In the month and a half, that subject 67 had resided in hell as the third official member of Loremaster's inner circle, he'd learned a few things. Apple pie is oddly addictive, red-black is absolutely his colour, and a state of perpetual fury didn't correlate with high blood pressure if you were technically dead.
Loremaster was a rather unassuming looking thing; she was a scatterbrain in all things but her scientific pursuits, yet she somehow still managed to run a fairly tight shift over hell. Even toppling its apparent former ruler, Lucifer.
Speaking of Lucifer, evidently, she was in the same boat as him, in a manner. Reduced to a position no different from a servant yet carrying herself with a regal pride that would make you wonder if she was oblivious to her actual standing. No doubt she spent her private moments having some wine and apple pie while muttering various expletives akin to a "back in my day" archetype. He'd find it funny if his frontal lobes could actually generate a humour response.
Of course, there was a third member as well, Justice. Perpetually laid back yet at some point defeating the mightiest of demons across hell and playing a key role in helping Lucifer take power. She didn't look like much more than a cheap cook though he knew better than most that appearances could be deceiving.
They were all ants to him, so much so that he'd considered the value of immediately taking over the throne. He reconsidered the idea after witnessing the former high prosecutor turn an angry hydra inside out.
"More applepie 67?" Loremaster asked, holding a plate of his favorite crippling addiction to the demon. Grunting he accepted the gesture and scrapped them all onto his bowl.
Most of his time was either spent standing guard by a lab, clearing test room, or breaking open confectionary jars for loremaster during her 'episodes'. It was repetitive work and he often made his annoyance known with the various nicknames he gave the demons around him. Lucifer was never far from Loremaster as a personal assistant but he was pretty sure it was to keep her from having any time to put any kind of scheme together.
Keeping time in a place with no sunlight was hard but he could never get quite enough of seeing Lucifer locked in a cage suspended several feet in the air after a failed attempt at jabbing Loremaster neck with a table knife. She was swiftly immobilized by a shock collar then teleported over to her 'naughty cage' to sulk about it for the next two hours. Once she was let out she'd usually be on her best behavior for the next three or four days, then they'd repeat the whole process all over again. There was no method to it either, just the futile cries of deposed demon that hadn't realised her prime had passed. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.
Granted, he'd never live it down either if he'd been beaten by someone as ditsy and forgetful as Loremaster.
So here they were now, hot off the Heels of the Lucifer's most recent session in her cage and gathered on a quaint little table for 'tea time'.
That was until the door was blown open by three anger test subjects.
"RARGH!" growled one of the three targets the dining room door was shoved from its hinges and torn in half.
Dealing with these upstarts was his job though he was too busy indulging in applepie to care. Justice and Lucifer were bringing in some tea with a tray of confectionaries.
Face scrunched up in one of her many dumb expressions when something dawned on her Loremaster gasped. "Oh dear, seems I forgot to switch back on the puzzles" Loremaster said as she placed a robotic finger to her red shades.
Lucifers' eye twitched slightly. "You, forgot? How on hell did you manage to do that after the last one blew the roof off?"
"Well given the test was finally conquered, seemed pointless to keep monitoring the puzzle chambers. Must be my age, ah well. Subject 67 would you be a dear and deal with them?"
Still munching on his apple pie the demon stared back at her blankly, he could but he didn't really want to stop eating. Justice was unperturbed as usual and began placing more stuff onto the table.
By the looks of things these subjects were even a little bigger than he was in size, not that size mattered when the strongest demons used magic to fight down here
"Darling, you do realise your horns aren't actually white, don't you?"
"Oh hush. 67, aren't going to get to it? Oh nevermind"
Suddenly they'd all feel a hot breath roll over their skin and glancing over the test subject was standing right next to the table, glowering at them.
"How rude, breathing over someone else's meal" Loremaster exclaimed snapping her fingers. Seemed he wouldn't quite be able to enjoy these infuriatingly delicious apple pies.
Cracking his neck he glanced over at the other test subjects, a similar aura of rage emitting from it to him though lacking any of the higher intelligence he had. Good to know.
Sliding his chair back he intended to make it fast, snap its head, breaking its jaw, whatever could quickly immobilize it so he could takeout the other two. However, before he could so much as shift his weight, a plate whizzed by his head and shattered against the subject's head.
