Unknown Region, Somewhere in the world…
A freezing blizzard has swept over the area, covering the entire place in a thick layer of ice, while winds powerful enough to knock a grown man off his feet howled by, and even a person with perfect vision can't see more than a few dozen meters in front of them. In the midst of this storm, sat a cave.
In the cave, 2 young men sat with their backs against a wall, and a crackling fire in front of them, while a Pikachu is snoring soundly next to the warm flame. One man is wearing a blue jacket and a red hat. He had messy, raven black hair and z-shaped marks on his face. The other man is wearing a gray jacket. He has dark skin, black hair with red highlights, and blue eyes. They were Ash and Goh, researchers for the Cerise Laboratory, having taken shelter in the cave during a snowstorm. They've been sitting there in front of the campfire in silence for a few hours, and sleeping bags have already been set up on the cavern floor. Suddenly, Goh's stomach rumbled.
"Hey, Ash." he said "I'm a bit hungry, you have any food in your backpack?"
Ash looked over slowly. The fire showed bags under his eyes, like he's been sleep deprived, despite sleeping about 10 hours a day. His eyes, while warm and kind, has seen some things that no human ever should. "Yeah, I got some energy bars in there."
Goh walked over and unzipped Ash's backpack and rooted around, grabbing an energy bar. "Hey Ash, you um, want one?"
"Sure."
Goh grabbed another bar and handed it to Ash, and sat down next to him. Ash inspected the packaging, and said "I don't like the raisin and strawberry flavor. Can you get me another one?"
"Why are you being picky? I thought you would eat anything short of literal garbage."
"Can you just get me another one?"
"Dude, I'm not getting up again. Do it yourself."
"Fine, I'll eat it."
The two ate silently for a few minutes. Goh, having finished his bar, stuffs the packaging in his pocket and said, "Hey Ash, I'm still hungry. Can I get another one?"
"Go ahead."
Goh crawled over to the backpack and unzipped it, looking at the various flavors, trying to find one he likes.
"Hmm, strawberry yogurt, gross. Caramel, too sweet, peanut butter and jelly, I'm allergic. There's got to be something else in here."
He reached deeper into the bag, until his hand felt something cold, something metallic. He picks the mystery object up and carefully lifted it out.
"Huh, this is oddly heavy."
Goh finally lifts it out of the bag, and his eyes widened at what he brought out. Goh blinks a few times to make sure he isn't hallucinating. The object is a black, blocky object with a hole in one end of it. A polymer grip with a trigger, followed by an ejection port. A pistol.
Goh walked over to Ash with the gun, carefully keeping his finger off the trigger. "Hey um Ash? What is this?" He showed the gun to Ash. Ash looks at it nonchalantly and took it, inspecting it in his hands.
"It's a Tauros G2C, chambered in 9mm. Don't worry, I have the license and documents for it and everything." Ash set the gun down next to him. Goh nervously sat back down.
A few moments of silence later, Goh asked the million-Pokedollar question.
"Hey Ash?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you have a gun?"
"I don't know."
Goh looked at Ash, eyebrow raised. "What do you mean you don't know? Aren't you all about strictly using only Pokemon for combat? I mean, you didn't even want me to carry a pocket knife around with me, so the fact that you have a freaking gun on you…"
"Whatever." Ash said, his tone as lively as a rock.
"It's just weird, you know. You're not someone I'd expect to even have a weapon."
"That's why I keep it deep down in my backpack."
"That doesn't make sense, I mean, why own one if you're never gonna use it? Like, is it for hunting?"
Ash looks at Goh, a "are you kidding me" look on his face "What? No! I would never harm a Pokemon unless my life depended on it!"
Goh sighed, "Oh, that's a relief. Just the thought of someone willing to harm a Pokemon like that, just thinking about it gives me the chills. Oh wait, we're in a blizzard. Hehe."
Ash sighs, his eyes closed "Look, I really don't want to talk to you about this, Goh."
"Okay, okay, you don't have to."
"Thank you."
"Are you sure though? I mean, it could be for self defense, you know. That's a pretty good reason to own a gun."
"I have an entire team of powerful and reliable Pokemon by my side. I can take care of myself."
