A/N: One-shot, based on the 1748 epistolary novel "Clarissa: Or, The History of a Young Lady" by Samuel Richardson.

Firstly, a Content Warning: This is a rape scene, described from the point of view of the rapist. It is not explicit or violent, but please do not read it, if it's likely to upset you.

Context: the novel is written through a series of letters which reveal the fate of a virtuous young woman, Clarissa Harlowe, who is tricked into eloping with a notorious rake, Robert Lovelace. Lovelace, who believes any woman can be seduced, decides to put Clarissa's renowned virtue "on trial". The central point of the novel is when Lovelace, frustrated at his failure to corrupt Clarissa, and enraged when she escapes him, resorts to kidnapping, drugging and raping her, hoping this will finally "subdue" her. His letter to his friend on the subject is famously cryptic and short:

"And now, Belford, I can go no farther. The affair is over. Clarissa lives. And I am
Your humble servant, R. LOVELACE." (Volume 6, Letter XII)

But Clarissa's letter to her friend is more candid:

"I remember I pleaded for mercy. I remember that I said I would be his — indeed I would be his — to obtain his mercy. But no mercy found I! My strength, my intellects failed me — And then such scenes followed — O my dear, such dreadful scenes! — fits upon fits, (faintly indeed and imperfectly remembered,) procuring me no compassion — But death was withheld from me. That would have been too great a mercy!" (Volume 6, Letter LXIX)

So, essentially I've written a "missing" letter, in which Lovelace reveals to Belford the details of his crime. I've done so in the style of the time, as far as my abilities allow. This includes the more archaic spelling of certain words (risque, phrensy, terrour, ancles, controul, teaze, aukward) as well a sprinkling of thee/thou/thine which Lovelace arbitrarily and perhaps facetiously uses throughout the novel.

Love, PP

PS. The novel belongs to the public domain, therefore I retain copyright to this piece. C2021

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A RAKE'S CONFESSION

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MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
Tuesday afternoon. Four O'clock. (June 14)

Hang it, Belford! I must write again; I must tell thee ALL!

A strange compulsion hath overcome me, to set thyself and posterity at defiance, at the risque of my neck, by recording a full account of those events alluded to in my last; in short: of my triumph over (thou wouldst say treachery against) the charmer of my soul.

Perhaps — only perhaps, Jack! — I seek to relieve my heart's blood of its festering guilt, by directing its flow through my quill, and expulsing in black ink, its blacker iniquities. — Believe what thou wouldst; for whatever thou may'st think, and however it may really be, there is a devil in me that will not let me rest, nor sleep, nor rightly think, until I have confessed everything to thee.

I repeat (and with some wonder, do I repeat it): my Clarissa lives.

The sweet sufferer hath survived her trial by ordeal, however unwillingly, and thus proved to be but an earthly creature after all; I had rather expected her to dissolve directly to air and be claimed a sister of the seraphs — did'st not thou also, Jack?

Yet, 'though she breathes still, she hath not resurfaced from the deep stupor into which she fell these twelve hours since. Dorcas is instructed to inform me the moment she begins to revive, for I wouldst that mine be the first face she looks upon: only then shall I know if my masterhood of her hath outlasted the night, and once-for-all be proven the maxim I have ever espoused, that, 'A woman, once subdued, is always subdued'!

But I am getting before myself. — Let me reset the scene where previously I left it: at one o'clock in the night-time, with my recaptured bird flitting wildly about the room, trapped between two sharp-clawed cats; one a gruesome old grimalkin, by name of Madam Sinclair, pacing and snarling; the other a sleek and handsome tom, answering to Lovelace, quietly biding his time, but ready at a moment to pounce.

The pretty truant, as I wrote thee before, was in a perfect phrensy at the situation in which she found herself: tricked back into the house she had so recently fled, forced into company she feared as much as despised, and stripped of all recourse from those in whom she had mistakenly placed her trust.

Indeed, her terror had so disordered her, that her words became mix'd and faltering, and her steps staggered. — Yet stay. — Since I am determined to confess all, I might as well mention that the lady had earlier imbibed a certain concoction, administered in her tea, which might also account for her unsteadiness and confusion. Blame me not for the expedient, Jack, though it may seem a low one: it was only meant to provide against any sudden attack of violent hysteria, causing the sweet creature to injure herself, and any advantage it afforded me over her was purely accidental.

Regardless the reason, the frightened lady seemed ready to fall down, yet determined against doing so, as if she knew what depended upon keeping alive her senses; now clutching at a curtain to keep herself upright, now leaning against a table, her whole frame quaking, and her lovely eyes coursing anguished tears.

