Summary: It's been a while since Cisco was last in a relationship, never mind a serious one, but he already knows he wants things with Barry to last. He's never just... clicked with someone like this before. But Barry's got feelings for Iris too and Cisco's not sure what happens to him if she ever starts returning those feelings.

Notes: Flufftober Oct 13 prompt - Pillow talk

Season One AU

Pillow Talk

Cisco hasn't been in a relationship since he finished up college. He's had a few first and second and occasionally third dates here and there. A few one night flings. But his last real relationship was while he was completing his Masters degree and that barely lasted two months before mutually fizzling out. His relationship before that had lasted just over a year and they'd even moved in together. However it was cohabitating that made them realize just how much they didn't mesh well - she wanted Cisco to put away all his 'childish' things and he wanted equal say in the apartment's aesthetics and for her to display fewer pieces of her creepy doll collection. Understandably he took offense to her calling his comic book collection and Funko Pops childish and she did not appreciate him calling her collectors quality porcelain dolls creepy. (Which they were. The eyes followed him all over the living room and bedroom.) Nor did she appreciate him calling her preference for white on white 'modern' interior decorating boring and he didn't like that she called him wanting actual color on the walls 'eye-searing'. (Mint green? Neon he could understand, but mint? Mint green was not eye-searing.) Suffice it to say, things... did not work out.

So this is the first time in a while that Cisco's been in something that he wants to immediately slap the relationship label on, never mind discuss relationship boundaries, exclusivity, and how comfortable they are referring to each other as 'boyfriend'. But here they are with having already discussed all of it and only four dates in. Well, counting the two that got interrupted by Flash business.

So while things with Barry are very new, Cisco already knows that he wants his relationship with Barry to last. He wants years with Barry. Forever, even, though that's probably a lot of big feelings to be contemplating already. But Cisco's a romantic and he likes to dream big.

Barry's the same way, a romantic at heart. And sometimes Barry looks at Cisco like he's Barry's whole world.

But... Barry has also been known to look at Iris like that. There's a reason why, for all that Eddie tries (and largely succeeds) not to let it bother him, Eddie's felt threatened by the place Barry holds in Iris' life. Cisco gets that now all too well, because he can't help but feel a little threatened by the place Iris holds in Barry's heart.

It's not that Cisco wants Barry and Iris to stop being friends. He never wants to be that kind of controlling significant other who dictates who their partner should and shouldn't spend time with. That's super abusive and shitty behavior and Cisco won't accept it from himself any more than he would from anyone else. To be honest, he doesn't even care if Barry always loves Iris. Cisco knows perfectly well that being in love with Iris doesn't diminish whatever Barry's feelings for him are. But... Cisco's not entirely clear what Barry's feelings for him are.

That's the problem.

Cisco doesn't know how important he is, or isn't, to Barry. So if Iris were to one day return Barry's feelings, what would that mean for Cisco? Would Barry want to give polyamory a try and how would Cisco even feel about that? Or would Barry want to stick with a monogamous relationship? And if he did, would that be his relationship with Cisco or the one he's always dreamed about with Iris? At the same time Cisco's worried about all this, he also keeps telling himself there's no point in worrying about potential futures that might never come to pass. Borrowing problems from the future was a good way to create worse ones in the present.

Still, it all bubbled in the back of his brain. Often late at night when he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

Like right now, when Barry's skilled fingers should have made Cisco all sated and sleepy, especially with Barry curled up next to him with after cleaning them up, ridiculously pleased smile on Barry's own sleepy face as he idly played with Cisco's hair. "You're thinking too much," Barry observed. "Admittedly, genius thoughts are expensive, so pennies will never do. How about kisses?" Barry grinned and leaned over, kissing the corner of Cisco's mouth, which curved into a smile. "Kiss every bad thought you share away?"

"What makes you think they're bad thoughts?" Cisco asked.

"Sad frowny face. That is hopefully not due to a disappointing performance on my part," Barry said, frowning pensively himself. "Though if it is, I am a fast learner." Just a hint of a grin at the pun. "And I take direction well."

Cisco choked and giggled, burying his face against the crook of Barry's neck. The next time he's directing Barry over the comms, he's going to think of that little comment. Cisco just knows it. "You were not disappointing at all. And the unexpected vibrating was... very, very good. Great experiment, must be retested many, many times to come," Cisco enthused, pulling back only to blush when Barry waggled his eyebrows at him teasingly. "Pun unintended," he added before Barry could play off the accidental innuendo. "But, uh... I guess there is something that's just... anxiety messing with me, that's all. It's nothing."

"Something that makes you sad, isn't 'nothing', Cisco," Barry countered, hand sliding from Cisco's hair to rub up and down along his upper back soothingly. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I'm always here if you need to vent. And I'd like to give you lots of kisses either way."

