This story contains topics centring around the question whether to have children as well as fertility issues. As a PCOS sufferer myself I want to make clear that I do not mean to step on anyone's toes and apologise in advance if someone does take offense. I have been sitting on this idea since before I posted my first story and finally finished it, going completely off script, of course.
Tris POV
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Tris, happy to you!"
Veronica smiles widely as she shoves a large piece of chocolate cake in front of me while she sings. I stare at the sheer size of the slice and thank everyone who is willing to listen that Veronica opted for two number candles instead of trying to burn my face with the thirty eight candles that would have fit onto the slice of cake.
"Come on, blow them out and make a wish," Veronica urges and I indulge her. "What did you wish for," she promptly asks.
"If I tell you it won't come true," I state and she smirks.
"So there is something that you wish for," she concludes. "Something you have been missing in your life," she asks almost giddily.
"Jeanine retiring early is hardly…" I start.
"Are you kidding me? You don't waste your birthday wish on Jeanine retiring, we all have been praying for that for years! Now that you told me you jinxed it anyway," she grouses.
"I was just kidding," I admit. "But let's keep praying."
Veronica looks at me for a long moment, clearly evaluating my words and state of mind before she pulls an envelope from her back pocket and hands it to me.
"Here," she states, shaking the envelope in front of me like she was trying to entice a cat to pounce.
"Oh god," escapes my lips before I can press them closed.
Veronica's gifts are always…. Something. They are not to be opened in front of anyone, I learned that the first year she gave me a birthday present. It was a very explicit voucher to get a certain kind of vibrator that she had on hold for me.
Eric, Max and Jacob had a lot of fun reminding me about that incident for years to come.
"Dare I?"
"Go on, it's not going to bite you," Veronica teases.
"Literally," I grouse, thinking back to the voucher for horseback riding lessons she gifted me one year. Uriah thought it would be fun to stick some sugar to the bottom of my jeans and see what would happen. At least I was able to sit down before he could afterwards, but that was the only satisfaction I got and not even by my own hand. Eric and Tobias had literally worked together to accomplish that within seconds of finding out what happened.
Very cautiously I slide my finger under the flap and wriggle the envelope open. I am not sure what I expected but definitely not the blue backing of an Erudite brochure.
Slowly, I tilt the envelope and the brochure slides into my hand.
With a lot of trepidation knotting my stomach I turn the booklet around and gasp loudly in horror.
"What the fuck, Ronny," I exclaim.
"Well, fucking is not really involved," Veronica drawls.
"Artificial insemination, IVF, donated sperm," I cite just a few keywords sticking out from the front.
"You are thirty eight now, Tris," Veronica reminds me needlessly.
"So you thought you should buy me stud services," I ask flabbergasted as to why she thought that was something I needed. "You don't have any children," I remind her rather unkindly.
"Because I did not have friends who thought to remind me that time was running out if I wanted to have some," she admits honestly.
"I don't want…" I start but she interrupts me.
"Did you even think about it, Tris? No woman who doesn't have a partner but a good job feels like she is missing out until it's too late. Once menopause sets in you start wondering and that is not the right time to think about this seriously for the first time in your life. Trust me on that," she urges.
"So you didn't book me in yet," I ask quietly.
"No, that is a personal decision that only you can make Tris. My gift this year is getting the ball rolling and having you think about your options. You still have ten years before it's too late. Take your time, make up your mind and then go with what feels right for you. Whether that is having a kid this way or being the confident childless leader who knows what she is doing," Veronica encourages.
"I have thought about children," I admit after a pause.
"Yeah," Veronica asks.
"When I was dating Four I thought about marriage and having kids. My upbringing didn't let me think of it outside of a relationship though," I admit.
"You don't need to have a partner to have a child, Tris. There are enough single mothers here who got knocked up by their drunken hook ups. Women like Hana who got bereaved early on in their marriage," she reminds me.
"I know all that but I don't feel like I can fully commit to a child at this stage in my life," I state.
"Well, you would have to be committed," Veronica agrees with a slightly sad look on her face.
"I know and this is why I think I am alright with not having kids. I love my friends' kids but I also love being a leader. If I have a child I have to step down because I can not be a sole caregiver and spend the amount of hours in the office that I do. There are those weeks that we just work around the clock, like initiation. How do I justify selfishly having a child just for the sake of becoming a mom when I am also too selfish to give up the job I love?"
"You'll figure it out, Tris," Veronica promises. "As long as your conscience is clear and you are at peace with yourself the choice you made is the right one. Now let's eat that cake," she urges and produces two forks from yet another pocket.
"Now you are finally talking sense,' I tease and grab the fork out of her hands.
"Oh, this is good," I moan when the moist chocolate cake hits my tongue. "Is that the special one they infuse with that chocolate cream liquor," I ask when I take another bite.
"Uh huh, special order just for you."
"You are the best, Ronny," I declare and we both keep digging into the cake until there are just a few crumbs left.
"Thank you," I tell her like after every other birthday when she came with cake and an envelope.
"You are welcome. I have to get going now, Max and Jacob are heading with me to Erudite." She pulls a face and I chuckle.
"Have fun convincing Jeanine to retire," I call after her and she sticks out her tongue.
"Gross, brush your teeth before you head out," I shout.
Don't know if she heard me but if she doesn't listen, not my problem if she grins at the guys with brown sludge on her teeth.
…
Ten minutes later there is a loud knock on my door.
"Come in," I shout, assuming it is Eric. I am proven right seconds later when he steps inside my office.
"I couldn't help but overhear Veronica…"
"You were listening in on a private conversation," I screech in abject horror.
"Maybe one of you two should learn how to properly close a door," Eric retorts with one eyebrow raised in challenge.
Shit! Okay, he's got me there. It is not the first time we got called out for our apparent inability to close doors all the way, like until the lock engages and holds it in place where it was meant to be.
"As I was saying: I couldn't help but overhear Veronica persuading you to reconsider your stance on children and your valid argument that you can't do it alone," Eric recounts.
Shit, he heard the whole damned conversation?!
"… I would like to offer to co-parent …"
"What?!"
It seems I didn't pay attention. Did he just ..?
"You want a child but despite having the option of donated sperm you don't think yourself able to be a single parent and a leader. I am offering to provide the sperm and co-parent the resulting child," Eric clarifies as if that explains everything.
"Why?"
Good question, I praise myself.
"Because I feel like I should leave my genetic mark on Chicago and a child of ours would have the best chance at becoming someone I can be proud of."
"There are plenty of women…" I start but Eric interrupts me.
