Feel something
Nozomi wakes up with the first sunrays dimly illuminating her bedroom, just a few minutes before her alarm goes off, hearing it resonate against her bare bedroom walls.
She turns it off and lets herself be engulfed again by the most absolute silence, contemplating the sun hiding timidly behind a group of clouds through her window and somehow, she finds the sight captivating along its sadness.
She sighs, finally getting out of her bed to get ready for a new day, although is nothing more than a routine by now.
She steps outside her bedroom and wanders through the empty hallways of her apartment until she reaches the kitchen to prepare something for breakfast before she has to go to school.
Sometimes she wonders if this empty apartment it's just a reflection of how empty is her soul and of the solitude that accompanies her from time ago.
- I'm leaving – she announces pointlessly on the entrance hall as she puts her coat on and takes her school bag to leave to school.
Her hoarse voice lingers for a few seconds in the air before it fades away through the apartment as she closes the door, locking it behind her.
As soon as she's out, her gaze gets lost in the sun still overshadowed by the clouds and even though it's sad, it's certainly beautiful, bringing some calm within her that alleviates, for a few seconds, the emptiness she feels inside.
The sight of the sun overshadowed by the clouds and the chilly air hitting her face seeping through her flesh and bones seems to be the only thing these days that makes her feel something, that makes her feel alive even if it's just for mere seconds before that sensation of solitude and emptiness invades her again.
She starts her peaceful and lonely walk towards school, greeting politely the classmates she occasionally finds on her way before she sees them quickly go back to their cheerful conversations in groups or pairs, feeling a quick pang of jealousy in her chest before it calms down.
Ironically, she already accepted the fact that she'll also keep being alone in her high school time no mattering what, because after all, she's been like that for as long as she can remember.
Her parents' work obliged her to move from one city to another constantly. Her friends didn't stick to their word of keeping in touch with her and soon, she realized it was pointless to try to make new friends when she'd be leaving them behind in no time, and so like that, she ended spending her whole childhood avoiding to get closer to anybody or getting to know them, no mattering how much she wanted to or how alone she felt.
Eventually, her parents' work was more important than their own daughter so they ended leaving her by herself in a big and empty apartment, crying herself to sleep all nights until she grew up numb.
Nozomi sighs heavily and shakes her head, trying not to think about it while absent-mindedly pays attention to the beginning of the class.
She's so focused doodling on her notebook, half listening uninterestedly to the class and the announcement of a new student, she almost misses the girl ahead of her standing up.
Her blonde hair as bright as the sun, immediately catches her eye yet it's her elegant posture and strong demeanor what catch the air in her lungs, making her forget to breathe for a second.
- It's nice to meet everyone. My name is Ayase Eli. Let's get along.
She hears her introducing herself and gets completely captivated in her raspy voice and sultry accent.
But it's when Eli slightly turns around and briefly makes eye contact with her, when Nozomi can't help but feel completely trapped and mesmerized by her cold ocean blue eyes, and for the first time in what seems like an eternity, she feels her heart beating wildly against her ribcage and a fluttering sensation settling down in her chest.
Even though Eli goes back to her previous position, sitting down again, Nozomi still feels that thrill lingering inside her, wishing nothing more than to feel it again with the same intensity as she did seconds ago.
But as the day passes, that thrilling feeling fades completely away and she's left with nothing but a heavy emptiness in her chest.
She really hates this already familiar numbness and emptiness.
As the ring bells and the beauty ahead her bids her goodbye, that uncertain and weak feeling starts to bubble up inside her again, making her stomach flutter at the sound of her angelic voice saying goodbye.
So Nozomi gathers her things quickly and leaves in a rush, running as fast as she can after the blonde to try to catch the culprit of those new things she just started to feel again, not wanting to let her go, not wanting to let that thrilling feeling go…
As she reaches the flight of stairs that Eli is descending, Nozomi stops abruptly to catch her breath.
- Wait! – Nozomi shouts as loud as she can, trying to stop the blonde divinity in front of her.
Eli's posture is cold and her demeanor denotes she's not quite happy about this interruption but just one look into her cold ocean blue eyes and that thrilling feeling is right back, making Nozomi's heart beat wildly against her ribcage again, threatening to get out of her chest at any moment.
