"The hell? Is someone using the dragon balls?"
You ask Aku who replies "No, I'm not using them."
"I thought they were for everyone!" Aku says
"Well they're not and wait, you're Aku!"
"I'm not everyone, and you're thinking in terms of the limitations of the human mind. There are infinite realities. The dragon balls are but a doorway."
"They're mystical orbs that grant wishes."
They're physical gates to other realities.
"But if you can create your own reality, why do the dragon balls exist at all?"
"That's the thing, we can't."
They do exist to prevent mass destruction. If all realities had gates, it would be chaotic and hopeless. They are like the sky in some ways.
"But what if someone wanted to destroy our reality?"
"We'd fight them?"
You'd attempt to stall, and hope for the best. Destroying a reality would be like destroying a universe, which there is no hope of stopping. Most people are content with that not being their problem.
"But if dragon balls exist, that means Goku does and since that guy can benchpress a planet and fight gods? It stands to reason that we can fight to prevent our destruction."
You're right. This means you can prevent the destruction of your reality. Unfortunately, you can't be the only one who knows about them.
"Aku, did you say something?"
"No."
"Well unluckily for you someone used them already. The sky's back to its normal blue color."
You open the door to your room and head down the stairs. You go through the living room and then see your mother sleeping in her chair.
"Goodnight, Mom."
You realize that person isn't your real mother.
There's no way she could sleep through all that noise. You rush to your room and check your reflection in the full length mirror on your closet door.
You hate what you see.
"I have no hair."
You hate what you see.
"No hair."
There's no way you can deal with this now. You lay down on your bed and fall asleep.
You go outside to face Aku.
You don't know why, but something tells you that's what you need to do. You grab a lighter from the drawer of your dresser and head out your door.
You realize you grabbed a lighter, say "Fuck that shit." and grab a sword.
You don't have a sword.
You walk to the end of your driveway and find your yard ends at a high fence. On the other side of the fence is a playground.
You see the sword is resting at the fence.
You run over and grab the sword, a machete.
Why are you running around in the dark with a machete? You don't know, but you are.
You realize you grabbed the wrong weapon, shrugged and grabbed the sword next to it and are now wielding both a katana and a machete.
You run around the side of your house and find a bush to hide behind.
"I'll kill you!" a voice cries.
Aku materializes, holding his hand up to block a swing.
You slice through his hand, the katana was the very weapon forged to kill him.
You swing the sword at him, but he leaps out of the way and your blade slices through the bush instead.
He laughs.
"I am Aku," he says.
"I know you are but what am I?"
Aku stands motionless as a massive wave of zombies surge over the fence.
The undead run over you and tear you apart.
You show respect to every zombie.
They're just trying to eat. No need to get hostile.
You point to Aku and the zombies eat him.
They turn and eat him, devouring his flesh. They lurch away from him as they begin to slowly shamble over the fence and into your yard.
You run back inside your house and close the door.
You kill every zombie.
You grab a knife from your kitchen, and walk out to meet the horde. You slice the zombie's heads off.
When the last one falls, you get closer to the fence.
You hear a familiar voice...
"Master Yoda?"
He looks at you and nods. "Yeah, that's me."
"Master Yoda?"
"That's right."
"Why are you talking like this? Are you a Jedi Master or something?"
You shake your head and realize how stupid that question is.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, I am a Jedi Master. When I heard a disturbance outside my house, I came out to investigate."
"I see..."
"Wait aren't you supposed to be doing that backwards talk you're known for?"
He laughs. "You are aware that backwards speech is more associated with Droids, correct?"
"Yeah, but most of them can't think at the same time."
"Droids speak robotically, backwards speech on the other hand is a Yoda trademark."
Master Yoda smiles. "Yes, I've heard of that quip before. Thank you for the recognition."
"Well, are you going to help me or what?"
"Help you with what?"
"I need you to tell me how to get this energy shield off my house."
Master Yoda looks at the sky and thinks for a moment.
"Hmm, let's see now... The force is strong with you, doesn't seem to be that strong with me. I think you're going to have to figure this out yourself.
"Hmm... does sex work?"
"What?"
"It's a joke, Yoda."
He raises an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. Not familiar with the reference."
"It's from a TV show.
"No seriously, I think sex is the answer."
"With all due respect, I don't think so. Though I must admit, I do find human females quite attractive. Maybe you should try meditating or something.
"I don't mean with females, I'm talking about having sex with you."
Master Yoda chuckles. "Now that would be a first, I think."
"What?"
"I've never been...um...touched by a human before."
"Interesting."
"But that's just it. I'm not really interesting. I'm just me. You're a gifted one, a chosen one. It's your destiny to...um...you know."
You engage Ridley motherfucker.
Ridley grabs you and begins squeezing your throat. His hands are surprisingly strong for a child his size. He begins to strangle the life out of you.
"Oh, you're strangling me?"
Ridley stops, and then looks at you. "Sorry."
"Don't be."
"Why are you so scared of me?"
"You're a little boy who likes to kill people.
"KONO DIO DA!"
"What?"
"A joke. Do you like it? It's a TV show."
"Oh, yeah! I like it. You seem pretty interesting."
"I'm not."
"Let's try something."
"OK."
You grab the crucifix off the ground and hold it in your hands. "Now tell me what you think this is?"
"It's a cross."
You yeet the cross.
"That's right. The Jedi are a bunch ofChrist-killers."
"Oh, yeah! I like it. I want to be a Jedi when I grow up."
Master Yoda rolls his eyes.
"In all seriousness the Jedi are cool."
"Really? They're not just a bunch of myths and legends?"
"No, most of them are all true. I'm actually one."
"You're a Jedi? But you're so small."
You look at yourself. "I'm tall as fuck."
"How long have you been a Jedi?"
"Since I was like five."
"Then you've never been to Disneyland?"
"No."
"You should! They have Jedi Masters there."
"Those are people in costumes."
"No, I've met one."
"You have? What did you ask him?"
"Why are the Jedi so sad all the time?"
"I think I've met one too."
"That Jedi was a dick though, he looked like a nutsack and just kept laughing at me."
"Nah, one of the Jedi Masters I met was super nice. He gave me a lollipop after I saved his life."
"That's great! Do you want one?"
"No."
Suddenly the kid combusts.
"The Jedi mind trick doesn't work on me."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not a Jedi."
"What are you then?"
"A Sith."
The kid stares at you for a second. "Oh."
"Just kidding."
"Nah, I'm serious. I'm not a Jedi. I'm a Sith."
The kid starts running away.
"Wait! Wait! Let's go to Disneyland!"
The End.
"I'm actually joking."
END
"It's not over."
[Death]
[Life]
"I still haven't fucked Yoda."
"So?"
"I'm still waiting for my Hutt."
"You can't have sex with an ugly creature who shits out money!"
"Who else is gonna fuck you?"
"You can't just fuck any ugly Hutt that comes along!"
"Yeah, well you're not exactly my type."
[Death]
[Life]
You wait a few hours. Nothing happens.
"Ay Yoda, down for some succ?"
You decide to visit Yoda again. This time you take your hover car, as it's the only way you're going to be able to get there. You park it outside his home and hop out.
You see a spider.
You see a spooky black figure.
"Heeeeey!" you say.
"Vhat?" Yoda says.
"Wazzat?" he asks.
"Spidey."
You eat the spider.
"Yum! Tastes like chicken."
"Quit the Ben Stein references, will ya?"
"Alright alright."
You and Yoda begin to laugh.
"So, you down to fuck?"
"Yes. But first, I need to finish my new drink."
Yoda disappears. After about ten minutes, he returns with a large cup of blue milk.
"Here"
You suddenly notice a giant Star Destroyer.
You look closer at the milk. It isn't just milk. It's a weaker acid that eats through unprotected flesh in seconds.
"YODA!" you shout, attempting to get away.
You pull the cup of acid away and throw it at the Star Destroyer.
It doesn't work. The acid easily melts through the thick metal and dissolves on contact, burning a hole in the side of the ship.
"Fuck!" you shout, running to your hover car.
You pull out a bazooka and blow up the Star Destroyer.
You fire the bazooka, blowing up the entire side of the ship. Holes appear in the side, and you can see the pilots screaming in terror as they try to keep their position.
You see hordes of TIE Fighters flying towards you.
You quickly get out of your car and hide behind it. They fire at you, but the hole in the side of the ship makes them miss. After about a minute, they leave.
You look at Yoda.
"Well, that was interesting." Yoda says.
"I thought you were dead." You reply.
"With this much milk in my body, that would have taken a while to set right.
"Nice. So, how about we get down to business?"
"Yes. I assume you know what you want to ask?" Yoda asks.
"I've been through this before."
Yoda chuckles.
You get naked.
"YODA!" you shout.
"What!?" Yoda shouts, and then falls silent.
"You can hear me?" he asks, stunned.
You walk up to Yoda and smile as you kiss him on the lips.
"That felt nice." You smile.
Yoda is shocked by this action, to say the least.
"What... What's going on? I thought all of your cybernetic implants shut down your supernatural abilities!"
You give him the succ.
"Check." You nod.
"What?" Yoda asks.
"You're not invulnerable. You can be succed."
Yoda pauses, and then nods.
You glomp Yoda and fuck him.
"YODA!" you shout.
"What!?" Yoda shouts, and then falls silent.
You push Yoda to the floor, quickly ripping off his robes and revealing his naked body.
You suck on the nape of Yoda's neck.
You move your head down, and start to lick Yoda's nape.
"Oh... Fuck me." Yoda moans, before grabbing your head and holding you in place.
You stroke Yoda's cock.
You quickly grab Yoda's dick and start stroking it, moving your hand along with your actions.