"I am too old to play with children, Tris. I am forty and chasing eighteen year olds for a quick fuck is not what I am doing … anymore," he adds when I open my mouth. "I don't want to be stuck with someone I accidentally knock up. I want someone like you, a responsible adult that will balance their career with the needs of a child. Neither of us will have to step back and neglect any duties. We can take turns," Eric implores.
"We can't pass a child around like a file folder, Eric. A child needs a lot of time, especially during the first years, a routine and a stable home."
"I know this and I didn't mean it that way. We could move into a larger apartment with three or four bedrooms; one for each of us and then enough for a child or two…"
"Two?"
"If the first one works out well you might want a second one, Tris. What I was saying is we could have a home, share all duties and it's either Mommy or Daddy at work," Eric repeats. "We don't even have to see each other more often than we do now."
"Sex," I blurt out desperately because he seems to have the solution for what is really holding me back and I don't like that idea. "You can't sleep around if we have a child, Eric. Rumours will get back to him or her."
"I can go without," Eric states.
"For sixteen years," I ask.
Eric simply shrugs.
"I don't think so," I tell myself.
"I haven't hooked up in over a year," Eric growls and I look at him in surprise. "I am too old for hook ups,' he admits. "I am not tempted anymore. It's just … I am okay with my hand for now."
"And when you need more?"
"I might invest in some toys. Don't tell me you have none," Eric challenges.
"I am not the one known for fucking half the faction," I exclaim.
"Past tense,' Eric growls.
"Yet to be seen," I growl right back.
"Think about it," he says quietly and leaves my office, closing the door silently yet properly behind himself.
…
"I have conditions," I say two weeks later when I march into Eric's office.
"Close the door," Eric reminds me and I take care to do so properly before plunking down on the chair opposite Eric.
"Hello Tris," Eric drawls.
"Hi Eric, Wanna hear the conditions or will I call Erudite and do it alone," I ask sweetly.
"I am all ears," Eric announces and grabs a notepad and pen from his drawer.
"Are you taking notes?"
"Of course, if we agree we'll sign right here and now," Eric explains.
Is he for real? Let's see…
"No sex. Artificial insemination only. Once I am pregnant we'll talk about living arrangements. Until the Choosing Day our child participates in you won't have sex with anyone. You won't leave us for another woman and neither will you be creating another family. You want this child, it will get you exclusively for the next seventeen years!"
"Okay, but the same goes for you!"
"Okay,' I ask dumbly,
"Yes, it is logical and ethical. I only think we should amend the living arrangements part, once you are confirmed pregnant we will apply for a larger apartment. Oh, and I want to be involved from the moment the pregnancy test comes back positive. You need something, I'll get it for you. You have an appointment, I'll go with you. The baby kicks for the first time, I'll be there to feel it too."
"Okay," I breathe.
I am rather speechless. I didn't expect this kind of dedication from Eric.
"Alright. Sign please!"
Wow, that was … easy. A walk in the park!
…
Who the fuck thought it would be easy? A walk in the park?! I scoff at myself.
Six months later and I am still not pregnant. Even the Erudite are looking at me weirdly now when I come in for another around of IVF.
Eric has my back every time, though I wonder for how much longer. Clearly we are not compatible. No, that's not right. His sperm and all of my harvested eggs mixed beautifully. All of them survived fertilisation but it is my body that doesn't accept the poor embryos that get implanted.
Fifteen embryos, possible children, all gone to waste. I knew it might take more than one try but maybe my body thinks thirty eight is too old to endure a pregnancy for the first time. Why change something around when it worked for over twenty years?
I scoff at myself again and trade the used pad for a tampon.
Fuck this shit!
I start the shower and try to wash away my sorrow with a scalding hot shower.
"Fuck this shit," I repeat when I turn around from the front door and head into the kitchen to grab a chocolate bar from my comfort food drawer.
"Fuck this shit," Eric announces when he sees me return from the kitchen with the half eaten chocolate in hand, compliments of my not properly closed front door that is now wide open.
"We are taking a break," he announces harshly while I shake my head. "The doctors wanted you to take a break after round three failed and you refused. We are out of embryos now and I am refusing to create more until you give your body a break."
I stop in my tracks and stare at him. Eric looks like he means it.
I shove the rest of my chocolate in my mouth and lower my head, not once looking up while I walk beside Eric to the office.
"Tris?"
I ignore Eric and keep walking. He stopped to talk to me but catches up quickly.
"Talk to me," he urges but I stay silent.
Ah, there is the door. I scan my hand to let us into the corridor where the leadership offices are.
When I raise my hand to gain access to my own office Eric catches my arm and turns me around. When I still refuse to face him his hand finds my chin and gently forces my head up.
He sighs deeply when he sees the tears I am valiantly trying to hold back yet they still flood my eyes and give me away.
"Veronica," Eric bellows and I shouldn't be surprised when her door swings open without her needing to use the door handle. "We are taking the week off," Eric announces.
Veronica takes one look at my face and comes over to hug me something fierce.
"Maybe a break… ," she starts off suggesting but stops when I break down and burst into tears. Sobs are wrecking my whole body. "Shh, Tris. You do need a break, sweetheart," she whispers. "This isn't you. All tense and anxious. You need to take care of yourself," she continues.
Veronica lets me cry myself out before I am handed over to Eric who picks me up and simply carries me back to my apartment despite my, admittedly, weak protests.
"Hey," I exclaim when he doesn't stop but continues over to his own apartment door. A quick scan of his hand and I am suddenly sitting on top of Eric on his sofa.
He doesn't say one word, simply envelopes me with his strong arms and pulls me into his chest, holding me tight.
I didn't think I had any water left but fresh tears keep spilling out of my eyes. Not once does Eric let go and after what feels like hours I simply relax into him and close my eyes.
…
I am woken by the smell of food and roll over in bed, stretching my body languidly. When I bury my head into the pillow Eric's scent overwhelms my senses and I find myself sitting upright in bed, looking around in confusion.
A sharp cramp in my abdomen reminds me that I got my period, which means the last embryos did not take. Bye bye babies…
I need to get home!
Jumping out of bed, I stumble in my haste to get to the door and smash my face into Eric's chest just as he comes rushing into the room, alerted by the sudden commotion.
"Easy, Tris," he cautions and rightens me. His hands stay on my upper arms to make sure I don't just collapse at his feet.
"I need to go home," I mumble.
"I cooked lunch and you need to eat. Sit down, it's almost ready," Eric orders.
"I need to go home, Eric…."
"No, you don't," he states stubbornly.
