THE LIFE OF A COLONIAL MARINE KID IN HARRY POTTER UNIVERSE
MY NAME IS REBEL AND MY AUNTS AND UNCLES WERE THE BEST OF THE BEST MY FAMILY AND I WE ARE COLONIAL MARINES WE WERE ENJOYING SOME FOOD AND ALL OF A SUDDEN A BANG WAS HEARD MY UNCLE HICKS AND I PICKED UP OUR M141A PULSE RIFLES I SAID XENOS I HEARD A HOOT IS THAT A OWL? HICKS SAID WHO ARE YOU? I AM ALBUS DUMBLEDORE AND THIS IS MY FRIEND HAGRID PLEASE LOWER YOUR WEAPONS I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO THIS YOUNG LAD I LOWERED MY RIFLE AND SAID WHY DID YOU BOARD THE SULACO I AM WONDERING WILL YOU BE PART OF THE SCHOOL PROGRAM THE HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY I CAN MAKE THINGS MOVE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM I CAN TRAIN CREATURES TO DO MY BIDDING I WAS SITTING WITH DRAKE AND HUDSON I SAID I CAN'T READ MY AUNT JENNETTE TOOK THE LETTER AND SAID ''DEAR WEEMS WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY WE WILL ACCEPT YOUR OWL BY SEPTEMBER 18 PLEASE NOTE FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A BROOM'' THAT'S BULLSHIT JENNETTE SAID I WAS TALKING TO BISHOP ''I JUST DON'T TRUST THIS GUY'' YES BISHOP SAID WHAT'S THE CHEMICAL BONDING OF WATER H2O HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN I SAID HE SAID YOU ARE SMARTER THAN ME HE SAW ME WROTE DOWN TO A MISS HEATHER LILITH POTTER HE READ THE LETTER IT WAS A LOVE LETTER I HAD A WOLF EMBLEM BISHOP SAID WHO ARE YOU WRITING TO? I SAID MY OLD GIRLFRIEND WHO MY AGE BY NOW I SAID BISHOP SAID ITS OK IF APONE READS THIS HE SAID YOU FALLEN HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A GIRL YES I TOLD HIM I HAVE BEEN SENDING LETTERS TO THE COUNTRY SHE LIVES IN I TOLD HIM I MISS HER APONE SAID ''WHERE DOES SHE LIVE?" ITS A MANSION IN THE WOODS I WILL GO WITH HICKS HE AND DRAKE AND JEANNETTE WILL BE MY BACKUP UNIT THEY LANDED INTO A PATCH OF FOREST I SAID WEAPONS LIVE I WAS CAUGHT IN A SNARE TRAP IT WAS HOLDING ME UP BY THE ANKLE HICKS SAID DON'T MOVE NEPHEW I WILL SHOOT YOU DOWN I SAID NICE CATCH UNCLE HICKS I SAID HEATHER ARE YOU HERE I OPENED THE DOOR SHE POPS OUT AND SAID REBEL IS THAT YOU I SAID HELLO SWEETHEART SHE RAN AND HUGGED ME I TOLD HER ITS OK I AM ALIVE SHE SAW A SCAR ON MY FACE FROM A XENOMORPH HICKS SAID SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND A WEREWOLF YES I AM A WEREWOLF SHE AND I ARE CLOSE TO WIFE AND HUSBAND I TOLD HER WANT TO MEET THE WOLF XENOPACK SHE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT THE GUN I WAS HANDLING IT WAS MY GUN WHICH WAS A M41A1 PULSE RIFLE COLOR BLUE WITH ACID BURN MARKS WITH THE SIGNIA WITH CROSSBONES AND A XENO SKULL THIS IS XENOGENOCIDE WHICH SAVED ME FROM A FACEHUGGER I TOLD THEM I FOUGHT A XENOMORPH QUEEN AND I HAVE HER SKULL