Thou knowest, my friend, (for I have given thee many instances of past encounters) how all my previous machinations had proved no match for her eloquent indignation: how all my contrivances were thrown back in my teeth with a single, darting look from her righteously-despising eye, or a repelling word dropped from her scornfully-upturned lip. But what recourse had she now, bereft of these, her only weapons? — Never had she more need of them, having incited me to a rage of revenge with her fickle flight, her too-highly carried resentments, and her stubborn spurning of my devotion.

The dear, sweet, thrice-foolish little rogue!

And had she really thought to outwit a LOVELACE at games of his own invention?

She had better never attempted to escape me, if it were not straight into the protecting bosom of her family. And having been so easily sought and found out, she ought at once to have thrown herself at my feet, and cried my mercy, instead of further provoking my enragement by her haughty refusals and cruel rebuffs.

Dost not thou think it quite right, that, affording me no forgiveness, and placing no trust in my honour, she received none of the same?

Well might she now entreat, petition, implore — but all too late, and all too feebly done. Bereft of her valiant articulacy and naturally majestic composure, the unconquerable angel became a mere vanquishable woman. Yet such a woman! In her very distress and confusion, how lovely her aspect, how moving her tears! How often didst pity momentarily sway me from my purpose, and stave off her moment of reckoning!

'O, Mr Lovelace!' cried the frantic lady, holding her hand to her feverish forehead; 'Sir! You see that I am strangely — strangely muddled — I am very ill. I must go, I must be allowed to join your cousin and aunt at — at — (I forget the lady's name) — Leeson! — I will go to Mrs Leeson's. For I cannot breathe in this odious —'. Stopping suddenly; darting a frightened look at the formidable Sinclair who paced tigerishly back and forth near the doorway. '— I cannot breathe in this house! If I am detained one moment longer I — I shall suffocate, indeed!'

I bid her calm herself, and repeated the difficulty of securing a coach at such a late hour. But this served only to increase her panic. 'Then I will walk back to Hampstead!' she exclaimed in great agitation. 'Nothing, nothing shall prevent my going!' And saying so, she attempted again to rush out of the room.

'How now, Madam!' thundered out the old virago, stepping in her way, 'Do you think I will allow my establishment to be thus aspersed by young ladies running in and out of it, forsooth, in the middle of the night?' And she kembo'd her arms with such a minacious air that my beloved was chased back to her previous spot. Then, turning to me: 'As for you, Sir, if you would not be taken for the most chicken-hearted cuckold as ever lived, you will assert your authority over your wife, and suffer her not to continue her outrageous ravings against my respectable character!'

At this, my charmer wildly cried out, 'I am no wife of this — this vile imposter!'

Incautious, tempestuous darling! Here was the moment I had awaited all evening! My blood seemed as if to boil and surge inside me, and my heart throbbed and bounded that I thought my ribs must break.

'What say you, Madam?' I suddenly accosted her, so that she started in fright and stumbled backward a pace. 'Do you call me a vile imposter? Do you yet insist that we are not lawfully married?'

For a moment she looked as if she would sink before my unexpected savagery. But rallying her spirits, she retorted (though in a lagging and gasping voice): 'Wretch! — You know the truth, as well as I!'

'I'faith, I know I could produce twenty witnesses who would swear to the fact of your being my wife.'

'God Himself knows we are not married, Sir!' she recklessly insisted, '— And never! O! no never shall we be!'

'Upon my word, you are determined to make me desperate!' (A devil take me, if I wasn't really becoming so). 'Do you positively swear never to be mine? Take care, I warn you, Madam! — take care how you choose to answer me!'

She stared at me with trembling consternation, at an apparent loss what manner of reply would incur the least danger to herself. 'Ah, Lovelace!' stammered she at length, 'Do not — do not, I pray you —'

'Wherefore pray me, my lovely?' I fiercely enquired, now worked into a most ferocious passion. 'Do not you accuse me of premeditating the most vicious malefactions? And am I not already denounced by you as the most devilish of villains?' — Taking some closer steps, which caused her to visibly cower. — 'I wonder, then, that you should venture to pray me!'

At these menaces, the frantic beauty staggered to the shuttered window and commenced to hammer upon it with her fists, with screams of 'Help! Help!' and 'Murder! Murder!', obliging me to forcefully seize and bring her away, costing her fair arms several blemishes in the scuffle. She sank to her knees before me, her wrists tightly imprisoned by my clasping fingers. 'Sir,' she pleaded with terrified sobs, 'take pity on a de-defenceless creature! Have mercy on me, Sir!'

