A/N: Hello All! I was recently inspired to start writing again. This is my first reader insert. Thought I would give it a try. Music is a big muse for my writing so a lot of my stuff will feature, be inspired by a song, or both. This is based on Wish you were gay by Bilie Eillish. Hope you enjoy!
You panted as you calculated your next move. You knew Bucky was a master assassin and a super solider, but you didn't expect him to go so hard on you just sparing together. You could barely think about your next before he was coming at you again. You had tangled with both Nat and Steve before and were pretty well able to handle yourself, but Bucky kept coming at you with relentless aggression, and you wondered who had pissed in his cheerios that morning.
You dodged another right hook and tried to sweep his legs from under him only for him to jump out of the way and come up behind you and put you in a head lock. You used all your force to rear up and flip him over onto his back on the mat. You felt some satisfaction thinking you may have finally got the upper hand, but he was up quickly and hit you square in the chest sending you toward the wall of the gym that made hard contact with your back nearly knocking the wind out of you. Bucky then pulled a small knife from his back and threw it directly at you landing right next to your head. You looked over at it stunned before looking back to Bucky.
"What the hell Barnes, weapons really? What is your problem?" You asked shocked that he would take a simple training session so far. You pushed yourself off the wall giving yourself a little momentum going in to kick him in the gut, anger swelling inside of you, but he caught your foot flipping you down onto the mat. You had thought you were finally getting through to him and building at least somewhat of a friendship. You couldn't deny that you wished it was more, but he blew so hot and cold you never knew which way was up with him.
"My problem is you are sloppy and let your guard down to easily, you get comfortable and that will get you or a team mate killed." He said aggressively pointing a finger in your face . You just looked at him appalled that he would think you would ever put a member of the team at risk.
"I think we are done for the day," Nat said. Steve, Nat, and Sam had all gathered to watch as yours and Buckys training session had turned from a simple sparing match to and almost drag out straight fight.
"I agree," you said getting up and pushing past Bucky heading to your room.
"You know she could have you on your ass in a second if she really wanted to," you heard Steve say. It was true, you never wanted to rely on your secret weapon, this power that was inside of you. You still didn't understand it yourself, it scared you. It was one of the deals you made with the team when you joined. It would only ever be if there was no other option. Most everyone outside the core group thought you were just a skilled fighter and spy like Natasha, skilled with a computer and combat first aid. You could stitch up just about any wound in the middle of combat if you need to. You would sometimes help Tony or Bruce in the lab tinkering here and there. You and Bruce had a quiet understanding with each other. Each having something inside of you that you didn't quite understand and that you tried to keep at bay. You two could quietly sit together for hours. It helped knowing that there was someone like you on the team.
Bucky had joined after you, so he wasn't privy to that personal info.
You made your way back to your room and turned your shower on. You were covered in sweat and your nerves were a little on edge after having a knife throw at your head. Any other time Bucky knife skills would have been a turn on. Watching that man fight should be illegal for the things it did to you, though being on the receiving end of a sharp projectile coming towards your head was another matter all together.
You peeled off your training gear and slipped under the hot water letting it wash over you and clear away the day. Your mind and shoulders began to relax as the water ran over you. You leaned your head against the wall feeling the cool tile on your forehead, with the warmth of the water on your back it helped to center your thoughts. You kicked yourself for having, what can only be described as a crush, on the one team member who was the most closed off. You all had trauma, it almost seemed like trauma was a requirement to be an Avenger, but Bucky closed himself off from everyone, well except Steve. Maybe he was gay, you mused to yourself. You wished he was gay. That would make things easier.
You finished up your shower, wrapped yourself up in a towel and fell on to your bed exhausted. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. What time is it?" You asked.
"Three in the afternoon Ms.Y/L/N. A reminder that Mr. Stark is throwing Captain Rogers birthday party tonight, your dress has been pressed and placed in your closet." the A.I. replied. You groaned remembering the party. Why Stark had insisted on a 40's themed party was beyond you, but he loved any excuse to through a party. You decided to get a little nap in. Determined you were going to enjoy the evening despite the days events.