Cisco chuckled and met Barry's lips with his own, enjoying one of those promised kisses. Barry tasted faintly of electricity, which Cisco was rapidly finding addictive. "My anxiety has a tendency to make mountains out of molehills," Cisco finally said, after the kiss was over and they'd gone back to cuddles. "I guess I just... worry about what happens when Iris stops missing what's right in front of her. That you're attractive and in love with her and she's a little in love with you too."

"Cisco..."

"I mean... I really don't know how I'd feel about being in a polyamorous relationship but I, uh..." he cut off when Barry pressed another soft kiss against the corner of the mouth. Nothing that would have prevented Cisco from continuing to babble, but it put a stop to it all the same.

"Cisco," Barry repeated, tone a bit firmer this time. "I fell in love with you when we first started doing the Flash stuff together. You and me, trying to dodge Caitlin's judgement and Joe's disapproval and Dr. Wells' lectures about unnecessary risks. It was fun, but was also... special. Because, for a few weeks, it was just ours. Yours and mine. And I didn't really get at first why I was so reluctant to change that at first."

"I... never realized," Cisco breathed out, suddenly rethinking some of their interactions as Barry's confession put some of his actions in a new light.

"That's... part of why I overreacted to the thing with the Cold Gun. I..." Barry hesitated. "I'd finally figured out how i felt about you, but finding out you'd made a gun to stop me... that you thought I might abuse my powers and need to be stopped..." Barry let out a shaky breath. "I came back to STAR Labs for help with my powers because of you. You were just... the nicest person I'd ever met. Dr. Wells has a documented history or being difficult to work with and Caitlin was kind of... off putting when I woke up, but you were just... nice and reassuring. I guess I had a bit of a crush on you already. So it hurt finding out that I'd trusted you from the start but the same wasn't true for you trusting me."

Cisco winced because... Barry wasn't exactly wrong. Cisco had liked Barry from the start. Everything about him said 'this is a good person'. His blog, his facebook page, everything Iris and Joe had to say about him, Felicity talking him up... but Cisco knew how dangerous Barry's powers had the potential to be and how easy it would be to excuse misusing them. Instead of giving Barry a chance to prove himself, Cisco had let what-if scenarios and the fascinating question of how to stop a speedster lead him to create something that could hurt Barry. He'd been ashamed and embarrassed enough by the time he was done and realized it never should have left the blueprint stage. But when Snart stole that gun, it was worse. Now there was someone dead and it was his fault. And Barry was injured because of him too.

He'd never forget the sound of pain Barry's voice when he said 'it burns' over the comms as the horror of what Snart was using to fight with slowly set in or the sight of Barry recovering afterwards from third degree frostbite caused by something Cisco's hands had made.

It had been a mess all around.

"Barry, I'm sorry," Cisco said quietly.

Barry responded with a drawn out kiss followed by a soft nip to his lower lip. "Hey, no, that wasn't a bad call on your part. If Snart hadn't gotten a hold of that gun, it could have easily been the only way to stop me when Rainbow Raider whammied me. We were so lucky that happened while Oliver was visiting, if he hadn't been there... you might have had to build another one."

"Never. I'd have found some other answer. I'm never making something that can hurt you like that ever again," Cisco insisted.

"Hey," Barry pulled Cisco closer, not that there was really much distance between them to start with. "It's okay Cisco. My point, though, wasn't to drag all of that back up but just... to say that I was upset in part because I thought I'd fallen in love with another person who didn't love me back. I didn't really handle that well. Then you saved my life and my feelings for you just got that much bigger."

"Oh." Cisco smiled. "Well good. 'Cause the way you smiled at me when I told you I was bluffing with a vacuum cleaner was when I realized that I might have a bit of a crush on you."

Barry grinned and reached back up to stroke Cisco's hair gently away from his face. "Every cloud has a silver lining, then.

"I don't know what the future will bring us, Cisco. I'll probably always be a little in love with Iris. But even if she showed up tomorrow and said that she reciprocated my feelings for her, it wouldn't change the fact that I'm also in love with you and I don't want a future that doesn't include you. Especially not now that I've got you." Barry shrugged. "I don't really know if that's what you wanted to hear or..."

This time it was Cisco kissing along Barry's jawline that was stopping Barry from turning his romantic little speech into babble.

"That's exactly what I needed to hear," Cisco replied, pausing to nip and Barry's ear and enjoying the way Barry's body shuddered against his. "I love you too, Barry."

Barry's eyes lit up and, mischievously, he rolled on top of Cisco and sealed their mouths together, exploring Cisco's mouth eagerly before drawing back barely enough to murmur, "say it again."

"I love you, Barry," Cisco repeated, breathless and more than a little turned back on.

"You know," Barry said, that mischievous light still flickering in his eyes, "I can vibrate my mouth too."

"That." Cisco felt his whole body flush at the idea. "That's... that we need to experiment with. Now."

Barry chuckled and began to slither his way southward. "That's the idea."