Shelby hissed as lukewarm coffee sloshed out of her uncovered travel mug and fell down onto her black pants. She stopped in her tracks for a moment and lifted her head upwards, silently asking why she couldn't seem to catch a single break today.

Beth had been screaming non-stop since the early hours of the morning and wouldn't settle no matter how many times Shelby sung 'Itsy-Bitsy Spider' to her. Then, barely an hour after the two had finally fallen back into an uneasy slumber, the fire alarm in Shelby's building had gone off. If the toddler was unsettled before, this time she had sounded her displeasure to everyone within a five-mile radius with an unprecedented gusto.

Shelby had tried to ignore the judgmental stares of her unfriendly neighbours while they all stood outside waiting for the all clear from the fire department, but somehow they still got to her. She always thought they were watching, waiting for her to screw up and make a mistake with her daughter so they could click their tongues and mutter disparagingly about single mothers. Still, there was only a month left on her lease, and then she'd be heading back to New York with a fresh load of big plans to execute.

It was kind of routine for her at this point. She waited in Lima, Ohio until her life completely fell to shit, and then she would make a mad dash for the big city, desperate to prove herself. But this time was going to be different: she was sure of it. This time she had Beth, and no doubt in her mind that her daughter was better off with her than with her biological parents. She had plans with some old friends still living there for a new business venture. Plans which were both more realistic and maybe even more fulfilling than her prior dreams of Broadway stardom. And, she allowed herself to wishfully think sometimes, if all went accordingly, Rachel would be joining her in the city soon. Maybe this time they would be able to try again properly.

Shelby could only hope.

Thoughts of her oldest daughter swirled around her brain now as they did each time she neared McKinley. What was Rachel doing? Did she have everything she needed? Was she happy?

Really, that was all Shelby had ever wished for for the baby she had given away. And, as much as it pained her to acknowledge, her distance at this point was necessary to that. After all, it was Rachel herself who had admitted to being sad during their initial meeting. Rachel who had let the first tears fall during their goodbye. Rachel who had said that there wasn't a place for them to have a relationship just a few months ago.

But Shelby had to have hope. It was the only thing stronger than the thick cloud of pain which enshrouded the entire situation.

With a slight shake of her head, Shelby tore her eyes away from the overcast sky and forced herself onwards across the parking lot towards the main school building. She had sworn to herself that she would never ever set foot back in this place after the disastrous events earlier in the school year, but here she was.

A few nights ago, just after she'd settled Beth down and was relaxing in front of some heinously mind-numbing television, she'd received an email asking for a letter of recommendation. Samantha, one of the girls she'd somehow managed to recruit for Troubletones, had finally convinced her parents to allow her to apply to the Julliard dance programme. The catch? She only had a week to complete the application and get it sent off before the deadline. Apparently she had already asked Coach Sylvester for a letter but she needed another, and had immediately thought of her former glee coach.

Shelby had spent the last couple of days agonising over the letter. It wasn't that she was unwilling to do it, she liked the girl after all and was grateful to all of the girls who had been in her short-lived group, it was just that she was a little out of practice. During her Vocal Adrenaline days, she rattled the letters off like nobody's business, but now it had been a little while and she was rusty. The only other letter she had worked on recently was Rachel's and that was just… Well it was different.

Writing that one, she had practically shut her eyes and let her fingers fly over the keyboard without input from her brain. The praises she longed to heap upon her estranged daughter in person flowed freely from her so fast that she could barely pause to fit them into functional sentences. She had read through it scrupulously, of course. Shelby was never one to half-ass anything as important as that- or really anything at all. But after meticulous checking, she had been proud to send the completed letter to Rachel's school email address. Two days later, she had received a succinct 'Thanks, Shelby.' in reply, and she hadn't exchanged more than polite greetings with her daughter since.

It hurt. She couldn't deny that. But, equally, she knew she couldn't exactly blame Rachel. The girl had asked for a letter of recommendation from 'Shelby Corcoran, former nationally acclaimed show choir coach', and she had received just that. For weeks after, Shelby kicked herself. Should she have done more- pushed Rachel into further conversation which would then, hopefully, go beyond accolades that could be transcribed into a five-hundred word letter? Maybe. But that really wasn't her place. How would Rachel have even reacted to that? Shelby didn't know, and now she never would.