"Oh, good. Cause it'd be weird, seeing you brandishing a gun on those Rocket guys that keep harassing you, you know? Like, that'd be so out of character." Goh laughs nervously.
"But please, Ash. Tell me why you have it."
"I said I don't want to talk about it."
"But I want to know. Just tell me, come on."
"No."
"Come on, please. We're friends, we're partners, brothers, almost."
Ash took a deep breath in, and exhales slowly. His eyes were sad and tired. He picked up the gun and fiddled with it in his hand. He finally speaks. "I have a gun… in case I ever want to commit suicide, okay?"
Goh turns around fully, staring at Ash with wide eyes. "What?"
"I have a gun around so if it comes down to it I'll kill myself!" Ash said impatiently.
"Oh. Oh my god. You're, you're serious? But why, Ash?"
"You wouldn't understand. You're just a naive kid, living a safe, happy life."
Goh stood up. "Well, I could try."
Ash set the gun down and looks at the fire. "I don't know. Sometimes, it's… all too much."
"What is?"
"Life, everything. Just having a gun with me, knowing there's a way out of it all, it… it helps."
"But I… I… I don't quite understand why you're so unhappy. You have a job, you're ranking high in the World Coronation Series, you're a regional champion for crying out loud! Pretty much anyone would kill to have these!"
"Those titles mean nothing to me, Goh. Those titles are just ways for a pride-loaded egoist like Leon to make themselves feel above others and to brush away their insecurities."
"Why are you like this, Ash? Where's the energetic and happy fellow we all know and love?"
"Look, Goh. I have depression and trauma, alright?! It's kind off hard to be happy, when you have those conditions!"
Goh looked as if he was hit by a Rhyhorn, as Ash dropped the bomb about his mental condition. Perhaps that exclaims why Ash sometimes woke up at night screaming, why he's sometimes on a hair trigger in precarious situations. And why, he never talked about his past.
"Have you not tried getting help? Seeing a therapist maybe?"
"I tried, Goh. I tried. Every therapist in Kanto, every therapist in Alola. I've seen them all, none of them could help me. Talking about my condition makes me feel worse instead of better, and that includes now. If anything, I'm honestly surprised I haven't decided to paint these cavern walls with my blood, brains, and skull."
"But can't you just tell me what happened? I've heard of people going through troubling times, but for it to be this bad, and at such a young age… there's no way, right?"
Ash looks at Goh. "There's yes way, Goh. Fine, if you're so curious, then peek into the memory of Ash Ketchum. The incident happened 2 years ago…"
2 years ago, Prism Tower, Lumiose City, Kalos
Mega Gyarados collapses, and reverts to its normal form. Ash and Serena were barely able to defeat the Flare boss by working together.
"Give up Lysandre! It's over for you!" Ash yells.
Lysandre huffs in contempt, clearly not intending to surrender. Suddenly, he draws a gun from his jacket and shoots, hitting Serena in the chest.
"AAHH!" Serena fell over, and landed on the ground, blood pouring from the wound.
"SERENA!" Ash yelled. "YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!"
Lysandre tosses the gun aside. "Hahaha! Look at you! The power of friendship wins? Friends pull you down! If this girl wasn't here, you wouldn't have to deal with the pain of losing her. How pathetic. HAHAHAHA!"
Pikachu glares at Lysandre, his cheeks sparking.
"No, Pikachu. This is personal now. Ash pulls out a knife from his belt, slowly walking towards the villain. Lysandre does the same. The two men circled each other, knives at the ready.
"You know, you could've joined me! Then, maybe she would've been spared!" Lysandre taunted.
"Fuck! You!"
"Oh my boy you didn't even blink. Time to teach you some manners. I've been doing this since you were a baby."
"Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!"
Both knives flashed, intercepting each other. Ash swipes Lysandre's knife aside, and punches him in the nose. The villain stumbles back.
"I'm very disappointed in you, Ash. You better check up on your girlfriend!"
"Grrr!"
"She's bleeding quite a lot. You better go and stop it."
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Ash swipes the knife, which Lysandre easily dodges.
"You think this is it? When I'm done with you, I'll hunt down everyone you care about!"
Lysandre goes in for a stab, which Ash stops. Finding an opening, Ash buries the knife into his opponent's shoulder and pulls it out. Lysandre doubles back in pain.
