There was something exciting about it all. The sneaking around, the secret glances, the acute knowledge that the two of them were the only people in on the joke. Oh, but don't mistake it, this wasn't a joke to them. Not at all. No, this was something deadly serious - they were both aware of how dangerous their actions were. One wrong move, and everything would shatter.
"No one needs to know."
Five simple words.
She would feel his gaze on her back sometimes as they lay in bed together. The guilt seemed to emanate from him in waves, almost palpable. It wasn't like he had much reason to feel guilty though. They had never passed the point of no return, settling for kisses and discovering each other's bodies, but never making love. Even so, Assumpta understood. As much as she despised them, God and the Church were part of what made Peter, well, Peter. They were intertwined in his DNA long before she had met him, and it was going to take one heck of a struggle for him to change.
Change. Now, that was a loaded word. She didn't want to be the one to force him to change. It had been hard enough to get to that fateful point in Niamh's kitchen - "Why do I always think of you?" - let alone all of this. What Assumpta wanted was a simple request, but one that she couldn't bring herself to release into the big, wide world.
It was easier to feign ignorance, so that's what she did.
They were careful. Peter retreated into the bathroom when it came close to closing time, tending to be forgotten by Brendan, Padraig, Siobhan, and the other regulars once Assumpta had provided them with enough drinks.
She would lead him upstairs, and they would ride high on each other's company, and their touch on each other's skin. They talked, kissed, touched... and that was it. Usually it would be fine - they were the unwritten rules that the two of them had agreed on, after all - but tonight... Tonight was different.
It was Peter that pulled away first.
"Are you alright? You seem..."
"Seem... what?"
That was the thing with Assumpta. Pick her on a bad day, and she was a living, breathing landmine.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter."
Peter attempted to carry on as if nothing had happened, but she had gotten a bee in her bonnet, and there was no stopping her now.
"I was just thinking..."
"About what?"
"Me. You. Us. This."
She gestured a little to emphasise her statement, but Peter was even more confused.
"There's three of us in... whatever this is."
He stood up from where they had been sitting at the foot of her bed, trying to process the implication of her words. She watched him as he began to pace, knowing that she had the capability to wreck everything they had worked for.
"You're not bloody Diana, Assumpta! What do you want? Because up until now, you seemed pretty happy about this set-up - you even suggested it in the first place...!"
He was right. After that kiss in the kitchen, they had fallen into a strange routine of conjuring up excuses for him to end up in the pub after hours, and neither of them had ever brought up the fact that even though they had put these arbitrary rules in place, God was still the giant elephant in the room.
"You always knew how I felt about God, and maybe I have been trying to have both him and you on my side, but you're not such an open book either. I me-"
"I want you to pick me! Is that what you want me to say? Because it's true! I'm twenty-five years old, stuck in this stupid dead-end village running a pub that I can barely keep afloat out of some misguided loyalty to my mum and dad, and every day, I feel like another bit of me is broken, fading away into nothing because I'm wasting the best years of life!"
Assumpta took notice of the fact that Peter had finally come to a standstill as she took a breath, trying (and failing) to compose herself. She hadn't meant for all her feelings that were neatly tucked away to come tumbling out in front of him of all people, but the damage had been done.
"Look... I'm not forcing you to do anything that you don't want to do. It's just..." She tried to find the right words. "I thought that once we both admitted that something was here between us, things would be easier, but we've just hit another wall. We got off the fence, and then decided to hop back onto the next one instead."
After a few long moments, Peter eventually resumed his place beside Assumpta at the foot of the bed, taking her hand and giving it a small squeeze.
"You're right... We both need some time apart. You know, for each of us to pick which side of the fence looks better to us. Say... three weeks. You're alright with that?"
No one needs to know.
"See you in three weeks."
"When I arrived in Ballykissangel on that rainy day so long ago, I saw a lot of things... The strangest of which was a flying confessional." That roused a few chuckles from the congregation, the memory of the confessional debacle seeming like nothing but a crazy dream. "The most important thing that I saw, however, was the village itself. Tucked away like some secret land that would only appear for those who needed refuge. Ballykissangel is deceptive to the unknowing eye - quiet, unassuming, sometimes traditional in its values - but I quickly came to realise that it has its own unique charm. You all welcomed me so wonderfully, and Ballyk very quickly became home for me."
