Cosima sighs as she walks into the labs, satchel slung over her shoulder. She's usually one for greeting her fellow students, for conversations and trying to figure out just what everyone else was doing anyway. But Minneapolis was seeming more and more like a bad idea, even though the cost of living was better and her first five months had been amazing. Plus it's going to get cold, Cosima justifies. Maybe… maybe she didn't belong here after all. Maybe the graduate PhD fastrack program had been the wrong choice. Maye she's made a lot of wrong choices lately.

She's never been one for anxiety. That was always more of Delphine's territory. After they'd become close, Delphine had let her in on the secrets of her bracelets and her long sleeves. Delphine, who she was waiting for, not sure if she wanted to burst into an explosion of pure emotion or melt away into the ugly tile floor.

Delphine quickly walks past her, not making eye contact and Cosima feels her heart sink. She shouldn't expect any better. Not after what happened. Their program isn't that big. There's only so many students in the graduate program for Biochemistry, Molecular Biology and Biophysics. And they haven't specialized yet, Cosima stews. They won't until next year. And they're tracked to go through Masters and go right to PhD work… at least… 5 years? Probably longer knowing her. She and Delphine would have to keep dealing with each other. At least unless they develop drastically different research interests, which Cosima thinks is unfortunately unlikely. There are only 11 students in their cohort… and they will both be working away here for years to come. Even if Delphine succeeded in getting into the combined MD/PhD program… that was still just a thought she was working out with her advisors, they'd know in the new year if Delphine was successful. Cosima doesn't think that would necessarily give her more space away from Delphine. She could transfer to the developmental biology and genetics program, Cosima thinks… She was considering that route anyway. And if things really get nasty… it's a little more space away from Delphine. They hadn't really divided streams yet, there was time.

Three days, Cosima thinks is way longer than necessary. It is her responsibility, Cosima coaches herself to bridge the gap and apologize profusely. Try to… smooth things over. At least enough to function in close proximity. She scurries into class and wanders right over to Delphine. She puts no effort into her walk, gives up entirely on what was supposed to be … a plea for Delphine's attention. She just wants to talk to her. The class is small, Cosima wishes they were just a little lost in a crowd right now.

"Delphine… We need to talk." Cosima calls softly less than a metre from the French blonde, but Delphine doesn't even look up. Delphine pretends to be engrossed in her notes. Cosima glances over her shoulder and finds that they are perfect, if written in a weird shorthand that might be as much French as English.

"Delphine… I think… I think we can talk this out. I am… so sorry." Cosima goes right for the full apology. "What I did was wrong, and I am really sorry. And… we should have never… So sorry. Please… talk to me."

Delphine turns to look at her, but her face looks hurt. It is as bad as Cosima imagined. "You're sorry ?"

"Yes… I am so sorry. It should never have happened. Totally my fault." Cosima glances around the room, still trying to be discreet. The whole damn class didn't need to know about their….situation.

"So... What now?" Delphine shrugs looking at her. "What do you want from me, Cosima?"

"Nothing. You owe me nothing.. But please… let's go… get tea and talk this out… in private." And away from their less than 20 classmates. Cosima pleads. "I need to talk to you."

"Non." Delphine shakes her head. "I am done talking. I cannot do this right now."

"OK." She has no choice but to accept this and walk away. Cosima takes her seat as far away from Delphine as possible And when Scott enters the lab, he moves towards her, his head whipping around in confusion at the distance between the two of them.

"Hey Scottie." Cosima barely looks up from her notes. She has work to do. So much work. At least she can pretend to be consumed by it.

"So what happened?" Scott looks at Cosima cluelessly. "I thought you and Delphine were friends."

"We were." Cosima tells him. And it's true. Since her arrival in July, she and Delphine had been practically inseparable. They'd bumped into each other in the lab. Delphine had come early, starting a few courses in April to prove herself for admission. And she'd decided moving to Minnesota in July was better than moving in September. It was a new beginning, Cosima had thought. And getting to be with Delphine was a bonus. Even if they didn't align completely. But Delphine had shrugged off her lesbiansim in what Cosima had thought was a very laissez-faire French way of looking at sexuality. It hadn't been an issue. Shouldn't have had to be an issue at all… unless she'd decided maybe Delphine could be bi. Whatever the reality, that didn't fix this mess.

"So… what happened?" Scott looks at Delphine and the empty chair next to her, the chair that Cosima was usually inclined to occupy. At least since the Fall semester started five and a half weeks ago.

"We did shrooms." Cosima buries her face in her hands. "I'd done them once before as an undergrad, Delphine never had. And we decided it was only right to experiment with human perception. It was a party… out on … what's-her-name's parents' property? A lot of anthropology people… you know anthropology students… especially grad students. They're up for anything."

"You did shrooms ? Like… a lot of shrooms?" Scott clarifies with her, and Cosima believes that her decision not to invite Scott along to the party was justified. He would have done shrooms and like…. Stared at a lamp transfixed for a good three hours. Heck, lamp staring is probably one of the better things one can do on shrooms. Probably safer. Cosima thinks back to her first indulgence of the substance and staring up at a bridge back home, watching headlights shoot across in the twilight.

"Enough shrooms. More than enough." Cosima responds through her fingers. The worst part is it wasn't the same. Because she… well she was already a fool falling in love with Delphine. She wasn't even trying to date, she'd given up on the Queer students union all together. And she has just made things 100 times worse.

"So like… Delphine had a bad trip?" Scott throws out what Cosima can only assume is a very sane theory.

Cosima hesitates before responding. "I guess you could say that. A pretty bad trip." In one way or another… it was a bad trip.

"And she like blames you?" Scott theorizes.

"Yeah. It's my fault. There were shrooms. We took them." Cosima nods. "100% my fault. I said I'd done them before and it was fine. We … wanted to test the limits of human perception or some shit." And it was interesting, for sure. While it lasted.

She manages to get through the class, knowing that Delphine is in every single class she has. Not exactly a dream. She will have to get used to this. Or find a way to get Delphine to want to talk.

She looks at Delphine walking out of the room seeming somewhat somber. Hurt, Cosima theorizes. Delphine is hurt and it's her fault. She follows behind in small crowd of students, most wanting to get outside to take a short break before their next course. But watching Delphine as she steps outside into the mid-autumn light, the sun hits her hair and it all comes rushing back to her.

The memory is there. The first sober moments after. She woke up outside, buck naked on a sleeping bag next to Delphine who had drooled slightly onto the fabric. She'd never seen anything more beautiful. The sun had just begun to rise and her mouth was dry, whatever hallucinations or perceptions that existed the night before were gone.

There was just this. Delphine beside her body, who would soon wake up, sober.