You awoke up feeling refreshed, grabbed a bite from the kitchen to take back to you room and started getting ready for the party.
"F.R.I.D.A.Y. Play some Glen Miller for me." You said to get yourself in the mood for the party. There was something about 40's music you loved and you found yourself excited at the idea of putting on some vintage glam. You were just about finished getting ready when a knock rapped at your door.
"Come on in," you called from your bathroom thinking it was Nat dropping by to head to the party together. You came out of the bathroom fiddling with your earring and not looking up. "Thank goodness you are here Nat, i need help with this dress." When you heard a deep cough you looked towards your door and saw Bucky standing there in a 40's military uniform. Damn did he look good. He has cut his long hair short again and with it styled he looked more handsome than ever. You stood stunned for a brief moment in nothing but your undergarments and heels. Knowing you looked amazing and not wanting to let him get the best of you, you stood confidently and asked what he wanted. He stammered and turned around to not look you.
"I just...um...sorry...I didn't mean to...do you wanna maybe put a robe on or something?" You rolled you eyes and walked to your bed to pick up your dress and slid it on.
"It's safe to turn around now, " You told him. "And since you are here be helpful and zip me up?" You tuned your back to him facing the mirror in your room.
You saw him come up behind you. His metal arm resting on your hip, you could feel the coolness through you dress and it made you shiver slightly and you hoped Bucky didn't notice. As he zipped your dress you could feel his knuckles graze your back and your breath caught in your lungs. This wasn't the first time Bucky had touched you, shit he had just beat the shit out of you a few hours ago, but this felt more intimate. You could feel his breath on the back of your neck, and his fingers slide across the back or your neck and down your shoulder. You stared in the mirror watching him the whole time, you could have sworn you saw him smell your hair and once again you were very confused on where you stood with his man. His blue eyes locked on yours in the mirror and you thought for a brief moment you could see desire in his eyes. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and grab the collar of his jacket and pull him into a deep kiss, forget the party and stay in your room with him the whole night. Before you could act on it he backed away from you.
"What was it you needed," you asked annoyed. This man somehow made you want him so bad, but at the same time punch his smug face.
"I wanted to apologize for earlier, the knife was uncalled for." He said straightens himself up.
"It was a little aggressive, why are you the hardest on me?" You asked him.
"I'm hard on everyone." He stated simply. You rolled your eyes, he wasn't gonna give you the answers you wanted so what was the point of pressing. "Glenn Miller?" He asked pointing up motioning to the music.
"What can I say, I like old things," you said in a somewhat flirty tone. "Was that all you needed Barnes?" You asked looking at him with a small head tilt.
"Uh...Yeah, Ill see you at the party." Bucky said rubbing the back of his neck and heading to the door. "You look beautiful by the way, the guys would have been painting you on the side of their planes during the war." He said with a small smile as he waked out just as Nat was walking in.
"What was that about?" She asked.
"Nothing, ready to head down?" You asked checking yourself over once more.
You head down to the large two story "entertaining space" as Stark like to call it. The band was in full swing and you could hear laughter and conversation filling the room. Grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waiter you and Nat joined the crowd saying your hellos on the way. You saw Steve, Sam, and Bucky gathered around the pool table. Laughing and drinking, all in vintage Military uniforms and you silently thanked Tony for making this a themed party because boy did those men look good.
"How is the birthday boy," you said greeting Steve with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Having some serious deja vu," he laughed.
"Well that's what happens when your 97 years old," you teased. "You boys want to play with someone who actually knows what they are doing?" You asked taking Steve's pool que.
"Be my guest," Steve said with a smile putting his hands up and backing away slightly.
"Wanna make it more interesting with a bet?" Sam asked.
"Always," you responded leaning across the pool table towards him and Bucky with a flirty smile. "What will the odds be?" You asked as you started to rack up the balls.