"I need to take the tampon out," I state bluntly and Eric's impervious mask slips for a moment.
"Tell me what you need from your apartment," Eric demands to know instead of giving in.
"Are you going through my bathroom cabinets to see where I keep my sanitary products if I don't," I deadpan.
"I can do that," Eric offers and turns to the door.
"Pads and tampons," I call after him just before the door closes.
Oh shit, Eric is really going to go through my stuff!
Minutes later Eric is back and hands me the blanket I had hanging over the back of my couch with a few items inside.
I drop everything unceremoniously onto his coffee table and take stock.
Tampons, pads, painkillers, hot water bottle, a book I was reading and some of my chocolate.
"Thank you," I say and grab the pads and tampons before walking into his bathroom.
It smells strongly of his shower gel and aftershave and I inhale greedily. Eric always smells good and his bathroom smells just like him.
When I return to the living room my things are gone from the table and in their place are two steaming bowls of stew.
Without another word I sit down beside Eric and dig in, I was hungry after all and the chocolate bar did not make the best breakfast.
Eric grabs the bowls and heads into the kitchen before I can even move.
"Stay," he orders over his shoulder.
"What am I, a dog," I grumble.
"Do you have cramps," Eric asks bluntly when he returns.
"None of your concern," I retort but Eric is not deterred.
"I am going to take care of you, Tris. Painkillers, hot water bottle or both," he asks gently.
"Both," I admit and he gets to work, refilling my glass first and handing me the painkillers he brought from my apartment before taking the hot water bottle into the kitchen. I can hear the kettle start to boil while I drown the pills with the whole glass of water.
"Do you need a towel for that," Eric asks when he hands me the scalding hot water bottle.
"No, the blanket will be fine," I assure and he waits for me to get comfortable on his couch before he sits down on the other end and hands me my book. Another one finds its way into his own hands and without another word he starts reading, completely ignoring me.
…
I blink my eyes when the kitchen light suddenly turns on. It is so much brighter than the soft glow from the light in the living room.
"What time is it," I ask when I see Eric walk back out with an oven dish in his hands.
"Eight. Dinner is ready," he declares and sets the hot dish on a chopping board that wasn't there before.
"Eight," I ask dumbly. Didn't we just eat lunch?
"Time flies," he says nonchalantly and goes back to the kitchen to grab plates and utensils.
We still don't talk over dinner and when Eric refuses to let me help clean up I am ready to call it a day.
"Your clothes are in the bedroom and your toiletries in the bathroom."
That simple sentence makes me do a double take.
"Excuse me?"
"You were really engrossed in that book, huh," Eric chuckles. "You 'mmhmm'ed' to all the questions I asked so I took the liberty of taking it as a yes and grabbed your stuff."
"You left," I exclaim, disturbed I did not notice that Eric left via the front door and did other things around me that I have no idea of.
"Get ready for bed, Tris. I will be there in a few minutes.
"You want to me to share your bed," I squeak.
"How else am I to monitor you,' Eric asks.
"I don't know. Why do I need to spend the night," I counter.
"So I can make sure you actually relax,' Eric returns.
…
"Turn over and take your shirt off," Eric orders when he walks into his bedroom.
"No!"
"Do it. You'll love the massage I am about to give you," Eric urges and I am sorely tempted.
"No funny business," I demand.
"Here," Eric hands me a fresh sheet and leaves.
Should I or should I not?
"I am coming back in thirty seconds," Eric shouts.
"Fine," I huff and pull the shirt over my head, folding it and setting it on the nightstand.
I lie down on my stomach before grabbing the sheet and covering myself head to toe.
"I am back," Eric announces and I can feel the bed dip. "Scoot over into the middle," he orders and I don't question him. "Just relax and enjoy," Eric whispers into my ear before he pulls the sheet down my back and tucks it into my sleep shorts.
His hands are covered in warm oil when he sets them onto my shoulder blades.
"How is the temperature?"
"Good," I moan as he starts working on my admittedly sore muscles.
I close my eyes and moan in relief when he reaches my lower back. Eric realises that's where I need him the most and focuses on staying down there a little bit longer with each pass. I can feel my body melt into the mattress as I finally let myself relax.
Eric POV
Tris falls asleep only ten minutes into her massage but I keep going. Her muscles are more relaxed now but I know she has been tense for the last couple of months. Fuck, I have been tense for the last couple of months but apparently nothing compared to Tris. She is too fucking stubborn for her own good and I know I will have to be extra careful that she doesn't pass that on to our children.
That brings my mind back to the moment I decided to put my proposal in front of her.
I know I shouldn't have listened in but we had a bet going as to what Veronica would gift Tris this year. I had to make sure one of us knew what it was… well, none got that one right, that's for sure.
The longer I listened to them talk, the more I realised that all the same points were true for myself. I was forty, childless, sick of looking for sex and only finding children that wanted to brag to their friends about sleeping with a leader available for a quick fuck. I didn't have sex for way longer than I admitted to Tris. I got myself a toy and a nice movie collection, problem solved.
What I had not solved was my increasing need for something more. I actually felt left out that everyone ten years my junior had a permanent partner and children. The lack of someone to share things with, fuck, even human contact was scarce outside of training, and I hadn't realised what it really was until I overheard Tris.
Tris is someone I never expected to get along with, I falsely assumed she would be Four made over. Thank fuck I was proven wrong time and time again. The day they broke up I just knew that she was someone I should keep in my life.
Her solid friendship with Veronica was the other thing that endeared her to me. Veronica is brash like me, ruthless when it comes to things she is passionate about, which is Dauntless and those few people she calls her friends. She has a wicked sense of humour but not many people get close enough to see it and I felt a kind of kinship to her the moment we were introduced. We fight but it is all for a good cause, we just have to work on finding common ground and we work together like a well oiled machine.
So I marched into Tris' office and ambushed her with my proposal. I knew she wouldn't agree immediately and the two weeks she made me wait were shorter than I expected. I thought she would need a month or two to think things through and have more conditions.
It was surprisingly refreshing to see someone who did not want anything from me. Okay, she wanted my sperm and my fidelity but that was already part of my own proposal. She offered me the world and asked for nothing in return, just like she lives her life.