There was something in her, while she was writing Samantha's letter, that wanted to put as much effort into it as she had done with Rachel's. Almost like she was cushioning herself from the pain of Rachel's impassive rejection. She needed to show that she would go above and beyond in a similar respect for any talented student who crossed her path. It was a defense mechanism, sure, but nobody lost from it. Samantha was talented and got the letter she deserved, Rachel already had hers, and Shelby got to prove, once again, that she was a good teacher. She had to be good at something.

She exacted a steely expression as she walked through the doors of the main entrance. She was going to go in, see Samantha, and leave this place behind her for good. There was too much pain of the past, too many reminders of her own poor decisions lurking behind the public school walls and she simply didn't have the energy or inclination to deal with any of it anymore. She hadn't planned on actually coming here in person at all, but, upon receiving the letter and Shelby's message to let her know whether there was anything else she could do to help, Samantha had requested that the woman come in and watch her audition piece. Shelby had agreed, pushing her own reluctance aside for the sake of the girl who just wanted a chance to live out her dreams. It was something she could relate to after all.

Shelby's heeled boots echoed through the empty hallways. She was extremely glad that the only spot Samantha could get to book out the dance studio was after school hours- she didn't want to run into anyone.

Go to the dance studio, see Samantha, go home to Beth, she repeated over and over again in her head like a reassuring mantra.

She didn't allow herself to glance into the choir room where she hadn't done enough to allow some talented girls the chance to shine in their senior year. She ignored the calculus classroom where her insecurities had opened her up to totally inappropriate talks with Noah Puckerman. But most of all, she practically ran past the hallway which led to the auditorium. That was the room which hurt the most. The times with Rachel at the piano, watching the sectionals competition from the shadows once she knew her teaching career had been throttled by her own stupid choices. No, she wasn't going to let herself even think about that particular part of the school.

She shuddered as she passed near the doorway to it; it was almost as if she could hear the opening chords of 'Don't Rain On My Parade'. The ghosts of her failed relationship with her daughter were taunting her with their haunted screams.

"Miss Corcoran!" Samantha exclaimed when Shelby stepped into the studio. The girl was sat on the floor stretching in a position that Shelby could only dream of getting into these days.

"Hey, Sam," Shelby greeted with a smile. The girl really was talented and, for now, she would put her own personal reservations about being here onto the back-burner to help her. "How's it all going?"

Samantha shrugged and inhaled deeply as she leant her body forward into the stretch. "It's okay, I think. I'm feeling pretty nervous."

"I'd be worried if you weren't," Shelby chuckled. "But you don't have reason to be. They'd be lucky to have you at Julliard."

Samantha beamed at the compliment. "Fingers crossed," she said, before pulling herself to her feet. "I'm sorry, I know you're probably super busy, but I just really wanted to have you look over my audition piece before I fly out. There's not many teachers of your standard around here."

Shelby smirked. "You're giving me far too much credit. In every respect." The girl looked bemused. "Since I stopped teaching here, my days have mainly consisted of singing lullabies and wiping up drool. It's nice to have a break from that."

"Babies," Samantha whispered with a dramatic shudder.

"Not a fan?"

"Not exactly," she replied. "I just think I'd be a terrible mother."

Shelby's heart thudded in her chest and she swallowed hard. "Yeah? Well I thought that one day too. Maybe you'll change your mind?"

"Maybe," Samantha conceded. She hooked her iPod to the dock and tapped against the screen, looking for her song. "But I have a lot of dancing to do before that day comes."

Grateful for the change in topic, Shelby gave a small laugh. "Let's see what you've got then." She crossed the room and slumped down against the mirrored wall, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her coffee on top of them.

Samantha nodded and set the music to go, moving into a central position.