"We doing teams?" Sam asked.
"Sure, you three against me? That seems like fair odds." You stated confidently.
"Oh that's how it's gonna be huh?" Sam asked always amused by you.
"That's how it's gonna be." You said. "I win and you three have to take me for a spin on the dance floor, I don't look like this to just sit and be pretty."
"And what if we win?" Bucky asked finally speaking up. You laughed to yourself.
"Whatever you boys want to think up"you said as you lined up your shot breaking the balls and sinking 5 right away. "I'll take solids." You said as you lined up your next shot sinking three more balls before the guys even got a chance. They just stood in awe of you.
"I feel like we have been tricked," Sam said as he lined his shot up only sinking one ball before missing a shot. You knew they never stood a chance against you. Years of hanging in a bar with your alcoholic father had given you more practice than you would ever need. You enjoyed this though. Hanging with the guys and laughing as you made easy work of the pool table.
"Eight ball left top corner, " you said leaning over the pool to line up you last shot, you glanced over your shoulder to see that Bucky was checking you out. "Like what you see soldier?" You asked as you sank the eight ball with no trouble. You turned around to see Bucky slightly blushing and trying to avoid eye contact with you as Sam teased him slightly.
"Well boys i think we have been had," Steve said offering his arm to you. "Care for a dance?" He asked.
"Absolutely old man," you said and let him lead you to the dance floor.
The music was lively as Steve spun you around the dance floor. You can't remember the last time you were having this much fun, not just yourself, but the group as a whole. The superhero business didn't exactly lend itself well to normalcy. No going out with friends or really having normal lives at all. Any attachments where a liability and a possible target for anyone trying to get to you. You were lucky you didn't really have any family to speak of anymore. Except you guess the people around you now and you were thankful for them. You made your way over to the bar after dancing with Steve, grabbing your favorite cocktail you started to make your way around the room, saying hellos here and there and making small talk with some of the other guest. Rhodey telling one of his War Machines stories that you had heard ten times before but the locals always found them amusing. Tony and Bruce having a debate over something. Nat, Clint, and Agent Hill, enjoying their drinks and laughing. You assumed about one of Clints kids since he was showing pictures on his phone. You smiled to yourself as you continue to scan the room, your eyes eventually landing on Bucky. He was staring at you from across the room as he sipped a bourbon. He had a not so amused look on his face, but a hand wrapping around your backside pulled your attention away as some random, fairly drunk man tried to ask you to dance. You politely declined, removing his hand from your body and walking away. Bucky you noticed had disappeared from his previous spot. You found Wanda and Vision cozied up together and sought familiar faces in hopes the man got the idea and left you be.
"Y/N you have been getting quite the attention tonight," Wanda commented as you perched yourself on the arm of the chair opposite them. You blushed and smiled.
"Not from anyone that matters," you joked, or at least you hoped it came across as a joke. You knew who you really wanted attention from.
"Heard training got a little intense today, but you seem to have recovered," Vision commented.
"A little misunderstanding." You said.
" I've come to uphold my end of the wager," Sam said offering his hand to you. You finished your drink and placed it on the tray of a passing server and let Sam led you to the dance floor.
"So how many men did you swindle out of some pocket change with your impressive pool skills?" Sam asked over the music.
"My fair share." You smiled remembering how you use to hustle men out of their money to get by. You had been on your own since you were 17 and only had so many skills at the time.
"You could have warned us," Sam joked with you.
"You never asked, and where would the fun be in that anyway."
"Steve knew didn't he?" Sam asked.
You laughed and nodded. Steve had found you once playing by yourself on a night you couldn't sleep. You had just gotten back from a particular grueling mission and were having a hard time readjusting. It became a small tradition for you guys after that night. After every mission, once everyone had settled back in, you and Steve would find yourself around the pool, play a few rounds. He would tell you stories of growing up, you never much opened up about your past, mostly just kept asking him question to keep the topic of conversation squarely on him. Steve was the big brother you wished you had growing.
The night continued on, you had a few more drinks, a few more dances, and were really starting to feel relaxed and happy, your face almost hurting from all the smiling you had been doing. Steve and Sam were swapping stories with some old WWII vets, the other core members of the group had started to gather closer together. You were surprised to see that Thor had stopped by. He wasn't on earth often. He tipped his drink in your direction as you leaned against the bar, content in people watching. You smiled and returned the gesture. He motioned to the small flask in his hand and back at you and you laughed and shook your head no. Never had you had such a bad hang over as when you trusted him with a drink. You felt a cold hand touch your arm and turned, a little to quickly for how many drinks you had had, and lost your balance slightly. Luckily Bucky had such quick reflexes to catch you before you made a fool of yourself. You were pressed very close to him his face nears yours.
"Guess I'm the last one who hasn't held their end of the bargain yet."
"I didn't think you were ever going to" you said coolly.
"A deal is a deal right." You nodded and made your way to the dance floor, where the music had been more up beat when you danced with Steve and Sam, a slower song began to play. Bucky pulled you in close, his vibranium arm wrapped around your waist as he took your right hand in his. You were so close you could swear you felt his heart beat. He smelled so wonderful, warm and welcoming, a smell that made you feel safe and tingle all over. You swayed along to the music in comfortable silence, looking up at him you noticed he had been staring at you. You couldn't help but stare into his eyes. You could stare into them for the rest of your life and not feel like it was long enough. You were mentally kicking yourself for having these feelings for someone you were sure didn't feel the same way about you. But as you stared into his eyes you thought again you saw desire there, your faces just a breath away, it wouldn't take much to reach up and kiss him. You thought he may have been thinking the same thing. That was until the song ended and he quickly let you go and walked away without another word leaving you in the middle of the dance floor alone and confused.
"Well that was interesting" Nat said coming up behind, startling you.
"Damn it, Nat don't do that." You scolded her.
"I thought he was going to kiss you for a minute." She mused as you walked over to join the rest of the group of avengers that had gathered.
"Right, after he nearly killed me this afternoon." You joked back with her.
"He is a hard one to read, I'll give you that." She handed you a drink and you took it.
"Do you think there is something going on between him and Steve?" You asked which caused her to almost spit her drink out from laughter.
"If Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are gay then I'm the Queen of England," Nat responded laughing and shaking her head.
"Well they are just so close and I never see any of them with women," you continued quietly with her so the others didn't overhear.
"I can assure you Steve is not gay," and she sipped her drink giving you a sly smile.
"Natasha Romanoff are you sleeping with Captain America?" You asked in fake shock.
She gave you a wink and smiled. Good for them, you thought. If Steve had a best friend other than Bucky it was Nat.
"What are you two conspiring about over there?" Tony asked pulling your attention back to the group.
"Nothing," you both responded at the same time causing the group to laugh.
"Well Rogers, did I throw you a great party or what?" Tony gloated
"I have to admit, tonight was much needed." Steve allowed Tony some small satisfaction. The evening had been much needed.
Somehow the conversation turned to odd talents that the group had, other than what they brought to the team. Sam talked about his excellent cooking skills, Nat could play the piano, Vision had learned some magic tricks which you found amusing.
"I already know Y/N secret talent, she is a pool shark, girl is a seriously hustler" Sam said.
"Actually that isn't my only talent. I used to sing, way back when." You told the group.
"Oh I have got to hear this then," Tony said getting up.
"No Tony, really, I haven't sang in front of a large group in years." You pleaded.
"Oh come on, live a little," Nat nudged you and the others agreed. You sighed looking at the group in front of you. Again your eyes found Bucky. They seemed to always be searching Bucky out. Again he was at a distance, sipping his drink. Some girl gabbing away at him but his eyes were on you. It riled something up inside of you and you stood.
