A/N: I'd hoped back when I first fell in love with the idea that I'd be able to come up with something like this. But all I had was a few scattered, unrelated images in my head. I dunno what happened all of a sudden, but I'm happy it did!
This takes place a year-ish after Rift Apart and in the same 'verse as Terms of Engagement and Where the Stars all Shine. Neither of those are necessary to read, though.
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Nefarious stands, powerless, in the middle of his lab. His hands clench and unclench at his sides as he desperately attempts to keep his calm. He can't lose control here right now. If he does, the only thing likely to bring him back 'round would be the falling ruins of his lair. Right before they crushed him into a twisted heap of scrap metal and glass.
He's going to have to do it. He's going to have to disturb Lawrence. On his off time.
That thought alone is more sobering than any of those stupid Fongoid tricks he's continued working on. He's just brought himself back within the realm of self control when a knock at the front door sets him off again.
Finally. Someone he can actually yell at.
"Oh, what is it THIS time!?" He stomps his way across the lab, taking care to close the small gate behind him, and snatches up the blaster lying atop a tall shelf the next room over. He swings it through the air around him as he makes his way to the entrance.
"I don't CARE that you come highly recommended by Supervillain Weekly. I'M an evil GENIUS! If I wanted whatever wares you're peddling, I'd just make them myself! It'd be both higher quality AND lower cost than anything you imbeciles are capable of coming up with! So for the LAST TIME! This is a no-solicitation zone! Now get OFF my lawn before I ANNIHILATE—" He throws open the triple-reinforced, blast-proof door with all the fury of a beleaguered guardian clinging to the final, dangerously frayed thread of his sanity, but to Nefarious' dismay, it's not a solicitor at his front door this time. It's something so much worse.
The lombax and his backpack share a bemused look with one another. Nefarious gawks in disbelief before warning bells go off in his head. His gaze darts behind him, and then he steps more fully into the open doorway.
"You two!? What are—how did you even—?"
Ratchet casually points up at the lair. "Looks like your cloaking device is failing."
It takes Nefarious longer than usual to process the statement. He blinks.
"IMPOSSIBLE! My device is FLAWLE—"
He freezes. Slowly, as if dredging the memory from the pit of a bottomless lake, he recalls the strange power fluctuation from early that morning. He'd never been able to locate the source before he'd had to chase after—
In a single bound he's out there standing alongside his two sworn nemeses, staring up at the massive, and usually invisible, facade of his lair.
"Nnnnnnnnnnngh!"
He stalks back inside and slams the door closed behind him.
"More trouble than you're worth," he grumbles to himself. "Same as your father. Bet you'll grow up to have a mouth on you too."
Once the cloaking device has been restored to working order (i.e., plugged back in), he takes stock of the lab and frowns. He's woefully unprepared for any sort of confrontation, least of all one with those two. And he could really do without the whole of the Polaris Defense Force raining down on him as well.
"Little Lawrence. We're going out."
He looks around, but Little Lawrence is nowhere to be found.
"Oh, Little Laaaaaaawrence…"
He isn't hiding beneath a nearby workbench either. A surge of panic courses through him—the baby gate had been closed, he knows it for a fact. He'd had to open it again just now—and he pokes his head into a small broom closet.
"Little Lawrence?"
Still nothing.
"Lair's invisible again," comes an unexpected voice that has Nefarious leaping no fewer than three feet into the air. "Oh. Wow. Has the PDF already raided the place? Because Tal promised us that honor."
"What are you—? Get out of my lair this instant, you insufferable rat!" His systems kick into overdrive, and the air around him nearly crackles with the intensity of it. Claws bared and wings extended menacingly behind him, he casts about. Where did he put that blasted gun? Why was it so hard to think? Where had Little Lawrence gotten to?!
Ratchet halts just outside the lab, hands raised in surrender. He opens his mouth—
"Awww."
—and his eyes furrow in confusion.
They both turn to see Clank standing inside the open gate, wagging his fingers at the tiny figure toddling its way toward him. Nefarious almost slumps in relief. At least until he looks at Ratchet and sees the dawning comprehension on his face.
"Oh, I get it," he says, and he has the gall to sound amused. "Someone's on babysitting duty."
"I am NOT a babysitter!" Nefarious draws himself up to full height and, puffing out his chest, corrects his uninvited guest. "I'm the godfather."
That sends the lombax's brows shooting straight up his stupid, squishy forehead. His eyes sweep over the room, lingering on bits and pieces of the disaster contained within. Nefarious tries to pretend he isn't embarrassed by the state of his lab even as he toes one of Little Lawrence's toys behind a bench and out of sight.
"That…explains a lot. I guess. So where is Lawrence then?"
