Author's Note: This story was the brainchild of a wonderful Hozier song called "Like Real People Do." I suggest listening to an acoustic version of the song performed by Hozier whilst reading the story. It took me a few days to write the fic in its entirety, and before writing it, I told myself I'd hold true to a number of things during its inception. Firstly, I allowed myself to write in the moment with only a singular idea in mind plot wise. I'm a very "make the plans, then cancel the plans before they can come to fruition" kind of gal, so I tried to just let my mind flow freely. This means I wrote what I thought and did not backtrack. I only made a rough draft and then this final copy, which served to make the story slightly more fluid and in-depth. This may result in what seems like a rushed or incoherent storyline, but maybe pointing that out makes it appear more so. Secondly, I am taking this story as an adventure into the writing world. Something I enjoyed about writing this was knowing people could review it, so I am extremely excited for criticism of any kind so I may find where to improve in my writing. I do not know if in the future I'll write much else since this fic managed to wrestle its way out from my brain (seriously, one moment I was listening to a pretty song and the next I was writing my first proper fanfic), but I'm an avid reader and music listener so perchance another story may come down the line. The last thing I'd like to mention is, because I don't deem myself the most experienced or talented of writers, I have left a lot of detail to the reader. I am a big fan of heavy symbolism and nuance myself, so I like to leave a lot to interpretation. Anyway, I digress; nobody likes a lengthy author's note! I look forward to any words of evaluation upon reading. Enjoy this rather dramatic story.
Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC and "Like Real People Do" belongs to Hozier; I own nothing.
Edit: I recieved a helpful review telling me I cannot include song lyrics in my story, so please either listen to the song or read the lyrics because you will be otherwise confused. In place of the song lyrics are ~'s, in the first ~ was the first verse and chorus, and in the spot of the second was the rest of the song.
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The first time he heard it, he had gone to reprimand Merlin for forgetting several chores. By god, his armour had not yet been polished and his boot still had a hole from the mouse that had taken residence in his chambers a week ago. Arthur had charged into Gaius' unusually still chambers with the intent of berating his manservant, but he stopped when he heard something scarcely expected of Merlin. At first, Arthur wasn't sure of what he was hearing. Sure, Merlin had an education that exceeded the one his station would typically dictate, but this- this exceeded any expectations or impressions Arthur had about the man he'd known for so long.
Stepping towards the door leading to Merlin's chambers, the sound became clearer. Arthur had never pegged Merlin as a fan of music, yet here he was, standing outside his manservant's chamber door like he had yet again been enchanted by a Sidhe.
Over the past years Merlin had been in Camelot, the pair had grown quite close. There was hardly a time Arthur could recall when Merlin was not by his side. He supposed, besides his ever running mouth, he wasn't as bothered by his presence as he pretends to be. More recently, he'd found himself noticing small things about Merlin that drew him in like a moth to the flame. The way he'd sometimes bite his lower lip polishing armour; the way he'd sit somewhere in the shade when waiting for Arthur in the courtyard. He'd noticed his hair was not quite black, but in the light it was a very dark shade of brown. He'd notice the devilish grin more often during their rounds of banter. He'd also noticed the tilt of Merlin's head that oft accompanied that lopsided grin. Arthur found that as of late, he could no longer deny he had feelings for Merlin that went beyond brotherly friendship. Merlin seldom left his mind. Which he wasn't bothered by all too much, except for the fact it was highly unlikely Merlin harboured any reciprocal feelings. But that hardly refuted the fact Arthur had felt as though he'd been enchanted by a Sidhe yet again. Speaking of which.
From beyond the wooden door, a lute was played softly. For a moment, there was plucking of strings at random, denoting tuning of the instrument, but then Merlin had started to play. Arthur could admit to himself his manservant was quite skilled, Over prominent chords was a nostalgic, if not melancholic melody being pulled from the numerous strings. The tune wasn't slow so much as relaxed. While it was somewhat sorrowful, it was pleasantly soothing.
As if Merlin's skillful playing of the lute wasn't quite enough to surprise the king, Arthur heard muffled humming from his spot outside the door. He had by now been so entranced by the melodious sound that he had long forgotten the idea of interrupting Merlin for chores. Rather, he mindlessly eavesdropped on what, in hindsight, struck him as a notoriously intimate moment. Arthur was at a loss for words when Merlin's voice, low both in pitch and volume, danced with the thready lute. O, what a graceful dance it was.