"Alright, you guys better enjoy this," you said.
"Excellent," Tony exclaimed rubbing his handing together and walking you to the stage. "Ok everyone listen up. We have a treat for you this evening. A singing Avenger. Not to be confused with a singing telegram. So everyone give it up for Y/N". The room clapped as Tony made his way off stage. You talked to the band leader and they know the song you wanted to do.
"Baby, I don't feel so good", six words you never understood
"I'll never let you go", five words you'll never say
You began to sing your body moving with the beat of the music.
I laugh along like nothing's wrong, four days has never felt so long
If three's a crowd and two was us, one slipped away
I just wanna make you feel okay
You looked straight at Bucky
But all you do is look the other way
I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay
I just kinda wish you were gay
Is there a reason we're not through?
Is there a 12-step just for you?
Our conversation's all in blue
11 "heys" (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
Ten fingers tearin' out my hair
Nine times, you never made it there
I ate alone at seven, you were six minutes away
You were really starting to enjoy yourself and had forgotten how much you liked to perform.
How am I supposed to make you feel okay
When all you do is walk the other way?
I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay
You motioned for the crowd to join you on the next line
I just kinda wish you were gay
And they all joined except Bucky who stared at you with an equally amused and annoyed look on his face.
To spare my pride
To give your lack of interest, an explanation
Don't say I'm not your type
Just say that I'm not your preferred sexual orientation
I'm so selfish
But you make me feel helpless, yeah
And I can't stand another day
Stand another day
I just wanna make you feel okay
But all you do is look the other way, hmm
I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay
I just kinda wish you were gay
I just kinda wish you were gay
I just kinda wish you were gay
You finished the song to loud applause and raised your glass in a silent toast with a smug grin on your face.
"Alright everyone, give it up for Y/N. And I would just like to say if being an Avenger doesn't work out, you will certainly have a career in entertainment and I will take full credit for your discovery." Tony said. "I would like to thank everyone for coming out to Captain Rogers birthday party. You all look amazing, please continue to enjoy the open bar and music and don't forget to tip." Tony finished before the band continued to play on. The group greeted you with another round of applause and cheers.
"Thank you, thank you," you said giving a small curtsy. "I think I will end the evening on a high note and turn in." The group protested but you were very ready to head back to you bed, the endorphins wearing off.
You made you way back down to your room, the halls dark and quite, a vast difference from the party going on 5 floors above you.
"That was quite the performance," a voice whispered in your ear and your fight instincts kicked in and you grabbed the head of whoever was behind you, flipping them over you and on to their back, and placing a heeled foot on their chest, ready to fight.
"Jesus, Barnes, do you have a death wish." You asked seeing the shocked face of Bucky looking up at you from the ground. You stepped back and helped him up.
"Where did that strength come from," he asked dusting himself off. You just shrugged. The power inside you had just swelled, and you cursed yourself for not having more control over it.
"Maybe don't sneak up on a person in the dark," You fired back at him going to walk around him towards your door when he grabbed your arm stopping you.
You looked from his arm to him, an eyebrow raised on your face. He stepped closer to you, wrapping your waist with his metal arm pulling you in and pressing your body against his. It all happened so fast you barely had time to realize his lips crashing into yours. He dropped your arm wrapping you fully in his as he deepened the kiss, running his tongue across you lip, urging you mouth to open. Your arm ran up his chest feeling his muscles under your fingers. They made their way to his hair and you buried your fingers in it, your mouth welcoming him. Your heart pounding in your chest and a warmth spreading over your body. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around him not breaking your kiss. He pushed you against the door to your room, dropped an arm fiddling with the door handle to get it open. It finally sprung open and Bucky carried you inside, closing the door with his foot. He placed you back down on your feet, still kissing you as he got rid of his jacket, and shoes.
