Same Song, Different Verse

"Please, Noé…"

It was not the first time he'd had this nightmare and it probably wouldn't be the last. It hurt every single time though.

Not because it was a simple bad dream…

"If I'm going to die anyway…"

But because it was a memory.

"I'd really rather you were the one to kill me."

It was the first thing Louis had ever asked of him.

Even now, in his dream, Louis looked down at him, eyes wide and pleading and as red as the blood on his lips and hands. He clutched his hands as if they were the rope that would save him from drowning, as if this was his last hope.

Noé held his hands back just as tightly, ignoring the blood.

Because this was Louis, his friend, his companion, the one who'd always been there for him ever since he had arrived at the castle. He would give anything to him, do anything for him…

Except for this.

"I can't." Noé gasped, tears gathering in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Louis, I can't."

He wanted to give something back to Louis for all that he'd given him. He wanted to give Louis what he wanted.

But he couldn't. He couldn't kill him. How could he end the life of someone he cared about so much?

Louis's face crumpled and he slumped down, resting his head on his shoulder. "You can't save me, Noé."

Noé grasped him tighter, ignoring how his hands shook. "Yes, I can! Just let me —"

"You can't do anything." Louis sounded so defeated, so tired. Noé wished he could see his face. "You can't save anyone."

Noé closed his eyes. He knew what was coming next, and he couldn't bear to see it again:

Pain in his neck as Louis began to drain his blood and then a sharp snap as Louis's head was ripped off.

"You can't save him."

Noé's eyes blinked open.

That… That was different.

"Louis?" His brow furrowed and he glanced down at his friend.

"Noé."

Immediately, he froze and his breath caught in his throat.

Black hair fell across his shoulder from the occupant laying there, but it didn't have the warm brown undertones that Louis and Domi shared. Instead, there was a blue sheen to the long black hair that tumbled down his companion's back.

But… It didn't make sense… Why would he be here?

There was a name begging to be released, but in his state, Noé couldn't bring himself to say it.

The other had no such compunctions about being silent.

"What do you think salvation is?"

Noé's heart stopped for several beats before his whole body restarted. "What… What are you… What do you mean?"

A tired chuckle came from his shoulder and Noé realized he could no longer feel the warmth of flesh in the hands that clutched him but the coolness of gloves.

"I can't go back to normal anymore." Resignation draped the words just like the black coat slung across his companion's shoulders. "I always knew it would come to this."

Noé didn't like this. He didn't know what was going on. Foreboding prickled his senses like he was being stabbed over and over by a thousand needles. Something was terribly wrong.

It was that feeling that finally freed the name struggling in his chest.

"Vanitas?"

"Yes, my dear Noé?" Amusement crept into his voice, but Vanitas still didn't move from his spot on Noé's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Noé hated how small his voice was, but anxiety pounded through him in time with his heartbeat. He hoped that for once, Vanitas would give him a straight answer, that he would tell him what was troubling him.

Vanitas hesitated, his hands flexing and holding Noe's tighter for a brief second. And then he slowly drew back, his face tilting up to look Noé in the eye.

Noé gasped.

Blue cracks had spiderwebbed across Vanitas's face like a broken porcelain doll. Through some of the larger cracks, darkness seeped as if a starless night sky writhed beneath Vanitas's skin instead of blood.

In a way, it was beautiful.

It was also horrifying.

All Noé could do was stare. The damage to Vanitas's face, to his very being, was bad enough, but for Noé, the worst of it was what he saw in Vanitas's eyes.

Vanitas had given up.

"What... What is this?" He asked, voice trembling, barely holding back the tide of emotion that rose within him.

Vanitas blinked, his eyes returning to normal as he tilted his head to the side. "All choices have consequences." He shrugged a bit. "This is mine."

"How can we fix this?" Noé wanted to shake Vanitas over his nonchalance at this situation. "What can I —"

"You can't do anything."

Noé froze. Suddenly, he had a feeling that he knew exactly where this was going.

And he dreaded it.

"Not about this anyway," Vanitas continued, "but you can do something for me."

No.

Vanitas let go of his hands and instead reached up to clasp his face, the claws of his gloves lightly digging into his skin.

"This story was always going to end like this." Vanitas said, but Noé could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears. "But for now, while I still remain myself…"

No no no no.

Don't say it.

"Please, Noé…"

His eyes were as gentle as his hands, as soft as they'd been in Gévaudan as he'd granted him reassurance. They glowed like the moon that Noé loved so much.

But Noé knew what was coming, and he didn't want to hear it — he couldn't hear it —

No no no no no no no —

Vanitas smiled — a genuine smile not a smirk or a grin — and put the final nail in both their coffins.

"Kill me."

"No!"

Noé awoke with a shout, writhing as he struggled to sit up. With a thump, the rest of his body fell to the floor.

