Progress

Written for the KageHina Eternity Zine

Kageyama Tobio doesn't like people.

This is generally viewed as a flaw in his character. Part of being an upstanding member of society means getting along with many types of people. It means forming groups and making friends and participating in social gatherings. But Kageyama doesn't care for any of that.

And the thing is, people don't tend to like Kageyama either, so it's a symbiotic non-relationship.

The only problem—the one, inexplicable thing that keeps Kageyama from locking himself away from society for the rest of his life—is that at least five other people are necessary to play volleyball. Six with a libero. More if you want to have the flexibility of pinch servers and reserve players. And so, to his great misfortune, Kageyama couldn't swear off people forever because he loved volleyball more.

He thought he could handle it. He didn't need to like his teammates, and they didn't need to like him. They just needed to play the way he told them to and they would win and everything would be fine. But it didn't work, and suddenly Kageyama was playing a six-person game by himself, further solidifying in his brain that people were the worst.

Now that he's at Karasuno, though—a place where they've shown him his weaknesses and challenged him to be better and accepted him for all his sides—he thinks he might like people. But just these people. And even then only some of them.

But his mother says it's progress.

/ / /

Kageyama Tobio doesn't like Hinata Shouyou.

Hinata is loud and childish and hotheaded and overeager. He's also full to the brim of natural talent and stamina but has no clue what to do with it. It frustrates Kageyama to no end.

What's even more frustrating is the realization that Kageyama too has a lot left to learn. But at the same time, it's also viscerally exciting to know that there's always something to improve on, always some way to get better, always another road to the top. And Hinata feels the same.

It's refreshing to find someone as enthusiastic about volleyball as he is, someone who can match him stride for stride and never lets him settle. His teammate is still immature and untrained in his ability, but in other ways so is Kageyama. And with Hinata by his side, he hopes he may never again find himself setting a ball to no one.

Plus, he sees a path to victory in those round brown eyes, so he decides to follow it.

/ / /

Kageyama Tobio likes Hinata Shouyou, but only in relation to volleyball.

It's the only time they ever interact, after all. And even when they walk partway home together their conversations are strictly about volleyball. Or, at least, they were. But they don't text each other or talk outside of that…except for the "home safe" texts Hinata started sending Kageyama that Kageyama now forces himself to stay awake for. And, okay, sometimes Hinata will call instead if he remembers something he didn't say earlier, and sometimes those conversations will stretch for hours until one or both of them falls asleep.

But they're still not friends, because they don't hang out or spend time together outside of volleyball practice and their walks. Well, except at lunch now, ever since the first day of second year when Hinata tracked him down and apparently decided Kageyama would now be his permanent lunchtime companion.

And except for today, because it's a practice-free Saturday afternoon and Hinata is on his way to Kageyama's place.

Hinata is coming, he thinks dazedly. Hinata is coming to his house. Hinata is coming to his house to sleep over, to watch a movie and spend time with him, to lay on the floor of Kageyama's bedroom and talk into the night about whatever inane topics his brain gets stuck on.

Kageyama's never had anyone come over before. Nobody's ever wanted to. Not that he's cared before, because he's never wanted anyone to come over either. But now nervous energy is buzzing through his veins as he flits around the house to make sure it's ready for Hinata's arrival.

His mother watches all this with amusement from where she's perched in her armchair knitting.

"You're excited," she points out in a conspiratorial sort of voice as he sprays air freshener around for the third time. "You must really like him."

Kageyama opens his mouth to correct her. He doesn't like Hinata. He only tolerates Hinata for his volleyball partnership, but as soon as he makes to form the words, he pauses.

Hinata isn't coming over for volleyball; he's coming over so they can watch the new scary movie on Netflix. Kageyama doesn't even like scary movies, and he has a feeling that Hinata will scream the whole time, but Hinata had been talking loudly in the clubroom about wanting to watch it with someone, and Kageyama was struck with an inexplicable need for that someone to be him.

It causes him to think about the other inexplicable needs and desires he feels when it comes to Hinata. There's the usual one, the familiar one: the need to be the best setter Hinata's ever had. But there are others now that have cropped up without warning, like when he sees a meme that's only slightly funny and sends it to Hinata anyway because he likes the way Hinata overreacts and sends a thousand emojis back as if it's the best thing he's ever seen.