Your fingers started to undo the buttons of his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders exposing his bare chest to you. You allowed yourself moment to take him in and began to kiss down his neck to his chest, your fingers exploring his torso. His warm skin, running across the scars where his arm had been replaced. You placed light kisses over them, thinking maybe you could kiss away the pain he had endured all those years. You took his left hand in yours and brought it up and placed a small kiss on the palm of his hand while looking him in the eyes, there way so much behind them, longing, sadness, and something primal that made you weak in the knees. His hand snaked behind your neck and pulled you in for another deep kiss. This one was not as urgent, it was tender, it told you more about the man standing in front of you than any conversation ever could. He poured all of himself into that kiss, the boy Steve knew growing up, the soldier that was captured and tortured, the broken man that had been on the run and alone, and now the man that had found a family and a home again. A man still struggling every day to find himself again. He pulled back from you and looked in your eyes asking for permission. You gave him a small nod and turned around. He unzipped your dress and it fell to the floor. His hands roamed up your body feeling your curves as he kissed your neck, a hand slipping into your bra and tugging at your nipple sending a shock wave straight to your already wet folds as you let out a gentle moan. You turned around and laid yourself back on the bed and Bucky took you in never wanting anything more in his whole life. He made quick work of removing his pants before crawling on top of you and capturing your mouth in another passionate kiss. His body felt so good and right on top of yours. His hand slipped behind your back undoing your bra and helping you to toss it to the side as he took a breast into his mouth, his tongue swirling around and teasing your nipple. You could feel the scuff of his five o'clock shadow against the softness of your skin and your whole body was on fire for this man. His free hand traveled down your body and slipped into your panties. Running a finger through your wet folds. You hadn't been touched like this is so long, you arched into his hand, and moaned. He kissed you again as his finger continued to explore, his thumb slipping over your clit as he slide a finger inside of you and then another. You were coming undone quickly. He took his time drawing his fingers in and out of you, your body matching the rhythm of his movements. You could feel an orgasm building, the intense feeling almost to much to handle. You wanted to cum so badly but not as badly as wanting to feel Bucky inside of you. You grab his arm, still his movement and he looked at you confused.
" Do you want me to stop" he asked concerned.
" No," you said in a breathy manor. " I want to feel you inside of me, I need to feel you," you said sitting up and pushing him down onto his back. You removed the last of his clothing before removing your panties. You stroked the hard length of his cock before positioning yourself over him. You took him in slowly, enjoying each second of feeling him fill you. You could hear him moan and that alone almost sent you over the edge. You leaned down and kissed him before slowly moving your hips back and forth, feeling him deep inside of you, hitting just the right spot. You continue the slow pace, taking your time. Placing your hands firmly on his chest, sitting up you continued to ride him, his hands roamed your body, one moved to your hips urging your movements, the other massaging your breast and tugging on your nipple. You orgasm building anew.
" Look at me," he said and as your eyes met his you came undone. Your orgasm hitting you, taking over your whole body. The sensation was overwhelming. Your lips crashed into his as he lifted you and rolled you on to your back, not even breaking the contact between. He held you tightly as he began to move in and out of you, his movements keeping your orgasm going. You didn't know how much more you could take. Your nails racking across his back, feeling his muscles flex under them.
"James,please." Escaped your lips as you felt another orgasm building. Something that had never happened to you before. Your words seemed to urge him on as his movements became faster and deeper.
" Say it again," he growled into your neck.
"Please," you moaned
"No my name," he responded kissing you.
"James," you whispered against his lips. It didn't take long for him to come undone inside of you setting off another intense orgasm.
You laid there, connected, breathless, heart pounding, bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat. Bucky rolled off of you, you shivered, the absence of his warmth left you open to the coolness of the night air. He pulled you in close, as he moved the bedspread to cover the two of you. Being wrapped in his arms, your lust satiated, your body relaxed in the afterglow, you felt how tired you were. Bucky placed a kiss on your forehead.
"It's ok, sleep doll." He whispered to you. You smiled to yourself. He was definitely not gay, which he proved to you again in the morning. And many days after that.