Like everyone else, Tokiya had his moments.

For a while, everything felt as if it was setting into the place it was meant to. STARISH was reaching heights together that used to only be dreams for them, and with so many more friends by their side as well. It had been a crazy few years, but he would do anything to live in it forever, sharing the same sentiment as the friends he sang with.

Life finally made sense to him.

Despite that, he still had his moments where nothing made sense. He should've been on a path destined for loneliness. Living strictly on movie screens rather than billboards and music charts, Tokiya had thought his thought was leading down a straight path with no possible turns in sight, yet here he was with a group of friends and seniors by his side. It never occurred to him that life could possibly pan out this way.

This was one of those nights Tokiya found himself struggling the most over this change.

Having pushed his legs off the edge of his bunk bed to find the ladder that hung on the back, Tokiya very carefully began his descent down to the floor. Slipping his feet into his slippers and grabbing a light jacket that hung off his desk chair with his room keys, Tokiya made his escape into the hallway of the Master Course dorms without either of his roommates noticing.

He felt the panic begin to rise in his chest before he even really knew the reason for it, deciding the fresh air out by the gazebo and lake would do him better justice than the confined space offered to him in his bedroom. Lo and behold, it did exactly as he hoped it would.

Tokiya didn't relax entirely until he was sitting down along one of the benches in the small gazebo, legs crossed in front of him as he leaned back to finally catch his breath. The air was chillier than he had planned for, but the cold settling in helped the heat of his panic simmer out along with the wave of tears from his overwhelming thoughts. He could only scowl at himself in the darkness, having felt there to be no reason for it all but coping with it anyway. Besides, it seemed the worst of it was over now.

"Ichinose? What're you doin' out here so late?"

Tokiya's eyes widened as they flit up to the unexpected visitor, the panic slowly beginning to rise in his chest as he wondered how long someone had been around him now. "K-Kurosaki... I didn't think anyone would be awake..." Tokiya let his voice fall flat as he redirected his attention away from his senior and rival to the lake that lay before them both, readjusting his posture so he was now ramrod straight.

Ranmaru shrugged as he leaned against one of the posts to the gazebo, following Tokiya's gaze out to watch the shadows reflected from the moonlight along the water's surface. "Didn't think so either. Couldn't settle down?"

Tokiya almost laughed at the question, the concern of being unable to even breathe being a higher priority than actually sleeping itself. "More or less."

Tokiya could feel Ranmaru's gaze shift to himself, the weight of his eyes trained on him weighing him down like an anchor. Escaping so soon after their meeting would surely look to be rude, so he'd have to just wait it out as he had every other time before. Something about that moment reminded him of his past days of pretending and fake niceties.

"Don't mean to pry or anythin'... but is everything okay?"

Tokiya only straightened himself out more, feeling more on edge now than he had all night so far. Timing really was everything.

Regardless, he plastered on a gentle smile as he met the bassist's eyes. "I'm alright. Thank you for inquiring, though. I do hope the same for you, too."

Ranmaru seemed to study him for a moment longer, clearly trying to weigh his words against his current stance. Tokiya could only hope he was as convincing as he was trying to be. He only shrugged again as he began walking back towards the dorms.

Tokiya watched his retreat soundlessly. Ranmaru was an enigma that he just couldn't wrap his mind around. The bassist could be quite passionate and dedicated when it came down to it, but he could also be the most laid back. Long story short, the rocker always threw him for a loop. Even now, their conversation played over in his mind as he turned over the others's words again and again. Their meaning and his stance fell short of any chance of understanding he could possibly find.

With the disappearance of his unexpected company, Tokiya's settling anxiety seemed to dissipate almost entirely. How strange.

He hung outside for just a bit longer up until the cold chill began to seep past the fabric of his jacket. Settling back down into his sheets once more, sleep was much easier to find this time as the sharper edges of his oddly timed pain had dulled out to just a sting.

Mirroring his thoughts from earlier that night, his dreams were relentless and ever-changing. The bags under his eyes the next morning perfectly showed his struggle of having tossed and turned all night long. Fantastic.

"Ne, Tokiya, are you okay?"

Ah, he had lost himself in his thoughts. Tokiya snapped out of his reverie to continue fixing his hair from the mess his pillow had made of it, settling his peripheral vision on his younger roommate. "I was going over my schedule for the day."

The comment garnered furrowed eyebrows and a confused expression from Otoya now. "What do you mean? I thought you said you had the day off?"

Was it already Thursday? "I was thinking of taking a trip to my favorite bookstore." He had forgotten what day it was through the chaos of the week's events so far. "I'm feeling a bit restless today."

Otoya relaxed in understanding as he nodded at Tokiya's words, walking away to do what Tokiya assumed for the purpose of getting dressed for the day. It was still early, but if he remembered correctly Otoya had a job lined up for the day. Meanwhile he finally had his first day off in awhile, and yet he hardly even remembered it at all.

"Maybe you were too excited about having the day off!" Otoya shouted the comment from the opposite end of their shared dorm. "I wish I got to have the day off with you and Rei-chan, too. He texted me about the road trip he'd be off on early this morning."

Tokiya could practically hear the pout as he spoke, shaking his head as he gave up on his disastrous bedhead to get changed finally himself. "I plan on catching up with personal errands as much as I can today, so it isn't going to be much of a day off. If you need anything while I'm out then be sure to message me."

