Square filled: I5 Skeletons in the closet
Author's Notes: unbetaed
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
"What'cha doing there, Merlin, my man?"
Gwaine was just behind him, the sneaky git. Merlin panicked, bumping his head as he backed out of the closet, throwing a coverlet over the mess he'd made before turning around and grinning at Gwaine. Shoving him out of the way, Merlin closed the door as fast as he could and said, "Nothing, just boring inventory stuff for Gaius." Giving a shrug, rolling his eyes to make Gwaine think that it really was just stupid paperwork, Merlin said, "You here to rescue me?"
"Always. We haven't been down to the Rising Sun in a while. How about sharing a pint or three and we can plot our next prank? The princess has been unbearable lately and I think we could all use a good laugh at his expense."
Merlin loved Gwaine like the annoying brother he always wanted to have, and it warmed Merlin a little that Gwaine was ready for adventure or mischief with him. Arthur still didn't know who had changed his soap so that his hair turned a bright pink. And there were those times when all the other knights' clothes had mysteriously shrunk or Elyan's bed ended upside down in the North Tower or Leon's collection of cross-bows were wrapped in vines so tightly that it took him hours to unravel them. Leon was annoyed for days after. It was great.
Gwaine was a wizard at getting into and out of trouble and dragging Merlin along with him. But Gwaine was also the biggest gossip around, and if Gaius ever found out that Merlin had messed up his beloved bone collection, he'd never hear the end of it. He'd have to clean the damn leech tank for all eternity.
"Sure, let me grab my jacket and I'll…" Merlin never finished because Gwaine reached over and plucked a curved rib bone out of the back of Merlin's belt. Hell, it must have jammed in when Merlin tumbled into the closet.
"Umm, Merlin, is there something you be wanting to tell me? Have you killed the princess at last?" Gwaine shook the bone a little and grinned at Merlin's scowl.
"Give me that." Merlin tried to jerk the bone out of Gwaine's grasp, but the arse danced away and twirled it around like it was some kind of prize. Definitely an annoying brother. Heaving a great sigh, scowling as if very much put upon, Merlin grumbled, "Come on, Gwaine. I'm in enough trouble as it is."
But when Gwaine just laughed, wagging his finger at Merlin as if to say that he wasn't done playing, Merlin gave up. "Well, if you must know…" He felt a little sheepish about it all but with Gwaine still looking like he wasn't about to give the bone back until he got some answers, Merlin said, "Gaius has a bone collection that he…. You know what, I don't know why Gaius has a bone collection but he's always very proud to show it off to me and it's arranged so neatly, every bone in its place, and I… well… umm… I tripped?" Merlin's voice squeaked a little at the end.
"You tripped? In the closet?" Gwaine looked at if he didn't quite believe it.
Well, it wasn't Merlin's finest hour. Giving another long sigh, Merlin said, "Well, you see… umm… I was in a hurry, and I hadn't done up my boots properly and I… well, I tripped. Slid, really, straight into Gaius's bone collection and he's going to kill me and add to it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if those were his former apprentices. You know?"
Gwaine's gaze flicked toward the closet, snickering a little as he moved closer. "Merlin, Gaius isn't going to kill you. At least, I don't think he isn't. But he does have a lot of poisons here. And bones? Really?"
Merlin stepped between Gwaine and the door, glaring at him. "I was trying to fix it."
Gwaine thought about it a moment, then said, "I can help."
It was generous of Gwaine, but Merlin had planned on using a bit of magic to set things right. If Gwaine stayed, it would take forever, and Gaius would find out and then Merlin would never hear the end of it. Babbling a little in panic, Merlin said, "No, absolutely not. Gaius is very particular about his collections. You should see his killer rabbit masks. They're… well, creepy."
"I've seen the masks. You have a point." Gwaine tapped the rib bone on Merlin's chest a couple of times, then let it go when Merlin jerked it out of his hand. Gwaine snickered. "I've had broken bones before. How hard can it be to put them back together?"
"No, Gwaine, I'll take care of it I wouldn't want you to miss happy hour at the Rising Sun. You just…. Gwaine!"
It only took a second. Merlin turned to put the rib bone down, out of harm's way, but Gwaine was fast and slippery as an eel. Before Merlin could stop him, Gwaine opened the closet door and looked inside, lifting up the coverlet, whistling at the mess.
"Fecking hell, Merlin, you weren't lyin'. Bones everywhere. You'll never get this all straightened out before Gaius comes back." Gwaine gave a little grunt, then reached down and pulled up a couple of bones, one in each hand and began clacking them together. "See here, the leg bone is connected to the hip bone. We'll be done in half the time."
Merlin just sent him another glare. The git was impossible. Gwaine was having too much fun, but Merlin didn't have time to play around. He had chores, Arthur was probably already looking for him, and Gaius would be back any moment. Gwaine didn't make it easy, though, brandishing the skeleton bits around, showing off a little and trying to keep them just out of Merlin's reach.
Finally, Merlin feigned left, then shoving an elbow into Gwaine's gut, he grabbed both bones and glared at the arse when he grunted. Waving one bone and then the other at Gwaine, Merlin explained, "That's a man's femur and a woman's hipbone. Don't you know the difference?"
"I know what men and women look like and I've seen more than a few ladies' hips in my time. If you get my meaning." Gwaine waggled his eyebrows a bit and there was a definitely-not-innocent grin on his face. "But bones might be a little out of my understanding."
Normally, this would be fun but Merlin just didn't have time. With a whine, low and desperate, in his voice, Merlin said, "Gwaine, please. I'll take care of this. And you can buy me a pint after." He blinked a few times as if holding back tears, trying to get onto Gwaine's soft side, and then whinged again, "Please."
With that, Gwaine gave up. Looking first at the mess and then at Merlin's pleading face, he grinned, slapping Merlin's shoulder hard, and said, "If that's what you want. I'll buy you two."
"Thanks, Gwaine."
It took longer than he thought, even with magic, but at last, everything was back in its place. Bones of humans in the middle, and clustered around them were that of a pig, a bat hanging overhead. Some magical creatures, too, a baby wyvern, delicate snake bones, assorted creatures that Merlin had never seen but Gaius had shown him drawings. Merlin could see why Gaius might collect such things, but it was kind of creepy, maybe creepier than the rabbit masks.
When he was done, he figured he deserved a pint or two, and Gwaine had promised to pay. But when he got to the Rising Sun, Gwaine was nowhere in sight. The git. Probably found another lady's hip to explore.
At last, Merlin could relax. His chores were finished, Gaius never the wiser about the bones and….
"Merlin!" When Gaius bellowed like that, loud enough to penetrate the Rising's sun cacophony, Merlin knew he was in trouble.
Sighing, putting down the pint he hadn't even begun to drink, he turned to see Gaius glaring at him and pointing up toward the castle. "Now, Merlin!"
"But Gaius…." Merlin started to protest but Gaius was having none of it. Grabbing Merlin by his ear, he marched Merlin back up the hill and straight to the bone closet.
It was chaos inside.
He had left it perfectly intact but now… well, each skeleton sprawled there, a goblet in their hands or paws or various appendages. They looked like they were in the middle of a drunken orgy.
"Gwaine!" Merlin shouted.
In the distance, Merlin could hear Gwaine's roar of laughter.
Damn it. Merlin had been pranked.