If anyone wasn't listening intently to Father Peter's impromptu sermon at the end of Mass, they might have just heard the slightest of bangs from the door of the Church being shut...
A phone call from Brendan. Sunday morning - Assumpta had simply assumed that something was wrong. After all, he, Siobhan and Padraig would showing their faces in the pub later as per usual - why ring so early? She took a glance at the clock on the wall - shouldn't he be i-
"Assumpta?"
"Brendan...! What, did you forg-"
Then the strangest thing happened - Brendan cut her off, instead ploughing on with his own statement.
"I think it would do you good if you went to Mass today."
She was silent for a few moments as his words sunk in. Was he mad? Had he gotten pissed and hit his head? She had finally mustered up the ability to splutter out a response when she realised that he had hung up. He had sounded out-of-breath, as if he had rushed to the phone. Before she could stop herself, she was making her way inside of Ballykissangel Church.
She took one step. Another... and another... Assumpta Fitzgerald walking into the house of God - now that was a miracle. Sure, there were a few shocked murmurs and craned necks as they ached to catch a glimpse of the woman who despised everything this building stood for, but she simply ignored them. She took a seat in one of the backs pew furthest from the altar and closest to the door (she was curious, not crazy), her face obscured from Peter's view by other people seated ahead of her. He, however, was oblivious to her presence as he mentally prepared himself for speaking the next part of his sermon.
"This is the last Mass that I'll ever celebrate. I've handed in my notice to Father Mac and the bishop... I hope you will all understand - this isn't to spite God, or Christianity, and neither has it been influenced by others."
Assumpta was, for once, speechless, and so was everyone else it seemed, everyone hanging on Peter's every word as he began to explain himself.
"God teaches us that loving him is enough. He teaches us that even if you don't love him as openly or as often as others, he will still love you wholeheartedly. No one is excluded, and everyone is loved, no matter who they are, or what they do. However, God is also forgiving, and maybe I'll need a bit of that for what I'm about to say next, but I'll say it anyway. "
There were a few mutterings from some of the older members of the congregation, but Peter carried on. He needed to say this. He wanted to say this. He was going to say this.
"I love Assumpta Fitzgerald. I love her to the very core of my being, and still, part of me doubted God's ability to forgive. I'm supposed to be a devout follower, a role model, an example. I'm supposed to be perfect - or at least, that's what I thought I was supposed to be... but I'm not. I never was. I'm a man who has a close connection to God and his teachings, but I'm still a person. I'm still someone with feelings and thoughts and emotions. Maybe God will be angry with me for not being strong enough to resist the temptations of the woman who is Assumpta, but what I've realised is that God wouldn't want me to be unhappy. He wouldn't want me serving him without my genuine enthusiasm to do so. So, I hope he forgives me and loves me regardless of who I've become, and even if he doesn't, I will be able to come to terms with that. For I love Assumpta, and I wish to be happy. I hope you all forgive me too, but if you don't, that's alright too. Thank you all for everything, and I know you're all dying to watch that match on TV later, so I'll let you all go home now."
It was only once Mass had finally finished that Peter spotted a familiar figure walking up to meet him in front of the altar.
"You heard it all?"
Assumpta didn't answer his question, bouncing back with a statement of her own.
"It's only been two weeks."
"It didn't take me long to pick which side of the fence I wanted to be on."
Peter paused.
"How about you?"
"I came in here, didn't I? Why else would I come in here, if not for you? Brendan may have given me a really weird call a few minutes ago."
Peter glanced away from Assumpta's gaze to see Brendan himself, meeting his gaze from where he stood with Siobhan. They had been starting to follow the rest of the congregation in filing out of the church, but he managed to throw a knowing smile in Peter's direction before they left.
"I think we have a matchmaker."
Assumpta chuckled, mirroring Peter's own happiness.
"I love you too, by the way. You didn't have to throw a huge bombshell like us into your sermon like that - you could have just told me without the big gesture, I wouldn't have minded."
Peter grinned from ear-to-ear, kissing her on the lips. He could hear the gasps from last few stragglers of the congregation (including Kathleen) as he eventually pull away just enough for him to speak.
"I wanted to. Everyone needs to know how much I love you - why shouldn't I shout it from the rooftops?"