit, and we were just getting to the fun bit!"
Ash stopped the recording and ran to the window. Through a small gap in the blinds, he saw several motorcycles propped up outside the motel and several men going from door to door. Most of them were armed with pipes and chains, but one of them had a gun.
"Knowing your typical idea of 'fun', Alex, I'm glad we never got to the fun bit," Corey said.
"Ash, what is it?"
"A couple of bikers just showed up. One of them just opened a door and they're yelling something to the guy inside-"
*BANG*
"Oh, they just shot him."
Everyone was silent for a brief moment as they processed just how much trouble they were in.
"Fuck," Ash said. "I left my pistol in the van."
Alex leapt off the bed and pulled her backpack out from underneath it. "I've got a little something. Corey, go to the door and distract them. Ash…" She gave him a sardonic look. "Go hide or something. I know just how much you suck at hand to hand."
"Fuck off," he responded. Still, he crouched behind the dresser, grabbing an empty bottle to defend himself with.
Corey went to the door, blocking Alex from view, and put on her most innocent face. The door burst open, revealing a large, bald, brutish-looking man carrying a shotgun.
"And what do we have here?" he said. "A hooker den or somethin'?"
"Sir, please! Don't kill us! We'll give you anything you want, just don't kill us!" Corey cringed internally at the act she was putting on, but she stuck with it.
"Anythin' I want, huh?" He laughed. "Well, after a long night of killin', I do feel like blowin' off some steam, and a pretty face like yours is just what I need."
"W-wait. Surely you don't mean…"
"That's exactly what I want, doll. Get on that bed behind ya and let's have some fun."
"I…I thought you wanted money or something…"
"I told you exactly what I wanted. Now, you can get on the bed and experience my good side, or you can-"
"Corey! Move!"
The biker, realizing that he had been duped, pulled the trigger on his shotgun, only to watch Corey as she expertly rolled underneath the spray of pellets. The buckshot struck the camera on the tripod, blowing it to pieces.
The next thing he knew, there was a power drill sailing through the air directly into his face, knocking him down from the impact. He tried to get up, but before he could, a swan-masked figure jumped over the bed and crouched down on top of him, clutching the power drill in its hand.
Alex's face morphed into a predatory grin as she turned the drill on and drove the spinning bit into the helpless biker's skull. Oh, she loved this. The whining of the motor, the screams of the man, the blood and pulverised brain matter spraying everywhere. She wished she could feel like this all the time.
In the midst of her bloodlust, she could barely see the other biker charging towards her, pipe in hand, eager to avenge his friend.
He never got a chance.
The business end of a wrecked tripod smashed into his face, knocking out several teeth and leaving him lying spreadeagled on the ground. Two hands clasped the sides of his face and twisted violently.
*SNAP*
Corey let go of the now-dead biker and picked up his pipe. A much sturdier and less unwieldy weapon, she thought to herself. But before she went anywhere, she ran back into the bathroom, quickly threw her jacket back on, and pulled on her mask. She was going to need it.
Alex got up, her hands, mask, and swimsuit now covered in sprays of blood. "Ash! Come on! Let's go clear these assholes out. Then we can put some frigging clothes on and get out of here."
Slowly, Ash got up from behind the dresser and took a look at the destroyed camera. He drove his face into his palm. Dean was never going to forgive him for this. But this was no time to be thinking up an effective way to apologize.
He fished his mask out of Alex's backpack, pulled it on, grabbed the dead biker's shotgun, and followed the sounds of screaming and motors.
It was going to be another one of those days.