"Fuck, baby... I love it when you suck on my neck." Yoda moans.
You move down to Yoda's nipples and suck them.
You move your head down, and start to lick Yoda's nipples.
"Yes... Fuck yes... Lick my nipples." Yoda says.
Yoda grabs your head and holds it in place.
You circle your tongue around the nipples and speed up your stroking.
Yoda grabs your hand and places it on his stomach.
"Baby, I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard." Yoda moans.
You smile and suck his dick.
Yoda grabs your head and pushes it onto his dick, looking deeply into your eyes.
"Suck my dick, baby." Yoda says.
You bob your head up and down.
You continue to move your head up and down, watching as Yoda moans loudly.
"Oh yeah, that's it... fucking love this." Yoda says.
"I love you."
"Will you marry you?"
"Will you marry me?" you say, continuing to move your head up and down.
Yoda's eyes widen.
"I-If I can get up,"
"After the sex, oh yes but right now sweetums? Tonight I want to make you cum."
Yoda grabs your head and holds it in place, before quickly grabbing your head and moving it towards his dick.
"Suck it."
You lick up the length of his cock.
You slowly lick the length of Yoda's cock, moving your head up and down as he moans.
"Mmmm... You're an obedient little whore, aren't you?"
You circle your tongue around the cockhead.
Yoda grabs your head and moves your head onto his dick, holding it in place.
"Suck."
You open your mouth and slowly start to move your head up and down, licking along the sides.
You smile and continue until you notice a red dot on Yoda's head.
Yoda's head is shot off by a laser sight.
"Ack-ow!" you shout.
You jump up.
Yoda grabs your wrist and pulls you back down.
"It's alright, honey. It's just a flesh wound."
You notice multiple red dots centered on Yoda's face.
"Holy shit!" you say.
"Fuck!" Yoda shouts.
You see the red dots, and realize that all the Jedi had just shot Yoda in the face.
"What?" Yoda says, falling down.
"They were going to kill us. They wanted to start a war."
"Yes, yes. I know. That was the plan."
You see two more Jedi sprint down the hall towards the room where you are.
"What the hell!"
"Oh, shit." Yoda says.
You jump off the bed and crawl over to the window, putting your back to it as you look out.
You turn your head to see a robed figure behind Yoda.
You see Yoda turn around, looking confused.
"It's Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan leaps at Yoda, his lightsaber glowing.
You tearfully look at Yoda as he is being stabbed.
You begin to tear up as you watch Yoda writhe in pain, his face partially melted off, before he falls dead to the ground.
"I killed him." You say, and begin sobbing.
"Of course you did, honey." Dio Brando says.
"NANI?!"
"I had a feeling you would be strong in the Force, considering you had such a powerful friend who trained you."
"How...? Why?"
"Well, I guess the Empire had heard about this little republic you guys had, and they saw it as a potential threat. So, they sent some really skilled spies to take out the Jedi first.
"And how did you get roped into all this?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I was forced into this. The Empire is unfortunately not a very tolerant place."
"Then why did you take me? Why didn't you leave me to die?"
"I... don't know. Maybe because I loved the thought of being free? Maybe because I'm a sucker for a pretty face? I don't know. I've never been very good at... coping with stuff. I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to bring him back."
"No, it really isn't. I'm sorry."
"
You go to say something when you see hear loud mechanical breathing.
You turn around, only to see a metal giant, taller than any human, standing behind you.
"D-d-did you make all that... breathing noise?"
"Yep." The mechanical behemoth replies.
You watch as suddenly a red lightsaber blade sliced the giant down the middle.
"Oi!" Dio Brando shouts, "Who are you?!"
"I am your..." The Sith taunts, before being shot in the head by one of the hobgoblins.
You watched as the Sith only staggered backward and didn't die.
The Sith begins breathing heavily.
"I am your... end."
Dio Brando leaps on the Sith, slashing him repeatedly with his lightsaber until he's severed into two.
You carefully approach the corpse and are shocked to see the lifeless face of Count Dooku.
You then notice that, attached to the neck of the corpse, is a hologram of the real Dooku.
"So, this is what it's come too." You think to yourself. "Using dead people to try and convince the living."
"The Sith use any means necessary to gain power. They're not really interested in anything else."
You hear a voice from behind Dio, one that's low and aggressive.
"I've found the last target. Take out the Count, and the war will be over."
You turn around to see a very different Yod.
"So, you've returned."
"I have."
"Good, we can finish this war with a single battle. Take out Dooku and the Sith will be no more.
"I don't think you understand the situation. I've already killed Dooku."
"You're lying. All of you are. The Sith are a cancer to this galaxy, and we need to be purged. Either way, the Empire wins.
You look confused then your eyes widen with realization.
"You've taken the bait."
The Kyros Shrugged.
"Kyros is dead. He was a liability, not a friend. Just like your Empire."
You immediately raise two fingers to your head and use Instant Transmission.
You appear right next to Dooku.
"Nice try, svelk. I've got a good memory." Dooku says.
You curse loudly and try again.
You teleport next to Dooku, and then suddenly your head explodes.
Dooku looks at you.
You watch as your head reforms, get pissed and teleport to Kami's Lookout.
You teleport next to Dooku, who looks at you.
"Well, the space gods have been kind to me tonight. What's your story?"
You look around. There's nowhere to run.
You sigh before then screaming "SHIT!" at the top of your lungs.
Dooku is impressed.
"Is that how you speak to the Count? Alright then, I'll bite. What's your name, space marine?"
"Dakteam."
You scream even louder as a golden aura envelops you.
Dooku looks on, amused.
"Well, Dakteam, looks like we've got another psyker. I was beginning to wonder if the rumors were true."
"What rumors?"
You your screams reach volumes beyond comprehension as your hair spikes up.
"HOLY FUCK!"
You look at Daktraem in pure, unadulterated rage. You know he's going to kill you, but you can't help it.
You now stand tall as a Super Saiyan.
You feel your body undergoing immense pain, but you take a deep breath, and now, wearing your golden armor, you stand tall.
You say "Best part is that this isn't even my final form. Want to see the other levels?"
"You've got potential, space marine. I want to see you transform."
"Sure thing, let's do this."
The pain begins to kick in as your body undergoes immense changes.
You first power down and say "What you see now is my normal state."
As you power down, you can see that Dooku's eyes have popped out of his head. He has a huge fuckin' mouth now, filled with hundreds of teeth, and two massive, black horns.
You look at this enraged and immediately power up to Super Saiyan God.
As soon as you power up to your Super Saiyan God form, Dooku charges at you, knocking over all the tables in his path.
"It's time for you to die!"
You simply raise your hand and say "Hakai."
Dooku stops in his tracks, looking confused. He looks behind himself, seeing nothing but a black void. He looks at you, and snarls. He immediately feels the effects of the "Sacred Language"
You smirk as Dooku disintegrates into nothingness.
"That's what you get for attacking me."
Dooku disappears into nothingness.
"Is that it? I was expecting to see you disintegrate into a fine dust.
You realize he turned the tables on you. You get more pissed and power up even further beyond.
You start laughing, but it soon turns into a roar of pain. Your skin begins to rip and burn, and your hair is on fire.
"Now, now, this is what I like to see."
You press on and end up with a level of power higher than any deity in existence.
"Is that it?" you ask. "I thought you would take longer to transform."
"No, that's my true form."
You continue powering up.
Your body begins to twist and crack, bones breaking and reforming. You let out a horrible scream that can be heard throughout the galaxy.
"Ha, hahahahahaha!" Dooku laughs.
You let out one last scream as you finish transforming and look on at Dooku who is horrified.
Dooku's horrified scream is replaced by your own as you realize what you've become. The flames that once engulfed you are gone, and you stand on two clawed feet.
You giggle and say "Whoops! Went eldritch." before powering down.
"It's done", you say, before going into a black void.
"I told you I'd deal with you for killing my agents", Dooku says.
You immediately walk out the void and deliver a vicious punch to Dooku's testicles, the force of the impact being so great it broke both his legs.
You land on top of Dooku, his face breaking through his helmet and killing him instantly.
"Sorry about that", you say. "But we can still work this out, right?"
"Yeah..."
You say "No." and then you rip off Dooku's head.
Dooku's head is now gone, and he is dead.
You take a deep breath before teleporting away to Kame House.
You are teleported into Kame House. Padme is there.
"You did it", she says.
"We did", you say, breathing a sigh of relief.
"But how? The plan was to infiltrate the palace with the help of the rebel forces and kill the Sith."
"There was a slight change in plans."
"What?"
"I was going to kill the Sith."
"That was a mistake. The Sith must not live, they must be destroyed. The Emperor..."
"Is too over-confident. If we kill the Sith, the Empire will collapse. I'm sure the rebel cells are planning to steal their weapons and take control of the ship once it reaches its destination. Come on, we need to get to the cockpit.
You walk with Padme to the ship and see Son Goku with a bag of Senzu Beans.
You walk with Padme to the ship, and she hops inside. You watch as she flies off into the sky, disappearing from sight.
"See you on the other side", she says.
"Probably not"
With that, you enter the ship. It takes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust, but once you do, you see a young man in a blue jumpsuit sitting in the cockpit.
"Are you the pilot?"
"Pilot's dead. Gave him head cancer from all the cigarette smoking. Ran out of crew to replace him, so had to train a monkey to take over. Figured I'd come along anyway, just in case. Doesn't make much difference anyway. No chance we're making this flight. We're stranded."
"Where could the Empire have taken off to?"
"I don't know. I saw a radar image of the planet, and it looked like all the landing sites were already clear. They must've taken off for a remote location."
"What about the rebel forces?"