As she performed the contemporary routine, Shelby watched with her usual precise focus. She sipped periodically at the now almost completely cold coffee, willing it to fend off the exhaustion which was creeping up within her from her disturbed night's sleep.

The dance was excellent, Shelby noted. It wasn't totally different from some of the more technical work she'd played a hand in choreographing for her Vocal Adrenaline kids, relying on some of the same acrobatic tricks. Although she wouldn't consider herself an expert in matters of dance, she knew enough to recognise strengths and weaknesses within the piece. She nodded along to the beat as Samantha filled the space, making mental notes of things to point out to the girl.

She had her run through it a couple of times, calling out suggestions for improvement which Samantha happily applied.

"Better," Shelby said with a firm nod when the music came to an end for the third time. "Grab a drink and then I want you to run through the second turn sequence again, this time without the music."

Without realising it, she was soon falling back into the comfortable role of coach, up on her feet and snapping out the beat with her fingers as Samantha danced.

"Good emotional execution there," she said as Samantha dropped to her knees on the floor. "Just don't lose it when you go into the jump and - there. Yeah, you're losing everything you've got going on in your face." Samantha nodded briefly, still dancing. "You're telling the story with your body, just make sure you convey it with everything in you."

By the time she had finished the dance again, Shelby was applauding with a broad grin. "So much better. You see how when you really feel the story, it translates even more into your movements?"

Samantha nodded again, doubled over and gasping for breath. Shelby grabbed her water bottle from atop the piano and handed it over.

"You've got this in the bag, Sam."

"You really think so? I mean I know I-"

Samantha was interrupted by the loud sound of clattering footsteps outside the room. Shelby shot her a quizzical look.

"There's auditions today in the auditorium," Samantha told her. They both peered towards the glass window in the door, but the outside hallway now appeared deserted.

"Oh," Shelby said. "What for?"

Samantha bit her lip. "Um- for NYADA, I think."

"Oh," Shelby repeated, her attention now completely focussed on the door. How could she not have known that Rachel's audition was today? There was, of course, no possible way she could have known. Rachel hadn't told her anything; she really had no reason to do so, after all. But still, Shelby was swept by a familiar wave of guilt at the fact that she was totally oblivious to everything happening in her daughter's life.

"Do you…? I mean, I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business… But we're pretty much done here right? You could… Rachel…" Samantha stuttered out, sending Shelby a worried look.

The older woman looked back at her with an unusual coldness. She didn't intend it to be there, but it pained her that everyone seemed to know about her rocky relationship with Rachel. It wasn't meant to be like this. She should never have agreed to come back here.

"No," she said sharply, before shutting her eyes, sighing and sending Samantha a small smile. "No, sorry. It's fine. You should run through it again."

"Are you sure? You've done-"

But, once again, Samantha was cut off by chaotic sounds erupting from the hallway.

"Rachel?" a boy's voice called out. "Rachel, wait!"

Shelby's fingernails dug into her palms as her hands balled into tight fists at her sides. She was pretty certain that was Finn's voice. She'd never really liked the boy, but that was beside the point now. From the desperate tone in his voice, she could tell clearly that something was wrong, and she felt completely powerless.

"Rachel?" The door to the studio swung open to reveal the lumbering boy looking wildly around into the room. "Oh." He came to a sudden stop, grasping onto the doorframe for support. "Sorry- I didn't meant to- Wait." His eyes narrowed as his gaze fell onto Shelby. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" Shelby faltered. Part of her wanted to tell Finn it was absolutely no concern of his as to why she was there then demand to know what was going on. But it all felt too contradictory. She was stuck in a stunned silence.

"She was helping me with my Julliard audition," Samantha supplied quickly, stepping defensively in front of Shelby. "Problem?"

Finn hesitated for a moment. "No," he said finally, shaking his head. "Not a problem, I guess."

"Good," Samantha replied dismissively.

Finn's eyes still hadn't left Shelby's. He pushed himself back up off the door. "If- uh- if Rachel comes in here, tell her I'm looking for her."

"What's going on?" Shelby said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Finn's gaze hardened and he folded his arms across his chest. "Nothing that concerns you," he sneered.