Growling in anger the first larger subject whipped its mouth which sixty-seven immediately identified was covered in glass and apple sauce, it reached for the table and ripped it into the air, sending various utensils flying across the room. For their part neither Loremaster or Lucifer flinched, watching as everything conveniently whizzed by them and shattered across the floor.
Loremaster looked slightly bothered, puffing on her cheeks and folding her arms in a 'not this crap again' expression. Lucifer was looking between her and one of the knives on the floor, no doubt considering if she wanted to try another murder attempt.
Just a quickly as it raised the table the subject dropped the table, tongue out and lapping up the apple sauce on its face. Already in a mollified state thanks to the applepie, in retrospect that was a strangely specific weakness to program into a half-man, half-demon test-tube abomination.
"Hey, I was setting stuff up jackass" exclaimed Justice, reminding the room she was still there. Though not looking as upset as she sounded. Being the one tasked with making this meal for them it was understandable she'd be irritated, though a bit surprising to hear her call anything a mean word, guess she was a demon after all.
What happened next, more than made up for the underwhelming reaction though. Faster than a mortal eye could track Justice appeared in Infront of them and pierced the subject's chest with her right arm, pushing all the way through and holding a red metallic object in hand. Look a little closer and you'd see what appeared to be a cybernetic lung.
Growling the subject wheezed, raising its massive claws the grab hell's awesome cook. It was an exercise in futility as Justice quickly retracted her hand which was now completely covered in blood.
Gasping the creature made a last-ditch swipe for the demon's head though she easily ducked the strike letting the momentum unbalance it and fall to the wayside.
The other two subjects watched the fall of their comrade, having the mind to process rage but not self-preservation. With a snarl a second one ran at Justice who with another freakish display of speed was suddenly behind them, tail swishing round to trip the subject who just barely caught himself with his other leg, then wheeling round to face her. Not too shabby for a lump of muscle
Stepping forward her boot was shoved against the front calve of its left leg, pressing down with the unstoppable force of a hydraulic press on overdrive against a fragile crack. He liked to consider himself better at kicking than most sentient beings, not crushing though. First came the loud SNAP, then the tingling sensation of bone caving in on itself. All of it just another singular moment in an already brief altercation.
Not the first time he'd watched Justice systematically brutalise something throwing a fit, he'd seen it a few times, only when her tasks were getting disrupted though, like that oversized stone Golem that stepped on her cream puffs during that one picnic by the lava reef. Anyway back to the carnage!
The agonized scream came just seconds later as the monster's lower leg came clean off below the knees. Pressing the assault her tail would extend out like a spear tip and pierce its chest to get the heart.
As the creates cries rose in decibels the third and last subject, seeing an opportunity to strike while her back was to him rushed up, eager to maul her before she could respond. Of course, at this point it was more likely Lucifer would be queen again than that actually happening.
Raising her arm in his direction, she extended an index finger to form a torrent of searing red fire that burst out like a faucet on full blast. The last subject barely had a second to react as it was engulfed in her enchanted flames, flesh stripping off as its large beefy claws and melting into bone. Collapsing onto the floor the unfortunate creature was soon nothing but a pile of ash.
Clapping her metallic hands, Loremaster applauded the baker. "Dutiful as always, Justice. I knew it was wise to keep you around"
Lucifer rolled her eyes. "Indeed, 'dutiful'" she muttered in a barely concealed mocking tone. Loremaster seemed none the wiser though as she continued her applause.
Spotting a single piece of apple pie on the floor subject 67 bent down and placed it into his waiting mouth, making a sound somewhere between a growl and a sigh. If this was his Kryptonite he could live it, not that he had a choice. He was programmed to be willing to live with it. Kinda fucked up to be honest, was his personality even his own or was it planned by Loremaster?
Sixty-seven decided to cut off this line of thought before he got too existential.
Brushing her sleeves off whatever she could Justice turned to give them a grin and thumbs up, her gloves and apron red with artificial blood.
Somehow her little fire blast did not set the entire dinning room ablaze.
The massacre was so brief to you'd think a Tornade had come through if he hadn't seen it with his eyes. Her scary displays of awesome (no pun intended) power were always followed up by her tiresome displays of positivity.
"Best to set the other subjects into cryostasis then. Lucy, bring me some tea to my lab. Sixty-seven, Justice. Clean this place up."