"I dunno. I assume they're doing what the Empire is. Striking out to claim new territory and settling it.
You "Why don't we fly straight to the Emperor?"
"The Emperor? I dunno, that's just... I don't think that's a great idea. Let's just..."
Suddenly, the cockpit door flies open, and Padme stands there. She is furious.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" she shouts. "You're not to fly this ship! You don't know what the fuck you're doing! I'm in charge of this expedition!"
You "Oh yeah, sorry. Hey is Goku coming along on this journey?"
"He's not coming at all. He refused to get on the ship. Says he prefers to ride a Flying Nimbus."
You look at her confused.
"It's a pretty cool cloud", she says.
You "He does realize we're going to space right?"
"He's a dumb ass monkey. Doesn't realize we're in space yet."
"Should we all get off then? Fly to him in cloud form?"
"You really think you could control all these clouds?"
"Probably not, but we could give it a try."
"Fuck it. Let's do it.
You teleport to Goku and then teleport back to the ship with him in your arms.
You teleport to a random planet in the solar system. You have no control over where you're teleporting.
Goku is definitely not on this planet, as you can see the planet has trees and plant life.
You "Damn it, I knew I should've listened to Goku when he said that teleporting takes mastery."
Suddenly, you find yourself back in the ship.
"Damn it!" you say.
"Well hurry up and go teleport to Goku before you break something else."
You teleport to the planet you were just on.
You calm yourself, remembering what Goku said about teleporting requiring careful concentration.
This time, you manage to teleport back to the ship. You're lucky you didn't kill yourself or something.
You "Okay, I'm not doing that again."
Goku is back on the planet. You can see him just fine.
"See, told you he could do it", says the Captain.
"Tell him he needs to come back to the ship."
You shake your head and think of a way to get back to the planet. You decide to try concentrating really hard.
You clear your mind and before you know it, you lock onto Goku's energy.
You can sense the presence of someone very powerful. The planet's energy seems to dim slightly, but then that might be because your presense makes the planet's energy bright to begin with. You carefully maneuver around the planet until you find the person you're looking for.
You "Goku? You think you can come aboard the ship now?"
You sense his presence a few feet away from the ship. You're surprised at how hard you're trying to contact him. It's like your whole body is crying out for him.
The Captain smiles. "Good. That'll make this a lot easier."
You move closer towards the ship, but the energy begins to fluctuate, going in and out of your line of sight. It's almost as if it's being shielded.
"That boy is very powerful. I'm not sure we'll be able to take him."
"We've got to try."
"The force will be divided between us. Half for each of us to throw at him. It's either that, or we let him get away. And I think we both know what that would mean."
You "Wait but Goku's a hero."
"True. A hero is probably worth more than we'll get out of this, but I guess we don't have much of a choice."
You feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn to see the face of Goku.
"Don't worry about me. I'm just here to learn, OK?"
"OK", you say, with a smile.
Goku chuckles. "You're the pilot right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, we can't let these guys beat us. Come on, let's go."
You "Alright so we got Goku and we have Padme, who else do we need to take out the Emperor?"
"Not sure. Depends on the plan I suppose. Anyway, come on let's get on with it."
The Emperor steps out of his throne, along with his guards. "Who are you?
You "Heh well luckily for you guys, I made some calls."
"Good... Because we're going to need to make some too."
"What do you mean?
You turn to see a ship land behind you and smile at the sight of your allies stepping out.
You all make your way to the docking bay, and board a shuttle. "What's going on?
"This is yours", the Emperor replies, as he points to a ship next to you.
"
You "Really?"
"Yup! After you've destroyed planet butt, this is the only way to get back. I doubt you'll survive if you try."
"Maybe not, but it won't stop me from trying!"
You "Karabast I forgot my home planet was named Butt."
"Well, it is a planet that gives out good re-butt-ctions."
"That's the name of the planet?"
"What? No, that's what we call it because... well see for yourself."
The Emperor steps aside, and you board the ship. You see a man in a blue outfit cleaning the window, which looks like it has a film on it. "
You "Wait Vegeta? Is that you?"
"Yeah?"
"It's me!"
"I thought you would be bigger..."
"I know, I'm only a child!"
"Don't matter. You're the Emperor's friend right?
You look confused and become even more confused when you see a second Vegeta outside.
The second one screams up to the first one "Dude! You better come down and help us! There's a small person in there!"
"A... Small person?"
"Yeah, he thinks he's the Emperor!"
The first one screams back "We already know that! We're just playing around with him!"
"So who is this small person?"
"He's the one who destroyed planet Carabas!"
"The one who took our form to escape from the Cell?
The second one pauses and screams back "You're not serious! You're the Emperor?!"
"Yes!"
"Oh man, I want to be in on this!"
"What's all this about a small person and a good re-butt?"
"
You "Excuse me but what the hell is going on?"
"A long story..."
"Tell me!"
"Well, we're trying to find the Dragon Balls first."
"Ah! Got them. We have seven. We need all ten to make the wish."
"Then why don't you have them?"
"Because we haven't found them yet! And the guy who has them is guarding them really well!
You "Wait 🅱i🅱🅱as, there are only seven Dragon Balls."
"Yeah, I know."
"Then how do you know there are only seven if you don't have them?"
"We have a spy."
"I see."
"He's in the evil army."
You "But you just said... you know what forget it, I trust you."
"Thanks!"
"Can I see the Dragon Balls?"
"Yeah, but they're in a secret place."
"Well where is it?"
"A ship."
"How do we get the ship?"
"You don't. It comes to you."
"Wait. How?"
"I dunno, it probably comes and takes you away."
"Sounds like a trap.
"Yeah, probably."
"I don't know if I want to get involved with your little game."
"What, you think the Evil Emperor is going to let you live if you refuse to help?"
"I don't know!"
"Man, you're really losing courage aren't you?"
"Maybe."
"Hey, why not ask the Bumpy Dwarf to help you?"
"Who?
You go out and turn your head to see the bumpiest dwarf you ever saw.
You turn your head and you see a Dwarf dressed in blue and gold wearing a crown made of crushed copper coins and an iron crown on top of that.
You also notice how he is covered in lumps and bumps and also that he has no pants.
"Hey. You're the Bumpy Dwarf, right?"
"I'm the Bumpy who?"
"You're the Bumpy Dwarf."
"That's a silly name. I'm supposed to be called Humpy."
"Why are you called Bumpy then?"
"Because that's how I am."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"
You "So why do you not have pants?"
"Oh, that. Well my master told me I had to go on a mission and get the seven Dragon Balls before anyone else did. I forgot to get pants so he lent me these."
Humpy takes off the copper crown and tosses you the iron one.
"Here, you can have my pants."
"Oh.
You "That's nice but I'm good."
"So you're not going to take my pants?"
"I'm going to use them as a blanket."
"Oh."
"Anyway I have to go."
"Can I come with you?
You then remember you have a telepathic link with the ultimate warrior that can stop the Emperor.
You contact this ultimate hero and he teleports to you, wearing his trademark green shirt.
You smile as you also see this man's friends. Them being an ogre, a nerd in a button-up shirt with an NES controller, John Wick and a man in a green striped rugby shirt.
You smile and say "I see you brought the cavalry Shaggy."
"Dag, Emperor! I thought you'd never get here! We're so lost in this forest we could've eaten us a lard arse and punched a horse!"
"Did you need help?"
You "Yes which reminds me Emperor Palpatine, your reign ends here."
"Ha! I'd forgotten you were there, Shaggy. How long has it been Shaggy?"
"28 years, last time I saw you."
"Yeah, well these things happen.
You "So Shaggy how did you meet Shrek, Angry Video Game Nerd, John Wick and Steve?"
You then realize that story is not important and that you can summon more allies and so you use your impressive mastery of the Force and combine it with your mastery of Ki and magic to open portals to summon every legendary fictional hero to your aid.
While you are doing that, Dendrin and your other shadows carry out their attack on Fort Defiance.
You watch as Emperor Palpatine shits himself.
While you are summoning all your allies, you notice that the Emperor is becoming nervous. He thinks that you know he is the imposter, but you don't. You only know that he has powers of the dark side.
You "So? Mind telling me where the real Emperor is?"
Suddenly you notice a black-armored assassin rush into the tent. You push the Emperor out of the way and confront him.
"You...!" He points his lightsaber at you. "You will become my bitch!" He runs off, and you hear the screams of several more guards entering.
You pick up the Emperor and run from the tent. The screams of the guards in pursuit grow louder, but thanks to your combination of powerful running and telekenisis, you manage to get away.
You watch as finally, your army of allies arrives just as legions of Star Destroyers appear, including the real Emperor's flagship.
Your army of allies consists of: The Angry Video Game Nerd, John Travolta, the Predator, the Great Khan, Red Skull, Spider-Man, the ZombieLabs Crew, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, your Mom, Robin, Batman, the Hero of Bhazni, the Centaur, the Necromancer, the Fool and...Shrek.
Just as the Star Destroyers begin to open fire, the Emperor's flagship begins to open fire, aiming for the same cities as you.
You watch as those lasers are deflected.
Your army manages to save the capital from getting hit, and the Sith Lords begin fighting in the skies. As for you, you get shot down into the jungle below, and barely manage to take cover in a small temple. You hear the capital burn as the jungle erupts in a blaze of color.
The Emperor is pissed. He opens a portal, allowing the Predator to enter.
You watch as a hand punches the Predator. That hand belongs to Rick Sanchez.
The Predator is destroyed, and so is the city the Emperor was about to destroy.
With his arch-nemesis dead, the Emperor turns his attention towards you.
You smirk. "I bet that home on Exogol is going to look like a paradise after I'm done with you."
