The title says it all...it's a BarriSoka, so enjoy! (I don't really ship them, but I had this idea in my head, and one thing lead to another XD)
All Ahsoka could hear was white noise. Static filled her ears as anger filled her body.
"Barriss," she growled. Ahsoka jabbed a finger at the red laser separating them. "I want to know why you did what you did. Why you bombed the Temple, killed those innocent people, and framed me!"
The Mirialan stayed silent as her words echoed through the empty prison hallway.
Barriss had her back to Ahsoka, hunched over enough that the Togruta could see her bones peeking through the prison jumpsuit. A Force-suppression collar beeped quietly around her throat.
Rage suddenly blazed through Ahsoka, and she slammed her hands on the shield. Waves went through the red like ripples on water.
"ANSWER ME!" she screamed.
Barriss didn't even flinch. It was as if she had not heard.
The anger ebbed as quickly as it came, and Ahsoka lowered her arms, defeated. "How can you do this?" she whispered. "How can you live with yourself knowing what you've done?"
Barriss finally turned her hollowed face towards Ahsoka. Her blue eyes were vacant and cold. She looked like a ghost, eaten from the inside out.
"Luckily, that decision has already been made for me," she replied softly, her eyes downcast.
Ahsoka went rigid, clenching her hands into fists. "You coward," she hissed. "You utter coward."
Those distant blue eyes became unfocused. Something had disappeared in Barriss, like a piece to a puzzle was missing. She slid something across the bench towards the laser shield with pale green hands.
Ahsoka glanced down; it was a holodisc.
"This will explain everything," Barriss whispered, folding in on herself like a paper crane.
"We can retrieve that for you, sir," a nearby clone guard said.
He signaled to two others, and placed his keycard on the pad. He unlocked the shield, and the two clones immediately marched in and grabbed Barriss by the arms.
The first guard grabbed the disc, checked it over, and then held it out to Ahsoka.
Ahsoka looked at her friend—pale and skinny—being refrained by two guards, and felt a twinge of pity in her gut. She accepted the holodisc, trying to avoid the hope that glimmered in Barriss' eyes.
Ahsoka turned around and walked out as fast as she could. She didn't even say goodbye.
Ahsoka was crouched on a chair at her desk, staring at the silver disc. "It's an answer," she told herself. "You wanted to know everything? Well, here you have it." She picked it up, flashing in the moonlight.
"The truth is right at your fingertips," she breathed.
Ahsoka hurriedly set down the holodisc and turned it on, for fear of never being able to at all.
A hologram of Barriss flickered to life. She was wearing her prison clothes, and the Force-suppression collar was still around her neck. Her eyes were not as empty as they had been earlier, like Barriss was using up the last amounts of strength to make this message.
"Hello, Ahsoka," she said. "It is the night before my execution. And I have something to tell you."
"Explain," Ahsoka spat at the hologram. The familiar anger from earlier crackled like electricity under her skin. "Now."
Barriss rubbed a hand on the back of her neck. "I suppose you want me to start from the beginning. Very well. I was a part of Master Windu's strike team that attacked the Petranaki area on Geonosis, and was one of the few padawans left alive after that encounter." Her voice turned soft. "Those memories have haunted me ever since."
Ahsoka blinked; she hadn't been expecting this.
"It just got worse as the war went on, as you know, like a rope that was fraying day by day. And day by day, I lost faith in the Jedi until I had nothing left," said Barriss. "But you already knew that: the 'why' story of the bombing. But I'm here to tell you my story."
Ahsoka sat back heavily. "Then tell me," she said. Her fingers shook slightly. Although I don't know if I'm ready.
"I'm broken, Ahsoka."
Ahsoka's thoughts seemed to slow down. She was not ready. Not even close.
Barriss looked so small, hunched over a table, her skinny body shivering despite her cloak. "In truth, I've been broken for a long time. But I hid it to be a better Jedi. I suppressed everything because that's what they wanted me to do." Her voice became as small as she looked. "I let the war get to me, and I finally snapped, taking it out on the rest of the world. And I broke everyone else along the way. Especially you, and I am so sorry."
Ahsoka felt the wall she'd built around her hard crack slightly at Barriss' confession.
Barriss rubbed at her bloodshot eyes. "Ahsoka, I have been trained in the arts of Force healing."
"Yes," Ahsoka whispered. "I know."
Barriss continued, "I can knit the bones, heal muscles, fuse body tissue, but I have never been able to repair the trust I once had in the Jedi." She rubbed her temples, pinching her brow like she had a headache. "I can heal my body; healing my mind is something that I have not accomplished."
"I'm sorry." Ahsoka whispered the words because she felt like she would break the strange atmosphere Barriss had managed to create through a hologram. "I never knew that you felt like this."
Barriss got a faraway look. "My mind," she repeated quietly. "My…" she trailed off as she stared at the wall in front of her.
Ahsoka noticed that Barriss had gotten so skinny that her cheekbones protruded, carving rough lines into her gentle face.
Barriss' eyes suddenly brightened, and she pulled her attention back to the recorder.
"Ahsoka, there's something I need to tell you. I don't have much time, so I need to say this now." Barriss' tone became urgent as her eyes darted around the screen.
Ahsoka's heart plunged, like it knew exactly what Barriss was going to say. Deep down, Ahsoka knew it too. She could tell by the way Barriss fidgeted nervously, how her eyes dilated ever so slightly, the small blush that crept to her cheeks.
"No," Ahsoka breathed. "No, no, no. Don't do this to me, Barriss," she pleaded to the recording.
But Barriss continued. "This isn't easy for me," she admitted, wringing her hands. "I've never...Not like this...But. You matter to me. A lot."
Stop! Ahsoka wanted to say, but her words dried in her throat. You can't make me hate you and then pull something like this. That's not fair!
Barriss paused as if she was waiting for Ahsoka to respond. "I've felt this way for a long while," she said. "I decided that I might as well tell you. So that maybe you'll understand."
Ahsoka wanted to block her ears. Don't tell me that you care about me, because I might do something stupid like beleive it.
"I… don't have a lot of time left, so… if you'll just hear me out…?" Barriss stared at her hands as her voice trailed off, their diamond patterns reflecting in the dim light of the holo-screen.
Ahsoka waited for her to continue. She held her breath, feeling anxiety churn in her stomach.
"Do you remember when we first met?" Barriss asked finally. Tears had begun to collect in her eyes.
Yes, Ahsoka replied silently. She blew out a sigh of relief.
Barriss wiped at her eyes, laughing slightly. "It was the second battle of Geonosis. I bowed to you because it was proper, but...then you did something improper: you held your hand out and pulled me to my feet. That's what you always do: help others to their feet, steady them, anchor them. You were this chaotic, informal, beautiful girl. I was in awe of you."
Ahsoka was crying now, running her hands along the hologram. She felt like she was back on the TB-73, in the cafetiera, eating food, smiling at Barriss while making small talk. There was something about small talk and midnight snacks that made the galaxy seem a little less frightening.
Barriss looked slightly more confident, and said, "If anyone asked me how I lived before I met you, I would answer that I hadn't. Because my world was black and white. The Force and everything else, the Light Side and the Dark Side. Are you starting to get the picture? I was so principled, and you were everything I was not."
"That's not true," Ahsoka protested, but the recording cut her off before she could say more.
"You were color, Ahsoka. All the color I had." A tear dripped down Barriss' cheek as she smiled. "Just a simple touch from you, and my world turned vibrant; I'll never forget that." The Mirialan shook her head in amazement. "By the Maker, I fell so hard for you."
Barriss reached to the screen as if to brush her fingers against Ahsoka's face. "So hard," she repeated in a whisper.
Ahsoka felt herself leaning into that invisible touch, wishing with all her heart for Barriss to be in front of her instead of the hologram.
"I fell for the entirety of you, not just your looks," Barriss went on quickly, blushing. "Your Force sense, courage, stubbornness, kindness, all of it. All of you. You made everything complicated, but in the best way. You blurred the lines of my knowledge to the point of blending, and then refocused them to become clearer. You came to me for advice, and yet I was the one who learned the most from you."
Ahsoka's lips tilted into a wobbly smile.
Barriss clenched her fists against her head, screwing her eyes shut. "I'm running out of time. I know that this message changes nothing that I've done. Especially to you. But…" She opened her large blue eyes to fix Ahsoka with a heartbroken look. "I couldn't leave without telling you how much you meant to me."
"Then come up with something so you can stay!" Ahsoka pleaded with the recording. Tears were streaming down her face. "We can try to change things together! I can still help you!"
Barriss shook her head slowly, her blue eyes glistening with silver lining. "I can hear you now, arguing against what I'm saying. But I've sealed my fate, Ahsoka. You are still free. That's what the purpose of this was: to free you from me. I no longer wanted to have you feeling guilty over a person you couldn't control, so this is my apology."
She turned her attention to the windowless cell wall behind her. "Look outside, Ahsoka," Barriss whispered. There was something aching about the way she said it, like looking at a blurred memory. "It must be dawn by now. What colors do you see?"
But Ahsoka couldn't tear her gaze away from the recording.
Barriss breathed out a long sigh as tears collected in the corners of her eyes. "I don't even know if you're listening to this right now, but—"
"Don't leave," Ahsoka sobbed. "Don't you dare leave me."
"It's the morning of my last day. You are free of me. And I loved you."
The hologram flickered out, leaving Ahsoka alone in the darkness of her room.
No.
Ahsoka wanted to scream, to hit something, to run down to the jail and rescue Barriss. But only for a moment. Only to buy her more time. More time to understand.
One thought suddenly exploded in her head:
I never got to say goodbye.
Ahsoka crumpled to the ground, parts of her scattering like shards of a broken vase. Those precious pieces of her that Barriss had loved were gone, falling through the cracks of her bedroom floor. She was reduced to tears, clutching the holodisc as a last reminder of her lover and friend.
She looked out her window as Barriss had instructed.
The dawn was grey.
And all Ahsoka could hear was white noise.
Ta-da! Lemme know what you guys thought! (I'm always open to constructive criticism)