It wasn't until Camelot's king heard faint words followed by a sudden halt of the music that he left his wordless reverie. Had Merlin paused to write down his music? To write some lyric, perhaps? But then Arthur had been fully struck from his trance and realized exactly what he was doing. What if Merlin had stopped his euphonic hobby because he had heard Arthur snooping outside his door? The thought had not yet fully bloomed in the king's mind before he was making his way to exit the physician's chambers at the fastest pace he could maintain whilst keeping noiseless.
No matter how many times Arthur attempted to rid the sentimental melody from his thoughts, he could hardly find the means to purge himself of something so opiate.
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With the tantalizing tune still set firmly in his mind, Arthur found he could not look at Merlin the same. He knew he still possessed feelings for his manservant, but his new view was because of his eavesdropping. When they had first met, the then prince had remarked there was something about Merlin he just couldn't put his finger on. Through constant reflection with regard to the confidential moment (a moment Arthur felt he had wrongfully breached), he found himself closer to what he surmised was missing. This latest peek into Merlin's character, indisputably, would be the first stepping stone to figuring out Merlin's secret.
It took overlooking his city from his chamber windows on a dewy morning early that Spring to realize Merlin was actually hiding a secret. He'd acknowledged the fact that he couldn't say he truly knew Merlin in totality, despite their long-lasting bond. This missing piece was too monumental to make that declaration. However, he understood then, staring out at the courtyard in the dim light of the dawn, that what he was missing about Merlin was a secret; a whole chunk of Merlin that he wasn't trusted to know, despite their long-lasting bond. He felt his brow cave in upon the revelation that Merlin did not trust his confidence. The concept did not leave him even when Merlin entered his chambers.
"Rise and shine, laz- Arthur," Merlin started, stepping into the chambers backwards with a breakfast tray in hand and a smile on his face. "You're already awake. Well, that's the toughest chore out of the way," the manservant jested, that devilish grin plastered on his face despite the hellishly early hour. Had Arthur not been lost in serious thought, he would have made a comment regarding how much of a hellion Merlin seemed to be. However, Arthur was lost in serious thought. He did not turn his face away from the foggy window as Merlin placed the tray on the table and went to shut the door.
"You're awfully still over there. Are you sleeping walking? I'm not sure that's very becoming of a king-"
"Do you trust me, Merlin?" Arthur asked slowly, eyes still transfixed upon the hushed morning beyond his chambers.
"Do I trust you, Arthur? You make it sound as if in a day from now all of Camelot will be marching towards-"
"For god's sake, Merlin. Can't you just answer the damn question?" Arthur said, tilting his head slightly towards Merlin, but not meeting his eyes. His body was otherwise unmoving; he couldn't find the confidence to meet his friends' radiant eyes.
"Do I trust you? I trust you with my life, yes," Merlin's tone softened.
"Would you," Arthur began, trailing off faintly. "Would you keep secrets from me? Would you lie to me?"
It wasn't like Arthur to be emotional, or even vaguely sentimental, but in this moment, he couldn't stop thinking about that damned song; about Merlin's secret. He couldn't help wondering if Merlin would be another Morgana, or perhaps another Uther. God, he could not bear the weight if he had let Merlin down as with Morgana, or if Merlin had lied so fundamentally as Uther had. He wasn't sure he could handle another Earth-shattering secret from someone so close to him- from someone he loved. But Arthur was sure he wouldn't be able to live without knowing. It wasn't like there was an assassin in the castle or some beast to be sought and killed to get in the way of the question that Arthur needed an answer to. In reality, it had been a relatively calm week, aside from the ever so countless noblewomen visiting the castle so that Arthur would finally choose a lady to name his bride.
Despite plenty of beautiful and alluring ladies visiting, Arthur could only hear Merlin's everlasting tune and found his eyes gravitating to his manservant during the events. Merlin would usually be chatting with fellow servants, but whenever Arthur's eyes fell on him he'd return the gaze. He'd smile at the king or make a mocking face of a particularly snooty Lady to give the bored king a laugh. The devilish grin was so vibrant amongst the anemic crowd and always firmly grounded Arthur in the present. Arthur had found his feelings for Merlin were blooming severely in the past couple weeks, and that's what made the question he'd asked so painful.