You fire a laser burst from your eyes, but the Emperor dodges and lands a heavy blow on your head, knocking you unconscious.
When you wake up, you're in a metal box.
You at first are fearful but then you remember that you mastered teleportation and with some heavy concentration and the use of the Force, you teleport to your friend the Angry Video Game Nerd.
He looks at you, shaking his head.
"Man, this is a fucked up situation we're in."
"Yes. The Emperor tried to enslave the galaxy. I'm trying to save it. We're in a metal box. Not much of a life, is it?"
"No. And this isn't even the worst of it."
"No? What's the worst?"
"We're headed to Earth."
"The planet of the apes?"
"Yes, but we're going in through their space. We're flying through the heart of the Empire's fleet."
"
You think for a moment and then you start laughing.
"HAHAHA! Space, flying, aAAAAA! This is perfect! Am I in your movie or something?!"
The Nerd nods slowly.
"I'm...sorry?
You smile. "I actually prepared for this. Want to know who I have stationed on Earth?"
The Emperor laughs and says, "Sure!
You smile. "Try an entire army of Stand users."
The Emperor takes a moment to think about this.
"Unbelievable."
"Why? They'd kill you."
"Yes, they would."
He falls silent for a moment.
You grin even more. "That's not all Empy. I also sent a telepathic message to Dr. Strange who has figured out already how to free us AND he has taken the liberty of contacting Beerus, Whis and a man by the name of Saitama."
The Emperor frowns.
"Who are they?
You laugh a hearty laugh. "Oh you'll see."
"Interesting."
The Emperor grins.
"Tell me more."
You laugh a hearty laugh.
"I will! But first, I have to explain the situation to you!"
You explain. "Basically you'll get fucked up, the Empire will fall, the galaxy will be safe, Yoda will be avenged and mark my words, NO ONE will be able to bring you back."
"So be it."
"Alright Emp, let's get you back home."
"Actually...can you slow down time for me? I want to enjoy this one last party."
You nod.
You "ZA WARUDO!"
Time slows to a crawl. You stand in the thick of the battle, your lightsaber ignited and your stance wide and ready.
From out of nowhere, two figures dressed in black speed towards you.
You "Oh, so you're approaching me?"
"HALT!" they shout.
You stop in your tracks, putting your lightsaberath between you and them.
"What's your business?"
You cut their heads off and make a charge for the Emperor who is frozen in time.
You swing your lightsaber at the closest one, cutting his head clean off. As you quickly charge towards the Emperor, the other one grabs your master and hurls him at a nearby wall.
You laugh. "Oh you poor stupid fool, you pissed off the wrong master."
"DIE!" Dooku shouts, grabbing your throat with his telekinetic grip.
You attempt to throw him off, but fail.
You laugh again right as you kick Dooku in the balls. "Sit yo bitch-ass down, I wasn't finished. So want to know who my master is?"
Dooku groans and releases you.
You smile. "I'll give you a hint and I'll do it in song. He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard."
"The Sith..." Dooku says, struggling to stand.
"Are the betrayed," you sing.
"We will betray you."
You nod, giving him a toothy grin.
You watch with a grin as the Angry Video Game Nerd grabbed Dooku by the skull and screamed an obscenity so loud that with the exception of the Emperor, every Sith exploded.
The Emperor snorts with laughter as he examines Dooku's skull.
"Good thing he didn't pick me," he says, laughing.
"Are you alright my Emperor?
You look at the source of the voice with horror. "Pajama Sam, you betrayed us."
Pajama Sam steps forward, frowning at you.
You "But why? We were best friends, lovers even at the battle of Teth. Why?"
"Because he had a sister, and I love my sister?" Sam shrugs. "I thought you knew that."
The Emperor coughs, looking at you.
You shook a bit as a golden aura started to appear around you. "But he's the most evil man on the planet. We agreed on that."
"Sam, why? I trusted you."
Sam shrugs, and nods at the Emperor.
"Yeah, I know you did. And that's why I betrayed you. See you in hell, Bane of Rask.
You now stand enraged as you feel a new level of power on the verge unlocked. "I can't believe this is coming from the guy who helped me save Christmas."
"Pajama Sam, why did you betray me?"
"Why? Why did you turn the North Pole into a sweatshop? Why did you let that crazy bitch drive our nation into bankruptcy? WHY!?"
You are gritting your teeth. "There was no way for me to have known that Mrs. Claus was in kahoots with the Grinch Empire and even so I went and took care of that problem!"
"You're really going with that excuse? The one about the Grinch? Come on!
You yell out "You were there! You watched as I pounded that green bastard into paste and this was even when he was in his Ultra Rotten Eel form!"
Sam just stares at you.
"What?"
"That... That's not even canon!"
"It's the damn truth!"
"You're serious? Even you don't believe that.
You stop for a moment and your eyes widen with realization. "Oh my god... y-you're trying to use the Dragon Balls to bring back the Grinch!"
"So? It worked for Raditz."
"It was an extreme circumstance and I did say Raditz could still be saved, but bringing back the Grinch... really?"
Sam scoffs. "Yes, really."
"Then you're a fool."
"Sam, you don't want to do this. Why don't you let me take care of this?
You continue. "No seriously. The Grinch is irredeemable, you said it yourself. You know full well that as soon as you revive him, he's going to enter his Seasick Crocodile form, take Santa Claus by the throat, drain his energy as he brutally facefucks him and once that's done he's gonna kill all of us."
Sam's eyes widen.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell are you taking his side?
You say "Look I'm just saying that it's very likely the Grinch's revival will cause the apocalypse."
"Yeah, but it won't be the end of the world.
"You don't know that."
"Sure I do, I'm the fucking expert."
"Fine, I don't want to hear anymore. You're not the boss of me."
Sam turns around and goes back to his bedroom.
"
You look dumbfounded. "My greatest ally, they've betrayed me and all in service of the Emperor's selfish goal to bring back the M-Mean One."
"What are you talking about?"
You explain to Sam about the Emperor's plans. He looks shocked.
"The Emperor's planning to use the Dragon Balls to bring back his ex-lover Mr. Smiley and then he's going to sacrifice him to bring back the M-Mean One.
You nod. "That's the gist of it yeah."
Sam walks to the door and locks it.
"If you've got a problem with him, you take it up with him. I'm not."
You and he are silent for a moment.
You ask why Sam just locked the Emperor in with all the Dragon Balls.
"Who knows? It's a weird move though."
"Well, maybe he's getting ready to strike."
Sam looks to the ground.
"Do you think... Maybe he already has?
You notice the ground shaking as the Eternal Dragon rises into view. Immediately you turn towards the Nerd and shout "YOU NEED TO GET EVERYONE OFF THIS SHIP NOW!"
"But where are we going to go?"
"ANYWHERE! I don't care! But you need to get off this ship NOW!"
Sam nods, then runs to the cockpit.
You go silent right as you hear Shenron's familiar booming voice.
"I don't recognize your voice, and I'm not a very trusting dragon.
You You let out a sigh of relief. "Good, Shenron may not grant his wish."
"But I must grant your wish." Shenron resignedly says.
"Oh, fuck me." You groan.
"I don't think that will be necessary."
Shenron projects a image of a man onto the wall in front of you. You recognize him as Mr. Smiley, the Emperor of the Universe.
You already feel fear entering your system at this sight with that fear only becoming worse at what came next.
"So what is your second wish?" Shenron asks. The Emperor smirks.
"Bring back the Mean One, Mr. Grinch." The Emperor says. As soon as you hear those words, instantly you shit yourself as you feel the presence of bitterness, hatred and power beyond your wildest imagination. The kind of power that not even Hell could hold.
"DAMN IT SHENRON WHY DID YOU PERSUADE ME?! NOW I HAVE NO MORE WISHES!" The Emperor booms causing your ears to ring and causing you to wince in pain.
You listen with horror as the Emperor used his terrifying Dark Side powers to murder Shenron, resulting in the Dragon Balls being rendered inert.
"There. Happy now?" He asks, turning towards the others.
You quake in your shoes at the sound of a deep voice speaking with approval followed by a neck being snapped and then the sound of the door being forced off its mechanism. You dodge the metal hurtling towards you and then your eyes widen at the sight of the Mean One.
"Mean One, kill the girl." The Emperor demands.
You're fucked.
You could easily run, but from what you've heard about this monster, he doesn't miss.
You let out a sigh and then turn back towards the Nerd who's standing staring at the Mean One with a look of shock. You yell "WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF HERE AND GET EVERYONE OFF THIS SHIP!"
"Not a fucking chance." The Nerd said. "No way am I leaving a friend. Besides my whole life I just spent playing shitty games which if anything would lead to a shitty end and dying with a friend by my side doesn't sound shitty. Plus I at least want to give it my my all for a final stand."
The Mean One charges the boy as he let's out a terrified scream.
"That's what I like to hear." The Emperor grins. "Let's finish this."
You immediately go up to the Emperor and yeet him onto the wall of spikes that are conveniently there and watch with minimal glee as he dies.
"Shut the fuck up you wrinkled, half-rotted, no hair having nutsack." You say right as you smash the Emperor's head like a grape.
You then turn your attention to the Mean One with your expression turning to one of horror for in his green grinchy mitts, he had Shaggy by the throat.
"Let him go you grubby green asshole." You say.
The Emperor lets go of the beast and it turns toward you, sniffing. Then it walks toward you as if curious.
You try to keep your composure but it becomes difficult for you watched as the Mean One began to squeeze Shaggy's neck.
Shaggy let out a pitiful whimper as the life slowly drained from him.
"Please..." Shaggy says in a last attempt at survival.
The beast lets out a powerful roar that shakes your soul as the pain in your ears causes you to fall to your knees.
