Worth The Risks

Characters: Carlisle, Edward, and Bella

Summary: One night altered all their lives; morning rose and left hearts broken. Now he's restless. In constant confliction of who he is. What he needs. Threesome and BDSM themes.

…

Edward curled an arm around Bella as she sat on his knee at the bar. She sipped her drink; her eyes widened as he entered the room.

Their breath caught. Blue eyes caught theirs. Remorse and regret filled the space between them.

The anxiety crawled up his spine. The uncertainty. The need in his belly made his face fall into a deep frown.

"Sir?" Bella looked up at Edward, watching the shadows play across his face. Her doe eyes were full of unspoken questions. His arms tightened around her. How could he explain the mess of him to her? How could he need her, love her, yet crave and need him?

"Sir," she whispered, biting her lip.

He nodded and rose to his feet, taking her hand in his and leading her to his favorite bench. The leather straps felt wrong as he buckled her with ease; he could feel the crowd gather as their eyes settled on them.

He closed his eyes. He had to remind himself why. She had endangered herself. Frightened him. "Count." He ordered. He reached for her paddle. It felt awkward, heavy in his hand.

His breaths came out short and sharp.

"Edward," a firm voice broke through the thick haze of his mind.

A soft sniffle had him turning sharply, "fuck, B," he breathed. The Dom in his head roared at his failure. "I'm sorry." He croons out the words. Remorse filling his face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she whispered, her arms going around him as if trying to fit the broken pieces of him back together.

Pain raced through his veins, weaving thick cords around his heart. Failure. "Fuck off Carlisle," Bella's voice shook as she gave the order. Her brown eyes cool with anger and disrespect as she glared up at the strong Dom. He didn't move. He stood tall, and with a tilt of his head, he studied them with a frown of disapproval and concern.

"Get control, Edward," Carlisle commanded, it sliced through him.

He sucked in a deep breath and grounded himself, "easy Kitten," he gently flicked the tip of her nose. Pleasure filled the gaping hole in his chest as her ears burned, and she turned her eyes downward in apology. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He cut his gaze from Carlisle's and turned away, moving to get off the platform. "Edward. Stop."

He stilled.

Carlisle stepped up behind them. He spoke quietly for their ears only. "We're fixing this tonight. Let's move upstairs to my room."

Edward's gaze locked with Bella's; an unspoken conversation seemed to pass between them. Bella's fingers entwined with Edward's. Carlisle led them out of the club and up the stairs to his private rooms.

The large bed took up most of the space, soft navy sheets covered by a thick gray blanket. The bedroom was simple in its design, nothing like the dungeon rooms below.

Bella watched the emotions swirl in Edward's eyes; she nearly groaned aloud when he settled on anger. "What the fuck are we doing?" He growled; his green eyes almost black as he peered down at her. "He used us ... we don't need him, B."

The abandonment. The betrayal rang clear in the air.

Carlisle growled and leaned into Edward's face, breathing in the refreshing timber scent of his aftershave, "it was a misunderstanding."

Bella sucked in a startled breath.

Edward snarled and lashed out, "a misunderstanding, my ass, you slept with a man and freaked the fuck out."

"Jesus." Carlisle's nostrils flared as his frown deepened. "That isn't what happened."

Edward shoved him out of his personal space. He yanked a hand through his hair. His eyes lost, unfocused. Carlisle cut his gaze from Edward's, letting him process his words. He turned his attention to Bella, whose eyes shined with tears as they pinged back and forth between them.

"I never meant to hurt you." He spoke softly, the hard edge leaving his voice. "Either of you. I fucked up, I know, but please hear me out."

Bella nodded, "we need to talk. All of us. Our wounds have festered long enough; they're poisoning us."

Carlisle nodded calmly in agreement, "we do Kitten. Edward," he gasped, horrified and startled as a sob escaped Edward. In their fifteen years of friendship, he had never seen the younger man shed a tear.

"Edward. You need to talk to us." Bella whispered.

"If I told you. It could change everything."

Bella wiped the tears off his face as he pulled her down onto his lap. "Tell us, please."

"What if… there are so many what-ifs, B." He whispered. "I can't lose you."

Bella sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, "you won't."

He copied her breathing for a second before kissing her soundly, "I don't know what's wrong with me," he confessed first to his wife, his gaze locked on hers before it turned to Carlisle's as he whispered thickly, "you fuckin' broke me, destroyed me." He declared.

Carlisle rubbed a hand over his mouth. "That morning when I woke, I was fuckin' giddy." He told them quietly. "I had so many plans for all of us. But my father called, and reality hit me in the face. I made a horrible mistake I regretted before the words ever left my mouth. I'm still disgusted with myself, and I'm sorry I hurt you."

Edward swallowed and continued with his confession, "ever since that night, I've been struggling with my Dom space. Jealous even. I don't know what's wrong. I feel half-crazy most of the time, torn in two. I'm scared of failing her, letting us slip away. Terrified of the connection we have. The three of us."

She nodded, "we fit."

"We fit." He agreed. "But it fucked me up. I don't understand my own desires anymore."

Carlisle knelt in front of him, "you're a switch, Edward. You dish out dominance easily enough, but you also crave a bit of it for yourself, don't you, sweet boy?"

Edward sucked in a shuddering breath as he came to a sudden realization, "I screwed up too. I wouldn't listen to you. I refused to talk to you when you returned with an apology on your tongue." He ducked his head. "I wanted to protect Bella. You left us."

"Could you love me anyway, even after all my mistakes?" Carlisle asked softly. "Can you forgive me? I swear, I'll never walk away. I'm sure I'll fuck up again, but I'll never leave. I've loved you for fifteen years. I've loved Bella for five."

"Your father would never approve." Edward bit out, testing him.

Carlisle snorted, "he's never approved of anything in my life before anyway."

He straightened up. The words they didn't want to hear but needed to. "People will hate us. Be disgusted by us."

"Are we not worth the risk?" Carlisle asked softly, his voice quiet, filled with uncertainty and heartbreak. "I've struggled with love my entire life, but if that is what's truly between us, I can't let it slip away. I need you both. I'm not whole without you."

Bella and Edward looked at each other, Edward cupped Bella's cheek, giving it a tender stroke with his thumb.

"Kitten, give our Dom a kiss."