Chapter 1: Struggles

(A/N: Most of my stories will be viewed through first person, and multiple perspectives, but 3/4's of this story is gonna be from Tords view.)

(This story does contains slight sexual scenes such as kissing, cuddling, flirting, etc. It also contains blood, self harm, drinking, smoking and some mental developements like insomnia, anorexia, depression, etc. There is also slight violence. If you do not like any of these things please do not read this! This is the only warning i'll be giving so please take caution while reading!)

It didn't feel like it was raining, but it certainly was. My usually spiked caramel horns were sagged down onto my shoulders, and my hoodie was dark red from how soaked it was. Not to mention all the blood on it. I was stuck up in an alleyway, as I didn't want my da- Paul and Patryk, to see me like this. The rain made my already bleeding arm and face sting even more than they already did. I couldn't see or hear from my right side, didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. The pitter-patter of the rain was, oddly soothing to my aching heart. It had only been around four days since the... 'incident'... So no doubt the guys got a place to stay. Even though it's only been so soon after, everytime I think about it I wanna go back to them, swing my arms around them, and cry my heart out and continue saying sorry. Knowing them, though, specifically Tom, I'd just get another harpoon flung at me. I'm lucky the first one missed me, but it just barely did, piercing through the head of my robot and just barely grazing my left ribs. I shook my head as gently as I could, not to pass out but to get the thoughts out of my head. I lifted my left armed to place it upon the light blue metal object I ripped from the robot head, and wrapped my fingers gently around it. Didn't bother to look at it though, last time I did I almost had a heart attack. Suddenly, my pocket started to vibrate. Huh, would've thought my phone got exploded or broken from the explosion, even if it was in my left pocket, I thought to myself. I let go of the harpoon and reached into my pocket to pull my phone out. 'Edd' was the name that popped up. I stared at it for a good five seconds before realizing. Wait... what?? Why would he be calling me? Not only has it only been four days, but I almost killed him! Should I...? Right as I asked myself that, without even realizing it, I had pressed the answer button, and my phone was on speaker.

"T-Tord...?" Came the soft, sweet voice of the green brunette. I almost started choking from the nostalgia.

"E-...E..dd?" I mustered out, my vocals screaming bloody murder, as they had been damaged from the explosion. "W-h...y... a-re... yo-ou... c-c..alli-ing m-me...?" I sputtered, in a messed up, very slow and painful sentance.

"I-i didn't mean... I accidently pressed it... you... ok? You sound... as i-if you had y-your throat ripped out.." Came the gentle voice again, this time sounding worried. This caused my heart to ache. Why was he worried? He should be mad at me, not concerned about me.

"F-fi...ne.." I rasped, clearly not wanting to say more. Suddenly I heard a door open, and keys jingling, from both outside the alley and from the other side of the phone. I looked up and out of the alleyway to see the green brunette standing at the entrance of the alleyway, holding his phone at his side, dangling with his arm, staring right into my left eye, horror crossing his face. I let my left hand and my phone drop onto my lap as my made eye contact with him, my heart starting to race. We stayed like this for, years, it felt like, before he starting walking towards me. All I could do was watch, fear and guilt tearing through me. The next thing I knew, he dropped down onto his knees with his arms wrapped around my neck. This caught me my surprise, and all I could do was flinch at the sudden movement.