"AAAAAAAAA!" You yell out in agony as you hear the sickening crunch of Shaggy's neck breaking. You look down at your arms and see the gory broken neck.
You shake with shock. "No... Shaggy.."
You hold your hands over your mouth and start puking as the world seems to turn upside down.
"Fuck... Fuck... Fuck!"
You find your attention is then grabbed by another sight, one that was more horrific. It was both Vegetas charging toward the Mean One which caused you to stretch out a hand as you say "No! Don't do it! Don't engage him!"
"TAKE THIS YOU GREEN BASTARD!" The Vegetas shouted as they unloaded a flurry of punches.
"Fuck you fool! We don't have time for this! Come on, move in!" You shout as you grab Shaggy's body and start dragging it behind you.
You stop for a moment when you sense a faint heartbeat. "Oh my god." You say with hope as you reach in your bag for a Senzu Bean. "He's still alive."
You tear open the bean and put it in your mouth. You quickly begin to chew it up.
You then proceed to give Shaggy mouth-to-mouth and send him the chewed up contents of the bean. You wait a few moments and just as you're about to break down, you feel Shaggy returning to life.
"Like, you saved me man." Shaggy said with tears in his eyes.
"Yeah." You respond, tearing up yourself.
"You're a cool dude."
"Yeah..."
"I'm sorry man, but I just... Can't do this anymore. I tried."
"I know, I know. Don't worry, I'll keep the tavern open, you go home and get some rest. You deserve it.
You put your hand on Shaggy's shoulder, and he hugs you tightly. You walk over to the front door, open it up, and say goodbye to your best friend.
You watch as Shaggy enters an Imperial shuttle before turning your attention to the pale face of General Armitage Hux.
"Take everyone on this ship as far away from this monster as possible." You say.
"Yes, sir." He responds as he runs off.
In the meantime, the remaining J'Tarste Guards stand around watching you, wondering what to do.
You turn towards them and order them to get everyone else off the ship.
"You there! What are you lot standing around for, go go!" You shout as you point at them.
"Yes, sir!" They shout in unison before running off.
You then turned to face the Grinch just as he blocked a strike from one of the Vegetas and without any hesitation and with a roar of fury, you charge toward him.
The two of you clash, as the battle commences.
The two of you fight with fury. A battle of strength. A battle of willpower. You refuse to give up.
You shout "Take this you bastard!" right as you deliver a vicious punch to his grinchy face.
You punch him as hard as you can in the grinchy jaw. You punch him so hard you actually send him onto his back.
"AGH!", he roars as he tries to recover.
You charge for him ready to land another strike when you realize too late that the Mean One was just playing around.
You see the Grinch charge at you. He stands over you and swings his mean little fist. You barely have time to turn your head to the side in time for it to connect with your face.
You slam hard into a wall and scream out "FUCK!".
As you slam into the wall, you feel your nose break again, and this time it goes all the way through your face. You scream out in pain once more.
"AGH!"
You quickly shake your head and enter the fray again ready to engage the Mean One.
You stand up and try to shake off the pain. You see the Grinch coming at you again.
You immediately raise your hands to block the incoming strike.
The Grinch swings his mean little fist. You get your arms up just in time for it to hit your head.
"AGH!"
You luckily, the block did protect against some of the damage so you moved to punch the Grinch in the gut.
The Grinch is quick to follow up with a punch to your face.
"AGH!"
You punch him in the grinchy face, but his fist is quicker.
You realize you need to create some distance so you start backflipping away.
The Grinch keeps coming and tries to grab you, but you manage to avoid his grasp.
"AGH!"
You turn around in the air and knees the Grinch right in the grinch zone.
You think you got lucky until you realize your foot broke just trying that.
Your leg twists as you hit the floor and you scream out in pain.
"AGH!"
You grab the mean one by his ankle and pull him down.
You scream with pain as the Mean One grabs you by the broken leg and begins to slam you repeatedly into the floor.
He hits you a few more times, and the last thing you see is his shadow looming over you as the light in your soul goes out.
You get a small break when you swallow the remaining bits of Senzu Bean in your mouth. Feeling reenergized, you manage to fire an energy blast into the Mean One's "grinch zone" (his thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole) which causes him to drop you.
However, he catches you with his other hand and rams your face into the stone floor.
You scream "Damn it!" into the floor.
Your arms, legs, back, head and front teeth are all broken. It hurts like hell.
"AGH!"
The Grinch looks down at you.
"I'll get you for that."
You get ready to fight when you hear a familiar voice in the distance.
"Kaaaaa... meeeeee..." Goku began to say. "Haaaaaa... meeeee..."
You look up to see an incredibly large spaceship hovering above you. It's too far away to tell anything else about it, except that it has a flying saucer on top.
You then realize that it wasn't just any spaceship. It was Frieza's spaceship and just as the Mean One turned to face it, you heard the yell.
"HAAAAAAA!" Goku shouted right as the most massive Kamehameha beam came hurtling towards the Mean One who didn't look at this with a face full of fear but rather he had a grinchy sneer so wide it stretched from ear-to-ear.
You watched with horror as the Mean One simply reached into a little grinchy pocket and pulled out his dog Max who took the full force of the beam and absorbed it into his being.
You manage to get up and rush towards the spaceship, but are brought to a sudden halt when the Grinch pulls you back by the scruff of your neck.
You turn around and try to fight but to no avail.
"Oh my sweet little tot." He snarled. "You're only leaving when you're a dead body that's starting to rot."
You don't even get a chance to reply when the Grinch suddenly dropped you.
"So for now, please sit tight. I'll deal with you once I put out this light." The Mean One said as he turned his attention towards Goku.
The Grinch erases Goku with a thought.
Goku disappears and lands several feet away from you and the Mean One. He's unconscious, but alive. You watch as he slowly starts to get up...
You turn to Goku and ask literally the most unimportant question for this point in time. "Wait how did you resist being erased?"
"When I heard the Grinch about to fire, I stopped him." He said.
"How?" You ask.
"I punched him in the face."
You asked "Seriously?"
You continued when Goku nodded. "You pulled off an impossible lightspeed punch in order to resist being erased?!"
"No I didn't." He said with a smile. "I used Kaio-Ken x 10."
"Well, what does it feel like?" You asked.
"It feels awesome!"
You say "That still doesn't explain anything."
"Well, in order to do the Kaio-Ken x 10 I imagined myself flying through the air and punching the Grinch in the face."
You don't ask how he did it.
You say "But... you know what? Forget this conversation." right as the Grinch's foot slammed against your face.
"Shut up!" He cried. "Now we can finally get to the good stuff!"
You groan in pain as you watch Goku try to kick the Grinch.
The Grinch laughs and backs away, to which you decide that's enough and try to take his foot off of you. The Grinch easily breaks your leg.
"Ow, you bastard!" You scream.
The Grinch punches you in the face and laughs.
"G-give me one good reason why I shouldn't finish you off now!" He demands.
You don't say anything, but instead, make one more attempt to convince him to stop.
You stop midway through that thought for you realize that trying to reason with a monster when he had nearly killed one of your friends and broke your leg is fucking stupid.
You spit out a tooth and continue.
You charge toward the Grinch and see Goku doing the same.
Goku fires a barrage of punches, but the Grinch knocks them all away.
"Pathetic." He laughs.
Goku attempts to kick him, but the Grinch catches his leg.
"Stop!" He demands.
He puts his free hand on the back of your neck and presses, which causes pain.
"Listen closely when I tell you this: if you want to live, you will give me the gem!"
You snarl at him. "You will not get the Chaos Emeralds fucknugget."
"I'm not going to bother, you're not worth the energy." The Grinch says and drops Goku's leg.
He turns toward you and smashes your head into the ground.
"KAPOW!"
You groan as you push yourself back up, your arm reaching for your bag of Senzu Beans.
The Grinch pushes you back down.
"I don't think so." He says as he takes his foot off of you.
You say to yourself "Yep, should've known that would've happened."
"Now that I think about it, I don't think I should give you anything." He says.
He looks over at the cave and the Chaos Emeralds inside.
"That does sound like more fun." He says.
He turns toward the cave and runs off.
"COWABUNGA!" He shouts.
You look on with horror with that expression... not changing when you saw that one person blocked his path and unfortunately for you this person would not be able to handle the Grinch. That person being the Angry Video Game Nerd.
"Why are you blocking my way to the cave, you little dickhead?" He shouts.
"ANGER MANAGEMENT!" He then shows his remote and the cave lights up.
You watch as from the cave comes the Nerd's various friends including Motherfucker Mike, Shitpickle, the Nerdy Turd, Bullshit Man, Super Mecha Death Christ, Pat the NES Punk, the Guitar Guy and finally Drunk Spider-Man.
The Angry Video Game Nerd and his crew have gathered.
"Why are you blocking my way to the cave, you little dickhead?" The Nerd repeats with the others.
You ask dumbfounded "What?"
"Look I know I'm gonna die anyway and I didn't have any badass line planned." The Nerd said right before turning his attention back to the Grinch.
"What the fuck do you want, you little shithead?"
"Fuck you." The Grinch says as he breaks into song.
"Fuck the Grinch, he's trying to steal your girl."
"Shut up!" The Nerd angrily shouts and begins to break into a rage.
"He's really trying to get your girl, he doesn't care if he has to destroy the world to do it."
"Shut up!"
"He's angry, confused and scared." The Nerd continues.
"Shut up!"
"Angry that he can't have your girl."
"SHUT UP!
"So he's turning the world into a giant version of your living room."
"SHUT UP!"
"That's what I'm talking about, Grinch."
"Fuck you. Fuck you all to hell."