Eli's hard gaze, far from intimidating Nozomi, only captivates her even more, inviting her to want to get closer to her and get lost in the depths of their ocean blue color.
Her lips, pressed on a thin line, gives her a serious yet desirable look, inviting Nozomi to want to take a taste of them or just to get lost in the way they move as her angelic voice fills the silence reigning in the hallway and makes her heart flutter with excitement.
- And you are? – Eli says sharply, staring at Nozomi intensely.
Nozomi stares at Eli, self-conscious of the awkwardness of the moment and smiles at her nervously, trying to break the ice and get closer to her somehow.
- I-I'm… My name is Tojo Nozomi! – Nozomi tries to say as calm as she can, although deep inside, she's a bundle of nerves.
Nozomi told herself she wouldn't try to get closer to anybody, then why is she suddenly trying to reach out for this mysterious and cold girl? Why does she seem to be the only one able to make her feel something again? And why is she so terrified of it?
There are a dozen questions swirling without control in her mind, and Eli seems to be the only one able to answer those questions…
Eli stares at Nozomi sternly, unexpressive and Nozomi only wants to step closer to her to erase that expression of her beautiful face and hug her tightly.
Could Eli be like her?
Nozomi asks herself and before she can even start going downstairs and find the answer to that question, Eli's voice cuts her off, finishing any further conversation.
- Pleasure to meet you, now if you excuse me – she says politely, turning around to leave with elegance.
Nozomi watches her leaving the school ground from afar as a painful ache settles down in her heart and tears threat to fall.
Why does it hurt so much? Why didn't she stop her? Why didn't she say something else?
She keeps repeating those questions to herself all the way back home until, in the solitude of her bedroom, she flops on her bed and breaks crying, washing away this new feeling until she's, once again, left completely numb in the darkness of her apartment.
Next morning, she wakes up before the alarm clock goes off and decides to stay in bed for a little bit longer, gazing at the, again, rainy day through her window.
She loves days like this one because somehow she feels them as a reflection of her inner self. Days like this one, are the ones able to express all the sadness trapped inside of her that doesn't let out…
Nozomi sighs and gets ready for, maybe, another routine day, not sure what to expect from the Russian deity, but when she enters the classroom and sees Eli diligently ignoring everybody, including her, she feels a pang of hurt in her chest and decides to give up on trying to get closer to her or get to know her in any possible way.
Nozomi focuses her attention back on classes or simply on doodling in her notebook, trying to avoid looking at Eli, trying to ignore her beauty and the strange feeling that she settles in her every time she gazes at her.
At lunch time, Nozomi observes Eli carefully taking her bento out her school bag, ignoring every offer of their classmates to have lunch together and their prideful gazes directed at her when she, coldly but politely, refuses every one of them. Then, Eli pauses on her actions to turn around at her.
- Tojo-san – Eli says coldly, gaining Nozomi's attention at the same time as she, involuntarily, sends shivers down Nozomi's spine with her voice and gaze – mind if I have lunch with you?
Nozomi stares at her incredulous, not knowing how to react before she notices Eli avoiding looking at her with a soft blush adorning her cheeks, making her smile widely at her cute and stubborn blush and accepting her proposition cheerfully, feeling a little leap of joy inside of her.
Neither of them say anything during the whole time that lunch lasts, eating in complete silence or at least the silence their classmates allow them to, but Nozomi doesn't care as long as she's gets to be able to witness this side of Eli, growing even more curious about her while slowly starting to feel less numb.
Days keep passing and despite Eli's silence, Nozomi gets to know more about her, growing closer to her in a way she hasn't done with anybody since she was a little kid before the numbness took control of her, and even though it's scary, she can't deny it's also exciting.
And like that, little by little, days end turning into months then years and soon, Nozomi realizes that Eli and she passed from strangers to closer friends, she could even say best friends.
She finds herself doing everything together: from being in the student council fighting together to prevent the school from closing, to be school idols in μ's, to college… and all the numbness and solitude she had ever felt is replaced with Eli's care, making her feel a mix of things again: alive, happy, cared and especially, loved.