"Yes Loremaster" Lucifer said with practiced grace.
"Aye aye, Loremaster" Justice chirped.
"Whore"
He said it instinctively, he was actually trying to respond normally but the word rolled off the tongue too easily.
Loremaster glared but walked off anyway with Lucifer looking mildly amused by the random outburst before following. He didn't care a lick for her inane tasks but… They were all going to be eating there later, it was the practical choice. He wondered if Justice would let him flake out and not do any cleaning. That's right he was so evil he'd let the blind do all the work... Actually, that sounded more pathetic than devious
A single glance in Justice's direction would catch her rubbing some blood off her cheek with a cloth before materializing a pair of brooms. "Think fast," she said tossing a broom that was probably a bit small for his hulk-like frame.
He still didn't fully understand the power dynamics present here but he was fairly confident that Loremaster was probably physically weaker than both Justice and Lucifer. Not in only a physical sense but a magical one as well. Most certainly she was drawing on both her advanced technology and an acute understanding of how Lucifer thinks to maintain her position at the top.
Justice on the other hand was a different case.
His internal monologue was cut off by a soft hum as Justice swept up the food and shattered glass. "Hmm, hmm hmmm~". It was a jovial tune that you could tell was being made up as she went along.
Sixty-seven himself was twice as strong as the now-deceased fodder and even those guys could wrestle an elephant to the ground in seconds, even with that knowledge he knew on a primal level she could fillet him in seconds if she was so inclined. Luckily this demon was unnaturally laid back.
Sighing he began gathering up the pieces of broken wood nearby, deciding to strike up some conversation while he was at it. "kitchen Imp"
"Yeah, what is it big guy?" Justice responded, unbothered by the insult.
"Why do you choose to do this?" subtlety was not his forte.
"The broom? Loremaster needs this place clean, did you forget already man? Don't sweat, used to happen to me all the time"
Huffing in mild agitation he paraphrased. "Not that. I've spent the last several days observing you three and I'm certain your powerful enough to take over. Why play the role of a willing minion?"
Justice's lips curled down slightly and she raised a brow. "Me? Overthrow Loremaster, why would I wanna do that?"
"Is this a trick question? You're a demon, a desire to surpass is in your nature, we all have it" he said very matter of factly
She placed a finger to her chin. "Yeah but that doesn't mean I'm gonna betray her" her cheerful cadence never stopped as the words left her mouth. It was a little irritating to be frank.
"W-Why not? Don't tell me you have attachments to her. You're as disposable as I am to her"
Justice shook her head. "No, we aren't friends. Neither does Lucy, not anymore"
Resuming her cleaning of the room Justice went at a brisk pace, seemingly ending the conversation and mildly irritating him. Getting the right answers from Justice required a bit more prodding, he had the time though. He'd try some more.
Pulling an oak chair out he faced it away from her and sat on it backwards so he could rest his arms on top. "My question is pending welp." he said calmly. She was a demon-like everyone else, sympathy and compassion were emotions they could recognize but the pull towards malevolent thoughts was much stronger.
They had a golden rule in hell, if you want something take it. If you can't take it get strong enough to take it or find some other means attaining your want. As far as he was aware both Loremaster and Lucifer had done so.
He cleared his throat, asking again. "Whose rule offered you more freedom? Lucifer or Loremaster?"
"Pfft, easy. Lucifer" she answered without stopping her cleaning.
"So then, if she asked you'd be willing to help start a rebellion to reinstate her?"
"Nope. She did ask though"
"You're making this harder than it needs to be". He rubbed his temples. "Why not? You only ever cook and clean with only the occasional mad demon to put down. Lucifer loathes every minute of i-Unless…"
A thought crossed his mind, one that with every passing second seemed to make a little more sense.
"You enjoy it don't you?"
"Huh?" Justice paused, her cheeks going slightly pale. As she dropped her broom in a rather ditsy fashion. Her reaction told him he wasn't too far off the mark.
"You derive pleasure from being humiliated. Taken down from the top. A once mighty demon without peer reduced to a cook". Of course, most demons had a fairly general lease when it came to what they wanted. Why would someone at the top of the food chain want to be there forever, every now and then you'd want to face a usurper to make the climb back all the more worth it.