The Grinch transforms into a giant version of the Angry Grinch, who proceeds to smash the living room around you. He stops as he sees the Nerd and his friends.
"
You turn to look at the Nerd right as you finish swallowing the Senzu Bean. "Way to go Nerd. Way to just make shit worse and piss the Grinch off. Well done mate, well done."
The Grinch begins stomping his foot as it begins to transform back to its non-giant form.
"Fuck you, I'm not finished with you."
You then charge the Grinch again and this time you have the Nerd and his friends by your side doing the same.
You don't even think about it. You charge right into the Grinch with the rest of your allies. It works perfectly. The Grinch is so distracted by everyone attacking him, he can't react in time before your friends tear him apart.
You know though isn't the end and sure enough, fists begin manifesting from the pieces of Grinch.
A fist made of ice smashes into your face, sending you toppling to the ground. The Grinch grabs you and slams your head against the wall, before tossing you onto the floor.
"I should have killed you the first time I met you, hairball." He growls.
He begins to transform back into a giant, before stopping.
"What the fuck just happened?"
You look at the Nerd. "Don't you get it Nerd? He's toying with us."
The giant's head begins to move.
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO!" The Grinch shouts as he starts to transform back into a human.
You look on with a confused expression "What's happening?"
"I... I got a idea. " The Nerd says nervously.
He stands up, trembling as he looks at the Grinch. He then takes a deep breath and starts to whisper- but you can still hear him clearly.
"I've... I've got something that can stop the Grinch."
You say "I'd love to hear about that but right now I want to know why the Grinch is turning into a human."
The Grinch reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny blue pill and swallows it.
"Why was he taking a pill in the first place?" You think to yourself.
Then you remember what the blue pill does.
You your eyes widen with horror. "Oh that's not good."
You look at the Nerd. "You know what that pill does?"
"Of course!" The Nerd says. "It's the discontinued cold medicine, just one big happy pill."
You can't believe it.
You shake your head. "No Nerd, that's a Truffula Pill. It's like a Senzu Bean and steroids had one ugly monstrously powerful baby for it not only heals you, it also powers you up."
You see the Nerd looking confused so you continue to explain. "It's the very pill I used before me and Pajama Sam fused to take him down initially. We had the last ones in existence and knew the only place that could make more was at the Once-ler's Thneed Factory which we heard was shut down."
"Oh." The Nerd says as if remembering something. "Yeah, I remember seeing something about that in the papers."
"Well then, you must have the plant that makes these right here!"
You shake your head. "Good guess but that's not it."
The Grinch grabs the little green seed from the table and looks at it.
"I wonder...?" He says as if thinking really hard.
You watch as the Grinch shoves the Senzu Bean and the pills up his butt with horror as the realization hits you.
You turn back to the Nerd and speak your thoughts. "You see Nerd, the Grinch can do this because he is not just the Grinch."
"What?" The Nerd says. "Who is the Grinch?"
You say the name. "The Grinch is the Once-ler!"
You watch as the Nerd's eyes widened.
"WHAT?! That's ridiculous!" The Nerd says. "How could the Once-ler be the Grinch?"
You take a deep breath for what you're about to explain is ridiculous. "You see, a long time ago there's this dude called the O-"
"I read the fucking book." The Nerd interjected.
"Did you watch the movie?" You ask.
"That shitty CG thing?" The Nerd asked.
You nod. "You know the weird Once-ler fandom?"
The Nerd looked perplexed. "That existed?" He asked.
"Yep and there's not enough time to explain that so I'll keep this brief." You began. "The main point is the Once-ler once expelled his evil half which became the Greed-ler which later became who we knew as the Grinch or in this case Grinch Prime. Now this Greed-ler continued to toil away in a cave practicing cloning techniques and eventually was able to split into five beings which came to the Once-ler's home three years back to absorb him, his family and to make matters worse, he slaughtered and ate the Lorax and used his fur which contained special powers to grant himself the ability to fly as well as all his abilities and with those, he made an army of trees and animals and tried to take over the North Pole. Pajama Sam and I barely survived that first encounter and now? Well you can guess he's back for revenge."
"But why the Grinch?" The Nerd asked. "Why not just take over the world with the army of animals and trees?
You explain "Simply put? The Grinch... really has a shitty scope. He just wanted to end Christmas and nothing more."
"And he failed."
"That's a really negative way to look at things."
The Nerd stares at you blankly. "You don't think it's negative to want to celebrate and have a nice time?"
You set a hand on the shoulder. "Look Nerd, you get that probably Santa gave you shitty game after shitty game but think, the Grinch wanted to end Christmas for everyone and now he wants to end the very concept of joy itself. In fact Nerd the Grinch has been doing this for years. Nerd, he's the guy behind Laughing Joking Numbnuts. He is THE Laughing Joking Numbnut.
You watch as the Nerd struggled to say the name.
"No..." The Nerd began. "That's not true. That's impossible!"
"Oh Nerd but he is so right." The Grinch said. "I'm the one behind the shitty games you got on December's twenty-fifth night. Now you may want to say that it isn't so but trust me Nerd, I'm the one behind that unholy rainbow."
"The unholy what?"
"The unholy rainbow of course. Have you not been paying attention to the events that have occurred on December's twenty-fifth night?
You look at the Nerd. "Face it Nerd, he's LJN!"
The Grinch glares at you. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about, Junior."
"But I do!"
You look at the Grinch who goes to say something only to then just grin once he saw the Nerd crying.
"On second thought," He began grinchily. "Keep saying this, you're breaking this Nerd's soul."
"LJN!" The Nerd cried.
The Grinch's eyes watered up a little. "I'll get you for this."
He looks at the crying nerd and gives him a nod.
You watch as Drunk Spider-Man had enough of this shit and decided to toss a beer bottle at him. Unfortunately he was too drunk to notice that wasn't a bottle but rather a bag that had all seven Chaos Emeralds.
"Oh shit!" He yelled.
With the bag of Chaos Emeralds now in his possession, The Grinch growled and gave a hasty retreat.
You glare at Drunk Spider-Man.
You facepalm.
You ignore the Nerd crying and approach Drunk Spider-Man.
"You're not supposed to be able to shoot webs from your wrists you know."
"Shut up and shoot me some webbing, shithead."
You grab the webbing Drunk Spider-Man gave you and twirl it like a lasso before throwing it out towards the Grinch. It latches onto the bag... but the Grinch's strength caused you to be pulled into the air.
"Ha-ha! You see, this what you'll get if you try to fuck with me." The Grinch laughed.
You fly out of sight.
You ignore his jeers and instead jump up and deliver a good punch to the jaw of the Grinch.
The Grinch reels backwards and attempts to get his bearings, before grabbing you by the neck.
"You little prick!" He snarls as he begins squeezing your throat.
"Ahhh!"
You ignore the pressure and use your own flight ability to slam your body into the Grinch which sends the both of you careening down to the planet below.
The Grinch and you crash-land on the street below, killing both of you instantly.
You know full well the Grinch ain't dead so you force yourself up onto your knees and try to get away.
The Grinch growls and grabs your leg, pulling you back down to the street.
"No! No! Fuck you! Fuck you!" You gurgle as he strangles the life out of you.
You look around at the environment around you and realize that the both of you are in the middle of New York City except even shittier-looking.
You know the Grinch won't stop choking your physical form so you disconnect from that body and enter your astral form to get a better look at the environment.
You realize with horror what this planet was once you heard some low gurgling noises. "This is Earth... Earth-2149."
The Grinch laughs.
"Correct, little one! And Earth-2149 is my fucking bitch!"
The Grinch proceeds to destroy the city with some sort of energy beam.
You enter your physical body once again just in time to see an ARMY of zombie superheroes and villains closing in on you with the one leading the charge being a zombified Grinch clone.
The Grinch stomps on your physical form as you scream in pain.
"FOOL!" He roars. "I am the Grinch, the smartest, meanest, most ruthless monster to ever live!"
You watch with horror as the Grinch absorbs the zombie clone into his being.
The Grinch continues to smile, as if he had just pulled off a great joke.
You stand up with fists balled up and ready to go... right as Zombie Hulk fills your vision. "Oh... fuck"
Zombie Hulk charges at the Grinch who easily dodges him and proceeds to send him into a building.
You run up to the Grinch, but he sends you flying with the power of his glare.
You smash through several buildings before you splat into a dumpster.
The Grinch takes his foot and kicks your broken body.
"Zombies can't fly you know!" He laughs. "They can only be brought down to Earth."
You crawl out of the dumpster and start to stand up.
You spit out blood "That was a horrible pun."
"Hm, not as bad as 'baaa'," the Grinch says with a nod.
"What was that you were saying about Earth-2149 being your bitch? Is there some sort of ... slave market in this future world?"
The Grinch stops to think for a moment.
"I believe there is one, yes. You can buy and sell people on this world.
You come to a horrible realization. "Y-You monster. You not only sold the last survivors of this earth to them, you also use these poor souls as slaves."
"What's it to you?" The Grinch asks as he kicks Zombie Hulk into another building.
You your eyes widen. "They don't deserve this! It's bad enough that these people succumbed to a virus that made them eat friends and loved ones but to exploit their crippling hunger. Honestly how bad could you possibly be."
The Grinch smiled and replied "You could say I'm just doing what comes naturally."
The Grinch charges at you.
You grab a nearby shard of glass and ready to stab the Grinch in his eye.
The Grinch takes a step back and laughs.
"So you've got fight in you after all!" He smiles with approval.
Zombie-Hulk smashes through a building and lands right in front of you.
You look at him sheepishly. "Please don't eat me Hulk. You're the strongest there is and there's a green furry man who hurt you named the Grinch. Please kill him?"
