A/N: I already have this posted on ao3, but I decided to upload it here too. I hope you like it!

Chapter 1

"School?" Kyouka asked, voice monotone as ever. The look Ranpo gave her from across the room told her it was fooling nobody.

"Yes," Fukuzawa sighed, leaning back. "You're fourteen years old, meaning you should be in junior high right now. It hasn't been a problem yet, but we can't just keep away from it indefinitely."

"Why not?" Kyouka couldn't help but mutter, and he gave her a look.

Fukuzawa sighed. "You need an education. And given that you spent the majority of your formative years with the Port Mafia, it would do you some good to go to a normal school. We homeschooled Kenji, but I fear that would only isolate you further. Like it or not, you need to be around people of your own age," he told her.

Kyouka scrunched her nose up, but couldn't come up with a counter argument and instead just sighed. "Okay. So where am I going?"

"I agree that a normal school would be good for her, but where can she go in Yokohama that she wouldn't be recognized?" Atsushi asked worriedly. "She's not as recognizable as some of us-"

"Because she wasn't in the newspaper," Dazai teased. Kunikida smacked him without looking up from his paperwork.

"-but most of the locals would still recognize her regardless," Atsushi finished, ignoring Dazai with the ease of someone who's had to deal with his bullshit for almost a year now.

Fukuzawa nodded. "I thought about that. She'll be going to a private school near Tokyo; Kunugigaoka Junior High."

"A private school? How is she going to get in? Kyouka-chan hasn't gone to school before at all, right?" Tanizaki asked worriedly.

"I'm right here, you know," Kyouka spoke up flatly and Tanizaki yelped, looking towards her apologetically. "I was homeschooled before my parents died, but my education has been fairly lacking since then, at least by normal standards. It just wasn't necessary in the Port Mafia."

"We'll be paying for all the expenses school-wise, and she'll get an allowance," Fukuzawa said simply. "As for getting into the school, she will have to take the entrance exam, but that's mostly a formality. The Principal happens to owe us a favor, as Ranpo solved a case on the grounds once." The man in question took a loud bite of his chips and swiveled around his chair to face the window.

Kyouka blinked. "So, nepotism." Fukuzawa nodded, unapologetic. "Okay. Will I have to wear a uniform?"

The boss nodded. "Most schools have required uniforms. You can't just wear a kimono."

"Shame," Kyouka murmured, before sighing. "When does school start?"

"April 6th." It was March 12. "We'll be renting out an apartment in Kunugigaoka for you to stay in for the school year. Having you continue to stay here would be inconvenient."

Kyouka nodded. "Okay."

Atsushi sweatdropped at her. "How is she so calm?" he muttered, Dazai laughing beside him.

Fukuzawa nodded, unphased. "You'll have time to study for the rest of the month. You will take the entrance examination for the third year on March 29th. Be prepared."

"You're not even the least bit worried?" Atsushi asked her, a bit exasperated.

Kyouka flipped the page in her textbook. "No."

He waited a moment to see if she would say anything else, and sighed when she didn't. "Alright then."

"I am very worried," Kyouka announced to Dazai the next day, who was her current designated 'teacher.'

The ex-Port Mafia executive gave her a grin. "Why on earth would that be?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could get a word out, there was a loud boom and they both jolted and snapped to attention immediately, looking around for signs of danger.

Kyouka's eyes raked over the door, seeing no sign of anything from the other side, but that explosion had seemed so close-

Her train of thought was interrupted by a hand clamping down on her shoulder. She snapped her head up to Dazai's face, which was grim. "Kyouka," he said, raising his other hand to point out the window.

Kyouka followed his finger out the window to see-

She stopped.

Blinked.

Rubbed her eyes.

Looked again.

"What the fuck," she said flatly. Dazai didn't reprimand her for her language, even jokingly.

The moon had just exploded.

"-as of this morning, 70% of the moon has exploded-"

"-scientists are baffled-"

"-no current explanation-"

"-there were no signs-"

"-no current developments-"

"-what could this mean?-"

"The moon exploded," Atsushi said faintly, eyes wide and trained on his chazuke.

"So it did," Kyouka said, unphased.

"How are you so calm?!" Atsushi hissed. Kyouka blinked.

"Practice," she said simply.

Kyouka was not calm. Internally, Kyouka was screaming.

Kyouka took a bite of her tofu.

"The moon exploded," Atsushi repeated, hysterical.

"I know what happened," Ranpo said cheerfully when they went to the Agency the next day.

"What was it?" Atsushi asked, sounding vaguely unhinged. Tanizaki didn't look much better. Naomi wasn't even near him, instead opting to sit in a seat and have an existential crisis.

The detective grinned. "Where's the fun in just telling you?"

The rest of them collectively groaned, though they were soothed that he knew the answer in spite of themselves.