"YOU CAN'T WIN! I HOLD ALL THE CARDS!" Lysandre yells, his voice trembling.
"Then why are you afraid?"
Lysandre sweeps Ash's legs, causing him to fall. Ash rolls to the side just as Lysandre stabs the ground.
"She's barely moving! I don't think you have much time left!"
"I'll make sure she sees me kill you!"
Lysandre swings the knife the across, which Ash ducks under. Seeing the opening, our hero jams the knife into the villain's side, causing him to scream in pain and drop his knife. Ash then grabs Lysandre's knife and sinks it into his neck, finishing him off. Ash watches as the criminal's body hits the ground.
Suddenly, Ash remembered what's important. He ran over to Serena, who's still on the ground, lying in a small pool of blood. He saw the bullet wound in her chest, with blood still flowing from it. She opened her eyes weakly and looked at Ash. "Ash…"
"Serena, please! Stay with me here! Don't die!"
He tore off a piece of his jacket and desperately used it to try and stop the bleeding, but it was no use, as more blood flowed through it.
"No, no, no! Serena, hold on! Please, just hold on!"
Serena looked at Ash and smiled. "Ash… listen to me…"
Ash nods, still trying to bandage her wound.
Serena took off the blue ribbon around her neck and offered it to Ash. "Take my ribbon… keep it with you."
Ash nods and puts the ribbon in his pocket. Serena reached out, touching Ash's face.
"Whenever you feel alone… just remember, I'll always be…" Serena coughs, blood coming out of her mouth "watching you. Thank you, for everything you done"
With that, she closed her eyes, and her arm hitting the ground.
"Serena! SERENA!" Ash yelled, tears flowing from his eyes. He desperately shook here, but to no avail. Suddenly, the elevator door opened, and Clemont, Bonnie, Alain, Mairin, Professor Sycamore, and Officer Jenny arrived, attracted by the gunshot.
"What happened Ash?" Clemont asked, before noticing Serena lying on the ground. "Oh no, nononono! What happened? Serena!" Clemont and Professor Sycamore ran over to check on her. Alain placed a hand on Ash's shoulder. Unfortunately for him, Ash wasn't in the mood.
Suddenly, Ash's fist flew, landing squarely in Alain's jaw, knocking him down. "Ash! What was that for?!"
Ash stood up, his eyes burning with anger and hatred. "You know what you did, you bastard. If you hadn't gone and betrayed us, this wouldn't have happened." He stomps on Alain's stomach, before punching him in the face relentlessly. Clemont, Officer Jenny, and Professor Sycamore ran over and pulled Ash off, while Mairin stood in between them, trying to shield Alain.
"LET GO OF ME!" Ash yelled, struggling and kicking. "Let me kill this traitorous rat!"
"Ash! Get a hold of yourself!" Clemont cried out, trying to calm his friend.
Ash was dragged away to the lower floor, though he would continue to yell threats and insults the entire way, until the closing elevator door silenced his voice.
One hour later, at the Pokecenter
Ash paced back and forth impatiently outside the ER room, where doctors are trying desperately to save Serena. He took out her ribbon and looked at it. It's been kept very clean, except for the small bloodstains on it. Serena's blood. Suddenly, Ash heard a noise. He pressed his ears against the door. And then he heard it. The most dreaded noise, a hospital visitor can hear.
Beep
Beep
Beep
The heart rate monitor. Ash can hear muffled voices, all of them sounding desperate and in a rush. Ash's own heart pounded, as he held the ribbon close to his heart. Throughout all this, the beeping continues.
Beep
Beep
Beep
Beeeeeeeeeeep
Ash's eyes widen in horror as he realized what that beep meant. He charged into the ER room, and saw the doctors taking off their surgical caps, and placing it near their hearts. Ash pushed past the doctors and looked at Serena, her body pale, and the heart rate monitor, flatline. He grabbed her body and shook her, crying uncontrollably, as he watches his childhood friend die.
"Serena… Serena please, do not leave me please! Serena, I'm sorry! Please don't… don't leave me…"
Ash choked on his words, as he closed his eyes, and placed his forehead against hers, feeling the last bit of warmth from Serena's body dissipates.