"Is this what the explosion did to you...?" Edd whispered gently. Although he said it in my right ear, it was loud enough for me to just barely hear with my left, and I nodded as best as I could, but only resulting in ever so slight head bobs. Edd pulled away from his hug and held my shoulders gently. "I know what you're thinking, why am I being nice to you? Well, because I'm still your friend, Tord." Those words hit me like a bullet. I felt as though oxygen didn't exist anymore, and all I could do was look at him, tears starting to form in my left eye. "I'm going to treat these wounds, ok? And besides, you'll get sick out here from all the rain." He practically ordered. I just looked down and nodded, moving my thumb to hang up on my phone, as the call had still been going. I then simply put my phone back into my pocket and sighed, a little rougher than I should've, causing me to cough slightly. Edd gently helped me stand up, wrapping my left arm around his shoulders and then wrapping his right arm around my waist, giving me more balance as he walked us both out of the alleyway and to the apartment complex that had been just beside it. Huh, did they actually live in this complex? Weird coincidence I ended up in the alley right beside it. Edd had left the door open, so he gently got me inside before leaning me against the wall, on my left side of course, to lock the door into the complex. "I'll let you stay in my apartment until I can work things out with Matt and Tom, alright?" Edd said as he turned to look at me, shoving his keys and phone into his pocket, clearly just realizing he still had it in his left hand. I just simply nodded, not meeting his gaze. I just kept my hand around my right arm, trying not to move it. He led me over to his apartment, luckily only up two sets of stairs, and opened the door for me. I shuffled in and took a second to look around. To the left was the kitchen, with a small island in the middle. To the right of the island from walking in was the fridge, beside it being a little counter with a cutting board neatly placed on top, and a sink right beside. The oven was over behind the island, where the kitchen first opens up, beside it was a stove. To the right was the dining room, with a long enough table to fit around eight or nine people, covered with place mats. In the middle was a vase with green and purple flowers, immediately telling me Matt got them for Edd. When I had first returned, I knew there was something going on between the brunette and ginger, something that kind of felt like love. I've shipped them ever since. In between the dining room and kitchen was the living room, with a green couch and a flat screen tv right in front. There was a cat bed to the right of the couch, most likely for Ringo, with cat toys scattered around it. To the left of the living room there was an open door, probably where Edds bedroom, along with the bathroom, were located. The floors were hardwood boards, and the walls were different shades of green, depending on which room you were in. Edd helped me over to the couch, where I just meekly sat sound, careful not to get any bloody components on his sofa, although it still got soaked in water. He went off into the hallway to quickly return with a first aid kit. He sat down beside me on my right, opened the med kit, and grabbed a bunch of bandages, proceeding to ever so gently wrap them around my arm. It didn't do much, as I slightly gasped from the pain that shot up through my arm.

"Sorry! Sorry.. I'm trying to be gentle.." Said the brunette as he started wrapping my arm a little slower. I just made a noise that indicated to him he was fine and sat there, letting him wrap my arm. It took a little bit, but eventually he moved onto wrapping my face. Of course, he couldn't without drying my hair first, or else the bandages would've ripped from being soaked. Once he was done he lent me some of his clothes to wear, to get out of my soaked, and absolutely ruined rags, since they couldn't even be classified as clothes anymore. Edd was 5,6 and I was 5,2, so his hoody and pant were a little to big for me, specifically his hoodie was incredibly baggy, but it felt nice and warm so I didn't complain. Edd was currently in the kitchen, probably getting a drink or something, so I just sat on the couch, looking down at the floor. When Edd walked back he sat down beside me, on my left this time, and offered me a glass of water. I looked up slowly to meet his gaze. He was gently smiling at me, with such warmth and love that made me feel sick with guilt. I slowly raised my hand to take the glass from him, which as soon as I did I took a big gulp out of, almost resulting in the glass being half empty. The cold water sotthed my aching throat, and I looked up at Edd in thanks, which he smiled even more at. He then turned the tv on, then looked at me, which I shook my head, knowing he was asking if I cared what he put on. We then ended up watching Edds favorite tv series, "The Cat Who Was," which I actually kind of enjoyed as well, although whenever we used to watch it never admitted. We were in around five episodes, my water killed and the glass on the wooden table in front of the couch, when I started to drift into a calm sleep. I don't know why it was calm, but maybe it was because I knew atleast one person forgave me.

I woke up to the smell of pancakes, wafting from where I remembered was the kitchen. For a second I forgot where I was, until I remembered I was in Edds apartment. I was lying on my side, probably on the couch, from the hard armrest my head was on, cushioned by something soft, probably a pillow, so I turned to lie on my back, making it easier for me to rub my left eye. I then opened my eye and sat up, exactly where I was before, only now completely across the couch, a soft blanket gently draped across me. I looked over to the kitchen to see Edd there, finishing up putting pancakes stacked neatly onto a plate, when he looked up and met my eyes... well, eye.