I enquired wherewith she fancied herself eligible to obtain my mercy, since she so adamantly refused to confer upon me any of her own?

'Indeed — indeed, Mr Lovelace,' replied she in broken accents, 'only tell me how — how I may obtain it!'

Raising up my distressed darling, I cleaved her to my thundering heart. 'By swearing to be mine, my angel!' And I stooped to kiss her lips in bruising purchase, until she was half-swoon'd for want of air. 'Promise me,' I exhorted with utmost urgency, 'promise me now, upon your honour, that you will consent to marry me!'

My gaze, I believe, brooked absolutely no refusal, for in meeting it, she suddenly blenched, as if I had struck her fair cheek, trembled violently, and at last wilted in my arms. 'Yes, yes,' she faintly assented. '—I will marry you, if I must.'

So reluctant a concession could not but exasperate me further. 'If you must!' I wrathfully exclaimed. 'If you must! Against your inclination, against your preference, I suppose!' (How sorely my pride was vex'd by this thought, Jack!) In something like a madness of fury, I seized her by the shoulders and soundly shook her, until her hair tumbled around her face and neck. 'I'm sure you are too condescending, Madam, in bestowing your favour upon so unworthy an object! I'm sure you stoop too low!'

This brutal treatment proved too much for the tormented recipient: her breathing came unnaturally quick and shallow, and she collapsed against me in a lifeless swoon.

All my resentment turned instantly to tender concern. 'My dearest love! My sweet Clarissa!' Cursing myself for a heartless barbarian, I lifted the fainting fair-one in my arms and carried her upstairs to her own apartment, gently laying her down upon her bed.

Mrs Sinclair, who followed me thither, advised me to cut her stays, and soon procured scissors for the purpose. This done, the wicked old beldame rang for attendance, which arrived in the respective smart shapes of Sally Martin and Polly Horton. Despite the late hour, they both appeared readily in full dress, as if having awaited these summons all evening, as indeed they had.

As the two wenches liberated the lady from her restricting bodice, I was struck with awe in beholding the distressed loveliness exposed to my banqueting gaze. The fairest lily, for delicacy and beauty, could not rival that snowy expanse, upon which (I blame my own feverish transports) I could not forbear imprinting with worshipful kisses.

Half-reviving, and finding herself in such surroundings and company, my darling was instantly beset by violent convulsions of terrour. Desiring to calm her, I vowed to her safety, imploring her to trust in my honourable intentions by her. But the sweet little coward only gasped and struggled the more, even so wildly clawing that Sally and Polly were obliged to each capture a slender wrist to hold forcibly down upon the quilt. Thus wholly overpower'd, she shuddered and sighed, tears sliding down her velvet cheeks. 'Lovelace,' she entreated most piteously, 'if you w-would not kill me ... leave me now.'

'What strange words are these, my best beloved? I, kill you! — I, who adore you, more than any man ever adored woman!'

'If that be true, you will not per-persist in ... pro-prosecuting my ruin.'

Pouring into her ear every tender assurance of our lawful union at first light of day (which words, Belford, I really didst mean) I embraced her with the greatest possible gentleness and reverence, administering the softest of stroking caresses, but from which she nevertheless flinched and shrank, and protested against in despairing accents; suing to receive a merciful death, rather than disgrace and dishonour, at my hands.

'Such needless phrensy, my love!' I reproached the fretful little novice. 'What dishonour can there be in yielding to your own husband? For, in a mere matter of hours, I shall be exalted above all men to be so called.'

But this would not serve the lady's extravagant punctilio. 'Villain! — fiend!' she pantingly reproved. 'Touch me not! Avert — avert thy gloating gaze! I shall never, never be your wife! — I had rather die!'

'Indeed, my dear, what other course may I pursue, if such be your violent averments? It is you who have driven me all along, to adopt these desperate measures!'

'O, God protect me! Spare me from such cruel usage!' — And such was her frantic terrour and despair, that once more she fell into a fainting fit.

I was so moved by this heart-piercing anguish, I express'd aloud a desire to abandon the present proceedings, so harrowing to the lady's sensibilities, and pursue some gentler course. But this was concertedly exclaimed against by my three attendants, who assured me that her pride and person must be properly chastened, were I ever to win her all-too-haughty heart.

'Recall, Sir,' quoth the old dragon, 'how your clemency was rewarded on a previous occasion. No forgiveness, no gratitude, only the severest resentment and most obstinate defiance! And all this followed by a truancy that no husband who calls himself man, ought tolerate!'

