I do NOT own FUTURAMA and/or any of its zany & diverse characters that we all wish would come back to syndication. This is a parody made purely for entertainment purposes only.

Chapter 1

John A. Zoidberg lay smiling on the fur-covered bed, his thoughts lazily drifting on the hours following his most recent arrival on Amazonia earlier that day. After hitching a ride with the Planet Express crew on the morning of their flight, the trio, for the most part, were happy to make a pit-stop to the world of the cavewomen, albeit briefly. Bender, specifically, was adamant about avoiding any run-ins with Femputer, his last one-night stand with her leading to some clinginess issues he wanted to avoid for the moment. Upon landing, the brutish robot picked up his aquatic co-worker with a surprised grunt and tossed him off the ship. Landing on and effectively crushing a conifer trimmed into the shape of a what looked like a centaur, John listened briefly as the automaton cried out in wild panic to his remaining shipmates.

"Drive, Big Boots, DRIVE, before that lady-bot dame hits us with a tractor-beam or somethin'!"

"Bender, the women here don't use that kind of tech here on Amazonia. It's forbidden, or at least shunned, I think! They don't wanna rely on stuff like that to get things done. These girls appreciate nature, y'know? In a weird way it's kinda sweet!"

"Yeahrightsweet, FLY US OUTTA HERE before she gets some of the bigger she-goons to hold down the ship!"

Leela Turunga could only sigh tiredly at the nervous paranoia of her neurotic, mechanical associate. Bringing the space-faring vessel to a hover above the lush, green landscape, she turned her view to Zoidberg with a wave and a small smile which he gladly returned. With a mild longing she couldn't quite explain, the ship's captain now gave her focus to the control yolk. As the vessel quickly rose into the clear-blue sky, the cyclops addressed Bender, slightly peeved at how he ejected their 'medical expert' from the ship.

"You didn't have to foist him out the door like that, y'know!"

"You ain't kiddin' about that, Captain Ocular! Guy is way heavier than he looks! I think I slipped a servo-disk when I picked him up! I might need to be upgraded to forklift or maybe even crane status the next time we break into MOM'S fortress. That was one heavy crab-cake! Hmmm…his people made outta bricks or somethin'?"

"NO, you moronic tin toaster! He's...flesh and blood, just like the rest of us," Leela stated, catching herself from giving out any further descriptions of the Decopodian. She felt like she almost slipped up for some reason and started sweating nervously as she pushed the ship past the upper ionosphere toward their next mission. Both Fry & Bender, as per usual, took no notice of her condition.

"Ehh. Well, Big Boots, he's red like a brick and both you and the Fry-meister here are kinda pink. Izzat somethin' you meat bags like to do?"

gogogogogo

"Goodbye, friends," Zoidberg shouted while waving a claw to the rapidly departing craft. "Hmmmm...I wonder if they'll remember to come back and pick me up in two weeks? Ehhh...if not I'll just call an Uber. I'm sure my good friend Hermes will find a way to cover the tab?"

At that moment, back on Earth, the acting bureaucrat for Planet Express felt a chill go through him. Feeling as if a cold knife was being pressed against his Caribbean skin and company money was about to be wasted, the Jamaican-born native looked around his office.

"Odd," he stated to himself. "What is dis feelin' of dread & embezzlement? Bender isn't here! Betta' keep an eye on dat deviant droid when dey gets back, mon!"

The clean, humid air washed over the Decopodian as he ambled forward. His natural ability to find the shoreline had not failed him as John took a deep breath and filled his lungs, the sweet scent of water attracting him like a sunflower would a busy bee. It wasn't long before he stood before a huge lake, the mid-morning sun sparkling off its surface. A rustling of reeds to his left caught his attention as a tall, buxom & curvaceous figure steps forth into the clearing. Standing at a height well above that of Zoidberg, the two lock eyes, the statuesque blond brushing a few strands of hair from her view.

"John!"

"Thog."

"When you get here?"

"Meh. Only twenty minutes ago. Sooooo…I didn't notice that you were late to our usual meeting spot?"

"Late? You not supposed to be here until tomorrow!"

"Hmmmmm…no, not according to my universal calendar. You see? TODAY was our time to get together," the stoic-voice from the deceptively calm male-being hiding the underlying excitement of seeing the gorgeous, near-naked blond in front of him.

"Oh! Oh, John! Me sorry! Dates got mixed up! We spend all night preparing for feast tomorrow! Only just get done hunting stout-boars before sunrise and came to wash up in Lake Buumdicka. They make great sandwiches, but still live like pigs! Thog smell really bad after carrying so much fresh kill back to dining hall." Thog looked down in shame at having forgotten to use often the one important piece of tech, aside from her 'Healthy-Girl' droid, that she would allow in her home. John walked up to the attractive Amazonian and smiled.