"Serena, no! I loved you, Serena… I loved you…"
Flashback ends
"I loved you... " Ash repeated, placing the ribbon against his chest. After 2 years, the ribbon's color started to fade, and it became dirty after so long. The bloodstains are still visible, albeit drying to dirt brown from bright red.
Goh sat down and placed his hand on Ash's back, trying to comfort him. Ash stared at the ribbon. "I can't take it. It's been two long years without her, Goh. After her funeral I spent weeks mourning, locking myself in my own room. After that incident, I cried so much my appearance changed, to where I'm barely even recognizable by my own friends and family… even now, even now I still look different from what I looked 2 years ago."
Ash looked at the gun. "I should just end it now…" he reached for it, but suddenly Goh kicks it away, out of Ash's reach. "What was that for?"
Goh stood up, his face filled with sympathy, but also determination. "I can't let you do that, Ash."
Ash stood up and charged Goh, lifting him up by the shirt. "Don't think you understand. You really understand what it's like to lose someone close to you? To lose someone you love? To watch them die in front of you while you're powerless to save them?"
Goh knocked Ash's arms away and freed himself. "It's true that I never experience such hardship, but what you're doing isn't right! Suicide is a selfish solution to a problem! A solution that simply doesn't work!"
"How is that selfish?"
"What would I do if you were gone? Hmm?"
Ash looks up, the sentence clearly catching his attention.
"What would I do, if you die? Your Pokemon? Your family? Your friends? There are people that need you, care for you! You're one of my only true friends, Ash. Without you, I'd be lost."
"No, you'd be okay."
"No, I wouldn't. If it weren't for you babysitting me, I would've fallen off a cliff, get eaten by a wild Pokemon, gotten lost in the wild."
Goh closed his eyes and sighed. "I like you, Ash. I really do. Maybe even a little further perhaps. I care a great deal about you. A very great deal. Maybe even… even deeper than that. I… I… I love you."
Ash raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were straight."
Goh waved his hands. "Woah, woah, I mean, not in like a "Hey, lets, you know, get married and have sex" kind of way or something like that, I mean, I mean, I love you as one loves another person whom they simply can't live without. You're a brother to me, Ash."
Ash was genuinely touched by these words. "Thank… thank you, Goh."
"You give me and my life a purpose. And maybe… maybe that's enough. Because that's just about the greatest gift one friend can give another. I'm sure your friends and Pokemon feel the same way."
Ash sniffed. "Thank you, Goh."
They both sat back down.
"Hey Ash?"
"What?"
"Can you tell me stories of your adventures?"
"Sure."
"Wait, let me get my sleeping bag."
Later, both men are snuggled in their respective sleeping bags, staring at the cave ceiling. Ash thought for a moment, and started speaking.
"15 years ago, when I was just 5… I visited a summer camp held by Professor Oak…"
Ash would tell Goh stories of his adventures, long into the night, until both of them fell asleep.
The Next Morning
Ash woke up, and for the first time in 2 years, feeling fully energised. Goh and Pikachu are still asleep. Ash crawled out of his sleeping bag and stretched his limbs. The storm seems to have passed, and rays of sunlight poured into the cavern. Ash walked to the entrance and bathed in the warm light. He looked up, and saw the clouds parting away, allowing rays of sunlight to peek through, melting away the snow.
Ash watched mesmerized. Almost like the heavens have revealed themselves to him. He then remembered Serena's last words. "Whenever you feel alone… just remember, I'll always be… watching you."
Now, he really believed it. He looked at the heavens, placed the ribbon against his chest, and said, "Are you watching me, Serena? I'll go, and become a Pokemon Master. For you, and for me. For both of us. But until then, just wait patiently. And eventually, we'll be reunited."
Ash looked at the ribbon in his palm.
"And always remember, Serena.
Don't give up until it's over."
AN: Suicide is a very serious subject. It is a terrible solution to any problem, and a very selfish one at that. When you commit suicide, you leave all those that care about you. Your family and your friends. You give them happiness, you give them purpose. And that's all they ask of you. Suicide is not the answer, and if you ever have these kinds of thoughts, please, get some help. National Suicide Hotline (USA): 800-273-8255