Polly chimed in, 'Aye, Sir, 'tis too plain the humouring of your lady's over-delicacy has worked against your favour. All women admire a daring and ardent lover; and transgressions made in the name of passionate love, which might never be permitted beforehand, are always acquitted afterwards.'

Then up spake the double-tongued she-serpent Sally: 'Ah, poor Lovelace, how easily this conceited slut hath unmanned you, and made you a laughing-stock! I declare your spirit is quite tamed and broke. But if, however, you had rather continue as her grovelling spaniel, running all around London after her pretty ancles, by all means abandon your resolution!'

For her saucy insolence against both myself and my charmer, the vixen sampled on her lip a sharp taste of my open palm; yet thou may'st imagine, Belford, how much her scorning words didst abase my pride and excite my wrath! The more so, that she spoke the truth!

Indeed, how came this mere little chit of a HARLOWE (though she be so divine a CLARISSA) to be so completely in my power, and yet have kept me so wholly at her disadvantage? I, her equal in fortune and personal merit, her superior in rank and family, soon to inherit an earldom! — Whence sprang that source of haughty audacity, that she dared so to spurn and reject me, and vilify me to her impudent friend (despite all my humble devotion to her!), so that I must stoop to the use of brutal force, in place of the artful persuasion upon which I have ever prided myself, to make her truly mine own?

And how came I, a LOVELACE — dauntless libertine and zealous disciple of THE RAKE'S CREED — how came I to equivocate with my volition, and allow conscience to quarrel with my heart's desires? Unmanned, verily! Well might my beloved despise me for a craven fool: a fool she had certainly made of me! For too long had I allowed her saintly imperviousness to restrain my nature and confound my aspirations. A minx! She whom, but for my timely intervention, would now have the blockheaded Solmes for her nightly bedfellow, mauling her delicate flesh with his lubberly ham-fists. — Didst not she owe me her obligation; nay, her fealty, for this escape, Jack? Roguish little ingrate!

And so, with my merciful inclinations suppressed and my vengeful ones rekindled, I was thus convinced to proceed with the trial (which the sweet martyr, by her own renowned virtue, was condemned to undergo) unto its last extremity.

At my instruction, the Misses Martin and Horton completed their pro bono chambermaid duties upon the swooned seraph, disrobing her personage and fanning out her flaxen locks in glorious streams, so I was dazzled almost to blindness by her ravishing charms arrayed all before me. Such sublime symmetry of form, such exquisite finesse of feature; a perfect Venus in marble (alas for me, Jack! quite as cold and unyielding.)

However, I would not yet relinquish my hopes of bringing her to an acquiescent, if not obliging, participation. If I could coax but one word of consent, howe'er faintly or reluctantly given, from her lovely mouth — then all other complaints, protestations and struggles, be they ever so vehement, would be set as naught, and my victory must be absolute.

Ah, Belford! How I wished to dispense with the need for crude force! Any brutish ruffian may exploit a woman's weak frame; the real triumph lies in subduing her contrary nature and levelling her uppish pride, by inveigling her into a culpable compliance.

Thou knowest, Jack, I make no idle boast when professing my expert knowledge in the art of taming the wayward sex. Often and often have I broken in a skittishly jouncing filly, or a stubborn-willed, lively-spirited mare. Women, like all of God's weaker creatures, are naturally capricious unless firmly controulled. 'Tis only a matter of grasping the reins, and, with a mixture of commanding insistence and coaxing persuasion (and, where necessary, a light touch of the whip) she will soon be trotting along obediently at her master's pace and leisure, and gratefully nibbling sugar from his hand.

These methods having never failed me before, I questioned not but they must eventually prevail again.

An application of hartshorn was now used to revive the fair languisher, who instantly resumed her piteous lamenting against him whom she was pleased to call her "vicious destroyer" (ungenerous epithet!) — But I was no longer to be deterred. Perseverance is oft' all that separates triumph from defeat, and I wouldst not twice be duped for the want of it.

Since all my fine oaths and pretty words had earned me nothing but cruel execrations in return, I now put my lips to better use, lavishing her sweet self with the kind of ardent attentions as are customarily acceptable to a lady, when bestowed by a skillful and worshipful lover. I hoped she would at last be overcome, either by rapture or shame, to willingly surrender herself to the fullest extension of my desires.

Alas, for all my exertions (I exerted myself most diligently, Jack) one might have thought I dispensed bites and bruises, instead of kisses and caresses! The lamenting, the protesting, the phrensy, the fainting — all these continued by the hour together, 'though weakening with the lady's depleting strength, until at length all flutterings subsided and she only wept in anguish'd silence.

