CW - Homophobia
Pronouns note: in the beginning of the fic, as Marin(ette) is very much closeted, I am purposefully using he/him pronouns as these capture the correct perspective feel. Pronouns will change as soon as she realizes who/what she really is.
So, this is my first work after almost two years of not producing any new ones. I am planning to explore mental challenges involving the crossing of the gender barrier, the very same ones I am now fighting after discovering my own gender identity, as I was writing it in a Miraculous Ladybug fic.
This work is planned to be about a dozen chapters and around 30-40k words when complete.
Thanks go to: V- for inspiring this fic and for being the amazing and caring person they are.
Wonderful beta feedback and copyediting: Skye, MyKeyboardDidIt
(further thanks will be updated as goes! if you helped with beta/ideas just hit me up and i'll add you!)
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
"Dear, your alarm's been going off for fifteen minutes! You're going to be late for your first day of school!"
You say that as if it's a bad thing. As if I don't want to be several hours late. Or days.
"Yeah Mom, I'm coming."
Marin dragged himself out of bed, his form hunched as he made his way to his closet, regarding his clothes with indifference.
I Don't even like any of them. And I doubt they would solve the real problem here. That I do not like what I see in the mirror.
Myself.
His hand drifted to a random shirt of no particular interest and he casually tossed it over his head. He shuffled over to the bathroom, glancing at himself in the mirror.
Ho-hum. Same old me, isn't it?
His hair was in its usual mess on top of his head. Foregoing using a brush, he ended up lightly combing through his hair with his fingers until it looked somewhat acceptable.
I guess that's okay, he thought while shrugging.
As he was brushing his teeth, his eyes strayed to his face. Studying it. Scrutinizing it.
I ought to shave better than this, He thought. His hand reached for the razor, but he stopped short of picking it up.
What even is the point. Either way, trying won't make any difference.
The image in the mirror appeared to give him a judgemental look, his own blue eyes prying into the inner parts of his soul.
Well, at least these eyes aren't half as bad. Perhaps they would have been of some use if they had been matched with another person altogether.
He sighed and turned his head away, as if that would be enough to make the thought disappear.
It wasn't.
The stairway creaked just a bit as he went downstairs to the kitchen where his parents were already toiling about.
"Your need to patch up your shave, my boy," Tom said. "You want to look good for the ladies, don't you?"
I'm not into girls, Dad.
Maybe one day I'll gather the courage to tell you that.
"Well… not really…"
After all, what difference does it make?
"Come now, where's the spirit? Every girl is different, they can't all be like Chloe," Sabine interjected, attempting to be helpful but having just the opposite effect.
"Ugh, Mom, why'd you have to mention her at all?"
Marin frowned as he sat down for breakfast, unable to drive Chloe's image away from his mind. He took a bite off of his omelette and was struck by the apparent blandness. He set the fork down, sighing quietly to himself.
And there goes my appetite. It's not the omelette that's the issue though...
A sip of fresh juice did the trick, the taste too strong to be overridden.
"Cheer up, buddy!" Tom came over. "Take these macarons to school, maybe a tasty start would help lighten up your day!"
"Thanks, Dad, these are awesome." He said as he picked them up, giving him a half-hearted smile in return.
I appreciate the gesture..., but it feels more like bribing my classmates with these. Guess anything is worth a try at this point.
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
Marin walked into school where everyone was bustling about and chatting with old friends.
Bright banners greeted the students and everything still felt pristine and clean. The corridors even had flower bouquets placed as decorations. Marin took a breath of air, relishing in the floral scent, and proceeded to enter class.
The classroom was freshly painted and even the furniture had been patched with an attention to detail. Marin barely allowed himself a moment of excitement, before despair and weariness took hold again.
It may look different, but looks won't change anything for people like me. It'll still be an endless test of mettle against bullying and harassment.
He cautiously went for his seat and observed his classmates.
So there's Nino, he's kinda-sorta okay with me. Something I could never say about Kim. Max hasn't been mean either, but he's with Kim, so... At least I don't see her, maybe we're not in the same—
"What do you think you're doing?" a loud cry halted his thoughts and confirmed his fears.
Chloe. The nastiest of them all. Here's to an old-new welcome, a start-over that amounts to absolutely nothing.
"Ugh. Here we go again," he muttered quietly, hoping Chloe wouldn't pick it up.
She came over, an accusing look plastered on her face.
"That's my seat."
"But Chloe, this has always…" he attempted to retort, then quickly backtracked.
"Fine, just… take it. I don't care."
"Take it? It's always been ours." Sabrina added, bearing the same mocking countenance.
Sabrina helped herself to one of Marin's macarons uninvited, then made a puking motion.
"Ugh, they are so gross!" she said, even though she was quick to pocket one for her friend as well.
Chloe paid no heed to the macarons as she was already busy teaching Marin the new rules.
"Listen. Adrien's arriving today and the last thing he needs is someone who needs straightening like you giving this class a bad name. Stay away from him, get it?"