"Thog, my dearest, it's okay! I only mention your tardiness because I've been wanting so badly to see you and the rest of my friends here! It may have only been a month since we were last together, but it feels like an eternity when I'm away from you!" With that heartfelt sentiment firmly burned into her thoughts, Thog rushed over and wrapped her arms around Zoidberg, her aggressive bear-hug bringing a content sigh from the visiting gentleman. John mimicked her action with his own, embracing the brutish woman as his head came level with her heart and his eyes in direct contact between her large, sweaty bosom. Their embrace lasting for half a minute, they pulled away from each other while still clasped at the hands and claws.

"Silly lobster-male thing. Why you make Thog feel so…weak? It not like Thog," she said with a hot tear of emotion running down her cheek.

"Why, you ask? I like you. I am very much attracted to you. I want to put my sizeable, pink erection inside your body and make us both feel happy & good."

"Huh. Wow! Good answer!"

"Sooooo…you maybe want a taste of what Zoidberg has to offer prior to the party tomorrow?"

"Oh! Oh, no. Me can't! It not be fair to do snu-snu without sisters here to enjoy too! Ornik and Kug-"

"Will have just as much of me as they can endure when we all come together, my large humanoid darling! Come! It is so close to lunchtime and I haven't eaten yet."

"Huh? You want eat lunch right now?"

"Eat? Yes. Food? No. Lunch? You!"

With that, the red doctor took a claw and clipped the string holding the bikini in place on her hips. It dropped to the sand and so did he…to his knees. Thog, in a flash of understanding, realized what Zoidberg was about to do. As much as it excited her to become intimate then and there with her most capable FWB after such a long bout of involuntary celibacy, she also let her vanity impede her thought process remembering that she self-criticizingly 'stunk' to high heaven.

"John! No! It no clean! Dirty…Stinky! I need wash! I…I…ohhhhh! John…John, ple-mmmmpf! Let…just let Thog…step…in-into…w-wa-tur…OHHHHHH!"

Thog leaned forward as Zoidberg let his tongue lap noisily at her pussy, her first orgasm a total surprise and hitting her like a hard slap in the face. John felt her quaking in his mouth, the pungent scent and delicious heady flavor causing his head-fin to rise. With a sense of surrender, she fought momentarily to undo the straps on her platform wedge sandals and let them slip off her feet. When bare toes touched the warm, wet sand, she leaned back against a palm tree, her massive frame causing the trunk to sway and bend. Breathing heavily now, the half-giant dug in her heels and closed her eyes tight, wallowing in the intensity of the enthusiastic & unexpected cunnilingus. His tongue fervidly licked away at her flowing juices and all his thick, smooth tendrils actively danced across her clit, rubbing wherever they pleased within the area surrounding her vagina. Thog felt her second orgasm blossoming inside her loins and she grabbed the back of his head and humped her groin forward into his greedy mouth. As it hit, she felt her legs give out and was satisfyingly prepared to slump onto the ground below. She could only smile in admiration as the tall female felt herself being lifted in a seated position on the forearms of her shorter paramour. With her feet swinging lazily in the open air, she threw her head back languorous in the oral ministrations being heaped upon her.

"Mmmmmmm…STRONG! So much strong!"

"Mmmmm-hmmmm," John moaned lovingly into her cooch. Having a Decopodian physiology, there was no one in her population equal to his sea-born strength, something else the native lady came to appreciate on his visits to her home world. He kept her aloft like a grown-up would a child even though, to look at their size differences, one would think the situation were reversed. Absent-mindedly tugging at the string on her bone-bra, it too slid off her body and she sat naked on his natural hammock, her breasts wobbling as his vigorous lapping continued at her center. Thog came a third time, a howl/bellow hybrid escaping from her parted lips. Crossing her ankles at the back of his shoulder blades as she shook and wailed in his grasp, his tongue and tendrils only stopped when she slowly collapsed, twitching onto the sandy beach. Enfeebled and unable to do anything more than laboriously draw air into her lungs, she did nothing beyond opening her eyes before she was scooped up gingerly into Zoidberg's purposeful clutches. The appeased warrior put her arms around his shoulders and cradled her head against his neck as he effortlessly toted the feminine goliath bridal-style toward the soothing water. They spent the short walk smiling at each other as she tried to form words, only to be shushed by her friend.

"Hush, my gargantuan darling! Zoidberg will fix all that ails you. A bath, some rest in the surf, maybe a few clams before we head to the village and all your aches will vanish. Trust me, I know. I'm a Doctor!"

"Doctor Luv! You really, REALLY good at snu-snu!" she giggled.

"Well, you know, what can I say? Maybe later I can give you a thorough injection of Vitamin Zoidberg?"

Thog felt his raging hard-on throbbing under her titanic butt as he carried her into the lagoon. Even though he was still fully clothed, the powerful, rhythmic pulsing caused her to bite her lip in anticipation of the perverse, carnal events she hoped would happen later that night if the others in her group would give her a chance with him. So many women and so few visiting male species that could handle them and all their…dimensions…made for a precarious balance in their society. As much as she wanted to claim him as her own, she knew that upsetting the hierarchy would lead to disastrous consequences if ignored one time too many!