I was asked to write something about Street and self-harm and this is what came from it. Each chapter will focus around a different person in the team finding Street about to do something that could purposefully harm himself.
Warnings: Self-harm, unsafe sex, drinking, past drug use, past child abuse, violence, blood. If you see anymore warning please tell me and I'll add them!
I hope you enjoy!
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Smiling softly to herself Chris closed the door to her truck and looked around the parking lot for her friends. Luca had said that if they got there earlier than her they were going inside to grab a table, but she figured she'd look anyway. It wasn't as if any of them were in a rush to get where they were going. There was no rush at all and that knowledge felt so much better than it should. That was one of the downfalls of how fast paced their work normally was. Anything other then running felt like a snails pace.
When she got the text from Luca saying he, Tan, and Street were going out for the night she had practically jumped for joy. After spending the last two days alone in her house she was itching to get out and do anything. She had been ready to breakdown herself and call some of the team to see if they wanted to do something. Which wasn't surprising given the fact that was how their time off together usually went.
Not that she couldn't have been around people before that. There was always something going on in her family at any given point in time. All she had to do was find out the next place they were gathering and go. It was one of the perks of having such a big, close-knit family. Honestly, it was one of the things that got her through her toughest days. Most of the time at least.
Don't get her wrong she loved being around her family and she knew that she had gotten lucky with them accepting her as much as they did. She had put them through hell when she was young and trying to figure herself out. The last thing she was going to do was push them away anytime soon. It was actually because of all of that that she didn't want to be around them at the moment. She didn't want to hurt any of them because she couldn't control herself.
That had been something she hadn't expected when she became a cop. For a long time Chris had done everything in her power to keep her emotions in check. She had lashed out at enough people in her teen-aged years to ever want to go back to that type of person. She would never risk losing her family like that again.
As a cop though there were things that she saw and did that made it damn near impossible to think before saying something that hurt whomever it was around her. It sucked and she hated it, but it was something that happened. Every single person on the team had their days where their brain to mouth filter was gone completely.
On those days the safest place for any of them to be was around the rest of the team. The people that didn't flinch when they lashed out. The people that understood what was going on in the persons head without them having to explain. There were points in time when it physically hurt to be around people that weren't her team. She wasn't sure if it was lucky or not that the rest of them felt the same way sometimes too.
That was part of the reason all of them spent so much time together. Well, most of them spent a lot of time together. There were a handful of situations where it was only some of the team that was there. Situations like clubs or places like that. Whenever those nights came up it was almost always her, Luca, Tan, and Street while Hondo and Deacon bowed out.
Not that it was a surprise when they did. Both of them had solid reasons to not want to come out with them. Deacon had a wife and kids that he already didn't get to spend enough time with. The last thing he wanted to do was go out dancing when he could be spending the little free time he actually had being with them.
Hondo, on the other hand, had recently stopped coming out with them. Again none of them blamed him for that change. He was the team leader now and a lot of the things he had done when he was just another team member he couldn't do anymore. Or he no longer felt comfortable doing those things at least.
As much as she missed having him around to just hang out and dance and relax she got where he was coming from. Yes, they were all still a part of the same team and none of that had changed, but he was now technically their boss. He had to hold himself away from them in a way he hadn't had to before. It sucked but that was the price that had to be paid.
In losing Hondo though, they gained Street. Well, they lost Buck and got Street, but it was around the same time so it felt connected. She had hated all of it when it happened. Hell, looking back she still hated it. It had felt as if the team had been ripped apart at the seams and there was nothing any of them could do about it. The only thing any of them could do was move through it and make the best of a confusing and angering situation.
That started with getting to know Street. She had to admit he was a lot to get used to. He wasn't a bad guy or anything like that. From what she had learned about him so far he seemed like a pretty decent guy and she was glad that he had joined the team. She could see him bringing something good to the team that they didn't have before.
The only thing that she didn't like was how stand offish he was. Even when he was talking about himself and his past he always seemed to be holding back. It was hard to believe a single word that came out of his mouth. Even when she was sure that he was telling the truth he said it in a way that made it damn near impossible to believe a word he said.
That didn't mean she didn't want to believe him. Street was on her team and that meant a lot to her; to them all. The idea of not being close to someone on the team was wrong on every level. They were a family. They were the only people that knew exactly what they went through on a daily basis. There was no working around that.
Because of that she was going to do everything in her power to get to know him and let him know that he could trust the team with whatever it was that was going on with him. They might not share every little detail of their past, unless it came into play during a case, but they did share a lot though. Enough that it almost felt like they had grown up together.
If she was honest with herself though, it wasn't just because of that she wanted to get to know Street. Chris knew that she wasn't always a very trusting person. She was actually perfectly okay with that. There were a lot of people out there that didn't deserve to be trusted. If she could keep herself safe from them then that was exactly what she was going to do.
Street holding himself back wasn't just a risk to hurting her though. It was a risk to the whole team. None of them were safe if there was one person that wasn't in it for the long haul. As much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, that person would be Street. Not just because he was new to the team either, but because he thought of them only as a team and not a family.
She was aware that it was fairly easy for her to open up to them on that level since she had such an amazing family that loved her. Alright, so there were a handful of them that no longer spoke to her or that she no longer spoke to, and then there was that whole thing with her mother, but her family had been fairly stable.
For the most part, everyone on the team had a decent childhood and family situation. All of them had a few bumps that gave them issues that they had to work through, but they were still decent enough. Something that they all knew Street very much didn't have. Not that they knew any real details on what happened when he was younger, but it was still a known fact.
So it wasn't as if they didn't get why the man was holding himself back like he was waiting for them to tell him to get out of their lives. It sucked and she wanted nothing more than for them to get through to him that he was welcome, but it was a work in progress and all of them were more than ready to put said work in.
All except for him. There were points in time when it felt as if he knew exactly what he was doing. It wasn't just him not knowing how to react around them, but him purposefully deciding that he wanted to get them angry or hurt so they'd leave him alone. It was a move that she had seen her nieces and nephews make a few times over the years.
In a way that made a lot of sense. Street was very much the little brother of their family and he was very good at living up to how a little brother acted. When he wasn't acting as if he was a complete stranger that didn't even want to get to know them at all. It was frustrating and she couldn't wait for them to get passed the whole thing and finally get to know the man. Even if it was just one thing.
She couldn't count the amount of times that she thought that finally happened. That he had finally told them something about himself and was starting to trust them to not hurt him or throw him away as soon as they had the chance. It was never anything deep or personal either, but something that made the person he was talking to feel like they were getting to know him. It made them feel as if he was extending an olive branch hoping someone would latch on and pull him in.
At least that's how it felt until they tried to think back on what he said and realized that they almost knew less about him than they did before because they suddenly couldn't trust the thing he said in the first place. She had thought about bringing it up to the team a few times to see if anyone else felt the same way. That was until he started to talk once more and the whole process started all over again. It felt like it was never ending.
That was part of the reason that she liked nights like this. Street let loose in a way that he normally wouldn't. At least that was the way it felt. If she was honest though she only paid a little bit of attention to him. It was enough to see the smile on his face to know that whatever it was that was running through his mind was quieted. For a moment if nothing else.
"Chris!" Luca called out running up to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
"Hey," she grinned looking up at the guy just in time to see Tan and Street join them, "Thought you guys would already be inside?"
"Someone took awhile to get ready," Tan offered a smirk on his lips as he pushed Street playfully.
A cocky little smirk played on the younger mans lips as he gave them a shrug. It was an all too familiar look and Chris really wanted to figure out what it was he was hiding behind that look. And there was something behind it. Every single one of them knew it. They just had no idea how they were supposed to get him to let his guard down.
"Are you ready?" Street questioned stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Rolling her eyes she bumped into the man before she started towards the entrance. She could hear the music already pumping through the air and she could feel her heart start to pick up speed. For the first time since the teams time off started she felt herself relax. She could not wait to just be able to dance and be around people without having her first thought be that they were going to try to kill her.
It took awhile for them to finally get in the club and instantly they were splitting up. Street and Luca bounced off to get them drinks while she and Tan got them a table. She knew that they weren't going to be there for long, but it was always nice to start slow on nights like they were about to have. It wouldn't end well for anyone involved if they all went hard at the very beginning.
At least that was the plan they normally followed. When her beer hit the table though the only person she could see was Luca. Her heart picked up speed for a totally different reason and she found herself looking up at her friend trying to figure out what was going on. The smile on his face calmed her down though she still felt on edge.
"Where's Street?" Chris called out doing her best not to sound as worried as she felt.
Shaking his head amusement clearly playing on his face Luca motioned towards the dance floor. Chris couldn't help rolling her eyes as she found the younger man smiling seductively at a very beautiful woman that was pressed against him. He looked very happy to be there and from the look in the woman's eyes she was just as happy.
Feeling most of the anxiety roll off her Chris grabbed her beer and started to drink turning her attention back to the other dancers. Or she tried to do that. Their little group hadn't been out clubbing together all that often yet, but what she had learned so far kept her from being able to relax fully or stop her from sneaking peeks Street's way.
It wasn't as if the man wasn't attractive. It was was more that he never really allowed himself to get pulled away as soon as they got there. He was actually usually the last one at the table. Almost as if he was waiting for them to loosen up themselves before he let go. The fact that he was already dancing with someone made something in her stomach twist.
They had decided to go out that night because it had been a stressful case and being alone had only made that worse. The night was about letting go and breathing. Yet from the moment she saw Street in the parking lot she had felt as if something was off with him. Something that made the whole night feel wrong. Like something bad was going to happen.
Before she could try to question Luca or Tan about it though a new someone stepped behind Street. For a moment she felt relief as a man pressed himself against her friend. There was no way that he was going to continue to dance with them now. He was as straight as they came. No matter how hot that girl was he wasn't going to dance with them now.
At least that was what she was expecting. That was until she saw Street practically lean into the touch. That was very much not expected. She knew that you couldn't figure a person out by how they looked, but he hadn't come off as bi or pan or anything but straight. Up until that point he also hadn't flirted with anyone that wasn't a beautiful woman.
This wasn't just flirting though. No, this was more of an invitation than anything. It was obvious by the way the man and woman shared a look over Street that they knew each other. It was something that she had been a part of too many times to count. The couple was looking for a third to 'spice up' their relationship.
It was never fun to have bored couples trying to pull a third into their relationship as if some random person was going to fix whatever it was that was broken with an awkward fuck. It was ridiculous and dangerous. Mostly because a lot of the people that did things like that didn't just stop at one time. They invited people in a lot and they rarely ever questioned if the person they were inviting was clean. They rarely cared if they were clean. She learned that the hard way.
It was because of those mistakes that she was more than ready to get up and save him from what was happening. She wasn't going to let her friend walk into a situation where he could easily get hurt if he wasn't careful Especially a situation where he might not even be aware that he was in any kind of danger.
That was the plan at least. Until she saw the smirk on Street's lips. That was the look of a guy who knew exactly what he was doing. That thought brought up a lot more questions that she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to. She had only known the younger man for a little while now and it was starting to really hit her how much she didn't know him. Still, that didn't mean that she could just let all of it happen without asking at least one question.
Still, she couldn't let him do something as dangerous as leave with them without at least trying to talk some sense into him. Standing up she made her way over to her friend. In the back of her mind she was fully aware that she was being more than a little weird about the whole thing, but she had to try. Even if it was becoming more clear the closer she got to them how into the whole thing he was.
"Street!" Chris called out barely hearing her own voice over the music.
"Chris?" he questioned turning to look at her a worried look on his face, "You okay?"
"Yeah. I just… You good?"
Street stared at her for a moment in pure confusion before a small smile came to his lips. Reaching out he placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. It looked as if he was going to tell her something, but as he opened his mouth the woman leaned forward and pressed her lips to his ear whispering something. Then that cocky little smirk that she was beginning to hate appeared and she knew that nothing she said was going to change anything.
"Be safe," Chris found herself muttering as Street got lost in the couple once more though she knew she wasn't heard.