"Out," Nefarious answers, eyes trailing after the baby. He trips and catches himself by grabbing onto Clank, who laughs before taking his hands and helping him keep balance as he wobbles on. "Had some stupid music something or other he and his wife wanted to go to, so I offer—agreed—" he amends, brow definitely not twitching because of Ratchet's smirk, "to keep the baby. Now will you close the gate already before the little monster gets loose and lays waste to whatever's left of my lair?"
He probably should have seen it coming when Ratchet steps inside the gate before latching it behind him. Oh, and now he's doing that same cutesy little wave Clank did earlier. Could this day get any worse?
The movement catches Little Lawrence's attention, and Nefarious discovers, with a sharp pang of despair and betrayal, that the day can, indeed, get worse.
"Aww." Ratchet gets down on one knee to lift the waiting baby bot into his arms. "Okay, I'll admit it. You're even cuter in real life than on the holo-feed. What was your name again, little guy? Walter? Wal…something?"
"Wallace," Clank provides, still looking utterly enraptured and keeping within arm's reach of the baby. "Wally for short."
Nefarious harrumphs.
But then Little Lawrence reaches up with one tiny hand and yanks the lombax's ear with all the force his little baby servos can muster.
Ratchet yelps, Clank lets out a small, "Oh, dear," and Nefarious drowns them both out with a laugh more joyous than any he'd experienced since coming to the acute realization that he no longer has any control over his household.
"That's right, Little Lawrence! Rend our foes asunder! Piece by squishy piece! Just like Uncle Nefarious taught you." Still cackling, he brings a finger up under one eye socket and brushes at the dryness already there. Ratchet manages a glare around his pain. "Oh, they just learn so quickly."
After gently extracting himself from the clutches of Little Lawrence, Ratchet sets him back on the ground, rubbing at his sore ear all the while. Nefarious holds his arms out wide, and Little Lawrence barely even considers his next move before scurrying into them as fast as his unsteady legs can carry him. The baby feels heavier than usual when Nefarious scoops him up in a wide arc, tossing the giggling form up into the air and catching him.
"Who's been a naughty little baby bot?" Little Lawrence makes a garbled sound of admission, and Nefarious taps a finger to his nose. "That's ri-iiight." He plops the baby in a small crib next to his computer station. "So get in there, you little menace, and behave for Uncle Nefarious while he eliminates these two miscreants." He can't keep up his stern demeanor when he stares down into that giant optic, though, and he whips back around to face Ratchet and Clank, steadying himself on the side of the crib.
"So what's the deal?" He says, massaging his brow with his free hand. "Do I need to take the baby and amscray, or can we reschedule whatever this is for after Lawrence gets back next week?"
There's no answer as the duo shares another one of their looks. Nefarious scowls.
"Look, I don't have all day here, and if you can't tell, it's not really the best time for me."
He's bending down to retrieve Little Lawrence's favorite rattle when his servos all stall. He doesn't even have enough time to recognize what's happening before his body gives a violent shudder and the world goes black.
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"Whoa. That? Is not the usual way he goes out."
Ratchet leans in to where Nefarious had suddenly crumpled into a formless heap on the floor and taps at the green dome of his head. The gears and satellite dish within still spin freely but at a much more sluggish pace than usual. He gives Nefarious a smack anyways. Just in case.
"Clank?"
Clank hums thoughtfully as he makes his way to the Doctor. He scans him over, and when he turns back to Ratchet, he sounds mystified. "His power stores seem to be…depleted."
Ratchet frowns before walking over to the crib where Wally babbles without a care in the world. He leans against the rail and watches.
"So," he says at last. "Here's my moral dilemma. Tell me what you think, pal."
"Alright."
He gestures towards Nefarious. "The bad guy's down. We could take him in right now if we wanted to. We both know it's been a long time coming. Then there's this little guy." He reaches in to pat the baby on the head, smiling when Wally eyes him happily. "We could get him out of this weirdo family of criminals. Find him some place nice to grow up. But…"
He kneels to pick up the rattle Nefarious had been reaching for. The stem is purple, the bubble on top a translucent green. He gives it a shake, and inside, a mass of tiny gears and springs bounce off one another. Wally whines, grabbing for it through the bars of the crib. Ratchet hands it over.
The entire…lab—if it could even be called that at this point—is littered with similar toys. The crib itself reminds Ratchet of that old space station from years past. It's more than a little disturbing, if he's honest. And yet somehow strangely sweet.
Clank seems to catch his drift as he, too, takes in their surroundings. "But," he says, continuing where Ratchet left off, "it is obvious that Wallace is greatly loved and cared for right here." He looks troubled. "I do not think we should interfere, Ratchet. Perhaps, since Nefarious has not been up to anything evil over the last year, we could simply…let this one go?"
That's kind of Ratchet's gut feeling, conflicted as he is about it. "Yeah, but what about later? Think he'll grow up to follow in 'Uncle' Nefarious' footsteps?"
Clank shrugs. "Only time will tell, I suppose. But who knows." He turns to Nefarious. "It may be what he needs to change his own priorities."