The Grinch bursts out in laughter.
"What are you talking about?" He says as he takes a step back. "The Hulk is dead."
You drop the shard of glass and hold onto your head.
You start pleading. "Please Hulk! Don't hurt me!"
"Hulk... smash..." Zombie Hulk began, slobber dribbling from his mouth as he raised his fists. Then in that split second, he turned to face the Grinch.
"HULK SMASH GREEN FUZZY MAN!" The brute shouted.
The Grinch stops laughing and prepares for the attack.
Zombie-Hulk's head explodes into a gory mess, showering the street with blood and chunks of flesh.
You watch as the headless body of what was once the Hulk reverted to Bruce Banner. You whimper "Hulk... no."
You look up at the Grinch. "You bastard."
"Well, you've got a temper like your father." He says with a smirk. "How's it feel to have your world crash down around you?"
You stand up and start walking towards him.
You give him a glare. "You're gonna pay for what you did."
The Grinch erases you from existence.
The Grinch's smile drops and his eyes widen. "Now who's behaving like your father?"
You immediately manifest yourself back into existence. "As long as you draw breath, I will never die."
You step towards him as he prepares to run.
"You're not getting away." You say as you grab him.
The Grinch attempts to erase you, but you hold on.
You draw your fist back and punch him, the impact sending him right through the corpse of the freshly eaten Galactus.
The Grinch attempts to get back up, but fails as the Air-Sled you're on takes off. You take your fists and ram them into the Grinch's head over and over again.
You uppercut the Grinch into the air before giving chase.
The Grinch flies straight into the air and you follow suit, kicking him back down to Earth as you both crash through the roof of the cave, ending up in a bloody mess in the cold darkness.
You try to punch the Grinch but stop once you notice some spit on your shoulder and look up to see Zombie Spider-Man looking down at the both of you. "Oh shit."
"How long am I gonna have to deal with this asshole?" You ask.
"Until one of us dies, that's how long." Zombie Spider-Man says.
You stand up and take in the scene.
You look confused. "Wait how did you..."
"I was the only one who didn't listen." Zombie Spider-Man interjected. "I conquered my hunger years ago so the Grinch's offer didn't phase me."
You look back down at the Grinch and now recognize him from the night he tried to steal Christmas: His big nose, his ears, his forehead... all that's missing is the white beard.
You have a terrifying realization just as the Grinch started to power up. "Oh shit, that's why he needed the Chaos Emeralds."
"What?" Zombie Spider-Man asks.
You turn to him. "His plan was to kill Santa and use the Chaos Emeralds to enter his final form which is a perfect replica of Santa Claus."
Zombie Spider-Man looks down at the Grinch and is about to interject when...
"SHIT!" You shout as you see a blur zipping straight towards you.
You catch Zombie Spider-Man but his weight almost sends you both tumbling to the ground. The Grinch snatches you up in his claws and smashes you against the cave wall.
You immediately try to punch Grinch.
You punch the Grinch in the face, shattering his nose. Grinch's howls in pain and he drops you as he tries to stem the flow of blood from his face.
You find yourself blinded by the Grinch who flung his own blood at your eyes.
You let out a roar of anger as you take in the scent of Grinch's blood and lurch forward to attack.
You flail wildly at the Grinch.
Your punch misses, but you do manage to grab ahold of his ear and bite down on a chunk of it!
The Grinch releases a burst of flame that engulfs the both of you.
You think quickly and use your newfound mastery of Instant Transmission to get away from the fire. You end up back with the Nerd on the ship.
You blink and find yourself inside the captain's room. You can still feel the heat of the fire on your body.
"Dude, you look like hell!" The captain says.
You just look at the Captain and grab him by the shirt "The Grinch is back!"
"The... Grinch? Really?" The captain says.
"Yeah, and he's fucking destroyed my home!"
"Well we should probably-"
"Help me help you! We can use the power of the Chaos Emeralds to take down the Grinch and end this once and for all!" The Nerd says.
You roll your eyes. "Oh sure let's just go ask the Grinch nicely if he'd give us the emeralds."
"Don't be such a cynic, we can work something out with the Grinch."
"The Grinch has always been a force of evil in this world, and all he does is destroy!
You shake the Captain. "He broke my arms multiple times! He tried to destroy Christmas! He enslaved an entire universe! He nearly killed Shaggy! He killed a version of my father! HE'S ROTTEN TO THE FUCKING CORE!"
The captain is silent.
"You understand why I have to kill the Grinch right?" You say.
The captain nods. "Yeah, I get it. But do you think you could take him?"
"Take him? The only thing he'll let me take is my life, which I'm more than happy to do.
You then continue. "It's just that if I'm gonna die, it's by sacrifice. The Grinch just wants to fucking kill me."
"And I want to live, but if I help you, you need to promise me that you'll get out of that cave."
"You really don't think I can handle him? I'm not afraid to die, captain!"
"I'm not saying you should be. I'm just saying I don't want to see you get yourself killed either.
You give the Captain a friendly hug. "I understand and get it. I'm just saying I'm willing to do what's nece-"
"I'm the mean one. Mr. Grinch." The voice of the Grinch sang, causing everyone to turn towards the viewfinder to see the fuzzy warlord floating in space with the lifeless head of Zombie Spider-Man in his grasp. "I really am a heel."
"Oh no." You uttered.
"What now?" The captain asked.
You begin to hear the jingle of bells, and know that the beasts are coming to crush your life out of all of your stuffing.
You turn towards the Captain. "The Grinch brought Krampus!"
"What?! Oh fuck."
"Quick! Grab your shit and run into my office!" The captain shouts.
You grab your most important belongings and follow the captain into his personal quarters.
The beasty's smash the window, and immediately start dismantling the room with ease. You grab the captain and push him into the corner.
"We have to surrender!" He cries out.
You turn towards him. "But sir, you killed Krampus before."
"Yeah... and the moral of that story is don't fuck with Santa. Now let's go!"
You grab your stuff and follow him as he makes his way to the armory.
You don't move. "We have to stay and fight!"
"There's no point in doing that. If we're lucky, maybe we'll win. More likely, we'll all get killed. And if we're unlucky, the giant fucking monster will destroy this place."
You give him a stern expression. "So? At least if we fight him we go out knowing we at least tried!"
"And I did. Now come on!"
He makes his way to the armory, but stops in the hall when you don't follow him.
"You can't seriously be thinking of fighting that!" He says.
"I have to do something! You saw what's going on! I have to do something!" You shout.
"We all do, but we can't be the ones doing it."
"Why not?! I thought you were my friend!"
The captain sighs, "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right. I've just seen a lot in my time, and fighting an entire monster horde isn't one of them."
"But..."
"Listen to me. This is NOT the time to be a hero. We need to find a secure place to stay and make a solid plan. Then, we can think of something, I promise.
You look him deep in the eyes. "With all due respect sir, we have NO time! We can't just hunker down in some place like it's a standard pandemic and work this shit out. This is a situation that calls for immediate and decisive decision-making."
You then turn towards the Nerd. "Angry Video Game Nerd. You get what I'm saying at least don't you?"
He thinks for a second, "Well, I suppose you're right... in a way."
"Of course I'm right. I'm always right." You laugh.
You say under your breath. "Except for when I'm not."
"Excuse me?"
"Never mind."
"Hey wait! Don't leave me here!" The Grinch cries.
"Sorry, not this time."
You hear the Grinch's tone change.
"Oh why not?" He began. "I just want to kill you."
"You do?" You say surprised. "Well then why don't you try and make a move, I'm waiting for you..." You reply, tauntingly.
You get into a fighting position. "Captain I need you to make your decision now."
"Alright fine! But I'm going with my gut on this one. We stay here and fight!"
"Perfect." You say.
You look at the group and your eyes settle on the Hunchback.
You explain the plan. "Alright here's the strategy. Captain, Nerd? You both have Krampus while I take the Grinch."
"Sounds good to me!" The Captain says.
"But I ain't no Krampus lover." The Hunchback replies.
You turn to them. "You both know the Hunchback is Krampus ri-"
"It doesn't take much to figure that out." The Nerd interjects.
"He just doesn't like the limelight." You continue. "The Captain will take care of him while I'll take care of the Grinch."
"Fine by me." The Hunchback says.
You look at the Nerd. "Well does this beat reviewing shitty games?"
The Nerd gave you a fist bump. "If we survive this thing? I will never complain about reviewing shitty games for the rest of my life."
"Duly noted." You say.
You take a deep breath and wait for the Grinch's move.
The Grinch bursts towards you faster than you've ever seen anything move.
You quickly dodge while shouting "JESUS CHRIST!"
You try to jump out of the way, but the Grinch catches you and smashes your head into the floor breaking it. You let out a scream as blood pools around your head.
You scream "SON OF A BITCH!" right as you fall through the floor on top of Drunk Spider-Man.
You throw the Grinch off you.
You sit up from the rubble of the destroyed floor and see the Grinch about to kill Drunk Spider-Man. You scream "NOOOOO!" as you quickly stand up and charge him.
You tackle the Grinch and pin him to the floor and proceed to punch him repeatedly.
You slam the Grinch to the floor but he avoids your punch and breaks your arm. You scream in agony as he proceeds to smash your head into the floor again and again and again.
You watch as Drunk Spider-Man smashes a bottle over the Grinch's head.
The Grinch lets go of you in pain from the broken arm and head-butts the bottle destroying it.
You watch as Spider-Man grabs the Grinch by the ear and yank him to his feet.
You shout "Drunk Spider-Man!"
"I'm super fast!" Spider-Man slurs.
The Grinch smashes Spider-Man in the face with his good claw and then proceeds to smash his face into the broken floor over and over again.
