I don't own shit.
There was an old man called Old man. In-universe, his parents hated him as they always wanted a daughter. Out-universe, the author hated him too. That is why he didn't bother giving Old man a name.
Anyways, Old man went to a store a bought some nice, juicy, extra thicc with the side of thicc ass cheese hamburgers. He was going to eat his nice, juicy, extra thicc with the side of thicc ass cheese hamburgers when his bitch senses were tingling.
"Oh no. Why now?" Old Man lamented. Dropping his nice, juicy, extra thicc with the side of thicc ass cheese hamburgers, he knew who nearby, he specifically tuned his bitch senses to this one little shit
That little shit was none other than Disney's Mickey Mouse, aka Dickey dick the prick if you asked the old man.
The old man and Mickey went way back. Bacn when old man cucked Mickey mouse. The reason for said cucking was because Mickey always ate the old man's cheeseburgers.
You. Do. No. Eat. Another. Mans. Cheeseburgers!
Didn't stop Mickey though.
"Yummy cheese goes up in my rumbly tummy." And there went the old man's lunch. Yet again. The old man couldn't help but think maybe cucking Mickey backfired on his ass now that the damned mouse stole his lunch every single day instead of everyone once a week.
But fuck that! The old man had enough! Old man was extra smort! Not smart! Smort! He laced his nice, juice, extra thick with the side of thicc ass cheese hamburgers, with 10 large doses of rat poison.
Dickey dick the prick, aka Mickey mouse died like a little bitch within seconds!
After Tea-bagging Mickey's corpse and ordering another helping of nice, juicy, extra thicc ass cheese hamburgers, the old man ventured into the local park. Taking out his nemesis had considerably brightened his mood. A walk within the serene park, the calming beautiful atmosphere of nature, the chirping of birds, children playing, it was as if the very universe was celebrating with the old man.
He felt so good in fact, the old man was stuck with unexpectedly an idea. An idea he wanted to share with those on the other side.
"Hey, you reader!" Old Man pointing to the screen like a fucking idiot, "wanna see my clubhouse?" Placing his ear as if he was listening, but old man got no response.
"Yes? Ok let's go!"
Summoning his magical clubhouse out the park's ground, and by magical clubhouse, his empty dirty dumpster, the old man entered his dumpster and snuggled with his kidnapped prostitutes.
Hey. He was paying them good money so they never left. Not that the old man would allow them to anyways.
Taking in the foul odor of the prostitutes permeating within the confines of the dumpster. The view of their filthy unwashed and unkempt bodies was eye candy to the geezer. Even going as far to press his face against their hairy armpits, the malodorous aroma traversing along the passages of his nose, heaven! This is where the old man believed he was.
Mingling with his dirty whores, he was glad he finally found ones that could fit his size, if you catch my drift.
Looking for hookers, you can't just pick a random hooker and expect her to fit. You have to try several. If she doesn't fit, you don't bother. If she fits, you fuck her like you would fuck a water buffalo. Without a single shred of mercy!
Old man then tried to get on top, but could barely walk inside the circle. The ladies, girls he didn't like, were slapping him hard and screaming like mad dogs. That meant it was his turn for the whipping, again. Old man spat in a lady's face. When he turned around, the hoes were taking baths with the old man's spit littering their bodies.
The old man was done for the day as he exited his magical dumpster and sent it back within the ground not before tossing $1000 in there for their hoe fees.
"Hey hey hey!" Declared Old man's old-time homie, Sonic the hedgehog! Old man was confused! How did he get here? And looking at Sonic's jittering form, was he on crack or something?
"I'm going home, man." Old man got up and shit.
"Holy shit! I'm tripping bro!" Sonic responded.
"What are you smoking out here!" Old man asked Sonic.
"Slippery little white sticks!" Sonic explained. "I am on my all-time high! Hell yeah, this is happening!" Sonic hit a tree like a sack of bricks, screaming.
"Well, that makes sense." Old man said. "I did say it had to be nasty, bitch."
"It can be nasty, but it has to be nice, too."
"I feel like I'm a time bomb waiting to go off."
"That's just a serotonin imbalance."
"I am a fucking lion!"
"Bruh I am still tripping up a story bruh. What happened to Mickey, Old man?" Sonic asked looking for that little shit. He wanted to kick Mickey's ass so hard for eating his crack chili dogs.
"He dead."
"He dead?"
"Yeah, he dead."
"Aw man, Ight. I need to find the chaos crack!"
"Ok bruh. Anyways later sonic. Have fun with running away from your depression!" Old man being the old man anime fan, was a pervert and went back to his dumpster and cuddled with his filthy prostitutes.
The old man even married them hoes, loving each one of them equally but he forbade them from ever showering. He needed that glorious stink.
Them hoes also gave Old man some babies of his own to which he gave ordinary names to. Naming them Trump Donald, Obama Barack, Jackson Micheal.
The old man was a lot of things. But he ain't no bitch.
The end.