It took him a moment to place where he was: the room he shared with Vanitas. That did nothing to calm his panting breaths or his racing heart. Noé clutched his pillow to his chest and tried to take deep breaths. He reached up and wiped the traces of tears from his eyes.

It was just a nightmare. Admittedly, one a bit different from his usual fare, somehow even worse than normal, but still it was just a nightmare.

Vanitas was —

Noé's heart leapt into his throat as he glanced over at Vanitas's empty bed.

No no no no no —

Noé immediately fell back into the spiral he'd just started to escape.

Even as he began to hyperventilate, he tried to reason with himself. Vanitas always woke up before him, and he came and went on a whim, usually not bothering to inform Noé of when or where he was going.

That'd been changing ever since the amusement park, but Vanitas still didn't try if Noé was asleep.

He was probably perfectly fine, just getting information from Dante or something similar. He'd be back in no time with a smirk and a new case for them to investigate.

But Noé's brain whirled through all the bad things that had happened when they parted, his panic feeding into the loop of his thoughts.

It wasn't helping, despite how Noé knew that Vanitas could handle himself in a fight. Vanitas had easily run rings around him when he'd been forced to be serious. He was more capable than Noé ever thought.

So Vanitas wasn't — He couldn't be —

"Noé?"

Noé abruptly twisted towards the window, and he let out a shuddering sigh of relief.

Vanitas stepped into the room, a worried frown on his face and a bag from one of Noé's favorite bakeries in hand.

He'd gone out to get breakfast.

"Are you… all right?" Vanitas asked, somewhat awkwardly as leaned against the window frame.

They'd been attempting to be more open and honest since the amusement park, and in the moment, Noé was grateful for it.

"Yes." Noé took a huge gulp of air, Vanitas's presence quickly helping to sooth his panic. "Yes, I'm fine now."

Vanitas frowned, clearly not believing him. His eyes raked over Noé, taking in every detail, before they softened somewhat. "Louis again?"

Noé flinched. He sometimes forgot that Vanitas now knew about Louis. And his nightmare had started out about Louis, but what hurt the most, what caused his panic now was…

"Yes." He told Vanitas, looking away, even though it wasn't the entire truth.

"I see…" Vanitas stood there for a moment before he thrust the bag into his face. "Well, perhaps this could cheer you up."

Noé dropped his pillow as he took the bag, his face lighting up as he checked its contents. "Pain au chocolat?!"

"You mentioned you'd been wanting some yesterday." Vanitas shrugged off his coat and dropped it on his bed as he walked past it to grab one of his textbooks from the bedside table.

"You… You got these just because I mentioned them?" A smile tugged on Noé's lips, even as he dug out one of his treats.

Vanitas bristled at the allegation. "No!" He refused to look at Noé. "I just went for a walk this morning and happened to pass by the bakery. It was a mere coincidence!"

Openness and honesty was something they were both still working on.

Noé chuckled. "So if these aren't just for me, that means you'll eat one too, right?" He held one up for his partner to take.

"I…" Vanitas scowled as he realized he'd been played. "Fine." He took the pastry from Noé's hand.

Slowly but surely, Noé finally relaxed; the anxiety and dread of his nightmare was nothing more than an easily dispersed shadow in the light of day and Vanitas before him, as healthy and whole as he ever was.

And really, it was almost silly, Noé reasoned as he bit into his pastry and leaned against his bed, laughing as Vanitas actually took bigger and bigger bites to finish his breakfast, betraying his hunger. After all…

There was no way he'd ever have to kill Vanitas.

AN: Went to bed thinking about the similarities between Louis and Vanitas, and when I woke up this morning, this plot bunny had made a home in my brain and demanded I write this. Good thing it's a Sunday, because congrats, I wrote and edited all of this today. Please forgive any mistakes I missed between writing this and freaking out over the raws of the new chapter.

So I was also thinking about the circumstances of Vanitas's death and how Noé will supposedly kill him and that's basically full circle for Noé. This could be read as platonic, but fyi, I do ship Vanoe and I do believe that Louis was Noé's first crush/love, but he never realized it. Both Louis and Vanitas say things that Louis actually said at the time (a bit mixed up and some different circumstances as it tends to happen in dreams) as well as some extra information. Vanitas obviously says a few more things that are telling for his situation (let's say they're things that Noé has picked up subconsciously but hasn't connected the dots yet, or the cracks are based on when he first saw the Mark).

I also sprinkled in about what I think is going to happen as Vanitas continues to be rewritten and those cracks continue to spread. At some point, his clothes aren't going to be able to cover them any more and when Noé finds out, ho boy, that is gonna hurt.

I realize this probably doesn't help with all that is being revealed in chapter 54 part 2, but I hope you have some fun with this angst.