Does that mean he likes Hinata? Likes him outside of volleyball? Likes him like an actual friend? They've known each other for well over a year now, so he supposes it makes sense that this happened eventually. But how did it happen without him even noticing?

He realizes with a jolt that his mother is still watching him expectantly, so he grunts, "Uh, yeah," and runs away to straighten his bed covers once more.

/ / /

Kageyama Tobio likes Hinata Shouyou.

He's come to accept this now. Not that he has a lot of choice in the matter, seeing as there's not much to hide behind.

It's hard to deny how he feels when phone calls and even video chats are now a nightly occurrence. Or when he lets Hinata fall asleep against him on the team bus because it means he gets to rest his cheek on the top of his soft orange curls. Or when Hinata smiles at him and he can physically feel his day get brighter.

But it's only when, one day, he suddenly finds himself daydreaming about holding Hinata's hand or imagining the feel of his lips that he realizes he likes Hinata far more than what's considered normal.

A finger pokes his cheek, accompanied by a, "Are you even listening, Bakageyama?"

He blinks and looks at Hinata seated across from him at their lunch table. He'd gotten distracted by the sunlight reflecting in Hinata's hair, making the boy look golden and shining, like he was the sun itself right there in the middle of the Karasuno courtyard. Things like this have been happening daily in the weeks since his Big Revelation.

"Tobio?" Hinata asks, and Kageyama shivers. Hinata has gotten it into his head that all of the third years should call each other by their given names to "promote closeness and camaraderie," but it still throws Kageyama off every time.

"Nothing," he says quickly, flushed with shame and the knowledge that he can't go on like this.

Like any teenage boy in his situation, he turns to the internet, but it's little to no help. He wishes he could just ask someone for advice, someone who knows him and knows how to explain things in a way he'll understand, but who?

His parents and sister would coddle and coo over him in a mortifying way. Yachi is dating the women's volleyball captain, but he can't risk her accidentally telling Hinata in her excitement. The only person on the team in a relationship is a first year, and he's not asking an underclassman for love advice. But he doesn't even know anybody else in a relationship except—

Except.

Suga-senpai, he texts, I think I need help.

/ / /

Kageyama Tobio is in love with Hinata Shouyou.

Maybe.

He's not quite sure.

He thinks back, as he often does now, to Sugawara's verdict from a few weeks ago.

Well, Kageyama, you need to make up your mind on this on your own, but from what it sounds like to me…I think you might be in love with him.

That's what Sugawara said, and his upperclassman has experience with falling in love with one's best friend, but still…Kageyama isn't sure. And he needs to be sure. Has to be sure. Just like when he sets a volleyball exactly right and knows it will follow its trajectory straight into the palm of his spiker's hand, he needs to know these feelings will carry his heart straight to Hinata's.

So he thinks. And thinks. And thinks.

He thinks about the way Hinata's laughter makes his heart race, how his favorite sound in the world after a palm slapping a volleyball is Hinata's sleepy phone voice. He thinks about the soft smiles Hinata gives him when no one else is around, the way Hinata will throw his legs over Kageyama's lap when they sit together, how his phone screen is a photo from the school newspaper of him setting to a mid-air Hinata.

It finally hits him in the hallway by the water fountain at their final Spring Nationals of all places, when he thinks that he'll probably be happiest if he can keep setting to Hinata for the rest of his life.

Kageyama Tobio loves Hinata Shouyou.

He's certain now, and he has to say it. He has to say it right away, before high school volleyball is over and everything changes and they're possibly forever separated. But also, he has to say it right. His mind spins as Hinata refills water bottle after water bottle, singing some stupid little ditty as he does so. Kageyama's heart aches with the weight of his love.

"Hinata!" he says, far too loudly.

Hinata yelps and startles and almost drops the water bottle. "What is it?" he asks, glancing over his shoulder.

"Hinata," Kageyama tries again, softer this time. "Shouyou."

At the sound of his name, Hinata's eyebrows furrow, and he releases the button on the water fountain, turning to face Kageyama. Despite Hinata's given name campaign, Kageyama never gave into it fully, only saving Hinata's name for when they were alone, for when it felt special.