Wanking into a cup and handing it over was no hardship, but watching Tris go through the hormone injections and egg harvesting brought home the reality of how easy men have it. All we do is leave some sperm behind when we climax during sex, more often than not it is by accident. A woman's whole body has to change in order to accommodate the ever growing foetus, they might be unfortunate enough to lose the baby before it's born. Dealing with the turmoil their bodies go through when a pregnancy fails seems almost harder than what women experience when they carry to term. Then there is giving birth, I shudder just thinking about the times when women had to do that without proper medical care and pain relief. Seeing Tris over the last few months just brought home how much stronger women really are. They might lack some of the physical strength men got but women are made to adapt and filled of a special kind of endurance…
That brings me back to the present. Tris is clearly at the end of her rope. She adapted and she endured but she needs to take a step back and recharge. Her batteries are beyond empty and the greater than life leader I knew has fallen down a pit she can't get out of on her own. I should have forced her to stop after the third round of embryos did not take. The doctors were brutally honest but I thought Tris was smart enough to know how much her body can take. I did not question her when she insisted she could go another round, and then another.
While I was disappointed none of the embryos took, I was never that attached to them. They were abstract beings that I knew could turn into my son or daughter but now I realise that Tris saw them as her children already. For her they were her sons and daughters, all fifteen of them, and she was unable to bring them into this world.
I know Tris, and that personal failure must have driven her to push herself past what was good for her. It is up to me now to show her that it was just not meant to be, that there was nothing she could have done. Nature is fickle and unpredictable. Yes, Erudite tries to tame it and bend it to their will but that doesn't work out as often as they want. They just don't admit it and keep looking for new ways to play god.
Maybe that was our problem, I muse.
Tris was brought up Abnegation. She told Veronica herself that she always thought she would be married with kids. Could she be sabotaging herself?
I know she wants a baby but maybe deep down she does have doubts? She is not in a loving relationship, not planning on getting married. There is an expiration date to our agreement and she knows for sure things are not meant to last.
I finally stop working on massaging Tris' sleeping form and pull the sheet up to cover her. She doesn't move an inch.
I grab the bottle of massage oil and head into the bathroom, washing my hands and getting ready for bed. It has been a long day and there is still so much I have to figure out.
I stop in front of the bed and look at the small woman taking up most of it. We will figure it out, I promise myself, and slide onto the side of my bed with the most space. Pulling up the duvet over both of us I wonder what Tris would think about trying to change our personal relationship.
Her even breathing settles mine and lulls me to sleep, and my brain finally shuts down.
Tris POV
I wake up smelling something mouthwatering. That's the first thing I realise when I come to. My nose is buried right into the source, it seems, and I am slow to realise a few things are off. My hands are clutching something hard, whatever I am lying on is moving and I can feel something slightly scratchy all over my breasts.
Opening my eyes, all I can see is naked flesh. Hard, defined muscles and a smattering of blonde chest hair. I inhale sharply and my mind finally tells me what I should have know all along. It's Eric!
Yesterday's event flash through my mind and I remember I fell asleep half naked while he gave me a massage on his bed.
"Morning," Eric's sleep roughened voice whispers into my ear and fuck, does he sound sexy!
No, Tris, he is your sperm donor. Your colleague. He is your …
"Sleep well?"
I take stock and realise I should head into the bathroom sooner rather than later.
"Are you okay? What's wrong, Tris?"
Eric sounds alarmed now and his hands are rubbing all over my back and arms as if he can determine any physical ailment this way.
"Uh, I need to use the bathroom." I can feel my face heat up and bury it in his chest to hide the sight from him.
"Tris," Eric sighs just before hugging me close.
I want to close my eyes and relax in his arms, falling asleep feeling like this would be great.
I jerk away and Eric's arms hold onto me for a moment before letting go.
I scramble out of the bed and run into the bathroom, locking the door before I grab my pads and a tampon.
For some reason I just notice that I am still half naked, that I was rubbing my bare breast all over Eric and that I apparently slept pressed up against him.
"Fuck," I groan and there is a knock.
"Your t-shirt is right outside the door," Eric calls out and I sigh in relief.
I take my time in the bathroom and when I am done I open the door just enough to slide my hand through and grab the shirt.
I feel better now that I am dressed but I still stop in my tracks when I see Eric is back in bed, dressed only in his boxers and seemingly waiting for me to join him again.
"I don't feel like getting up yet," Eric announces and looks at me expectantly. "Care to join me?"
Okay, that was clear enough but I don't know if it's wise…
"Quit overthinking and come back to bed. I want to to talk to you about something," Eric coaxes and damn, he sounds ominous.
I sigh deeply and move slowly over to the other side of the bed. Eric doesn't comment, just looks at me with eyes so full of understanding, it makes me want to break out in tears.
Gingerly I lift the duvet and slide beneath the covers.
"Can you turn around and look at me," Eric asks.
I follow his request and turn around. There is still plenty of space in between us and Eric frowns slightly.
"I have been thinking about a lot of things," he starts and I groan involuntarily. "This is not just about yesterday, Tris. It's about the last few months and life in general."
I nod to show him I am paying attention.
"I think we should reconsider our agreement," Eric blurts out and I rear back as if he slapped me. Tears starts pooling in my eyes and I turn around, hoping to get out of bed before they fall.
"Tris," Eric shouts and his arms grab me, pulling me back down and against his chest. "Shit, Tris. That came out wrong. Shhh, please don't cry," he begs while rubbing his hands all over me and tucking my head beneath his chin. "I am sorry! Fuck, I should have given you a written proposal and not talked out of my arse while new ideas were still popping into my head." I sob out a few chuckles but my breathing calms down immensely and the tears almost stop..
"Let me try again and please be patient with me. It seems I am useless before my first cup of coffee," Eric whispers into my ear and I shiver.
"Shit, I am fucking up again. You are cold," Eric groans.
He moves one hand and pulls the duvet over my shoulders. Eric pulls me close as to his chest and I am trying to be inconspicuous when I snuggle in as much as I can.
"Let's try this again," Eric sighs. "Good morning Tris. I would like to talk to you about our future and need you to be patient with me. Please hear me out and remember, there is no reason to panic," Eric tries again and I nod. It sounds still ominous but marginally better.
"So, I have been thinking about a lot of things since even before your birthday, Veronica's gift to you presenting me with a wake up call of my own… Tris, what would you do if IVF continues to fail? Hear me out," Eric reminds me when I am about to protest. "I am not saying it will but I am talking about a hypothetical future without children. I still want them if we are able to but what I also want is a companion. Someone who will have dinner with me on a regular basis. Someone to share what I can about my day with, someone to run things by and just someone who wants to be around me because they like me for who I am. These last months showed me a glimpse of what our life could be like, Tris. We did not spend that much time together but I had forgotten how nice human contact feels when it's genuine affection. Holding your hand during trips to Erudite, taking care of you when you were supposed to take it easy for a few days, sharing a meal with someone in my home. Having another warm body in my bed, just your increased presence in my life has made me more content than I have been since transferring to Dauntless and what I am trying to say is that no matter what happens, I want you in my life," Eric concludes.