"Thank you, Tokiya! I need a few things, but I haven't-" Otoya popped his head out of the sweatshirt he had thrown over his head,"-had much time to get out just yet. I'll text you my list!"

As Otoya bound off for his phone, Tokiya began digging into his own closet, reaching for slacks, a casual vest and a plain t-shirt to throw on. He didn't feel like getting dressed out of his comfort zone today, not after the odd night he had.

"-iya? Tokiya? Ne, Tokiya?"

When Tokiya snapped back to it again, Otoya was standing in front of him waving his hands in front of his eyes with concern heavily set in his own.

Oops. "I'm sorry. What was it you had said, Otoya?"

Otoya frowned as he backed off, hands now on his hips. "Are you sure you're really okay today?"

Tokiya sighed as he walked back towards their bathroom, throwing words over his shoulder before shutting the door behind himself. "I'm fine. I didn't sleep as well as I had wanted to last night." A little honesty wouldn't hurt. Passing off the first time was easy enough, but the second time would be much harder. He didn't want to handle Otoya's prying questions if he kept dodging them.

"If you say so..."

As he had predicted, the questions ended there. Tokiya was able to escape not much longer after then, sighing at the peace the hallways held as he made his way down to the main lobby. He had called for a car, so hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer before he'd be off on his own. In the meantime, he figured closing his eyes couldn't hurt... The couch was hardly comfortable, but between the lack of sleep and his mind running back to his anxiety from the night before, sleep came too easily.

He hadn't even realized how comfortable he had gotten until someone was tapping him awake.

"Yo, Ichinose. Your phone's been goin' off."

Tokiya snapped up abruptly, blinking back the weariness as he tried to process his surroundings. How long had he been out for? At the mention of his phone, Tokiya immediately grabbed the device from the couch cushion beside himself, noting all the missed calls from the Agency's chauffeur service. Oops. He'd have to call them back as soon as possible.

"Everythin' good with you? You seem kinda outta it."

Tokiya frowned at himself, not having meant to worry a second person today. "I'm alright. My apologies for concerning even you, Kurosaki."

Ranmaru quirked an eyebrow as he leaned away, shoving a hand in his pocket. "What d'ya mean 'even' me?"

Tokiya straightened himself out as he stood up, settling his phone into his pocket as he decided to call the service back later. There wasn't a chance he'd been going anywhere now anyway. "I already had Otoya asking me questions this morning. I didn't mean to concern someone else as well. Well then," Tokiya bowed his head curtly as he headed off in the direction of the practice rooms, "I'll be off now. Thank you."

Tokiya had only just passed by him when he was suddenly stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Where d'ya think you're going?" There was no edge to his words, just genuine curiosity.

"I had planned on running a few errands, but I think I'd rather wake myself up by practicing for a bit." Tokiya's eyes were wide as he turned around to face Ranmaru, his words hanging between them as if he was asking permission to go now.

Ranmaru took a hard glance at him before exhaling loudly, though not letting go of his shoulder. "You sure that's a good idea?"

Tokiya opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead, he just stared wide-eyed at the other.

"From the looks of it, you didn't sleep much after your outing. Maybe you should just rest."

Again, Tokiya found himself at a loss for words.

It wasn't as if he never talked to Ranmaru... but interactions like this with him were a very rare occurrence. In fact, Tokiya wasn't sure he'd ever seen this side of Ranmaru. It would be confusing if he hadn't just seen the other last night as he had.

Ranmaru let go of his shoulder to settle the hand on the back of his own neck now, finding a faraway point in the hallway to look at now. "If you're that persistent on goin' out, I could just give you a ride wherever."

"Ah... thank you. You really don't have to go that far for me."

"'M not doin' anything anyway. 'Sides, goin' out would be better than just hangin' about."

Tokiya thought the offer over, mulling over the idea of spending time with someone over being by himself. It wasn't as if he'd be going out with anyone loud or intrusive... but did he really feel well enough to go out in public? They'd be captured by paparazzi, and he certainly wasn't upholding any kind of appearance that he should momentarily... They could stay within the Agency's grounds, but the bookshop didn't have much that he hadn't already browsed through.

"I know a small corner in town that won't care if we're wanderin' around on our own. I'd just have t' drive us there."

And that was how he now found himself sitting in the passenger seat of Ranmaru's car. Every now and then Ren, Reiji, and Ranmaru traded off on offering rides for people with Reiji leading the pack for offering the most. It was, after all, his absolute favorite hobby. Ren came in close second, though not always having as much time as Tokiya knew he would've liked to do so. Ranmaru hardly ever really offered as he was never around anyway. Tokiya himself had only been in his car twice. The first time was based off of Reiji's ramblings that led to an outing with the two of them, Ren, Otoya, Syo, and obviously Ranmaru. It had been chaotic for sure, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. The second time was just him alone with Ranmaru as they both had a job onsite at the Agency's main building. Tokiya had wanted to walk there that morning, but it had suddenly downpoured instead. He happened to be in the right place at the right time coincidentally.

Now here he was again.

Ranmaru's car was an older model that showed wear and tear but was well taken care of. It was what he would've expected from his senior to own.

"It's not too far." Ranmaru slid his seatbelt on, making sure Tokiya did the same before pulling out of the dorms' garage and towards the town nearby.