He really should've figured this out sooner.

With Hinata's whole attention on him now, Kageyama feels his resolve begin to wither. But then Hinata turns around fully and touches the tips of his fingers to Kageyama's wrist, and it sends a jolt of electricity through him.

"I—you—are—important to me," he starts.

He hates the way his voice comes out all stilted and uncomfortable. He wishes he could be normal—be better—because Hinata deserves so much more than him. But because he's selfish, he's hoping Hinata's willing to settle.

"I…I care. About you. A lot," he continues, his face burning with embarrassment. "Your—friendship is dear to me. But, even more, I wish that…well, I hope…you see—"

Hinata is staring at him with wide eyes and a mouth puckered in surprise. A mouth that Kageyama would very much like to kiss, but he has to get this out first, and then ask permission, and then maybe—possibly—finally—he will get to feel it against his own.

"I need to tell you—Hinata— Shouyou, I—I—"

"Stop!" Hinata screeches suddenly, slapping one hand over Kageyama's mouth.

Kageyama almost jumps out of his skin, the words, "I love you," coming out muffled against Hinata's palm.

"Wait," Hinata says, breathless. "Wait, please, just…not yet."

Kageyama frowns at him and pulls Hinata's hand away. "Not yet?" he asks, frustrated. This is not how it goes in the movies.

"Not yet," Hinata repeats desperately. "Not yet, Tobio, please, because if you say it now it'll be all I can think about, and I won't be able to focus on the game, so just…please, not yet."

Kageyama supposes he sees some sense in that, but also he doesn't know how he'll be able to focus on the game either if he doesn't say this right now.

"Please," Hinata says again, and he squeezes Kageyama's hand. Kageyama didn't realize he was still holding it.

"Then when?" he demands.

"After," Hinata replies. "When it's all over."

Kageyama purses his lips. He doesn't like this. He's buzzing all over, like he might vibrate right out of his skin, but—and he can't believe he's saying this about Hinata of all people—maybe Hinata is right. They should wait. Because from the sound of it, Hinata may feel the same. And if he does, all Kageyama's going to want to do is kiss Hinata breathless right here in the hallway, volleyball be damned.

He draws himself upright, stunned. When has he ever thought things like that?

"Gosh, I can't believe you," Hinata mutters, and then he's twining their fingers together, and Kageyama's heartbeat thrums in his ears. "I've been waiting all this time and you choose now to catch up?"

"Wait, what?" Kageyama asks. "You—you know? H-How—what—we—"

"Yeah, dummy," Hinata says fondly. "I've known for a while."

"You—you can't—you let me waste all our time," Kageyama grouses.

"Nah, we've got a lot left."

He says it with such simple confidence that Kageyama is inclined to believe him.

Hinata moves then, slipping his hand out of Kageyama's, and he's about to protest when Hinata grips both sides of his jersey collar and stretches up on his toes while pulling Kageyama down, bringing their mouths together in a gentle brush of lips. The kiss is chaste and sweet, and Kageyama is thrilled to know Hinata's lips are as soft as he's always imagined them to be. He's less thrilled when Hinata pulls away just a moment later.

"For good luck," Hinata whispers, rocking back to his heels. "And a promise."

Kageyama's heart aches again like it has for months—for years—but this time he knows why.

"Hinata-senpai! Kageyama-senpai!" calls a voice from down the hall. "Coach needs you!"

They look at each other and smile, and Kageyama is suddenly fine with waiting. As Hinata takes the water bottle carrier in one hand and Kageyama's hand in the other, he has an irrational sense that they have all the time in the world. Win or lose, their journey won't end here. It's going to stretch on, endlessly, for as long as they love each other, which Kageyama has a feeling and a hope that might be forever. They've already progressed this far, after all.

So yeah, he can wait a little bit longer. What's a few more hours in the face of eternity?

This was my first time participating in a zine, and it was super fun! The KageHina Eternity zine ( kghneternity on Twitter) is completely digital, sfw, and free, so go download it and check out all the great KageHina stories and art pieces and digital merch!

~Kicon

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