IN MY ROOM AND I WAS BRANDED BY A PREDATOR AS A HONORARY MEMBER OF THE CLAN OF SNAPBONE THE SULACO WAS BEING PREPPED FOR MY ARRIVAL I SAID WE ARE GOING TO DIAGON ALLEY THE GROUP WAS LEAD BY ME I SAID I AM GOING TO TYPE IN THE PASSWORD I SAID OPEN THE CLAW LIKE MECHANISME STABBED ME IN THE HAND AND SCANNED AND SAID WELCOME BACK LORD WEEMS GRAYBACK HICKS SAW THE AREA AND SAID WOW YOU PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF STORES AND WANDS BUT WHERE ARE THE GUNS I SAID I AM HERE FOR MY SCHOOL SUPPLIES THE MAN SAID OK CAN I SEE YOUR GRINGOTTS KEY OH OF COURSE I SAID DID I DROP IT SON OF A BITCH! JEANNETTE SAID HERE IT IS AUNT VASQUEZ WHERE WAS MY KEY IT WAS IN MY POCKET DRAKE SAID I NEEDED TO PICKPOCKET YOU SO YOU DID NOT NEEDED TO WASTE ALL OF YOUR MONEY OK I WAS SAYING THIS IS MY VAULT YES THE GOBLIN SAID I SAW 2. 167 MILLION GOLD GALLEONS AND 45.32 MILLION SILVER SICKLES AND 43.55 MILLION BRONZE KNuTS I ASKED CAN YOU HEX MY BULLETS TO DO MAX DAMAGE IF NEEDED THE MAN IN BORGIN AND BURKES SAID YES I CAN HEX YOUR AMMUNITION ITS OF COURSE FREE FOR YOUR KIND THE MAN SAID GRAYBACK WEEMS JR HE SAID YES THIS IS A INTERESTING GUN I HAVE NOT SEEN ONE LIKE THIS HE POPS THE AMMUNITION CLIP AND SAID THIS IS THE CALIBER YES I WANT IT TO STUN ENEMIES AND NEUTRALIZE THEM IF NEEDED THE TRIGGER HAS BEEN CHANGED TO A HOLD AND SPRAY TEST IT OUT ON THAT CAPTURED VAMPIRE I SAID THIS HAS FLASH BANG TIPS AND THE VAMPIRE DISINTEGRATED I SAID THAT WILL GIVE VOLDEMORT A RUN FOR HIS MONEY THE MAN SAID THANK YOU THIS IS FREE HE PASSES ME A BRIEFCASE FULL OF GALLIONS THIS IS FOR YOU MY GOOD MAN I ASKED THE CONDUCTOR TO PLACE ME AND HEATHER IN A VIP BOOTH YES THE CONDUCTOR SAID ITS FREE FOR WEREWOLVES HEATHER SAID YOU GOT US A PRIVATE BOOTH YES SWEETHEART MY UNCLES WERE SAYING GOOD LUCK LITTLE NEPHEW AND WE ARE GOING TO MISS YOU THE AUNTS SAID WE LOVE YOU WE WILL MISS YOU I WAS SITTING DOWN YOU WANT A BLUNT I WAS SMOKING ONE AND SAID THIS IS GOOD SHIT I TOLD HER I SMUGGLED A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN MY CASE THIS IS MY UNCLE HICKS FAVORITE ONE I POPPED OFF THE CAP AND SAID A TOAST TO MY GOOD LIFE SHE SMELLED IT ITS GOOD I TOLD HER I SAID I LOVE HER I MANAGED TO SAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHE SAID I AM GIVING YOU A BLOWJOB SHE SAID I LOVE YOU SHE MOANS AND I EJACULATED AND SAID ARE YOU OK SHE LAPS UP MY SEED AND I WANT YOU INSIDE ME SHE SAID SHE MOANS AS I SAID CRAP I AM GOING TO CUM SHE SAID SHOOT IT IN ME SHE SAID I LOVE YOU I SAID WE WILL BE IN GRYFFINDOR TOGETHER I SAID I WANT TO BE IN GRYFFINDOR TO THE HAT YES HE SAID GRYFFINDOR WE WERE YOUNG LOVERS OUR SOULS WERE INTERTWINED BY LOVE I SAID SEE YOU AROUND I WALKED OUT AFTER A MEAL I SAID HEY FILCH HE SAID