Arthur turned himself to a silent Merlin. They were both unmoving and the room was chilly and fresh.
"Sire, I-"
"It's Arthur, Merlin. You always call me Arthur; you are hiding something."
"I-" Merlin started, stunned by such a conversation so early in the morning.
"So what is it? Out with it," Arthur said deliberately. Merlin exhaled.
"It's not that simple, Arthur."
"And, pray tell, why not?" His tone was cold and exhausted, as if he had tried this conversation several times before to no avail. "Why isn't it so simple? I thought you trusted me with your life."
"I do, it's just-" he cut himself off with a huff. "Alright, I'll tell you my secret, but if you jest-"
"Never," Arthur said seriously. Merlin exhaled again, this time heavier.
"I play the lute, and I write some music from time to time," Merlin admitted.
"No," Arthur stated.
"No? What do you mean 'no?' I do, I can go get it, if that so pleases you-"
"No, no. I mean I already know that, that's not it, that's not your secret. Do you even really trust me, Merlin?" Arthur said forlornly.
"How did you- of course I trust you, Arthur, you're my king, and above all, my greatest friend. I want to tell you; I've wanted to tell you. There's just never been a right time."
"Well, I am asking, Merlin. I think now is a great time," Arthur said with a flair of finality. They hadn't moved until this moment when Arthur stepped towards Merlin until he was an arms reach from the younger man. The king's eyes were visibly cloudy with unshed tears speaking of monumental emotion. It had not gone unnoticed by Merlin.
"Arthur, are you-" Merlin said feebly.
'Just tell me what you are hiding, Merlin. I can't stand to know the one I am closest to bears secrets he feels he cannot tell me," Arthur said in an instant of vulnerability that was scarcely common for the headstrong king. "I cannot stand for the last one I really care about to- to lie…" He was tearful, but he brought his eyes up to meet Merlin's poignant pair.
"Just promise me you'll understand- you'll-you'll hear me out," Merlin began, his eyes too becoming watery. Never having seen Merlin look quite so young, Arthur could only nod. It took a minute of breathing before Merlin could confess.
"I-I have magic, I was born with it," Merlin whispered breathlessly. Arthur's wet eyes opened wide and his mouth dropped agape slightly. Merlin began again at a faster pace, "I only ever use it for you- for you and for Camelot. I don't think I could ponder the idea of hurting you or your kingdom, Arthur, I'd never use my magic against you. I swear it, by Earth, stone, sea, and sky and all they encompass, by the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone, I swear I'd never use my magic against you. You have to believe me, Arthur," Merlin stated, becoming less timid and more firm in his declaration to his closest friend.
Arthur was beyond stunned. "Magic…?" He was beyond speechless; beyond astonished.
"For you, only for you, Arthur. Tell me- tell me you understand." In an instant of courage, Merlin took Arthur by the shoulders. Surprisingly, he was not cast away.
"Show me" Arthur mouthed, almost inaudible. Once again meeting Merlin's strong, yet sincere gaze.
"Show you what?"
"Magic, your magic."
Merlin's brow fell on his forehead in confusion, but nonetheless, he summoned a ball of light in his palms in front of him.
"Is- is that-?" Arthur stuttered weakly. "I've seen that light before: in the cave with the Mortaeus flower. That was you?" Arthur only tore his eyes from the sphere when he finished speaking to look at Merlin. Merlin too got lost in the stare, but nodded in affirmation.
"Gaius told me, I did it while I was still unconscious."
"Gaius knows?"
"Yes, I saved him from a broken back my first day in Camelot, he gave me my only spellbook. I've been using it to save you. You're highly sought after, you know," Merlin said warmly.
Arthur closed his eyes. He could briefly hear Merlin saying his name, but he only responded by drawing the younger man in close for an embrace. His father had always taught him the dangers of the old religion and its followers, but, by god, this was Merlin. How evil could he truly be? Merlin, the one who scares off deer and rabbits so they won't be killed on a hunt; Merlin, who, even after only knowing Arthur for scarcely a month, willingly drank poison for him; Merlin, who played the bloody lute; Merlin, with that devilishly handsome grin. Arthur comes upon the conclusion that if Merlin is evil, everything he knows and believes in is wrong. If Merlin is evil, Leon is disloyal, Elyan is discourteous, Percival is weak, Gaius is an old fool, Guinevere is unkind, and Gwaine is a very sober, serious man.
Merlin returned the embrace, but remained confused. He relaxed in Arthur's arms after a minute and asked, "you don't hate me? You're not going to execute me, or…?"
"O, god no, Merlin. There's no way I am throwing you away now. I've only just found you." Arthur spoke into Merlin's shoulder, face buried deep into the fabric of the manservants tunic.
"O," Merlin said dumbly, melting fully into the embrace.
They stood together for what felt like an eternity. Merlin began gently sobbing into the crook of Arthur's neck. Arthur pulled his head away and put a hand on Merlin's face, tear tracks painting the pale skin red. "Why? Why are you crying?" Arthur asked, catching Merlin's eyes.
It was a moment before he responded. "You know. You know and we're going to be alright. I'm not going to lose you."
It was then that every moment in which Arthur had seen that devilish grin reach Merlin's eyes, every moment Merlin insisted on following him to certain death came to the forefront of the king's mind. In an act of pure emotion, Arthur put his other hand on Merlin's face and pulled him in to meet their lips. It took but an instant, but Merlin's surprise quickly faded and he relaxed into the kiss. It was slow and tender, once again drawing Arthur to the day he had heard Merlin playing.
They pulled apart after a few more passionate kisses. Their foreheads touched and the sound of breathing filled the room in the muted morning. Arthur chuckled slowly.
"What? What is it?" Merlin said worriedly, searching his king's eyes.
"The lute, eh?" Arthur breathed with a small laugh.
"O, yeah," Merlin said, suddenly blushing. "How did you know about that anyway?"
"I heard you playing from outside your chambers. You're better than most," Arthur smiled against Merlin's look of disbelief.
"I'm not anything special, really-"
"Don't sell yourself short; you're very good. I don't just say it to say it, I mean it, Merlin" Arthur smiled when Merlin's blush grew darker.
Merlin pulled Arthur tighter in the embrace and closed his eyes when Arthur did. "What does this mean, Arthur?" Merlin uttered. Arthur grunted softly in confusion as he began playing with the hair at the base of Merlin's neck. "What does this mean for us? What does this make us?" Arthur opened his eyes slowly to look at Merlin.
"Well, surely you feel the same as I, and as king, it wouldn't be proper-"
Merlin sucked in a harsh breath.
"As king, it wouldn't be proper to just marry you. I'd have to court you first, y'know, flowers and picnics and the like- Merlin? Don't cry again, Merlin, please."
"But what of the court? Arthur, I'm a peasant, and a-a bastard," Merlin said, tears returning to his eyes.
"The court can shove it, I'm bloody king," Arthur said with a huff that was similar to a dark laugh. "The court cannot deny me the love I have for you, Merlin," Arthur spoke solemnly.
More tears poured from Merlin's eyes, highlighted by the morning's light from the chamber windows. Arthur swept away the tears with his thumbs. Merlin smiled at Arthur fondly and spoke quietly, almost inaudibly, "I love you."
"You're such a girl, Merlin. I love you, too." Arthur pulled him in for another short round of gentle kisses., then mildly kissed the tear tracks framing his lover's face. The moment could last forever, at least, they both hoped it would.
"We should probably get you ready for today; a king's duties are never done," Merlin said with a faint smile after he was sure his voice was no longer shaky.
"Yes," Arthur breathed. "I suppose." He smiled.
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The next day Arthur had enough time free from his kingly duties, he took Merlin out for a ride. They took enough supplies for a day's ride as well as Annwn and Llamrei, Merlin's gelding and Arthur's mare respectively.
As a part of Arthur's ardent conviction to court Merlin, this would be their first picnic. Despite them being hardly discreet, the court still had nary a clue as to what was going on between the two men. They both wondered if anyone from the round table had a clue, but they decidedly did not care either way. Sure, they round table was a family in its own right, but this thing they had was for them, not anyone else.