Tokiya sat silently, focusing on the passing scenery as he fought to keep his eyes open.

"You can nap or somethin' if you need t'. You look exhausted."

Tokiya huffed as he leaned his head against the window. The cold of the glass made it easier to keep himself awake. "I'll be alright."

Silence hung over them both for a small while as Ranmaru pulled into traffic, grumbling under his breath as he tried to push through it. "D'ya wanna talk about it at all?"

Tokiya's mind wandered as he was left to debate on whether or not he should share. He didn't want to bother him at all, but he wondered if he'd feel better at all relieving himself of his rampant thoughts. Ranmaru stayed silent as he waited for an answer from him.

"I'm not too sure I know myself... I was worrying over old problems, is all." Tokiya watched Ranmaru's reflection in the window carefully, though finding him to be nodding along to his words. He sighed before he continued, "I guess I was getting too comfortable like this." He stopped himself before he said something ridiculous in front of his senior.

"It gets hard sometimes. The voices." Ranmaru tapped his own head before returning his hand back to the steering wheel, cursing right as someone cut them off. "D'ya always hear 'em?"

Tokiya kept his head pressed against the glass but tilted his head to now focus on Ranmaru. "Some days are easier than others."

"Ya don't have to handle it alone, y'know. I certainly don't mind listenin'."

Tokiya let his words hang in the air as the silence had earlier, turning them over in his mind as Ranmaru got them to their destination. Their shopping trip was quiet for the most part, save for them exchanging light conversation here and there. It would've been peaceful for anyone else... but Tokiya was too caught up in Ranmaru's words from their car ride.

The idea of sharing something - anything - that he really struggled with seemed almost impossible, especially with Ranmaru of all people. Perhaps Syo or Ren he would be more likely to confront, but there wasn't even a chance of him doing that with either of them. The idea of having such a depressing conversation with Ranmaru was almost laughable. How was he supposed to casually confront his demons with someone he had hardly known other than a rival the past few years. Working in the same agency together didn't mean they were the best of friends. QUARTET NIGHT was too busy on their own. Besides, Tokiya was well-aware that Ranmaru had his own troubles to handle, ones that were much more important that those of one of his juniors.

They changed course to a quiet grocery store not too far out of the way after Tokiya had mentioned needing to pick up a few necessities for his room. Ranmaru had more than willingly obliged but commented on how they'd still be going to the bookstore he talked about earlier. Tokiya had done his best to refute the offer, though Ranmaru found no purchase in his argument.

Ranmaru hung back behind Tokiya as they finally made it to the bookstore, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pants as he trailed not too far behind. Tokiya stood awkwardly by the door, offering a gentle smile to the owner who had turned to greet them.

The shop itself was rather small and smelled of the dust on years-old books and musty wood. There were mismatched wooden chairs and tables for welcome readers towards the back of the shop, almost hidden by the towering shelves stacked full with books of all kinds. The only indication between the genres stuck in the shelves were little carved signs placed right above the shelves themselves. Usually, Tokiya would've found himself scouring the walls for something new only this time was different. Like the way he felt around rainstorms and hurricanes, Tokiya's emotions shifted to that of discomfort as he slowly began to browse, letting his fingers drag along the spines of books he passed.

If Ranmaru noticed his strange behavior then he was either just not invested in their trip or stuck himself as an observer. Tokiya hoped for the later but had a feeling a question or two would be thrown his way latter in the car.

For the sake of keeping up appearances, Tokiya stopped on a worn-out copy of The Tale of Genji and made his way to the registers after inspecting its contents. He already had a copy on his shelf - no book collection would be complete without it - but he didn't need to keep any more attention on himself.

Ranmaru started the car as soon as they both slid back into it, pulling out of the lot and onto the sidestreets again as he kept to his silence. Tokiya fidgeted with the handle to the bag his book sat in, wearing out the plastic the more he wrung it through his fingers.

Yet the questions he thought would come never did. Ranmaru brought them back soundlessly to the dorms though not without leaving behind a few fighting words for the other drivers on the road, of course. They were about to split ways as they reentered the dorms, Tokiya to a more private common room and Ranmaru to his room.

Ranmaru paused before he even really began walking down the hallway, only turning to glance over his shoulder at his junior. "If you find yourself lookin' for a ride, you can just ask."

Tokiya nodded his head before bowing it slightly. "Thank you again for offering."

"Oh, and Ichinose?"

Tokiya had frozen in his steps, spinning to face him entirely before he could stalk off. "Yes?"

Ranmaru opened his mouth to speak but closed it before turning back to continue walking. "Nothin'. Later." He threw his hands back into his pockets as he walked away without another word.

The whole afternoon was rather... odd, for lack of better words. Tokiya had been on the collapse of something even he didn't really understand, almost spilled his innermost thoughts aloud, and was now left in a daze as his eyes trailed after the bassist.

Tokiya hung back in the main lobby, waiting until Ranmaru was out of his sight before beginning the walk to his own dorm instead. If he was lucky enough then Reiji would still be out. Otoya should've been long gone by then, so it would make his room the best possible option for staying out of everyone's sight.