WEEMS HOW YOU HAVE BEEN THE CAT JUMPED AS I SAT DOWN I TOLD HER DOWN SHE WANTS TO SNIFF YOU SHE SAID HELLO I SAID I AM A CAT PERSON TO HE SAID I LIKE YOU WEEMS HE SAID YOU HAVE IMMUNITY FROM LEAVING YOUR BEDS AT NIGHT AND POTTER HAS AS WELL TOO I SAID HEY SWEET HEART SHE SAW THE PACKAGE I HAD IN MY HAND ITS A RADIO FOR AIRSTRIKE PRACTICE THIS WILL WORK I SAID LAUNCH MISSLES AND SEND A CAR TO MY LOCATION A DROP SHIP WHIZZED OVER HEAD I SAID DROP IT NOW THE HUMVEE DROPPED I GOT IN HEATHER WAS IN THE GUNNER SEAT I SAID WATCH FOR THE MISSILES THESE SHE SAW Missiles PUNCTURE THE SHIELDS AND WERE SPEEDING TOWARDS US SHE SHOT FOUR AND THE LAST ONE WINGED US AND IT EXPLODES AND KNOCKED THE HUMVEE UNTO ITS SIDE I SAID GET OUT ITS GOING TO BLOW I SAW THE HUMVEE EXPLODE I SAID THAT WAS FUN SHE SAW ME BLEEDING I SAID WOW THAT HURTS I FELT A PIECE OF SHRAPNEL GOT ME IN THE LEG SHE SAW ME COLLAPSE AND SAID HAGRID ARE YOU THERE YES WHATS THE MATTER HEATHER MY HUSBAND IS HURT I SAID SOMEONE YANK THAT PIECE OF METAL DRACO YANKED IT OUT I SAID SON OF A FUCKING BITCH THAT HURTS I WAS IN THE MED BAY OF THE SULACO I WAS FLOATING IN A VAT OF BACTA I WAS SLEEPING HE'S DOING WELL HEATHER WAS SITTING IN MY QUARTERS AND SHE HEARD WAYLAND YUTANI TROOPERS WALK IN THERE THE BOY IS HE ALIVE HE IS WAYLAmD HELD ME IN GUN POINT LET OUR NEPHEW GO HICKS PUNCHES ONE TROOPER AND GUNNED THE OTHER DOWN AND SAID YOU OK NEPHEW THEY BEATEN ME UP REAL GOOD HEATHER SAW A EGG I MANAGED TO SHOOT THE THING BEFORE IT HATCHED I SAID THEY TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A FACEHUGGER I SAW ONE I SAID NOT HEATHER I SAID COME AND GET ME THE FACE HUGGER LUNGED AT ME I MANAGED TO CUT IT IN HALF MY BLADE WAS A YAUTJA SHERIKAN I SAID NO ONE TRIES TO KILL ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT I GRABBED HOLD OF WAYLAND AND SAID THIS IS FOR ME I OPENED MY MOUTH A XENOMORPH LIKE TOUNGE BOLTS THROUGH THE MANS SKULL HIS BRAIN WAS SPLATTERED ON THE WALL I SAID SORRY YOU GUYS HAD TO SEE THAT HEATHER THREW UP I SAID ITS OK I DON'T HURT THE ONES I LOVE I SHOW HER THE LOCATION OF THE DROP SHIP TO EARTH I WAS RIDING IN THE DROP SHIP THE SCHOOL STAFF WERE WORRIED ABOUT THE EXPLOSION I WAS OK I TOLD THEM TO LOWER THE CHARMS ITS ABOUT TIME WE SHOW THIS PLACE TO THE COLONIAL MARINES THE TEACHERS SAID LOWER THE SPELL I SAID THIS IS PERSONAL FOR VOLDEMORT I SAID DESTROY THE HORCRUXES THE TROOPERS DESTROYED THE HORCRUXES INCLUDED ME WITH HEATHER WE HAD THE RESURRECTION STONE WITH US SPLIT INTO TWO PIECES WE SAID WE ARE READY TO DIE WE TOLD HIM AVADA KEDAVRA THE SPELL HITS THE TWO OF US IT REVEALS MY TRUE SIDE I WAS THE GRIM REAPER WHO WAS SENT BY GOD AND THE DEVIL TO KILL VOLDEMORT I SMILES AND SAID YOU ARE GOING TO HELL WITH ME I GRABBED HIM