Why Can't I Remember?
A/N: something short to clear my mind...
I didn't remember them at first, the memories are blurry and fuzzy. I couldn't remember the clear image; I couldn't remember their faces. However, I can still recognize their clothing and their voices. I remember they were nice. These people who my father worked with-as he would like to say- were different. I remember the ideas they would discuss, so creative. They would visit often, each time it was someone new to say the least but the same voices were still there by the most part. 3 voices, 3 voices that stuck with me since my childhood innocence. How could I forget about them?
Sometimes men in suits would come in, three of them, my father always told me to stay in my room and never interrupt. They were scary and threatening. So tall with little emotion. As if… as if… they were robots, machines. Thinking now, father truly sent me to hide and I wonder… why? I remember the men would barge in and question my father about the computer but nothing else. I remember blue... yes, a blue pill... my father used to take them. I remember every time those men came, they would prescribe my papa more blue pills. And after that, it was a time of silence from the presence of those three mysterious individuals. Black coats, dark glasses ah yes! The smell of leather I remember.
After some time, these people my father said he worked with would return. Thinking now it seemed like another intent on something…but what? I remember they would only talk to him and discuss ideas about…about… I don't remember. I remember the colors blue and red. The red pill. Yes, the red pill, they would mention in a lot.
It was rare to remain in the discussion, for once these people arrived my father sent me to the backyard or my room. But not in the way he did when the men in suits ever came, no. I remember my father spoke calm, nice and content but when the suits arrived, I remember he sounded distressed. Now I question… perhaps he was scared? Were you hiding something father? if so, what?
The men in suits truly never spared me a glance, I remember one of them did a couple of times but nothing more. I don't remember the rest.
The people in coats were nice. I remember a girl... yes! A girl. She was very nice. And I remember a man... his name was of three letters... it was a funny name. He was serious, calm and collected but I remember he would spare me a glance or two and he would smile. And when he smiled, the room always got brighter. Maybe he was an angel…but he never wore white. Always black. They would sometime approach me and ask me things and I'd agree. They were oh so polite.
And I always questioned…what happened?
It's such a precise and exact memory... or is a dream? I truly can't differentiate dreaming and reality anymore. Perhaps it is a lost memory… but at what point is it a memory when you don't remember most of it?
Thinking about the men in suits, I saw one last Sunday back in the streets. And he glanced at me but the second I blinked, he was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps I'm imagining things at this point, one truly does not know.
And my father, where is he? I remember him. Oh, papa how I miss you! Where did you go? It's such a hazy memory. One day I had you… I remember you tucked me in at night and we said goodnight to each other and the next day… the next day… I don't remember. Life carried on as if nothing happened. And those men. I remember those men in suits. They would roam, I remember I would see them roaming around. But they never spoke, at least to me. And I never questioned.
But then I would start seeing weird things. I experienced déjà vu, and I still do. I see people and they remind me of those men that worked with my father in long black coats. They were fast I remember I could see them in buildings. I remember the color green, such a pretty color. It is my favorite color. Ah yes, those people would mention green… but I remember… I remember…I don't remember.
And I wonder... what happened? Why can't I remember anymore?