His mind was too consumed from his mental battle the previous night to even begin delving into what happened that day, finding only a lack of motivation now as he trudged down the hallway with sunken shoulders. Maybe it was for the better he had chosen not to go out on his own... but maybe going out at all was a terrible idea. He only felt more drained than usual as he had inconvenienced so many others today in his travels. He'd have to call the service back later to apologize. Maybe he should've gotten Ranmaru something for having bothered to take him out as he had. All he had tried to be was accommodating to Tokiya, but he had so selfishly acted so nonchalant. Surely Ranmaru found a problem with his attitude shift today.

He sighed as he turned the key into the lock of his room, setting the door shut behind himself as he moved about the room to put his purchases away. Only after everything was put away properly did he go back to the book he had purchased, his fingers grazing the cover as they had earlier as he moved towards his personal bookshelf. He scanned the shelf for a moment before finding the copy he already owned, settling the new one in the space right after it. Much as he had felt the past twenty-four hours, the book looked to be out of place with its spilling binding and peeling cover next to its pristine sister copy.

Tokiya sighed again as he pulled it out from the shelf, moving to the couch as he carefully opened the book between his hands.

Broken binding didn't change the story... only changing the way it was read.

Right?

The afternoon sun flickered to the reds of the setting sun before long, Tokiya's eyes fluttering shut before it had even broken to the start of the evening. It was the slamming of the door and loud voices that followed it that woke him from his slumber. The bleariness given to him from his exhaustion followed suit as he groaned against all the noise, slowly sitting himself up as the noises shifted to a more drawn conversation now centered on him.

"Sorry, Tokki! We didn't mean to wake you!"

When Tokiya finally snapped his gaze up, he was met with an apologetic set of grey eyes... and then those same heterochromatic ones from earlier. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he sat himself up fully now in the presence of company. "Did you just get back?" Tokiy coughed through his sore throat, noting only now how he had forgotten to eat or drink anything during the day. Now the day was already gone. He'd have to be careful tomorrow.

"Yep! It was just me and my girl out today for a quick ride." Reiji gave him a wink before noting his expression and looking between him and Ranmaru. "Oh! We were going to grab something to eat, so I told him he could come in quickly. Sorry, Tokki. I really didn't know you'd be sleeping." Reiji clapped his hands in apology before rushing off to grab whatever it was he came back for. "I'll make it up to you later!" He tossed the promise over his shoulder as he began pulling his side of his room apart.

Tokiya shook his head as he sat up more, catching the book on his chest before it slid to the floor. Ranmaru hung back at the entrance, watching their encounter with his same neutral expression he always wore. Tokiya glanced up to meet his eyes as he righted himself properly finally.

"Already reading it? Can't be that interestin' if you've already fallen asleep, though."

Tokiya normally would've smiled at the comment, going on a small lecture about the book's necessity to novels nowadays. Now, his eyes flickered down to its crumbling cover as he turned it over in his hands. "I've already read it before, but I was trying to experience it in a different light and setting."

One of Ranmaru's eyebrows curved upwards. "And that's why you crashed?"

Tokiya let out a huff as he stood up to place it back in his bookshelf. "Perhaps." Maybe it wore him out so much more than he already realized it did... or maybe he was just tired from the lack of sleep.

"I've got a great idea! Tokki, why don't you join us?" Reiji's eyes almost seemed to brighten out of excitement for his idea, clearly being unable to read the atmosphere that hung in the room. Though Tokiya wondered if he really was aware and played it off with whatever he thought was the best course of action. He didn't actually believe Reiji was as idiotic as he made himself out to be sometimes.

Ranmaru's eyes never left Tokiya's figure, though narrowing them this time as he seemed to size the younger idol up. Still, he waited for Tokiya's response before saying anything himself.

Tokiya could feel himself growing uncomfortable under such an intense stare. "Thank you for the invite, but it's already late out. With the early start I have tomorrow, I'd rather not go out to eat this far into the evening. It's not healthy to eat so late."

Reiji pouted but pushed Ranmaru out of the room anyway. "Alright then, Tokki. We'll be off! I promise I won't wake you up when we get back!"

Tokiya all but collapsed back onto the couch as he relaxed back into the cushions.

He couldn't piece together what Ranmaru was thinking about, but he found himself curious as to what his thoughts revolved around. There had to be a reason for his hard stares. Tokiya wished they hadn't met up last night. Their meeting had been the reason for the rocker's odd behavior towards him, but luckily it was only today. He could fix himself back to how he used to be tomorrow. For now, he could let himself relax.

Tomorrow would be a new day. Luckily, he was busy most of the day as well. It would be hard for his mind to wander with the sheer amount of things he'd have to focus on.

Sleep didn't come easy to him much like the night before, but he had actually managed to get a decent night's sleep in.

As he had predicted, work the next day had been busy for himself. Not only that, but his schedule for the next few weeks had fallen in the same manner. Day in and day out, Tokiya found himself with little downtime between shoots and rehearsals and interviews. With it being their eleventh anniversary, the work was almost nonstop. With an upcoming live to focus on and new music releases that came back to back, all of STARISH seemed to get pulled in about every direction possible.

But there was one similarity among the madness.

Tokiya had another night similar to the one he had two - or had it been three already? - weeks ago. Like that time, Tokiya found himself restless and decided on going outside to the gazebo again only this night it had been raining. Tokiya shivered through the thinner jacket he had chosen. Despite the summer heat that persisted during the day, there was a chill reserved solely for the nighttime.