"So you want to become friends with occasional sleep overs," I ask, not sure I understand what he is getting at,
"No, what I am suggesting is amending our agreement from moving in together when you get pregnant to permanently cohabiting, no matter if we have children or not. We could even get married and put an official label to it. Even in Dauntless marriage means permanence, stability and trust in the other to share their life with you. We have known each other for over twenty years, Tris, and we trust each other enough to agree to have children together. There is no bigger commitment in my opinion and I want to make sure you know that I am committed."
"You want to get married," I blurt out the thing that really caught me off guard.
"Not today or tomorrow but it is something I consider a viable option. What I wanted to suggest we do this week is really getting to know each other. At the end of the week we sit down and drawn new lines."
"What do you have in mind," I ask cautiously.
Eric's proposal is intriguing. I have to admit I have been wondering a lot about life and my future. What will I do when our child transfers and I am left all alone at almost sixty. Eric's suggestion of making it a permanent agreement where we …
"What about intimacy," I blurt out what comes to my mind.
"Are you talking about cuddling and sleeping beside each other or are you referring to sex," Eric asks with a slightly raised eyebrow.
"Both?"
"Well, I would assume that we will be sharing a bedroom, cuddling when we feel like it and sex, well, I don't know," Eric admits.
"Forever is an awfully long time to go without," I remind him.
"I am not going to ask you to sleep with me if you don't feel like it's something you would want. Sex is… I like having sex but over the years it has become … tainted? Let's go with that. I mean, having an orgasm is great but chasing someone just to get laid made me feel hollow and it started to feel like it wasn't worth the hassle anymore. I have a toy, and while it's not the real deal it is a nice change from my hand. I'd be happy enough if you were willing to lend a hand from time to time," Eric admits.
"I have a vibrator," I start and Eric chuckles.
"That very special, reserved for Tris only vibrator from Kink and more?"
"That stopped working years ago. I have more than one, by the way. What I wanted to say is that I like using my vibrator. It might not be the real deal but it is trustworthy and doesn't let me down. How would I be able to use it if I were to move into your bedroom? How would you masturbate?"
"Would it be so bad to turn to me when you need something," Eric asks me quietly.
"I didn't know that was what we were discussing…"
"We weren't but I am asking now. Do you think you could ever turn to me when you would normally use your toys? Would you help me out when I need more than just my hand in the shower?"
"Fuck," I hiss, the images he created burning themselves into my mind. "How did we get from being companions to sex," I ask rhetorically. "I don't know, Eric. I would like to say it is in the cards but what if I can't go through with it?"
"I would never pressure you, Tris. The conversation just turned this way and my mind kept showing me all those 'what if' questions. What if we both feel that we would like to be companions, no matter what? What if we got married? What if we could turn to each other for everything we need? Hugs, kisses, sex?"
"And that's a real life relationship you just described."
"Maybe it is but would it be a bad thing? Relationships don't have to start with ridiculous lust and day long sex marathons, they can start off with simple agreements and grow from there."
"Raising children together is not a simple agreement," I remind him, but I know what he is getting at. "One week! We really open up and spend the time together. When the week is up we reevaluate," I agree.
"Thank you," Eric states and promptly nuzzles his nose into my hair.
…
What follows is the weirdest bonding experience I ever had.
I thought I knew Eric pretty well but it seems in reality I barely skimmed the tip of the iceberg.
We share every meal together and after spending that first night at Eric's place we move over to my apartment for our second night together. Upon Eric's insistence my things stay where they are and we only grab what we need for the night. After my admission that Eric's bed was more comfortable we stayed at his place.
We cook and clean together, do household chores side by side and show the other one our favourite pastimes. We are taking turns selecting our favourite movies and watch them together, cuddling on his sofa. Eric has a weird taste in movies and I never expected him to shed a tear but I have been proven wrong time and time again.
The most exhilarating but also the most embarrassing part is when Eric suggests each of us can go through the other one's things. Nothing is forbidden as long as we don't damage anything.
I have to admit it is a rather eye opening experience to sniff around Eric's apartment with his permission.
I found his porn magazines and sat down, looking through them for a while. Eric does not seem to have any condoms which confirms his claim that he is not randomly hooking up anymore. We both got tested before donating sperm and eggs and I trust Eric to not hook up during all the treatments. Maybe there was still some doubt at the back of my mind?
Well, I found his toys, he withheld some pertinent information. He might consider it A TOY but just because it is the same kind doesn't make it one. There are fleshlights with different attachments for the opening, seems you can choose between lips, pussy and ass. Then there are differences as to what's inside. The shape and material, tight or with some contrast like ribbed walls. There are electric ones that have warming and cooling functions and the manual ones. It was a whole different kind of Sex Ed I got just from looking into his closet. Then I moved on to the larger toys, two blow up dolls and a silicon torso with large breasts and officially two holes. How anyone is supposed to use that tiny asshole is beyond my comprehension but I am thinking about asking Eric. Of course there is also a box full of lube and some DVD's with porn, but for me the highlight will always be Eric's 'a toy' remark and then finding every model available to men.
When I close the door to his closet I wonder briefly why Eric thinks he needs me to help him out but in the end, his toys are not a real human taking care of him. They won't talk to him, kiss him, hug him or try to do something nice for him just because they feel like it.
I already knew that Eric liked to fold his laundry with military precision, no surprise there, but what I did not expect were baby and pregnancy books right beside his boxers.
Behind some books in his impressive collection were some hidden picture frames. A man, looking similar to Eric with a woman and two small children, an older couple talking while standing in a lab and the last picture of a teenage girl posing proudly in Amity clothing. She has Eric's hair and eye colour.
A stack of papers is leaning against the back of the shelf and I hesitate for a moment before I pull them out.
Oh, they are print outs of emails that those pictures were attached to. His parents are in one picture, they received an award for their work in botanic advancements about ten years ago. The family is his brother's and the email is where he tells Eric about his promotion and how well the kids are doing in school and their extracurricular activities in Erudite. That was eight years ago. The last picture is of his niece, Maya, who transferred to Amity last year. He received that while I mulled over his proposal. There is another email that he received about a year ago, stating his father passed away and his mother is not coping well.
I put everything where it was and decide to head into Eric's spare bedroom. In all this time Eric never once opened the door and I am curious.