It made sense with some thought but even if Justice wanted that how in hell could it justify letting hell be flipped by the roots and turned into a science wonderland with deadly lazers? She was losing a lot for a very temporary sort of high, granted it was a very enticing high.
For once her aura became a bit more serious.
"Huh, so your catching on then?" she asked.
"Not sure if I want to, the implications don't bode well for you". Slight beads of sweat became visible on her face as she grabbed her arms and turned her head away, she almost looked like a timid girl found sticking her hand in a cookie jar.
"Look, don't give me that look it was too tempting!" she exclaimed waving her hand in front of her in a fidgeting manner, her protests were betrayed by the very slight smile she had that was just a little psychotic. Not unlike Loremaster before dissecting something actually.
"So you don't deny it? Didn't peg you for a masochist?"
"Masochist?"
"Did I stutter? You enjoy the degradation don't you, you nymphomaniac"
"What? No, I'm talking about Lucifer"
His chest deflated slightly.
"What does she have to do with your masochism?"
Now Just looked a little upset by his declaration and tapped her foot. "I'm not a masochist," she said with a pout.
Unknowingly he broke off part of the chair with his arms and growled, the conversation was becoming more confusing than it had any reason to be.
"How does Lucifer factor into any of this then?"
"How does she not? I was just napping on a couch one evening and Azzy walked up to me saying 'hey former high prosecutor if I put together this really elaborate maid dress for Lucifer will you do me a favor in the future" Justice said, taking on a different posture and giving a surprisingly good impression of whoever that was. "Whose Azzy?"
"Oh right, I guess you never met her… Azazel was an angel that used to live with Lucy and me in the living world. Haven't spoken to her in over 500 years though, sometimes Loremaster sounds just like her, must be an angel thing" Justice said trailing off.
He wanted to ask what she meant by that but was quick to reel it in before they got side-tracked again.
Raising a brow at her he shook it off, and evidently Justice sensed his impatience. "Right, in any case, I'm not a masochist. Okay, I'm not into that"
He was going to say something biting but reminded himself that antagonizing Justice wasn't conducive to a long life even if she was the sort that would put with a lot of bull. "Okay, okay. Your not a nympho or masochist" he said raising a disarming hand, not that Justice could see the gesture so he lowered it. "Finish the explanation"
She placed an arm on her hip and traced along with the texture of her maid dress. "Well, one day Azzy swung by and showed me the dress she'd put together for Lucy, I was super excited, couldn't talk her into wearing it though. Said she'd 'turn my blood into wine. Almost turned my heart to mush. Then Azzy came to me the next day and said she'd convince Lucy to wear it for me if I stood by while she made a bunch of 'renovations to hell' as she called it. A day later, I woke up dressed in this and ready to mingle"
Subject sixty-seven listened attentively through it all, observing her words carefully. The question wasn't whether or not she was an idiot, that much was given after this. What he was curious of though was why on earth she choose to be so passive? His main question still wasn't answered, at least not to any satisfactory limit.
Slowly rubbing his temples he could feel his irritation turning to anger and the only cure for that was apple pie. "Are you serious?" he asked.
She actually looked offended for a moment, then she grinned, turning in his general direction. "Hell no, imagine if I actually did that"
His head was spinning now. "Then what's your reason?"
A moment passed before she shrugged and stuck her tongue out. At that point his body moved on its own, crushing the chair and lunging at her, the fury programmed into him completely uninhibited now as he reached for her throat.
What he got in return was a swift flick from the tail against his body horizontally. Sudden he slipped and fell on his head against the floor, empty sockets staring up at the roof
"And I'm not a masochist! Got it" he heard Justice mutter under her breath as he glanced up and noticed her towering over him with a familiar set of limbs in hand, more specifically legs, HIS legs. Neatly separated from his upper torso with drops of blood leaking out, her tail was a hell of a weapon.
Rather neatly, she placed them on his chest and turned to walk away.
As sixty-seven's vision began to fade a single thought came to mind.
That bitch made up the whole story!
Thanks for reading, been trying to get back into the habit of writing fics again and the Examtaker update was just the creative boost I needed to put something out. Accepting any and all feedback so feel free to leave a review if you feel so inclined.
Not entirely sure what I was going for with this, it was really just a writing exercise. Anyway, I still have a bunch of ideas so I may write a bunch more self contained one shots down the line. In any case hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing!