I Love You, Uncle Nathan

Today had been a difficult day for Nathan. He and Bill were looking into why Wyman Walden and the Pinkertons were in Hope Valley and why so much land and buildings were being sold. They had no evidence of wrong doing, but just a hunch that something wasn't quite right.

Then, Elizabeth had visited him at the jail that afternoon. He half stood hoping she would tell him how she felt about him. She had, but it did not turn out as he expected. She told him how grateful she was for him looking after her and Little Jack. She said she loved him for that, but that she was not in love with him. She was trying to look for Jack in him. He sat back down in his chair and felt the breath go out of him. He was numb. He didn't know how long he sat there. Was it a minute or an hour? The light was going out of the day when he regained his thoughts. Elizabeth was in love with Lucas. Elizabeth, who had always been kind and compassionate, had broken his heart with her words. She didn't let him down easy either. Her words felt unnecessarily cruel. He tried to get up out of his seat, but couldn't.

The rattling of the door brought him back to the present. He had forgotten that he locked the door after Elizabeth left. He got up, opened the door and saw Joseph standing there. "May I come in?" Joseph asked.

"Yes, certainly. What can I do for you?" Joseph stared a moment.

"I thought I would come by to see what I could do for you," responded Joseph.

"I don't know what you mean. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. Can we talk?"

"Sure. Have a seat."

"You know, Nathan, there is nothing I can tell you to make this better today. It may take some time. Don't dwell on the past, Nathan, on what may have been. Think about the present and what the future holds for you and Allie. That future can be bright or it can be dark. That choice is yours to make. I can help you if you will let me." Joseph stopped for a moment to find just the right words. "Isaiah: 41-10, 'Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'" Nathan was looking down. "Nathan," said Joseph, "I am here for you, just like God is. I will help you, if you'll let me." Nathan looked up at him.

"Thank you, Joseph. I appreciate that. Maybe you can help me. What am I going to tell Allie? She was convinced that we were going to be a family someday. She has had so much loss in her life. Her mother died, and then her father abandoned her. I understand how she feels. My father abandoned me. Now this. I'm not sure what to tell her, Joseph."

"Just tell her the truth. Mrs. Thornton is our friend, but that her life is going in a different direction. You can tell her how much you love her and that you'll always be there for her."

"Yeah. I'm not sure I can. It's going to break her heart."

"Yes, it might. I can go with you if you like."

"No, I have to do this myself. She's been with Opal's family all day. They're having dinner. She should be home soon. You know, Joseph, I've been thinking about what happened today. Why? Why? For three years I felt there was something there between us. All those times we felt close. There were just so many of those times. Was I wrong thinking there was something there, when there really wasn't? Did I imagine it because I wanted it so much?"

"No. You weren't wrong. I've noticed it too. There was something there. I think Mrs. Thornton, for whatever reason, was feeling fresh grief over losing her husband. There were probably things that she never resolved in her heart and mind. I can't explain why she chose Lucas over you. Only she knows that. I haven't spoken to her about it. I offered. Nathan, you are a good man. Don't let this overshadow all the good things in your life. It's OK for you to be sad about what could have been, but don't let that sadness take over your life. Talk to Allie. I know you'll find the right words to say to her."

"Thanks, Joseph. I appreciate your help."

"Anytime. I'm here if you need me. Go home now, and talk to Allie. God bless you, Nathan."

Joseph closed the door quietly behind him. Nathan got up, grabbed his Stetson, and went outside. It was twilight. The sky was barely pink and yellow in the west. Nathan walked Newton to the livery and got him settled in for the night. Sergeant was in the next stall and looked at him. Nathan touched his head, smiled and walked out.

He walked home slowly. No one was on the streets of Hope Valley. It was just as well. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Allie wasn't expected for another 30 minutes or so. Nathan climbed the steps to his row house and walked in. He changed into his civilian clothes and warmed up some stew Allie had made. He sat and ate in the quiet of his home; thinking about what he would say to Allie, when he heard the door open.

"Uncle Nathan, I'm home," Allie shouted. "Oh, there you are. Are you OK? What are you doing sitting in the dark?"

"Allie, sit down, please. I need to tell you something."

"OK."

Nathan lit a lamp. "Mrs. Thornton visited me today."

"Did she talk to you about that advanced math program? I decided I'm going to try it, Uncle Nathan. You were right. I can do it."

"No. No, that's not it."

"Then, what? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Allie you didn't do anything wrong. Mrs. Thornton came to tell me that she loves me, but she's not in love with me."

Allie looked at Nathan, and the color drained out of her face. "I don't understand."

"You know how Mrs. Thornton has been seeing Mr. Bouchard this summer? Well, she realized that she was in love with him and not me."

"But that's not possible. She loves you, Uncle Nathan. I know she does."

"Yes, Allie. She does love me, but not in the way you think. She is grateful that I've watched out for her and Little Jack, but she said she's not in love with me."

"No, Uncle Nathan. She is in love with you. She has to be," sobbed Allie.

Nathan stood and hugged his niece, as she wept. "Allie. It's going to be OK. You and I will be OK."

"No, no we won't. We were going to be a family, Uncle Nathan. I can't face her in school tomorrow. I won't go. I want to move. I hate her." Allie thought a moment. "Uncle Nathan, can you still take that inspector's job? I won't go to that school."

"Wouldn't you miss your friends, if we moved? I stayed in Hope Valley for you, Allie, not Mrs. Thornton. You. Sit down for a minute." Allie slumped back down into her chair. The look on her face broke Nathan's heart. "Pastor Canfield came to see me this afternoon. He knew what had happened. He knew I would be upset, and I was. We talked for, well, I'm not sure how long. There are different kinds of love, Allie. There's the special kind of love you have for God. There's the kind of love you have for your family and friends. There's also the kind of love you have for someone you want to spend your life with. I thought Mrs. Thornton and I had that kind of love, but I was wrong. She loves you and I, but she loves us more like friends."

"I'm still not going to school tomorrow. I don't think I can face her, Uncle Nathan."

"Yes, Allie. Yes, you can. She cares about you. That hasn't changed. I know you hoped we might be a family someday. I did too, but that's not going to happen. I'm sorry about that too. I'm sure someday I'll meet someone that I'll love in that way, and she will love me back. It just isn't going to be Mrs. Thornton. Remember what we talked about before? We need to be happy for her. She's been through a lot too—just like we have. She sees potential in you. She's a good teacher, Allie. I know it's going to be awkward at first, and I'm sure it's going to hurt when we see her with Mr. Bouchard. Just be kind, please. That's all I'm asking. OK?"

"Yes, Uncle Nathan. Are you sure you don't want to move?"

"Yes, I'm sure. We'll be OK, Allie. I promise. Why don't you get ready for bed. Tomorrow is the first day of school." Allie reluctantly got up from her seat and slowly walked upstairs. She stopped, turned and looked at her uncle. He smiled at her.

"I love you, Uncle Nathan."

"I love you too, Allie."