There is a small gym and office combined and I laugh out loud at how ridiculous yet predictable this is. Eric really brought his work home and lived for work. I am glad he is taking a break right alongside me. Maybe I should check if I can lock this room to make sure he doesn't cheat?
I walk over to the desk, checking the drawers to see if there might be a key hidden there. Unfortunately I find nothing but things that reside in my own desk. I sit down on his desk chair and twirl around. On the third pass I spot some boxes that were shoved into the corner and hidden from view by some of the equipment.
I gasp loudly when I peek inside the first box. My hands are shaking when I empty all four boxes and stare at what I just found.
There, with notes attached to most of them, are baby clothes and toys.
Eric told his family enough to know that we are trying to have a baby. Everything is addressed to 'Eric & Tris'. People are commenting on their choices, benefits of items they chose to send us and asking for updates.
I am bawling my eyes out and end up running to the bathroom to blow my nose with half a roll of toilet paper before washing my face with cold water.
Something just clicks into place when I dry my face with a towel saturated in Eric's smell. I know I have all my answers, I don't need to question and search anymore. There is a clarity I never expected, a feeling of inner peace. My mind is made and I walk out the door, making sure to lock up Eric's apartment.
The twenty steps until I reach my own door feel like way too many. Eric is nowhere in sight when I quietly close the door behind me. The living room is empty and so is the kitchen. The bathroom door is wide open and the same goes for my spare bedroom. That leaves only my bedroom and the door is ajar with no sound to be heard.
I decide to peek inside and quickly cover my mouth to cover my gasp.
There is Eric, on my bed, sound asleep surrounded by some baby clothes I bought prematurely and stashed in a box in the far back of my closet together with all the presents Veronica ever bought me. Those are mixed with the other items on my bed. That's not all there is though. Eric seems to have emptied my toys as well as my underwear drawer and seeing him asleep with some of my panties on his chest and beside his cheek while his hand is shoved down his pants is just too great an image to pass. I grab my small electronic notebook from my back pocket and open the camera app, snapping a few pictures from different angles before tucking it back in and sliding onto the bed with Eric. Cuddling up to him, I inhale his smell and close my eyes.
Eric POV
What was I thinking suggesting we let each other snoop around our apartments? Tris is going to be thorough, I know that, and she will find everything I have been hiding.
That's the point, I remind myself. Everything out in the open, full trust.
If I want Tris to agree to become mine, to commit to me, she needs to know everything there is to know. I contemplated talking to her but Tris is the type that needs to see and work things out herself.
I never planned on digging through her drawers but in the end temptation won out fair and square.
Deciding to go with where I would hide stuff I don't want everyone to see I head straight for her closet.
Bingo!
I grab the two nondescript boxes and bring them over to Tris' bed.
Opening the lid from the first box I whistle loudly when I see I got an assortment of Veronica's presents from over the years.
Deciding to just dump everything on the bed I move on to box number two. Yes, more of Veronica's goodies.
I laugh out loud when the whip, symbolising the riding lessons that never happened lands on the bed but cringe when I see little black onesies land on top of the pile.
Bracing myself I go for the baby clothes first. They are all printed with various dares or boasting about whose child they are.
'My mommy is fearless'.
I wish she was but not being one seems to be her biggest fear right now.
'I dare you to say I am not the cutest baby ever'
They wouldn't dare!
'Leader in training'
Absolutely!
'Born fearless'
Fuck yes!
God, I hope we will have use for them!
To distract myself from my negative thoughts I look through the pile with Veronica's gifts. Ah, there is the erotic novel with Tris' face on the cover. That was an epic reveal right in front of Max. Hmmm, what's this? I pick up the innocent looking brochure and… "what the fuck?!"
'How to make a porn movie at home – the ultimate guide for couples'. There is an inscription inside and I wince when I read Veronica's dedication. There are things I did not need to know and that's one of them.
Moving on!
I see the voucher for the first birthday gift Veronica gave Tris. That one should be framed!
A bottle of oil and a voucher for a class to learn everything about erotic couple massages. Oops, that's the year Tris and Four broke up, isn't it? Well, I have to ask her if she ever attended the class, could be fun.
Ooh, that looks like the box Tris managed to hide from us a couple years back. Let's see!
I feel giddy when I open the box but that glee fades quickly. I shudder and close the box immediately, throwing it back into the storage box Tris used.
Why would Veronica gift Tris something looking like a voodoo doll and a book about ancient magic? That's just plain wrong!
Okay, that's enough. Veronica really needs to learn how to find better presents, those that Tris will actually want to show everyone. Maybe I should take her aside and talk to her?
What to do next? Ooh, find her toys and maybe look into her underwear drawer?
I head to her chest of drawers immediately and pull them open, one drawer at a time, making sure to dig all the way down the back. You never know what you might find.
I am sorely disappointed with the first two drawers. Tops and pullovers, jeans and socks.
Ah, now we are getting somewhere. Lace and silk. Hmm, look at that thong. I didn't know Tris would willingly wear one but there are more here. Black lace, sheer black fabric. Nice, the red is lovely and … wow, I would love to see Tris modelling the pure white ensemble. There is a garter and corset, all carefully wrapped in tissue paper but I pull everything out and lay the matching outfits on her bed.
How can I convince her to show me how they all look on her?
Hmm, is there more? Two drawers to go and … jackpot!
I take the whole drawer and just dump the content on Tris' bed, right beside her lovely dessous.
She wasn't joking when she said she had more than one vibrator. There are at least a dozen of them, all in different colours and sizes. Huh, didn't know they came with glitter. Is that glow in the dark? I grab it and step into Tris' closet, closing the door behind me. A glowing vibrator, no, that's a dildo...
Walking back out I sort Tris' toys. Fifteen vibrators, five dildos, two of them squirting, and two anal plugs. There is lube and toy cleaner spray, antibacterial wipes and something proclaiming to be female orgasm enhancing gel. Looks barely used…
I stand in front of the bed, looking back and forth between the lingerie and toys.
Where does she use them? Lying down on her bed?
I sweep some things aside to make space in the middle of Tris' bed and lie down on my back.
Does she stare at the ceiling while pleasuring herself? Which one is her favourite toy, I wonder.
This feels all a bit wrong but I simply can't help myself. I grab Tris' black thong and sniff it. Detergent! Grabbing the tempting white ensemble I sniff it and detect a slight trace of some perfume. Huh? Did she forget to wash this after she wore it? No way! I sniff again and it is definitely not laundry detergent. I ran out and Tris got hers, it does not smell like this.