Together they manage to untangle the pile of Nefarious on the floor and heave him into the chair at his computer station. Clank takes charge of powering him back up while Ratchet goes on to persuade Talwyn not to blow the place into oblivion.
It's not easy.
"So you're telling me," one hand pinches the bridge of her nose as she speaks, "that you found Dr. Nefarious. And you just want us to let him go?"
Ratchet's cheeks ache with the effort of keeping up his most charming smile. He nods.
"Ratchet…" She sighs, sounding more tired than frustrated now. "I love you. But we can't just keep making up our own rules when there are already protocols in place. People are depending on us to keep them safe. Do you even realize how bad this would look if it got out?"
"Don't worry. It won't." The piercing look she gives him tells him that isn't the point. And he understands. He is intimately familiar with the backlash and extra scrutiny since last year's fiasco. He turns his attention down to the comm unit on his wrist. "Look, I'll put in my report that I checked it out but didn't find anything. The cloaking device is back up, so it's not like anyone else is going to know any better. This planet is a wasteland anyways. The guy who reported it could have seen anything."
"Ratchet."
"I know, I know. I don't like it either. But I really don't think he's up to anything, Tal." Yet, anyways. She knows him way too well for his own good, though, and picks up on his unspoken words.
"And later? When he decides he's had enough of retirement? Again?"
"Then me and Clank'll kick his butt and take him in then. Just not this time."
"But why not this time?"
He taps away at the buttons on his comm, brows furrowed. He knows he can do this. He just hasn't actually tried it out before. "Give me just a sec and I'll show—ah. There we go." He finally looks up. "Okay. So it turns out Nefarious has been pretty busy since we last saw him. But—" he pushes on before she can interrupt. Her mouth snaps closed, but the outraged look on her face is there to stay. "—in a more domestic sense."
With one final button press, Tal's anger gives way to confusion. She turns in a slow circle, taking in the expanded hologram around her.
"Are you two in a nursery?"
Ratchet laughs. "May as well be anymore. Let me introduce to you: Nanny Nefarious' lab."
"You mean he's in charge of a baby?"
"Yeah, I know, right?" He leans back against one of the many workbenches and catches her eye. "Kinda makes you think that if he can pull it off anyone can."
She stills, her expression suddenly unreadable, and Ratchet could kick himself when he realizes what he just said. He hadn't meant to bring it up. Especially not while they were both on the clock. They continue to look at each other for a long moment before Tal turns to study a Nefarious-themed baby swing.
"Yeah. It kinda does."
Warmth explodes in his chest, and his cheeks ache with a grin he couldn't hold back if he wanted to. Ratchet goes on. "Even if he was chasing after the little guy so much that he did forget to recharge his batteries."
"Wait, what?"
After that, convincing her is piece of cake. Tal leaves the call with a small smile of her own, and still giddy, Ratchet makes his way back to Clank.
"How's it looking over here, pal?"
Clank crawls out of a mass of wires and dusts off his hands. "He should have enough power for his systems to come back online soon. We probably should not be here when he does."
"No argument here. Think the baby will be okay until then?"
As if realizing they were talking about him, Wally chooses that moment to begin crying. His arms reach out through the crib in Nefarious' direction. Not sure what else to do, Ratchet pulls him free and sets him on his uncle's lap. He curls up against Nefarious' chest and chatters to himself, hands waving excitedly in the air as he does so. Ratchet arranges a pair of purple arms around him for added safety.
"Is this actually okay?" He asks Clank.
"It should be fine," Clank answers, though he sounds just as uncertain.
They make to leave, but Ratchet pauses. He turns back around, holds up his wrist, and takes a snapshot of the scene in front of him. He types out a short message to go with it.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, you know," Ratchet replies. He hits send, and a pop-up on Nefarious' computer screen announces one received message with a picture attachment. "Just making memories. Come on. Let's go."
And, taking care to close the baby gate behind them, they lock the lair and take their leave.
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A/N: Yeah, so Nefarious has already taunted our heroes once via holo-feed. Which is why they're aware of Little Lawrence. I have one whole joke for that scenario, though. Kind of hoping I manage to find enough in there to turn it into a thing eventually.
The Talchet bit gave me fits for whatever reason. It was so good and clear in my head, but the first time I wrote it all out, it was a wreck and just seemed to drag things on unnecessarily. I was going to junk the idea altogether, but I'm glad I gave it another go. It was a stray thought that completely sucked me in. I really did want it in there.
In any case, I've never kept my niece or nephew for an extended amount of time, and I'm not sure I have it in me to. So good job, Neffy. Everyone came out alive in the end.
If you can't tell, I've been getting tons of alerts on Nextdoor with people complaining about solicitors. So when I was still trying to figure out how exactly to bring Ratchet and Clank into the mix, it just seemed like the obvious thing to do.