Shelby glared right back at him, striding briskly towards the door. "If it concerns Rachel, it concerns me."

Finn let out a sharp grunt. "Now you think that."

"Yes, I do." She raised her eyebrows expectantly. "So what's going on?"

Finn leaned back and looked up and down the hallway. Eventually, he sighed and looked back at the woman with a softer, fearful expression. "Rachel choked."

"What?"

"Her NYADA audition she… I don't know what happened. She just got up and there and… I've never seen Rachel like that."

Shelby let out a shuddering breath. This couldn't be happening. She knew just how much this audition meant to Rachel, and for her to have fallen at this final hurdle… it just didn't seem fair.

"Where is she now?" she asked, desperately trying to maintain a calm neutrality in her voice.

Finn shrugged and looked around again as if he was expecting Rachel to have made a sudden appearance. "No idea," he mumbled. "She took off out of the auditorium."

"Right," Shelby said, inhaling deeply and straightening her posture. The rational side of her brain was beginning to return. Them all standing around discussing how upset Rachel seemed wasn't going to help anyone. "I'll help you look."

"I… I don't know whether that's such a good idea," Finn said, a confused frown forming on his brow. "I mean with the whole, you know, you and Rachel situation."

"I just want to make sure she's okay, Finn," Shelby told him. She hoped she didn't sound too desperate. He was right, of course, but she couldn't just go back to helping Samantha dance and pretend she didn't know that her daughter was out there somewhere in distress.

"Okay," Finn relented.

Shelby turned back to Samantha. "I'm so sorry to cut this short."

The girl waved her off. "It's totally fine, honestly. Thank you for your help."

"You're going to do great," Shelby said with a small smile. When the girl thanked her and began to pack up her dance bag, Shelby nodded at Finn and together they walked back out into the hallway.

"She definitely came down here," Shelby told him, glancing towards the end of the hallway which formed a t-intersection. "You go right and I go left?"

"Sure," Finn said. They hurried down the deserted hall in silence, both frantically looking into the empty rooms as they passed. Rachel wasn't in any of them. "Uh Miss Corcoran, if you find her, you should probably send her to me."

Shelby paused for a moment, frowning. She was not about to let this kid tell her what to do. But, then again, he did know Rachel better than her. "Fine."

She wasn't sure whether she'd follow through on that agreement. They held eye contact for a moment, before Shelby turned and began to quickly pace down the hall.

She heard Rachel before she saw her. Heard the gasping sobs coming out of a small piano room, the door to which had been left slightly ajar. Shelby stepped into the threshold and her heart immediately broke.

Rachel was curled up in the corner of the room, her head resting limply on her knees as her whole body shook with the power of her cries. They echoed clearly around the soundproofed room, and Shelby could hear each juddering breath coursing through her daughter's small body. In an instant, she was kneeling down in front of her daughter.

She swallowed hard, forcing away her own emotion at seeing Rachel in this state, before laying a tentative hand on the girl's knee. "Rachel?"

Rachel jumped at her touch, sending her head flying backwards against the wood panelled wall with a dull thud. She hissed and sent a hand back to ease the blow before her glassy eyes finally looked up at the woman before her.

"Sh-Shelby?" she whimpered, her voice catching on the sobs still coming up through her throat. For a moment, she just held her mother's gaze, before casting her eyes downwards as another round of cries escaped her.

Shelby reacted on instinct, lowering herself down so she was sitting next to the girl and laying her hand on her quivering shoulder. "It's okay, Rachel."

The words sounded pathetic given the situation. A sentiment echoed in the way Rachel's sobbing effectively drowned them out. She moved her thumb in soothing circles around Rachel's collarbone, trying desperately to offer any kind of comfort.

"Wh-what are you… why are y-you here?" Rachel whispered, looking up at the woman with a confused frown.

"I was helping a student with an audition piece," Shelby said softly. At the word 'audition', Rachel let out another strangled sob and she suddenly kicked herself. That probably hadn't been the best thing to bring up right now. Somehow, she always had a way of saying the wrong thing around Rachel. "I -uh- Finn came into the room I was in looking for you."