I close my eyes and inhale a few more times. Fuck, I am getting hard picturing Tris wearing this and me sniffing her neck before slowly moving down her body until my nose presses against her crotch.
"Ungh," I moan and push my hand down my pants to adjust myself.
Think about something else, anything else, I encourage myself.
Marrying Tris, making love to her, seeing her round with my baby….
Those images are on a loop in my mind and I decide to just let them play out.
…
I have no idea what woke me or how long I have been asleep but when I come to Tris is cuddled up to my side, snoring quietly while her hands are shoved beneath my shirt.
This is how I want to wake up for the rest of my life, I decide and wrap my arms around Tris, pulling her closer.
"Mmmh, Eric," she moans and I smirk.
"Yes," I whisper.
"So good," she moans.
"I am good," I dare ask.
"No, junior," Tris mumbles and snuggles into me.
"Who is junior," I growl quietly.
Tris doesn't answer but one of her hands slides down my stomach, squeezing past the waistband of my jeans. She doesn't stop until she slips past the elastic of my boxers.
"Who is junior," I ask again.
"Mmmh," Tris moans quietly and grabs my dick.
Fuck!
"Tris?"
"More," Tris mumbles.
"Tris?!"
Tris gently squeezes my rapidly hardening flesh while her other hand moves up to my shoulder, holding on tight.
"So good," Tris compliments and I know I have to stop her.
"Tris, time to wake up," I encourage, rubbing my nose along her forehead.
"No," Tris whines but her grip on me slacks and she pulls both hands back to sit innocently on my stomach.
"Tris," I ask in my normal tone and volume.
"Did I fall asleep? Sorry," Tris mumbles and kisses my cloth covered chest. "I came looking for you," she yawns.
"Why?"
"Why what?" Another yawn overtakes her and he pulls one hand out to cover her mouth,
"Why did you come looking for me?"
"Oh, because I am ready to rewrite our agreement," she yawns.
"I think you need some coffee first," I suggest.
"No, it was just so comfortable. Once I get up I will wake up in no time," Tris declares and sits up. "Sorry," she mumbles when her hand catches the hem of my shirt. "Eric?"
Tris is looking around us before turning to me, smirking devilishly.
"What exactly were you trying to do with my underwear?"
"Uh, I was just checking out the sets you have," I defend myself.
"Hmm, was that all," she asks, staring right into my eyes.
"No, I was wondering if you would be willing to model for me," I admit.
"I might. Which one did you like best?"
Is she serious?
"I like the white one…"
"Then let's get up and maybe we should start by cleaning up this mess," she suggests sweetly.
"Yes," I agree immediately and start throwing her toys into one of the empty drawers.
"Easy," Tris calls out from where she is folding her underwear.
I throw another vibrator into the drawer, this one actually bumps off the edge before sliding in between two others.
"Do you want me to throw your pussies around the same way," Tris asks me sweetly and I completely miss the drawer this time. The dildo makes a wide arc and lands in the living room.
"Maybe we can throw them in a box with your vibrators," I offer, not once looking at Tris while I go and retrieve the errant dildo.
"How about a large trunk for all the bodies you are hiding in your closet?"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself.
"We can do that after we come to an agreement," I counter.
"Good idea," Tris compliments and continues to fold and wrap her delicates.
I reattach the drawer and hold out the remaining one for Tris to fill.
"What about the baby clothes," I ask when all drawers are safely attached and back in place.
"Maybe add them to your boxes. They don't belong with Ronny's gifts," Tris admits.
"Why are you keeping them?"
"The gifts," Tris double checks.
"Yeah, I saw some of those I missed and I am not sure why you are holding on to them."
"It's because they are just typical Veronica. I don't know, I just know I can't dump them just yet."
"Fair enough. So, are you ready to go home," I ask when Tris' bedroom looks just like before I walked in.
"Home," Tris muses and I cringe, "Yes," she answers before I can amend my question.
"We slept through lunch, how about an early dinner," I suggest when we are standing in my living room, both of us looking unsure as to how to proceed.
"There is leftover stew in the fridge," Tris reminds me.
"I'll heat it up," I offer.
"I, uh, go and clean up a bit," Tris mumbles and walks off towards the spare room.
She is already back, sitting on the couch, when I return.
"Sit down," Tris orders, patting the seat beside her. "Here," she shoves her tablet into my hand. "That's the original agreement. Let's negotiate," she demands and grabs the notebook I always keep around the coffee table.
"Uh," I stutter, not sure where to start.
"I'll go first then. Permanent companions, marriage optional," Tris suggests.
Fuck yes!
"Permanent companions, wedding date to be decided," I counter.
"Okay," Tris agrees without argument.
"Sleeping arrangements?"
"Same bedroom," Tris states.
"No opposition here. Hugs whenever we want?"
"Fine with me but not too much PDA," Tris requests.
"Sure," I agree. "What about kisses?"
"I don't know. There is some data missing," Tris replies immediately.
I lean forward slowly, and when she doesn't move back I meet her lips with mine. They are soft and Tris licks her lips as soon as I retreat, causing me to come back and taste her. She opens up for me and I moan when her tongue meets mine.
"We can kiss," Tris admits after pushing me back gently.
"We can," I agree.
"I meant that I am okay with it going onto the list," Tris corrects.
"That doesn't make my statement untrue,' I argue just to tease her a bit. "Sex?"
"We will need to work ourselves up to that. Nothing is written in stone until we can make an informed decision."
"The last agreement was so much easier," I bemoan.
"Thanks for reminding me," Tris quips. "Fidelity!"
"Goes both ways," I remind her.
"No problem with that. Anything else?"
"Move in with me?"
"I thought we were going to ask for a larger apartment." Tris reminds me.
"For now this is perfect."
"What about kids? Did you change your mind?"
"No, I did not. I was hoping you would agree to an amended proposal in that regard," I start and Tris sits up straighter. "How about we take a break from IVF and see first if we will box up our toys," I suggest and Tris' lips twitch.
"I am not having sex here unless the bodies disappear from the closet. That's non-negotiable. I am willing to give IVF a break and work with all natural remedies instead," she offers.
"All natural remedies…" I repeat slowly, trying to figure out what she means when it suddenly comes to me.
"Deal," I shout and hold out my hand for her to shake.
Tris shakes her head while shaking my hand and I use her distraction to pull her closer, stealing a kiss.
"Do we need to write that down," Tris asks.
"Only if you plan on going back on your word. Give me a date and it will be official."
"How about you go and track down one oversized trunk while I email Max, requesting another week off for both of us and letting him know about the upcoming vacated apartment?"