You watch as Shitpickle and Nerdy Turd charge the Grinch to save Drunk Spider-Man.
The two shitlings run at the Grinch with Nerdy Turd poking his fingers into his eyes. The Grinch swats him away like a fly and runs over to finish off Spider-Man.
You watch Drunk Spider-Man piss a string of web into the Grinch's eyes.
The Grinch stops and tries to remove the web from his eyes but fails. Shitpickle then runs up to the Grinch and slashes him in the side.
You see an opening and rush to tackle the Grinch.
You tackle the Grinch and both of you go tumbling over and over again. While you are momentarily free from the Grinch's claw, he proceeds to take off one of your legs.
You simply smirk and start laughing.
You laugh and laugh as the Grinch continues to rip off your limbs. Eventually, he finishes you off with his next attack...
You shout at him. "Wait! I have something you should know."
You scream and yell to try and get the Grinch's attention.
You stare at the Grinch.
"YOU SUCK!" you yell.
The Grinch wipes a tear from his eye.
You look at him with a smirk. "Okay now for the real info."
"Really? The insult wasn't all?" The Grinch asked.
"No! It's something much more interesting!"
"Okay then, let's get this over with..." The Grinch yawned.
You take a deep breath.
You look into the Grinch's eyes. "You ever notice how I keep coming back even when you break every bone in my body?"
You take a deep breath.
"Ever wonder why that is?"
The Grinch looks down.
"It's cause I'm fucking nice."
You laugh and laugh as the Grinch breaks your other arm.
You giggle. "Well... it's that and one more tiny detail."
"What's that?"
"I'm immortal."
The Grinch stops and looks at you.
"You're... you're joking."
"No.
You laugh. "Well to be more accurate, I am just really hard to kill because of a little detail about my genetics."
The Grinch stands in silence for a moment.
"Okay... but that still doesn't explain why you keep coming back."
"It's really quite simple. You see, I simply regenerate.
You stand up slowly as your body fixes and reforms itself. "For you see, I'm the son of Bruce Banner who you may know as the Hulk. Well at one point, I was suffering from a horrible health condition and needed a blood transfusion. They luckily found donors but I never found out who they were. As it turned out, it was a mixed sample of blood from various people that my father synthesized to work with my body. Later I found out who those donors were and do you want to know what kind of DNA I have now?"
The Grinch looks up in anticipation.
You grin. "I have, in no particular order, the blood of a Saiyan, Namekian, Gems, Deities, Ogres, Demons, Genies and best of all. I HAVE THE BLOOD OF KRATOS! THE GOD OF WAR FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS AND HAVE EVERY ABILITY YOU CAN IMAGINE! But that's not even the best still. I now have your DNA which means I have your power."
The Grinch is silent as he stares at you.
"Well? Aren't you going to say something?"
"I'm thinking. I'm trying to imagine how this could be possible. How is it possible that you are the son of the Hulk? How is it possible that you have amazing genetic powers? How is it possible that you have the blood of a deity flowing through your veins? How is it possible that you're a walking solar battery? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU...
You charge forward and punch the Grinch down to the ground as a golden aura developed around you. "The question doesn't matter. What matters now is the fact that I'm going to wipe you off the face of this universe."
"Yes. You may be right." The Grinch remarks as he attempts to stand up. "But there is still one thing that I don't understand."
"What's that?"
"How the hell did you not realize any of this?"
"Well, I just found out myself. In fact, I'm about to go on a journey to find out if this is just a very long and elaborate joke of my parents' or if I truly am a genetic freak."
"I see.
You then start powering up. "But enough about that. LET'S FINISH THIS!"
"I'm with you kid. Let's do this."
You and the Grinch begin to power up.
You feel a surge of godly energy as you reach your true final form. Super Saiyajin Warudo.
You unleash a flurry of punches which the Grinch dodges.
The Grinch grabs you and smashes you into the wall.
You immediately charge for the Grinch and grabbed him by the throat. "YOUR TRICKS WON'T WORK ON ME! I WILL BEAT YOU!"
You attempt to squeeze the life out of the Grinch, but he grabs your arm.
The Grinch knees you in the stomach and flips you over.
The Grinch kicks you in the face.
You waste no time and knee him in the nuts which sends him flying into the ceiling.
You follow up with a couple of stomps.
The Grinch pulls himself up using the ceiling. He takes his time and gets into fighting stance, allowing you to do one more attack before dodging.
You immediately try to sense his energy.
You sense the Grinch's energy, and unleash a flurry of punches, kicks, and blows with your fists.
The Grinch barely survives. He smiles and knocks you to the floor.
You you're ready to pay him back when you hear him utter a few words.
"I wouldn't touch you with a..." Right after those words, the Grinch threw his arms to the side and an intense dark green and red aura exploded around him as he screamed his final lines. "THIRTY-NINE-AND-A-HALF... FOOT... POOOOLLLLLEEEEEEE!"
You shield your eyes as the Grinch entered his final form, the transformation you worked so hard to prevent.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled as his body began to grow.
You watch as his body grows to a giant's height. He begins to run on all fours, like a bear.
You also watch as the fur on his face grew and mutated into a massive fluffy white beard.
The Grinch's face grew fatter and fluffier as his body grew to a giant's height.
The Grinch now resembles a bear/grinch hybrid.
You look on with a slight hint of fear. "No way, he's almost there."
The Grinch howls as his body finishes growing. He stands on two feet like a bear standing on its hind legs, but with the lower body of a man.
You also note that the man's body in particular was Santa's and that's when you realize you had it wrong.
"He wasn't aiming to turn into Santa Claus." You think to yourself. "No this is worse, this is... this is... honestly I don't know what to call this form."
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" The Grinch lets out a horrible roar as he stands on two feet, now resembling the traditional understanding of a bear. "I'M GRINCH!"
You look on before powering up to maximum and getting into a familiar position. "Ka..."
The Grinch doesn't even let you finish your sentence as he snaps you up and chomps down on your torso, crunching through steel and breaking through concrete.
You howl in pain and quickly jump back, you feel your body healing rapidly.
The Grinch lets out a horrible roar as his face becomes red with rage. He lets out another terrible roar and begins running towards you.
You immediately fire an energy blast into his eye as you continue to jump backward.
The Grinch lets out a horrible growl as he swats the blast away. He falls back and rolls forward as he grabs your arm.
"You think you can defeat me?" He snarls.
You look on wuth shock.
The Grinch lets out a horrible roar as he runs forward. He grabs you with his other hand and lifts you into the air.
"This is your fate little one."
You begin to think that this may be your fate when out of the blue, a blur charges toward the Grinch and smacks him away.
It's the Who, they're here to save you.
"No, this can't be happening!" You think.
You watch as this quickly proves fruitless as the Grinch immediately disembowels the Who.
"Whoa!" You shout.
The Who are wiped out.
You collapse to the ground, blood pours out of your body and stinks.
You heal and look on at the monster that was the Grinch with rage in your eyes. "Fuck! I'm out of tricks!"
You stare at the Grinch who's about to finish off the Who. "Fuck your hair and fuck your family too!" You say in a serious tone.
The Grinch is surprised.
You immediately charge towards the giant, dig your nails into his nutsack and start pulling.
The Grinch roars in pain and anger as he stumbles backwards, grabbing his nutsack. He grabs you and...
There's a sound of a gun, and Santa appears, standing between you and the Grinch with a gun in his hands.
"I'm a walking legend!" The Grinch screams.
You watch as Santa brings out his sack.
"Hey Grinch." Santa began. "I got a present for you."
The Grinch snarls as he charges towards the giant, grabbing his sack. He then turns and sprints off.
"Fuck, what a wanker." You say.
"Indeed." Santa remarks.
You watch Santa laugh.
"Too bad the present is of the... punching variety." Santa said.
You tilt your head with confusion. "What do you mean?" Santa just laughed.
The Grinch, excitedly, held Santa's sack eagerly and opened it up with no hesitation to see what was- a single jack-in-the-box. "Hm, what a lousy present. A jack-in-the-box."
... The Grinch begins to wind it. "If this is the best you've got for me, not wonder I wanted to destroy-
The jack-in-the-box opens, and-
"Pop goes the weasel." A voice says.
The sound of a roaring punch cracks through the air.
The air feels less bitter; the imposing energy that suffocated the universe fading.
The Grinch is gone; all that is left is a mist of the energetic essence of what used to be the Grinch...
And Saitama.
"Huh." Saitama remarks. "That was piss-easy."
You and Santa were casually chatting when Saitama walked toward you.
He carries no weapon of any kind. In fact, he doesn't even appear to wear any clothing.
Yet he stands there with the same confidence as any world leader.
You look confused. "Why are you naked?"
"Didn't want to get shocked by static electricity inside Santa's sack." Saitama said. "My cape would've caused that to happen."
"Oh."
You then stand completely still as realization fills you which causes your jaw to go slack. "You... killed the Grinch?"
Saitama nods. "Happened to be passing by and took care of it with one punch."
"That was you?!"
"Yep." Saitama nods.
You try to think about this for a few more moments. "That was insanely amazing!" You say with excitement.
You then change your tone. "Why the fuck didn't we think of this earlier!"
"There wasn't much call for it." Saitama says calmly.
"What do you mean?"
"There wasn't anyone around to hear the noise from a jack-in-the-box."
You then just throw up your hands and make your way to a ship to take yourself home.
On the way, you find yourself pondering this newfound information. Saitama. A person who can destroy any enemy in a single punch, but doesn't carry a weapon of any kind.
You then casually add to the thought. "He's also a dude we could've contacted way earlier."
With that, you take yourself home.
Once home, you collapse into bed and sleep for days.
You sleep.
THE END