Merlin had chosen the spot for their picnic. When he had told Arthur of his dragonlord status he expected another heavy conversation, but instead what was becoming pleasantly normal with Arthur: acceptance. He told Arthur of how he spared Kilgharrah in a great act of mercy and how he from time to time relies on wisdom from the great dragon. Arthur had been confused as to how he didn't know of a massive dragon being repeatedly summoned back to Camelot until Merlin mentioned the clearing they were headed towards presently.
After a thoroughly exhausting race for both horse and rider, they settled into a relaxed walk on horseback. Merlin's head drifted back to the dragonlord talk he'd had with his lover. Among the broad acceptance was a heartfelt apology. An apology from Arthur for his ignorance. The king had shown deepest regret for telling Merlin no man was worth his tears when the younger man was mourning his father. "Had I known…" Arthur had said distantly as they had laid in a mess of tangled limbs in Arthur's bed. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. Even though I was there, you were alone…" he had trailed off and started again stronger, "never again, Merlin. Never again will you be alone."
Merlin smiled faintly at the memory, but he was quickly pulled from the thought. He and Arthur had arrived at their destination, he realized.
"I do suppose this is a large enough clearing for a dragon- Kilgharrah, you said his name was?" Arthur said, breaking the comfortable silence as the horses stopped. Llamrei gave a short huff.
"Arthur…" Merlin whispered as Annwn let out a nervous whinny and shifted on his hooves. "Do you…" he said, beginning to dismount. Arthur cut him off with a curt nod, doing the same.
In an instant, they were surrounded by what were most clearly two and ten, if not more, bandits. Excalibur gave a screech as she was brandished from her home in the scabbard at Arthur's side.
It was plain the bandits weren't ones for talking; it seemed they only cared for gold. It suited Arthur all the same as he readied to fight the oncoming duo of bandits. Arms high and swords in hand, they weren't nearly as well trained as King "trained to kill since birth" Arthur. He swung low at his amateur attackers and caught them on his sword. He turned to find Merlin wordlessly dueling his own pair of bandits with magic. It was a powerful sight to behold; Merlin was obviously very talented. But Arthur couldn't admire his love for long before being pulled back into the fray. A swift whoosh brought his attention to a large brute with a two-handed sword that reminded him of a broader and taller (if at all possible) Percival. The brute managed to get a lucky slash to his upper left arm. Through the heavy gambeson he wore instead of his usual mail, the cut wasn't life-threatening, but it was deep. Arthur kept trading blows with the strong, but slow giant until he dealt the mortal blow and felled the fiend. Both he and Merlin found their ways back to each other amongst the brawl and worked in tandem to finish the rest of the bandits.
By the time Arthur and Merlin had tripped the last bandit, Merlin, and slain him, Arthur, they had hardly any wounds. Merlin sported a handful of bruises and scrapes from a particularly nasty brawler, but he didn't pay any mind to them when he noticed Arthur's arm.
"By the mother, Arthur," Merlin said as he rushed to away with the gambeson to reveal the wound. "You clotpole! Why didn't you say something?"
"Um, I was a little preoccupied with the fight, Merlin." Arthur was amused with Merlin's fervent worry. Merlin, finding no valid argument to make, went about finding some cloth to part with to make a bandage.
"Why don't you just use your magic?" Arthur said. Merlin paused.
"O. I forgot about that. Force of habit, I suppose," he responded with a dumb smile.
"Only you Merlin, only you would forget about the magic you were bloody born with," Arthur teased. Merlin gave him that devilish grin as he put away the pack he'd been rummaging through and came back to Arthur.
"On the off chance this doesn't go right, I'd like to say now, I've never been good at healing spells." Arthur opened his mouth to make a snide comment, but abruptly stopped when Merlin's raised hands that suddenly hovered over the cut seemed to create a cold sensation. The words that came from Merlin were low and archaic. They made Arthur's whole body shiver. His left arm grew cold and he couldn't feel it for a moment, but when he regained feeling, his arm felt brand new.
"Tell me, Merlin, if that had gone wrong, what would've happened?" Arthur asked, with an amused smirk gracing his face. Merlin would never admit how handsome that smirk was, lest his king's head become even larger than it was presently.