It helped to focus on something other than his rampant thoughts, though. He didn't feel quite as overwhelmed as he had the last time like this.

"Again?"

Tokiya stiffened at the sound of his voice, though refusing to meet his eyes this time. "I could say the same for you."

Ranmaru sighed as he sat down not too far away from where Tokiya was, sprawling himself out as he leaned back against the gazebo's railing. "I saw you walking."

His senior now had his full attention. Tokiya turned his head in a hurry, eyes wide at the implication. "That's why you came out?"

Ranmaru opted for a grunt as a response, keeping his same posture but turning that intense gaze again on him. Tokiya felt their weight but wasn't sure how to react this time. They held each other's gaze before Tokiya broke it to turn his own back to the lake before them.

"You should go back inside before you fall ill."

Ranmaru huffed louder than he had been expecting. "Only if you do, too."

Tokiya could feel his heartbeat pick up speed, the panic beginning to grow inside of him. There was no need for such stubbornness, and yet it was all Ranmaru held for him. Why?

"Look, I dunno what you've gone through, but it can't be good. I should'a asked back then, but I'll ask now to make up for it. What's goin' on? Don't say 'I don't know' either."

Tokiya's fingers wrung together as he tried to find words amidst the chaos that his mind was in. "I think... I'm too used to high expectations. I was never able to choose what I wanted, and now..." Tokiya shook his head as he thought back to all the times he got to decide on music concepts for himself. From the individual photo shoots to how he wanted to be perceived... Over the years he's slowly been integrated into a system that truly allowed himself to grow. He was never shot down or told he was doing everything wrong. Even when he went about things incorrectly, everyone was adamant about giving him the space he didn't realize he needed.

"So you're worried 'bout disappointin' everyone?"

Tokiya laughed at how easily Ranmaru was able to sum up his thoughts, shaking his head as he leaned back into the railing himself now. "It's hard to be perfect when no one holds such expectations."

"But they used to. I see now." Ranmaru pushed himself up off the bench to now stand in front of Tokiya. He took one of his hands out of his pocket to hold it out for him to take.

Tokiya stared at the hand out in front of him, glancing up to meet Ranmaru's set eyes.

"Come on."

Tokiya sighed as he reached forward for it, not expecting to get pulled into an embrace by the other as he did so. Ranmaru's arms wrapped tightly around him with no room for escape. Tokiya didn't move in the embrace, but it didn't take long before he became overwhelmed by the support being shown to himself in such a time. Tears he had reserved for when he was alone and at his lowest began to flow freely as he dropped his head into the rocker's shoulder. His hands came up shakily to grasp at the fabric of Ranmaru's leather jacket, finding purchase in the thick material as sobs wracked through his body uncontrollably.

Tokiya clung to the memory of the night more than he had thought he would, keeping it at the forefront of his mind as he proceeded along his schedule the rest of that particular week. Whenever he found himself in a room with the others and Ranmaru - which happened more often now - Tokiya always averted his gaze to just about any other point available. It came as no surprise when Ranmaru confronted him by the end of the week, agitation clear in his voice as he spoke about his frustration.

Shining Agency held a press conference for the release of their eleventh anniversary CD that included both groups involved. Tokiya once again had been avoiding Ranmaru when they were anywhere else other than center stage to talk about the Cd's concept and their thoughts behind the project. When they were released to their separate dressing rooms, Tokiya led STARISH down that hallway in hopes of avoiding any more confrontation with QUARTET NIGHT... though he knew who he really was avoiding.

Ranmaru was quick to put a stop to it. "Yo, Ichinose."

Tokiya froze at the sound of his voice - a reoccurring reaction to him, he discovered.

The rest of STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT froze behind him with some of them glancing back and forth between the two of them and others focusing on just one of them. Tokiya wanted nothing more than to disappear, hoping the voice would vanish along with the memory of that particular night.

"We need t' talk. Alone." Very apparent frustration.

Tokiya could hear a few of the others - perhaps Ren and Reiji? - whistle lowly as both groups continued to walk past the two of them, though not without shooting them both curious glances.

Ranmaru waited until they were gone before he approached Tokiya, who was now ramrod straight as he braced himself for what was to come from their interaction. "Let's go." Ranmaru quickly grabbed one of his wrists, pulling him back the way they originally came from and down a few more twists of hallways.

Tokiya's heartbeat couldn't settle as his mind raced through every possible way this could end.

And yet, he seemed to have missed an ending or two.

Ranmaru pushed him - albeit carefully - into one of the walls of the abandoned hallway he had chosen to stop in, settling one of his arms above Tokiya's head while his other hand trapped the other in place. Tokiya flinched back into the wall as Ranmaru leaned uncomfortably close towards him. "Care to explain yourself?"

"I-I'm not-"

"BS. Try again."

"I really don't-"

"Not havin' that one either. Again." Ranmaru had taken on a dangerous tone with him, one that might have had his eyes flashing. Tokiya could feel the burning of his eyes on him but refused to meet them like this.

Tokiya, in his own frustration now, snapped his head straight to meet Ranmaru's eyes with a challenging gaze of his own, though faulty in its weight. "What do you want from me? What are you constantly looking for? I... I just don't understand!" He hadn't meant to raise his voice, but he could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes like a child being berated by his mother. It was ridiculous of himself, but he was at a loss. He was tired of the mind games that he didn't really think were actually there but couldn't help creating for himself.