Marin tried his best to ignore the obvious insult and focus on the more pressing question.
"Who's Adrien?"
Both Chloe and Sabrina chuckled, making Marin regret asking.
"Adrien is a famous model. Pretty, rich, glamorous, someone to look up to. Like me. And just like me, he's everything you'll never be and everything you'll never have." Chloe fawned over her imaginary description as Sabrina took up the task of reprimanding Marin for the question.
"A loser that doesn't even know who Adrien is, needs to sit as far away from him as possible. You're enough of an embarrassment to our class as is."
Marin opened his mouth as if to deny every word, but opted against it.
You're wrong. One day, I'll be a famous and successful designer and every single one of you will be sorry for how you treated me. I just have to persist through this. I won't bite it this time.
He picked up his bag wordlessly and slowly went towards his designated seat.
At least that's what he planned to do, but the new girl pre-empted him as she grabbed him by the hand and helped him to the seat next to her. Apparently she had overheard the conversation and didn't plan on letting it slide, at least as far as her expression read as she looked towards one Chloe Bourgeois.
"Hey! Who elected you queen of seats?" She cried out.
"I did. Good luck dethroning me with your pariah friend." Chloe laughed at her.
It was then that Miss Bustier entered the class, finally putting a timely end to the whole ordeal.
"Has everyone found a seat?" she called.
"Hey. Don't let her get to you." The new girl turned towards Marin again.
He nodded.
"If only I could… She makes my life miserable. My only comfort is the thought that I'll be free once I graduate."
"I'm Alya, what's your name?"
"I'm Marin" He replied. "Pleased to meet you."
"For those of you who don't yet know me," Miss Bustier called yet again, "I'm Miss Bustier and I'll be your teacher this year."
At least with the lesson going on, I should be safe from unnecessary trouble.
Marin pulled out his history book, the same one from last year, bearing yet another reminder. "Marin the Gay-boy" scrawled over the cover, courtesy of Kim.
Safe, huh.
"Everything you'll never be, Everything you'll never have."
Like a clean history book.
It was then when the memories came back to life, a flashback from last year.
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
"Who did this?"
Marin looked about, trying to discern any dead giveaways by his classmates. Too many of them seemed to be smiling too mysteriously to be able to get anything out of them.
You need to stand up for yourself! Show them weakness and they'll hunt you down like prey!
… easier said than done.
He took another good look at his history book. A small red scrawl was now adorning it, not unlike a barb stuck in flesh and equally painful.
"Marin the Gay-Boy".
"Please… tell me who did this."
Weariness engulfed his voice as it went weak.
I'll find out who did this! I'll…
Drip.
Drop.
The book's hardcover had just won yet another adornment, as Marin's teardrops started collecting over it.
Marin picked up the book, tucked it by his side and blasted away from class, his legs carrying him as far as he could, a bout of laughter coming from his classmates in his wake.
By the time Nino found him, his tears had mostly dried out.
"I saw it, dude. It was Kim."
Marin sighed.
"Thanks, Nino. I… there's nothing I can do about it, now can I?"
Nino nodded.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
I may have missed first period and the picking of seats, but I haven't missed out the first day entirely. I guess luck is somewhat on my side, today.
"Hey there, Adrikins. Here's your seat, I saved it for you. Right in front of me!"
So, I have that going for me as well!
"Thanks, Chloe, that's really nice of you!"
As Chloe and her friend Sabrina went to do something else, Adrien found it to be an opportunity to introduce himself to other students around. What caught his attention the most about the nearby student were his orange headphones, seemingly a fixture of his appearance.
"Hey, I'm Adrien, pleased to meet you!" he offered his hand and got answered with a sturdy shake.
"Yo, I'm Nino. So, you're that guy Chloe mentioned earlier?"
It was at that moment that he caught something happening out of the corner of his eye.
"What's that all about?" he called towards Chloe and Sabrina, as both were putting gum on one of the seats.
"The brat that sits here needs a reminder of his place in the hierarchy. I'm just commanding a bit of respect, that's all."
"You think that's really necessary?"
"Ah, you've got a lot to learn about school culture, Adrikins. Watch the master."
Hardly convinced, Adrien went about trying to remove the gum from that seat, as he heard another male voice.
"Oh. So that's your method of choice. How original."
The voice sighed as Chloe and Sabrina laughed.
"Uhhh… I…" Adrien tried to protest, as he turned towards who he presumed was the seat's owner.
The first thing that struck him about this boy is that he had a good amount of untapped potential. Smooth black hair, bright blue eyes… given proper care, he could look so much nicer, but he was relatively unkempt and his clothes were poorly matched too.
"And to think I imagined this year would be any different. Stupid, stupid, stupid." The boy lamented.
"No, no, I was just trying to take this off!" Adrien tried to salvage the situation, but to no avail.
All the while, Chloe and Sabrina continued to laugh.
"I see you're in cahoots with Chloe. You don't need to play pretend with me."
"See?" Chloe said, "Gay-boy here knows his place. As he should."