"Will you at least tell us if it concerns us?" Fukuzawa said, voice weary.

Ranpo hummed, biting a cookie as he thought it over. "Maybe," he decided after a moment. The agency groaned again. "If it's dangerous to us, I probably will."

"I guess that's better than nothing," Fukuzawa muttered, going back to his office.

"I think I know," Dazai said decisively. Kunikida groaned.

"Nobody cares, Dazai."

Dazai sniffed. "I think you should care. What, you're not going to beg me to give you the answers to the universe?"

"I mean," Kyouka said, and he turned to her. "You'd probably just lie to mess with us. So no."

Kyouka thought he looked too offended for somebody who regularly told Kunikida increasingly ridiculous lies for the sole purpose of messing with him.

"I tell the truth when it matters," he muttered, and Kunikida slammed his hands on the desk to glare at him.

"I don't care about the moon, Dazai, I care about you doing your goddamn paperwork-"

Dazai smiled impishly, "I'm already done, Kunikida-kun."

Kyouka sighed, turning away from them to do her own paperwork as Kunikida yelled "bullshit" at the top of his lungs.

"Do you think he realizes that he's just proving your point?" Atsushi muttered, eyeing the pair.

"Your math is horrendous, Kyouka," Kunikida informed her, eyes narrowing down at the worksheet she'd filled out.

"I don't like math because it reminds me of my father, who was the only person to ever bother teaching me how to do it. Learning it from anybody else gives me flashbacks to the day he and my mother were brutally murdered in front of my eyes five years ago," Kyouka deadpanned. "Thank you for triggering me and mocking my coping mechanisms."

Dazai cackled from behind a rapidly reddening Kunikida. He gave her a thumbs up as Kunikida began yelling. Kyouka decided to ignore the dubious morality of Dazai approving of her in lieu of giving him a thumbs up back, expression blank.

Kunikida's yelling increased in volume, as did Dazai's laughter.

Kyouka sighed as she stood outside the gates of her new school. It was finally March 29th, her testing day.

The past two weeks had been rough, both for reasons pertaining to her new school year and reasons completely unrelated (aka the moon fucking exploded), but she thought she was ready.

Kyouka stepped through the gates.

She's got this.

She did not got this.

"She failed." The Principal's voice was flat, hands clasped loosely on top of the desk. Fukuzawa sighed beside her, not looking surprised in the slightest.

Kyouka studiously avoided eye contact with either of them.

"Quite frankly, Izumi-san's scores were abysmal. In comparison to the other students' results at this fine institution, she would land somewhere between 150th and dead last. For any other applicant, she would be rejected immediately."

The Principal paused, eyes cool as they assessed the pair in front of him, before his lips stretched into a smile that made Kyouka's insides squirm.

"But you are not an ordinary applicant, Izumi-san. I owe your Agency a great debt, after all, so I will allow your transfer into Kunugigaoka Junior High out of the goodness of my heart. However, so as not to disillusion our main campus students, you will be placed with E-Class, on the top of the mountain right over there." He turned in his swivel chair, pointing to the mountain above him.

Kyouka looked. It did not look like a healthy learning environment.

"Thank you very much, Asano-san. I understand that this is an unconventional situation, and I appreciate your cooperation," Fukuzawa stood and bowed, Kyouka doing the same beside him.

Asano stood as well. "It's no trouble at all, truly. Your detectives were a great help to me and I'm simply delighted to return the favor." He turned to Kyouka, who held his gaze evenly. "I hope you will enjoy your time here, Izumi-san."

Kyouka frowned. "Please call me Kyouka. I do not go by my family name often."

The principal blinked before smiling again. It was as unpleasant as ever. "Of course. I hope you enjoy your time here, Kyouka-san. Now, I hate to cut this short, but I do have another transfer student to speak to."

Fukuzawa nodded, beginning to make his way to the exit and beckoning for Kyouka to follow him.

When they opened the door, there was a girl with black hair in two pigtails waiting there quietly. Kyouka's hair stood on end and her hands itched for her knife. She halted and turned as the girl walked through the door, following her path to the desk.

"Kyouka," Fukuzawa's voice was firm, and she lingered for only a moment longer before turning and following him out again.

"How did it go?" Atsushi asked hesitantly.

Kyouka blinked at him. "I completely failed," she said, and he sweatdropped.

"...you failed?" he repeated weakly, and she nodded.

"I failed."

"...completely?"

"Completely."

Dazai danced up to them, signature smile in place. "But you still got in, right, Kyouka~chan?" he sang, and she nodded.

"I did."

"Yay nepotism!" Ranpo called from the other side of the room.

Atsushi wilted, head thunking on his desk.

Dazai patted his head consolingly. "There there, Atsushi-kun. It'll get better."

"It doesn't," Kunikida called from his desk.

Atsushi groaned loudly.