"'Cause you're lookin' for excuses. I already said you didn't have to handle it all alone, didn't I? I meant it."

"But why?" Why did Ranmaru care about how he felt so suddenly? Why did he want to be here for him? Why now and why like this? They hardly talked before, save for their few conversations about projects they had to work on together. How did they go from that to... this? What had changed? What was he looking for? How bored had he become? Tokiya certainly saw himself as a long-term project if that was what he was looking for, but Tokiya didn't need someone to fix him. He wasn't looking for solutions.

Ranmaru clicked his tongue, moving the hand that held him captive to settle it along Tokiya's cheek to brush his tears away with his thumb. Tokiya could feel the calluses on his hands from playing the bass over the years, but despite his rougher exterior, there was something gentle that lingered in his touch now.

"'Cause I care. Thought it'd be obvious."

There were even more unspoken questions Tokiya held, but he just couldn't find it in himself to voice any of them out loud, not when he was like this now. Surely, they were more obviously written on his face than Ranmaru's own thoughts.

Ranmaru kept them both like this until Tokiya finally managed to settle down, keeping the warmth of his hand as a consistent pressure against the side of his face as he calmed down. Only when Ranmaru deemed him to be okay on his own terms did he pull back from him.

"I mean it, ya know. I know it's not gonna be easy, but you can come t' me. I'll listen."

Tokiya found himself nodding this time, wiping at his eyes in hopes of ridding the evidence from his cheeks. The others were bound to notice no matter what, though. "I'm so-"

"None a' that. C'mon, let's get back."

Tokiya nodded again, pushing away from the wall to begin walking back. As if afraid of him collapsing, Ranmaru hovered behind him as he let the other lead the way back. Neither of them spoke as well, clearly having done so enough earlier. Ranmaru had even walked him to his shared dressing room with the others in STARISH first, hanging back against the wall with crossed arms as Tokiya turned the handle and let himself in.

Tokiya hung back by the door, as if to wait on hearing Ranmaru's retreating footsteps though growing disappointed when he couldn't. On the other hand, everyone in the dressing room faced him with sharp and curious expressions.

They waited until Tokiya sank down into the chair in front of his personal vanity before exploding with questions for him. The migraine for crying as he had unfortunately settled in as they all clambered up to him. Noticing how distraught he was becoming, Masato rushed to calm them down before turning to Tokiya himself with a single question that summed everyone's thoughts up.

"Is everything alright, Ichinose?"

And yet, it was the very question he had a hard time answering. Luckily, Masato was only asking in the sense that he looked upset from whatever had happened between him and Ranmaru. "I'm fine."

His response garnered pulled expressions between Masato and the others. Ren was the next to speak up. "What did Ran-chan want?"

Tokiya was sure his own expression looked to be just as strained as theirs now. "I'm not really sure I even know."

None of them seemed to believe him there, but none of them spoke up either. Instead, they all began pulling the conversation back to their interview and their responses to the questions thrown at them, letting Tokiya drift away from it all as he lost himself to the moment he shared with Ranmaru.

He didn't quite process how embarrassing it all was until days later upon seeing Ranmaru asleep in the main common room. Tokiya's mind wandered to the feeling of his hand along his cheek and how set his words were. It didn't take long before he felt his cheeks flare from the embarrassment, spinning on his heels to leave before he woke the other up.

"Oi."

Clearly it didn't matter, though.

Tokiya paused as he glanced over his shoulder to see Ranmaru now sitting himself up, though still lounging lazily along the couch. With his racing thoughts, Tokiya's cheeks only darkened in color. "Uh... hello. I hadn't meant to wake you."

Ranmaru ruffled through his own hair as he yawned, stretching before leaning back into the couch again. "I was already awake. Wanna talk?"

"It's really alright. You seemed comfortable."

Ranmaru clicked his tongue as he patted the spot next to himself on the couch, making it impossible for Tokiya to say no. He sighed in defeat as he walked over, sitting down albeit a bit farther away than Ranmaru had offered. They sat there in silence, what with Tokiya being unable to think of anything other than that moment they shared before. His cheeks now newly aflame, Tokiya kept his gaze down as he tried to settle himself.

"You coming down with somethin'?" There was real concern in Ranmaru's voice as he shifted to place a hand on Tokiya's forward.

Tokiya immediately moved away from the touch out of surprise, now facing Ranmaru with widened eyes. "Ah, I'm sorry. No, I'm alright."

Ranmaru didn't buy it. "Whatever you say." Yet he shrugged it off anyway as he moved back. "Doin' anything today?"

Tokiya lifted the script in his hand up for Ranmaru to see, taking the chance to use the conversation in calming himself down. "I had planned on reviewing the script for an upcoming audition and adding a few more notes to it."

Ranmaru eyed the paper before switching his gaze up with a questioning glance. "You always work on days off?"

Tokiya shook his head. "I wouldn't say always, but it's the only personal project I've decided to take up recently."

"Why's that?"

The conversation carried on for hours with Ranmaru asking question after question, and Tokiya doing his best to answer as many as he could. Time seemed to stop as they talked, Tokiya getting more lost in what they were discussing than he originally planned on. Even through stifled yawns, Tokiya did his best to keep up with everything Ranmaru threw at him up until he heard laughter from the other end of the couch.

