A/N: Episode Tag: 10x12

He's at the precinct catching up on paperwork when his phone rings—it's his dad. "Danny, where are you?"

"At work, Dad. Why? Is Sean okay?"

"He's fine; went to a movie with Jamie and Eddie. Meet me at the house for drinks. I know you closed the Delgado case."

"I've got a crap ton of paperwork."

"I'll see you in an hour, Danny," his dad says, and hangs up.

He finishes his paperwork, looks at the picture of Linda and the boys on his desk, and goes to his dad's, surprised to see that his grandfather isn't home.

"If this has something to do with you being worried about me working so many hours…it's not the first time."

His dad hands him a glass of Scotch. "Actually, it's something Sean said. Right before you came, he asked why so many cops commit suicide."

He almost drops his glass. "Dad, I'm not…"

His dad holds up a hand. "Hear me out, Danny. 22 hours on-duty…how much sleep did you get?"

He shrugs. "A couple hours in the dorm."

"When you're sleep-deprived—you, personally, not a random beat cop on the street—what does that do to you?"

He sighs. He can't even lie; his father knows him too well. "Makes me think about Linda more. Ramps up my…PTSD."

"If I ordered you to take a day?"

He looks at his father. He has five open cases, plus more paperwork than he wants to think about.

"Go talk to your son, Danny."

"Thought you said he was at the movies."

"The movie was so bad they left early."

He plods up the stairs to his old room, finds Sean fiddling with one of his old hockey trophies.

"Dad said you had some questions?"

"Yeah. Like why do so many cops commit suicide? How long is it gonna be 'till I'm that kid in the waiting room, waiting for news I never get? How many more days do I wake up and wonder if you're gonna come home tonight?"

"Sean, I'm not…"

Sean whirls to face him, his eyes brimming with tears and…is that hatred Danny sees in his son's eyes?

"You have all the risk factors Uncle Jamie and Aunt Eddie and Grandpa were talking about, plus whatever happened when you were in the Marines! I can't lose you too, Dad!" Sean explodes. "Jack called—he's worried about you, too; some guys at his college…figured out he was that Reagan; they know we're a cop family; and…they've said some stuff."

He wishes he'd heard this from Jack personally. "Tell your brother to call me and talk to me, and not let them get to him like…"

"It's not about Jack! It's about you! These b $+ rds are saying you should kill yourself!"

It's a gut punch that 19-year-olds who don't know him personally are saying that to his son, but he keeps his face neutral, not letting Sean see how much that upsets him. He doesn't know what to say to Jack—or his younger son, who's looking like he's going to cry. "Tell him to ignore them," he says, and turns.

Suddenly his son is blocking the door. "He can't—and I can't, either! Not when I know…" Sean trails off, his face reddening.

"Not when you know what, Sean?"

"That…more cops die by suicide than in the line of duty. That you've been suicidal before. That you almost ate your gun after Mom died. That she's the only reason you didn't, after you came home from Fallujah."

"Not the only reason," he says roughly. "You and Jack were a huge help in that, too."

"How? I wasn't even 2."

"You drew me awesome 2-year-old scribbles," he says, and scrubs his face. "I'd planned to show them to you when you graduated high school, but…"

They'd all been lost in the fire.

"Get back to your homework," he says, but Sean blocks him from leaving.

"No. You promised me you weren't gonna leave like Mom did—it would be a hundred times worse if you ate your gun. I can't…"

He puts his hands on Sean's shoulders and gently moves him out of the doorway. "I'm not going to kill myself, Sean."

"Why do you have to go back to work right now? It's like 10 p.m., and I thought you closed the case."

He can't tell his son that he'll sleep better with his head on his desk than in his bed at the new house. "Your grandfather wants me to take some time off, but I have a ton of paperwork to finish before I can do that, so I'm going to try to go finish it. I'll see you in the morning, Sean—I promise."

He has to force his way past Sean to get out of the room.

He avoids his dad's eyes on his way out of the house, and goes back to the precinct.