"How about we eat dinner first," I suggest.
"Yeah, whatever…."
…
"Are you happy now," I ask Tris when we finally lay in bed.
"I feel better sleeping here now that I can be sure nothing will crawl out of your closet in the middle of the night and slide into bed with us!"
"They are too busy having an orgy with with your vibrators in your old apartment," I state and Tris slides close to me, narrowing her eyes.
"A toy?"
"Uh, I bought a toy… and then I added similar ones. Nobody could say which one was better," I try to defend myself.
"Hmm'," Tris muses, rubbing her hands all over my chest. "Which toy is the better one? A vibrator?" She slides a hand down to the waistband of my boxers. "A dildo?" She runs her hand slowly over the growing bulge inside my underwear. "Or maybe the real deal," she asks, gently rubbing me through the fabric.
"The real deal," I moan.
"Yes," Tris agrees. "The real deal. A living, breathing penis…"
"I don't think those words can be used in conjunction…"
Tris lips meet mine, successfully shutting me up.
"Can I touch yours?"
Isn't she doing that already?
I nod against her lips and feel her hands move my underwear down. I kick them off and let Tris take over. Fuck, I did not realise how much I missed this.
Unlike with my toys, Tris takes her time to explore, her hands are running all over my body while she is nosing the skin between my legs.
"Ungh," I moan when Tris slides up my body and kisses me again, her weight pressing my erection into her.
"I missed this," Tris whispers into my ear before running her lips over my neck. She is trailing kisses over my collar bones before sliding up my neck again.
"If this goes well, I'll let you choose any date you want."
Her whispered words stun me, my mind going into overdrive and disabling my ability to respond. By the time I get all my senses back Tris is already kissing around my navel.
"Fuck me," I moan when Tris finally makes contact with my erection. The anticipation was killing me.
She laughs and then her lips envelope me. My hands hover over her head and when she looks up at me and nods with my dick still in between her lips, I sink my fingers into her hair. I am not directing her where to go, I am just holding onto her as gently as I can.
Too soon I can feel the burn in my stomach, my balls are getting hard and then I just manage to whine a warning before I erupt. Tris does not retreat, she is taking everything I give before licking me clean.
"Marry me," I blurt out.
"We already agreed on that," she reminds me with a wink.
"My turn," I pant but I am not moving yet.
"Okay," Tris agrees, crawling up to lie in my arms while kissing me gently. Her lips are intoxicating, I just can't help craving more. Pulling her into me, I trace her lips with my tongue until she opens up for me.
It feels like hours later when I make good on my promise and strip Tris' clothes off of her body. Just looking at her has my dick wake up but I ignore him. This is just for Tris. I want to prove to her that I am worth dumping her toys for.
Tris is not shy at all, she is laying still, looking right at me while I take all of her in. I am almost salivating to get my hands on her breasts, they are larger than I thought they would be. Sports bras certainly don't do her any favours. Well, they did me a favour because nobody will ever know how truly blessed she is.
I sigh when my hands are just about able to grab all of her, squeezing gently I play around a bit, massaging her glorious globes and flicking the nipples to see her reaction.
"Eric," Tris whines and I decide it is not fair to tease her this much. Tris didn't torture me with a long wait and neither will I.
I kiss her deeply before running my lips down the column of her neck, all the way down to her chest.
Sucking on one breast, I trail my hand down her stomach until I reach the apex of her thighs. Tris opens up for me, granting me easy access and I don't waste time probing her. She is wet and ready for me, time to move on. I kiss her breasts goodbye and venture down, inhaling her scent and I am immediately reminded of the smell if found lingering on her underwear. It is pure Tris and I am in heaven. I am going to sleep with my head buried down here, I just know it.
By the time I reach her clit I have two fingers inside her pussy, and while Tris is clutching the sheets, I am sucking harshly on her clit.
"Oh yes," Tris moans loudly. "That's perfect," she pants when I don't ease up.
After that she seems to be lost in pleasure, no coherent words leaving her mouth until the orgasm washes over her.
Seeing Tris come undone like this is just … wow.
I had sex before today. Just like Tris claimed I did indeed fuck half of the faction, but it has never been like this and I haven't even shoved my dick inside her yet. I want to, I really do, but I don't feel like I need to. It is a weird and contradicting feeling I have. Being with Tris like this for the rest of my life would be enough, yet I know we can have more. She is going to blow my mind when we finally get together.
I slide my fingers out of Tris and allow myself a taste. Yeah, we are compatible.
"Eric?"
I look up to see Tris staring at me.
"Are you okay?" I slide up and roll us so she is lying on my chest but still looking at me.
"I am feeling great," she admits. "How about you?" Tris' hand slides down and she rubs it gently across my once more erect dick.
"I don't need any more," I assure.
"That's not what I asked, Eric. I don't need a man in my life but I want you to join mine nevertheless," Tris admonishes.
"I feel like I have all that I need right here," I state.
"I feel the same. Thank you for approaching me all those months ago. I don't think I would have ever seen you otherwise. I feel blessed," Tris whispers and her voice breaks.
"Shhh, Tris. This is supposed to be a happy moment," I soothe.
"You can still feel blissfully happy while thinking about sad things. I just… I thought I was okay being single and childless and then you just jumped me with all these offers and … fuck, I don't even know how to articulate anymore," Tris whines.
"You feel stupid for being ignorant to what was right there. Everything was in your sight yet you didn't know about it. I feel the same, Tris. I feel so stupid for all the years I wasted on fucking random girls when I could have had you by my side. We could have been married with a handful of kids already."
"Could have been and might have offer us nothing, Eric. I think I just needed a little mental pity party but I am over it," Tris promises.
"Good for you, I might like to stew on it a little longer if you don't mind," I huff.
"Well, I can't let you brood for too long," Tris teases and snuggles into me, closing her eyes. Her breathing evens out while I keep thinking about how blind I have been.
"Fuck," I hiss when I realise Tris is anything but asleep. Her hand had been resting on my dick, keeping it nice and hard with innocent looking twitches of her hand but now she managed to surprise me by rolling right in top of me. The pressure against the tip increases and I can feel warm, moist flesh envelope me more and more.
"Oh god," I moan when Tris slides all the way down and seats me firmly inside her tight channel.
"I told you I wouldn't let you brood for too long. This is what we have, Eric. This is the present and it is all that matters. You have me, is that enough?"
Challenge accepted!
I prove to her that it is more than enough with every stroke, with every caress and with every kiss before falling asleep beyond sated with Tris still intimately connected to me.