"I- uh, I don't know." The words tumbled from Merlin.s mouth and transformed into a hearty chuckle. They both laughed slowly together standing in the clearing in the midday Sun. Arthur brought a hand up to Merlin's cheek and brought him in for a chaste kiss. They laughed into the kiss before Merlin broke off to get the packs of food they'd strapped to the horses. It was no longer odd that the horses hadn't run off during the fight considering all the fighting they'd witnessed over the years. They had become less spooked and more alert; the perfect combination. From the horse's sides, the warlock took an additional object down before making his way back to where Arthur was laying a blanket.
"Is that-"
"Yup," Merlin said, cutting him off with a loopy grin as he set down the food. He then slung his lute to his front before sitting in front of his lover.
"How did you even sneak that along without me noticing? It's not small by any means," Arthur said, feeling very confused.
"I cast a glamour on it," Merlin said briefly but not unkindly. Arthur's confusion faded to an odd sort of contentedness. He'd hear Merlin play from behind a door, but now seeing Merlin tune the strings of the wooden instrument was something else entirely. "What?" Merlin's confused smile stretched far past his face and danced in the air around them.
"Nothing, it's just, I-" Arthur stumbled to find the words to say whilst staring into Merlin's vivid blue eyes. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before saying, "the day I was listening to your playing," Merlin mumbled something that sounded vaguely like a fond 'prat,' "you were playing a song that- well, let's just say I still remember how it sounds as if you played it a minute ago."
"When was this?" Merlin asked, trying to decipher what Arthur had heard. Arthur told him it's been a little over two sennights ago. Merlin then knew exactly which song he'd been working on and grinned.
"I wasn't quite done with it two sennights ago, but I finished it just the other day."
An instant after Merlin's words left his mouth, Arthur was once again enthralled by the sincere melody that sat upon captivating chords. The relaxed pace would've made Arthur close his eyes, but he was adamant on soaking in the sight of his lover's skill. Deft fingers plucked strings gracefully (Arthur would later remark it seemed to be the only time Merlin could be graceful, to which he received a rather loud slap upside the head). Merlin looked as beautiful as the music sounded.
But then, Merlin started singing, and O god, what a sound.
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Arthur felt many things with the words Merlin sang. They had an air of acceptance which warmed Arthur. He felt like Merlin was the piece that filled the hole in him left by his father and Morgana. He realized he didn't quite feel so lonely anymore since he had Merlin in this sense; close and together. He didn't feel alone on his tall hill anymore.
~
The song ended with brief humming and the return of the melody to the lute, but it was over too soon. Over far too soon, in Arthur's opinion.
"That's… wow." The words were breaths as Arthur lay his head on Merlin's shoulder. "You sure you don't fancy poetry, Merlin? You'd get by just fine. Although it'd be a shame for such exquisite lute skills to go to waste."
"I do my best," Merlin laughed admittedly.
"I don't suppose it was a bit inspired by us- the song, that is," Arthur spoke.
"How do you mean?" Merlin said, trying to see if Arthur really understood the words he had sung.
"Well, we won't ask where we came from because although I used to be under the impression that all magic is evil and you were born with your magic, none of that matters, really. It doesn't matter where we came from, so why ask? But we also wish to kiss like real people do; we're so far from normality, but when I kiss you, Merlin, I feel I know exactly what my people feel when they love; I feel normal. You make me feel real, like a real person, not a king, or a knight, just a man." Arthur's eyes locked with Merlin's as he lifted his head from its comfortable perch on his lover's shoulder.
"C'mere, you clotpole," Merlin huffed with watery eyes and a smile. He practically yanked his king in by the collar for a slow, passionate kiss.
"Was I right? Was I close?" Arthur asked after they pulled away slightly.
"Spot-on," Merlin said as he put his lute to the side and tackled Arthur to the ground, ready for more kissing.
"I'd like to kiss like real people now, Merlin," Arthur demanded in a soft voice.
"O, who's the girl now?" Merlin smirked before getting pulled back in to meet his and Arthur's lips in a fervent dance.
"Still you, Merlin, still you."
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Author's Note: How did you like it? Leave comments and criticisms in the reviews section if you'd like, no pressure. If you'd perhaps like to see some more writing from me in the future, let me know, and perhaps there will be some more fics down the road.
Thanks for reading.
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