"Morning Tord!" Edd said cheerfully, which made me ever so slightly smile. I slowly got myself up off the couch, pushing the blanket off, and went to sit at the dining table when Edd gestured to meet him there. I took the first seat I came up to and sat down. Upon the table was a bottle of just opened syrup, with a can of whipped cream and two bowls, one with blueberries, the other with strawberries. Edd put the plate of stacked pancakes down where they both could reach them, and sat down next to me. "I remember your favorite breakfast food was always pancakes, so I decided to make them, just so you know I'm not mad at you." Edd looked at me, meeting my gaze. I smiled sadly at him, then reached out with my good arm to take a couple of pancakes, probably four, since I havent eaten for... five days now? Yeah, five days. He didn't question why I took so many, considering he probably guessed from my condition in the alley I hadn't eaten in awhile. Edd took the same amount, surprisingly, and we put our topping on and ate in silence. When I took my first bite out of my pancake, I almost choked. It tastes so good! I completely forgot how good Edd was at cooking! Edd seemed to have noticed and was giving me as look of concern. I swallowed the piece of pancake and met his eyes.

"G-g...ood!" I rasped, smiling. Edd sighed, probably from relief, and went back to eating his pancakes. Within a matter of minutes I had all four pancakes devoured before he even got onto his second one.

"Geez you were hungry! I'm surprised since you couldn't really cut them that well, you sure you didn't inhale them?" Teased Edd, making me giggle a little. When we were done eating, I helped wash dishes as best as I could, then helped put them away.

"I'm going out with the other two today, shopping for groceries. I'll make sure to get you new clothes as well, ok?" I nodded my head before sitting back down on the couch. "You have free reign over anything in the fridge, just please don't try cooking yet, I don't want you hurting yourself or setting things on fire from your lack of currently useable limbs." Edd gave me a bit of a concerned look. I just chuckled and gave him a reasurring smile. Edd then went to leave before stopping and turning back around. "Oh yeah and can you make sure Ringo has food and water? His food is in the cupboard in the hallway, right across from the bathroom. It's hard to miss." Edd asked. I nodded my head again, still looking at him, and as Edd left I went to go see where Ringo was, since he mentioned the small gray tabby. I gently opened Edds bedroom door, knowing he probably wouldn't mind, to see Ringo slip out of the crack and look up at me. I looked down at him in response, moving my hand away from the doorknob. Welp, found him. I though, heading back to the couch. When I sat down to turn the tv on, Ringo came and jumped up next to me, proceeding to crawl onto my lap and lie down. This left me stunned for a couple seconds, before I moved my hand away from the remote to pet the cat, which made him purr. This made me feel a small comfort, knowing this cat trusted me when he basically just saw I was here. I grabbed the remote and then turned the tv on, switched the channels until I found channel 345, the one that has my usual shows on that I like, then I set the remote back down and started petting Ringo again.

I was watching "Lucifer" on the tv when I heard voices outside of Edds door, which caused me to quickly turn the tv off so I could hear what was going on. Ringo was lying on the couch now, asleep, so it was easy for me to get up if I needed to. I heard Edd saying something, which resulted in a familiar voice saying something about his face. Matt.. I thought, my heart aching when I recognized the voice, and remembered what I did to him. Then I heard a sudden crash into the apartment door, which made me get up and immediately run into Edds bedroom. This apparently woke Ringo up, who followed after me and into the room as I closed it. I then sat on Edds bed and started shaking. Why did that scare me so much? I thought to myself, still hearing voices and the banging, only more muffled. I then heard shouting. I couldn't tell who was shouting, but I felt as though all three of them were outside Edds door, and it could've very well been Tom banging on the door. Then I heard the apartment door open and frantic stomping.

"WHERE IS THE DAMN COMMIE BASTARD EDD." The sudden shout made me squeak, and I felt my breathing hitch. Edd told them?? I felt my face flash as my heart starting beating faster. I tried to calm down my breathing as best as I could, succeeding only a little bit. I heard the voices going again and tried listening again.

