'Put your arms around me,' he asked, voice trembling with panic and guilt 'hold on to me.' His hands uncontrollably fluttering beside him.
And Kit did. He pulled his arms around Ty with a gentleness at first, perhaps afraid of hurting him. The feeling remained however, and it was mixed with a different feeling, one of newness and peculiarity. Ty found himself reaching out and winding his arms around the other boy, gripping onto the soft and comforting fabric of his sweater.
'Tighter,' he breathed out 'I need to feel it.'
And once more, he did as he was asked and Ty began to let his fears be squished back into him deep enough to be ignored for a nice while. The way Kit fit around him was natural, almost as if it were meant to be. It was an odd feeling but not unwelcome. Ty realised that this must be what friendship felt like, someone you could trust to be there for you and help you no matter how odd the request or strange the situation.
For a moment at least, Ty was able to forget everything that was swirling around him. One million problems, like blinking fireflies, buzzing through the air around him and never seeming to go out or fly away. The world would surely explode tomorrow but, for now, Ty would anchor himself to Kit as if he were the only thing keeping him on solid ground and that would have to be okay.
After Ty had begun to calm down and the sun had dyed the sky apricot, the pair had untangled themselves and trodden back to their respective rooms. Ty, of course, had not slept for he was far too focussed on trying to dissect his own feelings. As he lay on his still made and un slept in bed, he could feel a gentle tingling where Kit's arms had been wound around him. Ty put it up to the fact that he didn't really like to be touched and Kit was still a relative stranger, so his skin wasn't used to it yet. A feeling curled up within him as he stared at the ceiling, slow like the sweet smoke of incense and confusing but not bad… definitely not bad. Ty focussed on this feeling and tried to dig into it, find out what it meant, but he didn't know how to.
Ty had ended up tossing and turning all night, playing with the feeling that resided in his chest somewhere between his lungs. He had wished he was at home so that he could perhaps find a book on what he was feeling or perhaps a manual. His mind had been all too stubborn and refused to let him get even a second of sleep, it had been running a mile a minute yet he had still not come to a single conclusion. That was when Ty had decided he would simply have to talk to Mark tomorrow morning! He usually would've gone to Livvy, and though he trusted her with the world, he also knew that she loved to talk, and even if she didn't mean to, she might let slip something Ty hadn't even fully figured out for himself yet.
The next morning, Ty ended up finding Mark wandering around in the rose garden with a slightly dazed look in his eyes. Ty remembered he should ask how Mark was but he was far too focussed on the ghost of fingertips that seemed to be resting against his spine oh so delicately.
Mark looked up as Ty walked closer to him and his face transformed into that soft smile that Ty remembered from when they were younger. They had always gotten along well when they were children, and Mark was often the only one that could understand and get through to Ty when he was in a mood. He had been devastated when they had lost Mark and was hoping that now he was back they could fall back into how it used to be.
'Hello brother, have you also come to gaze upon the beauty of the English rose?' Mark said airily.
Ty had always thought his words sounded like a poem.
'No, I have come to discuss a more pressing matter.' Ty spoke with a resolution.
Mark straightened at that, reminding Ty that he had been a warrior for so long 'What's happened? Is everyone okay?'
Ty realised he perhaps should have started the conversation a little softer. Julian had spent a long time with him, teaching him the etiquettes of different conversations and their rules and Ty quickly scanned through all that he could remember.
'Everyone is okay… everyone except me, I think I may be going a little bit insane.' Ty watched Mark sag a little with what he assumed was relief.
'Oh, something is troubling you isn't it, is it a matter of the head or the heart dear brother?' Mark looked at Ty so softly.
'I don't know, but I was hoping that you might be able to help me?' Ty focussed somewhere over Mark's shoulder.
Mark began to turn and walk towards the back of the garden, looking back only once to check Ty was following, which of course he was. They approached a small arbour bench that was woven with years of climbing roses in all shades of pink, red and white. If Ty wasn't so exhausted, he wouldv'e probably told Mark about the meaning of the different rose colours, and how the red and white sat together signified unity, but the words didn't seem to have the energy to leave his head.
Mark sat down and waited for Ty to join him 'What is it that is troubling you brother?'
'I had an attack last night,' it was a word that they had used before they had known that Ty was autisitc, and he didn't know if Mark knew what they had learnt yet so he used it again 'and I went up to the roof to calm down. I was so worried about Livvy and I needed a bit of space. Kit turned up and found me so asked him to hold me, to put pressure on me like I get Livvy and Julian to do.' he paused a moment.
'It felt different though, it felt all prickly and fizzy...like it hurt but a good hurt. I can still feel it now, like he is still touching me.' Ty took a breath and tried to make his thoughts make sense for his brother. 'Am I becoming ill? Has Kit somehow injured me in some way?'
Mark let out a low and soft laugh much to Ty's astonishment. 'Oh that's why you look so tired, I assume you did not sleep last night?'
'No, but how is that related to my illness?' Ty tilted his head to the side slightly.
'Tiberius you are not ill you are in love, which can almost feel like the same thing sometimes I will admit, but Kit has done nothing to cause you ill health… it's actually quite the opposite it seems.' Mark smiled knowingly at him as Ty tried to comprehend what had just been said to him.
He was quiet for a moment as he mulled it over, his brother waiting patiently. 'I do suppose your theory makes sense, I often seek him out in a room as you do Kieran and I want to make him smile like Aline makes Helen smile. Mom and dad always used to be inseparable and I suppose some might think that of us too.' He was beginning to find evidence in each one of his memories with Kit as he spoke
Mark nodded 'Exactly, love isn't straightforward nor is it the same for everyone though there are commonalities. To me it feels like safety and the promise of being known, understood. It feels as if no matter how hard or how far you fall someone will always be there to pick you up, brush you off and tell you that it's all going to be okay. But love can also hurt, so dear brother please be careful with your heart for you only have one and your heart is a special thing indeed.'
Ty wasn't quite sure how to respond to that so he simply nodded resolutely 'Thank you Mark.' he said simply, focussing on the space between Mark's eyebrows and smiling he hoped kindly.
'Will you accompany me back inside? I'm rather peckish and I fear if we do not make it to the breakfast table soon there will be no food left!' Mark said standing.
Ty nodded 'Yes, the Blackthorns are known for ravaging a breakfast table… especially Tavvy.'
'You know, you're the third person to tell me that in the last few days, I do believe Octavian has racked up quite the reputation.' Mark seemed almost sad in Ty's opinion though he was unsure as to why.
Mark and he were the first to the breakfast table, Bridget still running around with food dishes and mumbling something about how "one can be too early you know" as they found their seats. The room was quiet but that nice kind of quiet that felt like a comfy blanket to Ty.
Slowly, more people began entering the room in various states of disarray. Cristina floated in looking perfectly pristine as usual and sat next to Mark pouring herself a cup of coffee and holding it between her palms. Next to join the group were Magnus, Alec and their two boys, who were swiftly introduced as Max and Rafael before the family found some seats opposite Ty. It was at this point, that he decided to fish his earbuds from his pocket -where he had thankfully left them- and put them into his ears in hope of blocking out some of the inevitable noise that would come with the clamour of breakfast. Letting the opening notes of Tchaikovsky's waltz of the flowers wash over him, he began settling and started to load up his plate with toast and scrambled eggs. Ty loved this song, how it ebbed and flowed with each note, the delighting joy in each line as the song progressed. Soon, he felt a light tap on his elbow and looked up to see Livvy who, while looking a little tired, seemed to be well in herself. She smiled softly at him and then turned to start piling up her own plate, respecting that Ty wasn't wanting to talk right now, in a way not many others ever seemed to understand.
The last person to enter the room was Kit, around 10 minutes later than everyone else, just as Ty had begun to explain the Alethia crystal they had found at Blackthorn Manor. Ty was actually quite proud of himself in that he managed to stay focussed and didn't let his voice break. Kit, though clearly exhausted, somehow managed to look as if he had stepped off of an LA cover shoot billboard, his golden hair shining against the grey london skies, a soft and warm smile thrown Ty's way.
Ty listened to the conversation and chimed in with information where relevant, but found himself more focussed on Kit, and the way he looked in a thick knit sweater curled into himself slightly, coffee in hand. Everyone always talked about the great beauties of the world like the Great Wall of China or the Glass City on a cloudless night, but Ty always thought there was more beauty in the smaller things in life, the subtle beauties.
Somewhere along the line, Kit made a joke that caused Alec to spit his coffee halfway across the table and nearly choke. Ty didn't really understand the premise of the joke but he did enjoy the way Kit's eyes lit up and the warm, breathy laugh he let out that only became more joyous each second. Ty felt once more like there were tiny butterflies living inside his chest but he was getting used to the feeling.
'Does that mean we don't have to eat our porridge?' asked Tavvy, and Ty realised he'd missed some part of the conversation.
With a flourish, Magnus apparated a selection of sweet treats and bakes onto the center of the table. Ty's eyes immediately landed on some very delicious looking chocolate cookies and he made to move for them, grabbing the packet before anyone could stop him.
'Heyyyy, I wanted those' murmured Livvy.
'I'd actually rather have liked to partake in eating them also.' Mark added in that way of his.
'I magicked this up, and Alec wants them so I say he gets them!' Magnus called from over the tabletop.
A small war broke out for a minute, before the rest of the group gave in and Ty claimed the victory -and the cookies- smiling brightly. He turned to Livvy and offered her the packet so that they could share.
'No fair!' Said Cristina.
A little while later, they were all sat in the institute's rather beautiful library, a room that had obviously been taken very good care of. The ceilings vaulted upwards and were guilted with the most beautiful old world mouldings and the windows almost reached said ceilings, letting in the most beautiful natural lighting which Ty assumed was a necessity in dreary old England. The shelves were lined with books of all colours, sizes and conditions, and though Ty would've organised it a little differently, he could still appreciate the careful organisation that the person before had clearly worked on for so long. It was a beautiful feat and Ty could see why it was not only named the Great Library of England but often also the Great Library of all of the European institutes.
Kit, Livvy and himself were all perched on chairs towards the far side of the library, watching the different conversations and thumbing through some rather interesting texts… or at least Ty thought so. Soon, they had come up with a plan for the day and it seemed as though the three of them would be headed to a certain shop that Magnus suggested and the rest would go off on their own expeditions or lack thereof in Alec's case.
Ty watched Kit as they were debriefed, who gave little away facially as to what he thought about being given another shadowhunter mission, but did smirk slightly and Ty couldn't help but wonder if it was perhaps the start of a turnaround in outlook for Kit.
Within the hour, the three of them had gotten into their gear and managed to catch a riverboat up the Thames towards Limehouse. As per Livvy's request, they had ended up on the top deck in the open air. Ty was quietly thankful for this choice as it felt a lot less claustrophobic up top. Ty suddenly noticed Kit had moved away from the both of them and was leaning over the railings, watching the sludge grey water slide by under the boat with a slightly far off look in his eyes.
Ty himself had been anxiously stood at the railing with a death grip and a lot weighing on his mind. He decided that he needed a change of scenery and a way to take his mind off of things. It was one of the few idioms Julian had drawn that Ty that he had ended up liking. The image of someone removing their brain and placing it in a jar on a desk had made him laugh for some reason. He took one last look at Livvy, who was currently preoccupied in tipping her head to the sky and letting the wind whip her hair into a tangled mat, then walked towards Kit.
Ty approached quietly 'are you okay Kit?' He asked.
'Oh- uh- yeah, just thinking I guess. Do you ever wonder why your life is what it is? I'm beginning to think I pissed off someone important in a past life.' Kit still didn't look up from his vigil over the water.
Ty moved to lean over the edge a little too, something he wouldn't usually consider though he didn't have time to think about why. It seemed Kit had become what Julian once described as "lost in thought" and Ty didnt like the sad lines that appeared along his face because of it. Even in his sadness Kit remained beautiful, his hair taking on a slight frizz, most likely brought on by the spray of water as the boat cut through the waves. Ty daren't think what awful bacterias lived in the water and what poor souls lay trapped beneath its icy glaze.
'I don't really understand what you mean?' Ty said simply after a moment.
'Well, have you always wanted to be a shadowhunter?' Kit only now drew his eyes upward, staring at Ty with a slightly unfocussed look about him.
Ty thought for a moment, something he had been doing a lot in the last 24 hours. 'I don't know that I ever wanted to be a shadowhunter, but I know it's what is expected of me and I've never really thought about what else I'd do… the world isn't really built for people like me.' He couldn't help the sigh that brushed past his lips.
'I suppose you're right, it's not like there are many options in the shadow world as far as I've seen… you can't exactly be a shadow dog groomer or a shadow nail technician.'
'A shadow nail technician?' Ty's brow furrowed.
'Oh Tiberius, I shall have to explain the complexities of the mundane world and it's beauty standards some day!' Some of the sass he was used to seemed to return to Kit then.
Ty liked how his full name had sounded on Kit's lips.
'And the fact that the world isn't designed for such a wonderful person as you is criminal really. You are a unique, talented and brilliant person and it's a damned shame the whole world doesn't get to see it because they block you out!'
Kits outburst made the butterflies start again and he opened his mouth, ready to let those three words fall off his lips in that moment-
- 'If I became a shadowhunter,' Kit started, and Ty noticed Livvy had made her way back to them while Ty had been lost in his reverie.
Ty was sure he would end up saying those words not too soon but, for now anyway, he decided to squash them back down… they had a very important mission after all!
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Welcome to a series I like to call 'dumbasses in love' affectionately. Feel free to leave a comment or some kudos if you liked it. Also I created a discord for TWP theories, fanfic and fanart sharing and other fun things (not that I've used one before) but please message me if you want to join, I'd love to get to know some of you guys!