If you know anything about me, you know I'm a sucker for older Nintendo games. Mario, Zelda, Kirby, and even lesser known titles, such as Kid Icarus or Rollerball. So when I saw a Nintendo 64 cartridge at my local thrift store, I knew I had to pick it up. Only... there was something strange about this cartridge. When I inspected the label, it didn't look like any well known N64 game. The label simply read "SUPER MARIO ESP" on a white background. I had to wonder what "ESP" stood for. ESP? The sixth sense? I was a little confused. However, I figured this might be some sort of rare cartridge, so I bought it without really knowing what it was. After I brought the cartridge home, I wanted to know what the cartridge actually was before I put it in my N64, for fear of bricking it or damaging it in some way. So I performed a quick search for "super mario esp nintendo 64" on Google. There were absolutely no results. Well, there were results, but none of them were about the cartridge I had. I got a little nervous. What even was ON this cartridge? There was really only one way to find out. I popped the cartridge in my N64, and powered it on. I was filled with relief as I heard Mario's familiar "Hello!" as his face appeared on the screen. This seemed to just be a normal copy of Super Mario 64. I traversed through the usual menus and started a new game. The classic intro played, Mario bursted out of a pipe, and I headed towards the castle. When I entered, however, the castle seemed completely different from what I expected. It was just a direct hallway to a door labeled with a book. Before I had time to think about it, a dialog box appeared on the screen. "Hello, Mario. You're late to class today. Please come as soon as possible." I was confused, scared, and a little intrigued. Mario walked down the hallway to the book door and entered, completely independent of my controls. This seemed to be some sort of cutscene transition. The screen faded to black and then came back a second later. I was shocked to see what was in the room. It was like nothing else in Mario 64. An entire classroom comprised of Mario 64 NPCs, all sitting at desks together. But perhaps the most shocking part was this. At the head of the classroom, there was a big desk... and seated there was nobody but Bowser himself. I was extremely confused. What was Bowser, Mario's enemy, teaching him and all these other characters in a classroom? Suddenly, Bowser actually spoke. "Hello, Mario. You seem to be late today. Care to explain to the class why?" Mario did nothing but stare at Bowser and kind of make a nervous stuttering sound. It seemed my controller had no control over Mario now. Bowser looked a little irritated. "That's enough, Mario. Sit down." "As I was saying before Mario arrived, today we're going to be entering a new section of our studies." "We're going to learn how to conjugate preterite verbs. Everybody take out a paper and a pencil. You'll need to take some notes today." All students did so, even Mario. Well, now I knew what Bowser was teaching: Spanish. Bowser went on and on about Spanish topics I had completely forgot about since middle and high school. The entire time, I just sat in shock. How was this many voice samples possible on a Nintendo 64? However, the shock wore off and was replaced with complete boredom. It was almost as bad as an actual spanish class. I got so bored that I turned off the console and unplugged it.