"Tom calm down! he-"

"CALM DOWN? YOU HAVE THE VERY GUY WHO TRIED TO KILL US IN THE APARTMENT, HECK IS HE EVEN HERE? OR DID HE RUN AWAY TO REPORT TO HIS 'RED ARMY'?" When he mentioned the Red Army my heart skipped a beat. My mind tried to wander back to when I was the leader, but I quickly stopped it, not wanting to think about it. Then I heard stomping down to Edds room and I started scooting as far as I could away from the door, with Ringo climbing into my left arms grip to comfort me. This made me feel a little better until the door flung open and the lights were flicked on, causing me to shrivel into the safety of my legs, which were pulled up enough for me to hide my head in, but enough so Ringo had room.

"TOM STOP." I heard Edd shout as he ran over to me and hugged me tight. I was shaking from all the commotion as I left Ringo on my lap and tightly hugged him back with my left arm, buring my face into his chest. "Edd. Get. Away. From. Him." Toms threatening tone made me almost start crying, and I felt Edd just pull me closer, but in the process making my head visible to everyone looking, which earned a gasp from somewhere further out of the room, I'm assuming it was Matt, because I had my eye closed. Nothing was said for a good few seconds, so I'm assuming Tom saw my bandaged face too. I slowly open my good eye, still shaking, to look at Edd, who was glaring at Tom. I then looked down at the bed and didn't make eye contact with anyone in the room. Then I heard foot steps approach the bed, and suddenly Edd was yanked off me, causing him to yelp. Then I myself was yanked off, Ringo having to jump over me, as I got dragged entirely off the bed by my good arm until I was right up in Toms face. He held me by Edds hoodie collar and glared right into my eye. Tom was 6,5, which made him all that more intimidating.

"You think you can come here, so soon after your almost killed us, and then manipulate Edd and the rest of us to care for you again? You expect that since you can pretend to be hurt we are gonna forgive you for trying to rule the world?" He was practically biting my head off saying this, and all I could do was close my eyes and hope to god this ended soon.

"Tom-" Edd started saying, but was cut off why who I perceived to be Tom.

"Well you gonna say anything commie?" Tom growled. I opened my eye just a little bit before mustering out what I could.

"I...-I'm.. so-o...rr..y-y.." I rasped, coming out as more of a loud whisper. This took Tom by surprise, as he completely let go of me allowing me to stand up properly, and get sucked away by Edd. Tom was looking at me as Edd had both of his arms wrapped around my stomach area, clearly trying to protect me. Why? I haven't done anything to deserve him wanting to protect me... Then, before anything else, Tom growled and left the room, Matt dodging to the side when Tom stormed out, most likely leaving to his own apartment. Edd let out a long sigh and turned me around.

"Are you ok Tord?" He asked, clearly concerned. I nodded then look slowly towards Matt, who returned the gaze, seemingly worried and fearful. I sighed and looked down. Edd then started to move us out of his bedroom and into the living room, where all three of us sat down. Matt reasurringly put his hand on my shoulder. Matt was a little taller then Edd, being 6,1, but he certainly didn't have the stereotypical touch or mindset on someone his height.

"Tom may not forgive you, but I do, even if you punched my beautiful face." Matt said, making me feel better. Usually when people screw Matts face or break a mirror, specifically his mirrors, he can hold quite a grudge, so it's a relief Matt forgave me.

"I scheduled an appointment at the hospital so we can see how much damage the explosion actually caused you, and Toms coming whether it's hell for him or not." Edd notified me, which made me look at him. What day even is the appointment? The thought crossed through my mind, and it must've crossed my face too, because Edd replied with, "Tomorrow, at 3:00pm exactly, so we will be leaving at 3:30." I nodded my head in understanding, and felt a small cat-like figure jump into my lap. Both of them giggled as I looked down at Ringo who had pretty much shoved his face into mine. He then proceeded to lick my nose, then meow at me to pet him, in which case I did.

"Never knew Ringo liked you." Matt said, which was pretty much what I had said to myself when Ringo first jumped into my lap. I then yawned and leaned back onto the couch, which allowed Ringo more room to get comfy.

"How about we watch a movie? Like "The Return Of The Insane Pirates From Hell 2?" Edd asked. "You wanted to watch it on Saturday, but we didn't so might as well today." I look at Edd and nodded my head, a little bit eagerly. Soon, the three of us where sitting on the couch, laughing our damn everything off and hanging out just like we used to. Used to...? Used to...