Marin just covered the gum with spare tissue paper and sat by Alya.
"There you go. Adrien Agreste, daddy's boy, teen supermodel and Chloe's buddy." Alya quipped.
"I bet he's used to not seeing or caring how people beneath his status feel," Marin muttered.
Alya had little interest in the class, but much more interest in her table partner. She quickly learned that Marin wanted to be a famous designer after he graduated. While she wasn't a professional, the sketches Marin gave her seemed really good. But there was something else to watch for, too. How his face had lit up when he handed her his sketches. For a moment there, he seemed to be another person altogether. His face brightened up as he took at least a hint of pride in his handiwork.
And you should. Not to mention that a smile looks so much better on you than that sad face you had on earlier.
They had a free hour just after class, so Alya was only mildly surprised when Marin caught her hand and pulled her towards somewhere as he ran forward.
"Where are you taking me?" She asked.
"The best place this school has to offer." he grinned and continued to dash forward.
"I present you… the art club room!" he exclaimed.
It's as if he's another person entirely.
Marin waded in, showing Alya all the different areas the art room had to offer.
A wall for street art, mostly cleaned from past works but still bearing color marks of older works. Desks used for writing, pen scratch marks still visible even after having been cleaned for the new year. Drawing stands, also marked by some uncleanable paint blots. Then there was...
"... Here it is. A state of the art sewing machine, My best and only friend in this entire school." he laughed, but in a moment the smile dropped from his face.
"That… I…"
He sat by, not nearly as happy as before, and pulled a derby hat from the nearby drawer.
"I worked on this last year and haven't managed to finish it yet."
Alya picked up the hat and casually caressed the fabric. It felt somewhat sturdy yet comfy.
Marin flicked the machine on and seemed to be mulling his next move. Eventually, he just turned it back off without doing anything.
"We technically shouldn't be here without a teacher, so let's go." His passionless voice took over again.
Alya could see this was nothing but an excuse, but she declined to call it out. Her instincts told her there was no chance on earth Marin wasn't keen on violating this rule more than once.
"It really is a lovely place." She tried to brighten up the atmosphere, with mild success.
"And I loved the hat." She said as she handed it back for Marin to place in the drawer again.
That seemed to work a bit better.
"Wait 'till it's complete, then. I'm sure it will suit you well." Half a smile crept to Marin's face.
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
Marin bid Alya farewell as he left the classroom and slouched towards the school's main doors.
He cautiously opened it, only to find rain pouring outside and the sky filled with grey clouds.
A fresh start, huh? The morning's nice weather is already gone. At least the bleakness isn't hiding anymore.
He stood by, still sheltered, when he found out another person was standing next to him.
That Adrien guy. And he just noticed me. That's the last thing I need right now.
"Hey!" Adrien called.
He slowly sidestepped to maintain a safe distance between them and turned his head away, muttering a slight 'hmph'.
"Hey, listen buddy… I really was trying to remove that gum from your seat."
Marin turned his head around and looked at Adrien, wide-eyed.
I… I must be dreaming. Did he really just say that?
"S-so… you weren't…" he tried to piece together his words and found himself unable to do so.
"Of course not. I came here to study, to make friends… I'm not here to harass or insult people, where's the sense in that?"
He is sincere about it. Somebody that doesn't see me as the "gay punching bag" everyone else does.
"I didn't even get your name."
"It's… It's Marin."
Marin's heart nearly skipped a beat, one that he was sure Adrien managed to hear even with the rain's sound muffling it.
And then, there was an inaudible sound he missed.
A cracking sound, as the nearly-impenetrable shell, one that was built layer over layer of self-defence from bullying and mistreatment, sealing off his emotions, gave just a little bit of way.
Adrien let his hand out of the shelter, feeling the raindrops accumulating.
"So, Marin, It's raining and I've got a ride, need an umbrella?"
He nodded ever so slightly and Adrien pulled out a black umbrella. A click and a whoosh and it was now open, handed for him to take.
Marin cautiously reached out for the umbrella Adrien handed him, his hand shaking and trembling.
That's… so nice… so… so unlike…
No sooner than he had picked it up though, his hand slipped and triggered the activation switch, the umbrella closing shut over him.
Adrien laughed for a brief moment and gave Marin a slight friendly shoulder bump.
"You keep safe, alright buddy?"
"A… al… alr-..."
Marin barely even noticed his bag dropping, hitting the ground with a 'thud' and his personal effects rolling about on the wet pavement. His eyes were transfixed as Adrien waved goodbye and proceeded towards his pick up car.
He's not going to insult me or beat me or humiliate me.
Someone I can trust. Someone I can rely on.
I feel… safe next to him.
.
.
Oh, Adrien!
Maybe things were going to be different after all.
-MLBMLBMLBMLBMLBMLB-
Unnoticed by them both, there was another figure watching the exchange, clad in a hawaiian t-shirt and accompanied by a green looking creature.
"Are you sure of your choice, master?"
"Yes. He will make a fine Chat Noir…
… and she will make for an unforgettable Ladybug."