BY THE THROAT AND STABBED HIM WITH MY SCYTHE I SAID LONG LIVE THE CHOSEN ONES HE WAS GRABBED AND YANKED BY A DEMON WHO DREW HIM TO THE GROUND DEATH WALKS OVER TO US AND SAID GET UP YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS HE DISAPPEARED AND WE WOKE UP AND HICKS SAW ME AND SAID YOU 2 WERE DEAD 4 MINUTES AGO WHAT HAPPENED? THE HORCRUXES THEY TOOK THE KILLING CURSE FOR BOTH OF US. WHAT'S A HORCRUX HICKS AND HUDSON SAID TOGETHER I SAID IT'S A PART OF SOMEONES SOUL VOLDEMORT MARKED US WITH THESE SCARS BECAUSE HE KILLED BOTH OF OUR PARENTS I WAS TAKEN IN BY YOU GUYS AND HEATHER WAS RAISED BY WOLVES I REVERTED BACK TO MY WOLF FORM AND SAID GOODBYE UNCLES AND AUNTS ME AND HEATHER RAN AND SAID WE CAN START US A PACK IN AMERICA AND THIS WILL BE OUR TURF THE COLONIAL MARINES WERE CRYING FOR ME TO COME BACK I WAS CHOPPING WOOD I SAW THE SULACO IN ORBIT BEING SHOT AT BY WEYLAND YUTANI WARSHIPS I SAW ONE GO DOWN THAT WAS THE SEPHORA THE PRIDE AND JOY OF THE COLONIAL MARINES 4 MEN WITH WEYLAND YUTANI MERC UNIFORMS SAID ON THE GROUND I SHOT 3 OF THEM I SAID SEND A MESSAGE TO THE COLONIAL MARINES AND WAYLAND I WILL NOT SERVE ANOTHER HUNT FOR XENOMORPHS HEATHER WAS PREGNANT WITH MY PUPS I SAW DROP SHIPS WITH MY COMPANY'S COLORS HICKS SAID COME BACK TO THE COLONIAL MARINES I SAID YES I WILL BE BACK HOME IN 4 MONTHS I WAS FIGHTING THE XENOS AND SAID LONG LIVE THE UNITED STATES COLONIAL MARINES I WAS SENT HOME I SAW MY LITTLE PUPS I SAID HELLO I AM YOUR DAD THESE ARE YOUR AUNTS AND UNCLES MY SON COOS I SAID I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE I WILL BE BACK I SAW WAYLAND AND 6 MERCENARIES WITH M41A1 PULSE RIFLES AND SHOTGUNS AND FLAMETHROWERS I SAID YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE HERE WAYLAND SAID "WEEMS LETS NOT SHED BLOOD I HAVE CAME HERE TO SURRENDER" AND WE LOST THE WAR. I SAW A TREATY IN FRONT OF HIM THE MERCENARIES HAVE LOWERED THEIR WEAPONS AND SAID LONG LIVE THE COLONIAL MARINES I SIGNED THE PAPER AND MY AUNTS AND UNCLES AND FRIENDS AND LEADERS WE SAID LONG LIVE THE PEACE BETWEEN THE COMPANY WE NOW NUKE LV 426 AND THE WAR WAS DONE WE STOOD AND SHOOK OUR HANDS AND SAID WE WILL NEVER WILL LIFT A GUN AGAINST THE COMPANY'S ORDERS HE SAID WEEMS YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD LATELY I SAID OK WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SEE THE XENOMORPHS WERE NUKED I SAW A QUEEN FACEHUGGER EGG I SAID IT'S STILL ALIVE I WAS PART XENO I SAW THE EGG HATCH IT SAID MOMMA I SAID IT'S OKAY LITTLE THING IT BONDED WITH ME LIKE A FATHER AND SON I SAID IT'S THE LAST EGG I SAID I AM SORRY I KILLED IT THE ACID BLOOD LEAKS OFF OF ME AND MELTED INTO A HOLE I SAID AM SO SORRY I WALKED OFF HE SHOT ME IN THE LEG I FELT IT I SAID HEY WHAT THE HELL