"We can talk some other time. You're fallin' asleep on me." Ranmaru chuckled as he stood up, leaning forward to ruffle Tokiya's hair before walking towards his dorm. "See ya."

Tokiya's eyes trailed after the senior as he wished him a good night, his hands flying up to his hair as if he could find Ranmaru's touch still there.

Now that he got to stop and think about it all, there was something oddly comforting about his sudden friendship with Ranmaru. He wasn't exactly sure how it had come about, what with Ranmaru having seen him during darker days as of recently. Usually such a thing would turn someone away. How could anyone want to be friends with a burden such as himself? Despite that, Ranmaru still hung around to break down walls that had been built up from years of pain and betrayal. Not once did he act as if Tokiya was a mess.

Though the same could be said of the members of STARISH that stood by his side. Somehow, this was different though. There was something unique about what they shared in. Maybe it was how he never truly explained himself to his bandmates, and yet Ranmaru had suddenly caught a glimpse at the edges. It reminded him of the times Nanami had caught him in such fragile states, but the contrast between then and now was stark. What was it that made this time any different?

He wouldn't find an answer until a month later when Tokiya had been invited to Ren, Masato, and Ranmaru's room upon Ranmaru's request. They had been texting about the new choreography they've had to work on for their respective group lives later in the year and early during the next. Tokiya had been struggling with his own for his solo song, and Ranmaru had a hard time with group choreography for his group's newer anniversary song. Instead of going to one of the many practice rooms set up for such rehearsals, Ranmaru had suggested his own room since both Ren and Masato were set to be out until later that evening. Tokiya knew he did it to avoid them both - in particular Tokiya himself - from overworking themselves.

Nevertheless, Tokiya had accepted the offer and found himself knocking on his door with a nervousness he had never truly felt for reasons unknown to himself just yet. When Ranmaru let him in, Tokiya hadn't been surprised to find the room in the state it was in. With QUARTET NIGHT having ditched the idea of an apartment together and moving back into the dorms for the sake of growing closer as an agency, the President had given them upgraded rooms to satisfy everyone's needs for more privacy. Their rooms now all had kitchenettes that overlooked a common room. Splitting off from the common rooms were their own bedrooms. Considering how only one of the doors was opened, Tokiya assumed the door by itself off to the right had to be Ranmaru's.

As he had expected, the room was furnished with finer wood and dark red fabrics. It was fitting considering the occupants of the room.

They sat in the common room passing conversation back and forth about their busy weeks up until they began sharing in their worries for choreography. With a careful eye, Tokiya watched Ranmaru perform a looser version of his choreography. There wasn't much he could say, feeling as if he had more to learn from Ranmaru than the other way around. Ranmaru thought otherwise, sitting down as he waited to hear Tokiya give his own modest opinions, sparking a new conversation entirely.

"You're killin' me."

"Eh?" Tokiya was taken aback by the comment but no stranger to having heard the phrase from Ranmaru.

"D'ya even see your talent?" Ranmaru settled one of his elbows against the back of the couch, his hand curled into a fist against his own cheek as he brought a knee up onto the cushions.

Tokiya could only blink dumbfounded in response. It wasn't as if he wasn't used to compliments, but the way Ranmaru said it caused a blush to rise to his cheeks and a stammer to his voice. "W-Well, I'm not quite at your level... QUARTET NIGHT's choreography is always much more intense."

Ranmaru sighed out of exasperation. "You're dancin' is crazy. I swear you're probably better than some of our guest choreographers."

Tokiya grinned at the comment, shaking his head as he adamantly denied the accusation. "Thank you for such high praise, but that's hardly the case."

"Ren's told me you ask for harder stuff. That true?"

"Ah... well, yes... but only because-"

"It gives ya somethin' else to focus on?"

Tokiya smiled sheepishly as he clasped his hands in his lap. "Perhaps..." It was impressive how much Ranmaru retained.

Ranmaru's expression suddenly grew serious as he leaned forward, studying Tokiya's face before speaking. "Tokiya, this is gonna sound stupid... but you're kinda cute like this."

A dark flush spread across his cheeks at the comment, his head snapping up as he heard it. Ranmaru seemed to be unwavering as he met Tokiya's eyes.

It was the start of something Tokiya should've stopped but couldn't find it in himself to do so. Like fireworks, the two of them came together splendidly as they explored what a relationship meant to them. Tokiya only had one before, having been the one dumped due to his own demanding schedule at the time. Ranmaru never really delved too deep into his previous relationships - or whether he had any at all - as he was satisfied with leaving them in the past.

But Tokiya enjoyed how brilliantly they seem to work together. It was completely unexpected at the start as he had found how sensitive and caring Ranmaru could be with him. Not only that but there were days when Ranmaru got quite possessive. Tokiya found those to be just as incredible and amazing as their softer moments together. Of course they had to be careful, but the Master Course dorms were fair ground as outsiders weren't even allowed near the street the buildings were settled on. The two of them still managed to find time even in the most inconvenient of places to capture a secret moment together.

It only ever felt magical.

Rehearsals with QUARTET NIGHT and STARISH together were a nightmare for the other members with them, but they always ended in laughter with Tokiya having to hide his own embarrassment. Their eleventh anniversary passed almost in a blur as the year ended as quickly as it seemed to have come. As they all rang in the New Year together, Tokiya found himself promising Ranmaru everything he could offer.