Rachel's eyes widened and she quickly shook her head. "I c-can't. I just can't see him right now."

Shelby fought back a smug grin. Finn didn't necessarily know exactly what Rachel wanted anymore than she did. "That's okay, honey. You don't have to." She paused for a moment. "I think he's really worried about you, though."

"I just want to be alone," Rachel sobbed, lowering her head back onto her knees. Shelby sighed, knowing that she couldn't grant the girl that wish. She was too worked up to be by herself at the moment. So she adjusted her hand and began to run it back and forth across the girl's back. Rachel stiffened at the contact. "P-please."

"I can't do that," Shelby told her gently.

They sat together for a few minutes until Rachel's sobs eventually quieted a little. Shelby was thinking that she should probably at least try to make contact with her daughter's boyfriend. She would be pissed if it were the other way round and she was still searching desperately for the girl.

"Rachel?" she tried, as the girl wiped her nose and eyes off with her hand.

"What?" Her voice was muffled by her arm being pressed up over her mouth, but Shelby didn't miss the cold tone.

"I think you should just let Finn know that you're safe at least?"

Rachel glared up at her, eyes bloodshot and still swimming with tears, but eventually she nodded and reached for her phone discarded a few feet away. Shelby leant back as the girl tapped harshly on the screen, she felt as though she should grant her some level of privacy.

She watched closely as Rachel continuously sniffled while she typed, her laboured breath still catching in her throat. Shelby had never seen her so despondent. Not even when she had walked away from her during the girl's sophomore year. It caused a pain deep down inside her. All she had ever wanted was for Rachel to be happy.

"Can you just go now?"

Rachel's snappy voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Honey," she began with a small sigh. Rachel huffed and cut quickly across her.

"Shelby, seriously. I want to be alone."

"Rach-"

"Why are you even here?"

Shelby frowned. "I told you, I was helping out a former stu-"

"No," Rachel snapped. "Not here as in at school. Here as in here, with me."

Shelby didn't quite know how to answer that. Wasn't it obvious? Rachel was upset so she was doing what she could to help her. She would always do that. She thought she had done, in all the ways she could anyway.

She had cancelled VA rehearsal twice when they'd initially met, even though there were booster club seniors breathing down her neck about it. The first time was to make a Lady GaGa costume and the second was to reprimand a group of her seniors who had thought it would be funny to assault her child. She had sang with Rachel when she asked, helped her with her 'West Side Story' audition, wrote her a letter of recommendation. Sure, she knew that in some ways it was the least she could do. But, still. Surely there was enough in there to prove to Rachel that she would be there if the girl needed her?

But the hurt and angry look the girl was sending her now seemed to suggest otherwise. Shelby bit down hard on her lip. Was she that bad when it came to her daughter?

"You're upset," she said simply. "I want to be here with you."

"Well I don't want you here!" Rachel shouted, new tears cascading down her cheeks. "This day is already bad enough. I- I ruined everything. Everything. All that work and… I- I just ruined it all."

"You didn't, Rachel," Shelby told her firmly. She tightened her grip on Rachel's shoulder, forcing her to turn more towards her. "You haven't ruined everything."

Rachel's lip trembled until another sob broke from her. "Yes I have. Y-you weren't there. You don't know anything."

Shelby nodded sympathetically. "I know enough, honey. I know that this isn't going to break you."

"It already has," Rachel whispered. Her body collapsed in on itself again, but she didn't do anything to pull away from her mother's grasp.

With a deep breath, Shelby pushed away her nerves, and chanced pulling the girl in tighter towards her. "I'm going to stay," she said quietly. "I'll stay as long as you need, okay?"

Rachel sniffled again and gave a tiny nod. "Okay."

Hi- hope you enjoyed! I know I've been a bit MIA but final year uni is kicking my ass. Next chapter of Regrettably is coming along... slowly. It should be up next weekend. But I got this idea on a train journey and just wanted to try it out.

Please review- would love to know what you thought and if anyone has any requests for the big conversation brewing in part 2!