After several years, she still remembers how she felt back on that past time, or more likely, how she didn't felt anything at all until Eli came and changed everything until the present day.
Nozomi smiles and turns to look at the blonde beauty sleeping beside her in bed, hair disheveled and mouth lightly opened as the cross necklace she always wears hangs sided over her bare collarbone and a sheet covers her naked body.
She stares at Eli, caressing her face gently, not wanting to wake her up yet as the sun reflects itself on Eli's engagement ring. Nozomi feels her stomach flutter at it and a nice feeling of warmth and love invading her body, while her heart is about to burst out of happiness at thinking about getting married with the love of her life.
Nozomi thinks at how that cold and unpleasant girl came to her life and changed everything with her gaze and smile and made her feel something again. How Eli made her feel alive again and loved for the first time. She also thinks at how Eli made her stop feeling like a robot walking through life in an automaton way, neither alone nor sad, but the opposite.
She's so distracted letting her fingertips travel delicately along every curve and freckle of Eli's lovely face that she doesn't realize how Eli is slowly opening her eyes, giving her a sleepy smile while getting closer to her to kiss her, making Nozomi blush deeply at her boldness.
- What were you thinking about? – Eli asks her raspily, knowing Nozomi and how she, sometimes, easily gets lost in her own thoughts.
- Mmh, nothing in particular – Nozomi answers to her, shaking her head while giving her a soft smile.
- Nozomiiii – Eli complains childishly, half purring Nozomi's name and Nozomi can't help but blush harder than before.
- Not fair Elichi – she mumbles timidly, looking away to avoid looking at her fiancé's puppy eyes and pout – I was just thinking about how you changed everything since I've got to know you and about everything you make me feel – she says timidly, lowering her voice slightly in embarrassment – I… I'm really happy.
Nozomi ends admitting, cheeks burning furiously and turns her face completely to hide her tremendous embarrassment and Eli… Eli just laughs cutely at her, squeezing her more in her arms while she starts to pepper kisses over Nozomi's shoulder up to her neck until Nozomi finally turns around to tell her something that gets trapped in Eli's mouth as in that exact moment, Eli takes advantage of it to steal a sweet kiss from her.
- None of that would have happened if you wouldn't have been so brave to get closer to me to try to befriend me. I'm glad I can make you happy and see you smile as brightly as you, and I'll try to keep doing it every single day for the rest of our lives.
Nozomi feels her cheeks burning even more if possible as she blushes harder than before and hides her face in Eli's chest, hearing her heartbeat.
- You aren't fair Elichi. You're lucky I love you – Nozomi whispers softly, leaving a soft kiss over Eli's heart.
- I'm really lucky – Eli says giggling at her fiancé's antics, kissing her forehead while snuggling her more – I love you too.
Nozomi loves how that cold girl she met back in high school is now warmer than a blanket in winter and laughs lightly at the comparison.
- What are you laughing about? – Eli asks her with a soft smile on her face.
Nozomi shakes her head, giving her a mischievous smile and pecks her lips – Nothiiing.
Eli rolls her eyes at her playfully and Nozomi goes back to rest on her chest, enjoying the soothing sound of her heartbeat.
- Can we stay like this for a little longer? – Nozomi asks her softly, closing her eyes to keep enjoying her warmth and the sound of her heartbeat.
- But what about breakfast? – Eli asks innocently, and Nozomi can't help but gaze at her incredulous – Don't you want pancakes with hot chocolate? – Eli messes with her amusingly.
- Sometimes I think you prefer chocolate over me – Nozomi teases her while shaking her head amusingly, laughing lightly to then look back at Eli due to her silence, who, to her astonishment, seems to be thinking about it, making her gasp audibly – Elichi!
Nozomi hits her playfully and Eli holds her tighter in her arms, kissing her deeply while laughing in the kiss.
- A chocolate Non for breakfast doesn't sound so bad though – Eli says playfully and seductively, caressing Nozomi's naked back, sending shivers down her spine and making her blush profusely before they kiss again.
Seems like the chocolate will have to wait for later... or maybe not?