With the magic also came the hard times, though.

With less alone time on his hands, Tokiya found that letting himself crumble on harder days was unimaginably difficult. He never wanted to burden Ranmaru as he already had before, but it was impossible to hide his pain all the time.

Ranmaru caught on to this new struggle very quickly and adjusted to giving him a few days here and then when he had noticed the start of them. Tokiya couldn't ever decide if he wanted someone to be there with him or not, constantly flipping between either cuddling into Ranmaru's side as they threw on some random movie to distract himself or keeping himself locked up in his room as he waited for the pain to pass.

The new year had been so much more painful than he had thought it would be. From stressful interviews and projects that held unbearable weight to them, Tokiya felt as if he was drowning. With his own drowning, their relationship began to suffer. He began ignoring Ranmaru more than he really wanted to, but he didn't know how else to handle himself.

It was too much. All of it.

So on one particularly stressful and anxiety-ridden evening, Tokiya sent a message to Ranmaru asking for them to meet by the gazebo out by the lake. How fitting that the rain appeared as it had the night Ranmaru first began asking questions, offering his support.

""M not bein' ignored anymore?"

The remark was as harsh as he deserved it to be. Tokiya flinched back into the gazebo bench as he kept his gaze settled on the lake before him. He absolutely couldn't meet Ranmaru's eyes. Not now. Not like this.

"We can't do this. I can't do that. I'm sorry. The timing... I should've been more mindful. I messed up. I'm so sorry." Tokiya kept Ranmaru's name out of his mouth as he broke the very promise he was so sure of only a month ago.

He counted the seconds that passed before Ranmaru finally spoke, bracing himself for the onslaught of hate he deserved to hear from him. How he wasted Ranmaru's time. How he took on too much more than he could selfishly take. He waited and waited... but it never came.

"You really goin' on 'bout timing as if I care?"

36 seconds.

But the words caught him completely off-guard. Tokiya let his curiosity get the best of him, glancing up to find how furious Ranmaru looked to be from what was supposed to be their goodbye. He was more or less expecting Ranmaru to just walk away, huffing about how he had seen this coming. Not... whatever that response was.

"I'm sorry?"

"As you should be. The hell are you thinkin'? You have any idea what you're doin'? You really just gonna put me through hell just to say goodbye? Tell me, Toki," Ranmaru walked dangerously slow towards Tokiya, a fierce glint kept in his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest, "is this really a question about what you want or what you think is best? Are ya doin' this for yourself or because you think it's for me?"

Tokiya had slid backwards on the bench as if hoping the action would put distance between the two of them. His back hit the railing of the gazebo, freezing him between it and Ranmaru's sharp frustration. All he could do was meet Ranmaru's eyes with the act he had prepared himself for - a hard glare of his own and set jaw.

"I know what I'm doing. I thought I made myself clear."

Ranmaru scoffed at his words as he leaned in with narrowed eyes. "If you think you can get rid a' me that easily, you've got a rude-awakening comin' for ya, Tokiya Ichinose. You've come too far to just drop it all now. Look at me genuinely this time, none of this facade you think you're foolin' me with."

And Tokiya almost cracked. Almost. Only he had a point to prove. He couldn't ruin Ranmaru anymore. Just because he knew he was crumbling didn't mean he had to shatter Ranmaru with himself.

"I know what I got myself into, so why don't you see it? Don't remember tellin' you that you had to be the spittin' image of perfection for me. Didn't think cryin' into my arms about how much your anxiety hurts you is considered that anyway. Get your shit together, so I can just love you already, Toki."

The words were harsh in the worst way... but they still held a softness only Tokiya had come to discover. Tokiya's eyes widened as he heard how set Ranmaru was, the tears beginning to fall faster than he could even try to find the right words to respond.

"You aren't the only one t' need someone, even if you don't wanna admit it to yourself."

Tokiya's head fell into his hands, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes as he tried to stop the overwhelming amount of tears from flowing as they were. He hadn't even heard Ranmaru bend down, only noticing when Ranmaru pulled his hands away.

"C'mon, let me see your face."

Tokiya began hiccuping as he choked back endless waves of sobs, trying to bring his hands up but being stopped by Ranmaru's stronger grasp around his wrists.

"I might've let you lay, but I didn't. I came knowin' there wasn't any room anyway. I need an answer from you. Is this really 'bout your anxiety? Or do you really wanna leave? Is this really what you're lookin' for? You think you'll be better off?"

Tokiya knew the answers deep down. No matter how hard he tried to push them back, they always rose back up. The waters he felt suffocated under always parted to reveal his true colors one way or another. And now, all he could do was shake his head as tears fell harder than they had before.

"That's what I thought." Ranmaru sighed before breaking into a softer smile. "C'mere, Toki. We'll work this out. Together, though. Let me pick up what I can of the broken pieces. I know they're sharp or whatever, but I don't care if helpin' you means a few cuts here 'n there."

Tokiya felt himself being pulled into Ranmaru's warm embrace, no longer having the conviction he thought he held earlier anymore as he settled into its comforting touch. He would miss this too much. He would miss Ranmaru too much.

"You've come a long way, Toki. I'm here for ya. Always will be."