When at last I had exhausted every prospect of gaining her consent, what choice had I, but to proceed without it?

Thou must agree, Belford, that there was now no alternative course to pursue. I had gone too far to turn back; my darling wouldst never forgive those freedoms already exacted from her, e'en were the final remittance to go unprosecuted. The only certain method to annex her securely to me, was to compel the scene to its inevitable conclusion, and repair the damage as best I could thereafter: on my knees, with a gold ring in one hand and a marriage license in the other.

And so, Jack. The lady finally met in me her long-deferred destiny.

I take comfort that I did not inflict undue injury upon her. The potency of the stupefying tincture (a mixture of spirits and laudanum) and my extreme carefulness and self-restraint, spared her the worst distresses of a forced abdication from the delicate throne of maidenhood. No besotted bridegroom could have been more regardful of his trembling girl-bride than I. Believe thou me, Belford, when I declare that never was a ravishment so gently committed, never a fervent nimrod so considerate of his fallen quarry. I only hope the sweet dove, when she revives, will recall with gratitude that the hawk retracted his mutilating claws, though he could not help spilling a quantity of her innocent blood upon the first gouge of his piercing maxilla.

Discovering that all was a fait accompli, my charmer soon sunk into a state of profoundest oblivion, from which no method could rouse her, thus robbing me of any last opportunity to add to the piquancy of vanquishment, the sweetness of victory.

When at last her ordeal was come to completion, she was entirely insensible to the fact. I'faith, I myself was in danger of joining her stupefied state, so spent by exertion and dizzied by elation was I, my limbs all aquiver, my breath ejecting in deep, panting gasps. But after some while I recovered my strength and senses, and was at length able to rise.

But — ah, Jack! My sanguine passions thus sated and allayed, with what severe twinges my conscience now smote me! As if with new eyes, I observed my insensate darling: she, who never appeared but in a state of exquisite fastidiousness and propriety, now in so extreme, so obscene, disarray! Shivering in her stupor, as if fallen into a disturbing night-terrour, her sweet, chafed lips expelling plaintive whimpers, her lovely arms bearing mottled testimony to violent resistance and more-violent restraint.

For several moments together I heartily wished myself hanged, drowned or shot, (first dispatching my instigating accomplices!) The old virago had much to-do, to calm my raving invectives against our guilty quartet! — But at last I was sufficiently pacified by repeated assurances that my ascendancy over her heart must (express'd in the laws of classical mechanics) provide static aequilibrio to the abasing of her pride.

I bid the wenches attend her, and put her under the coverlet. A final dose of opiates was recommended to soothe and calm her, after which application to her quivering lips, my stricken seraph sank into the deep slumber, from which she hath not yet revived.

Sinclair assures me she will awaken soon, with her strength and intellects restored and complete; woe betide that old dragon if it be not so! St. George wouldst shew more mercy than I, if my princess Sabra is not delivered back to me in one fair piece!

Confound it all, Jack! I am afeard this Clarissa, in vindicating her worthiness to me, hath by the same deed proved me unworthy of her! Whilst her unwavering resistance under TRIAL must secure her eventual ascent among angels, my devising and conducting of it methinks commends me a seat next the Devil.

What can be this strange sensation, that cause my pulse to drum an irregular tattoo, and bringeth cold beads to stand upon my brow? I never knew its like before. With as many seductions and ravishments to my name as years to my age, never before hath my conscience so misgiven me, and plucked at my heart with such plaguey sharp implements as remorse and self-reproach, that my exultation is greatly deflated and I begin to grow ashamed.

—And yet—

—and yet, of what have I to be ashamed, intent as I am to make every reparation in justice to her merit? What difference if the goods are sampled before purchase, provided the full amount is afterwards paid? The higher the requested premium, the more exhaustive must be its preliminary appraisal. If a little damage is incurred by the rigorous method of inspection, the purchaser may take comfort that his fingerprints alone have caused the blemish of an otherwise-unblighted commodity.

And what higher premium exists than the reluctant surrendering of myself to the yoke of matrimony, to be everlastingly squeez'd and driven and pulled about by my gasping throat? Thou, Belford, of all people, know there is nothing I prize more highly, and am more loath to forfeit, than my liberty.

My darling will not now so hastily, nor so haughtily, reject my honourable offers (despite her frenzied avowals to never be mine). Methinks when she waketh, her lovely, tearful eyes will witness quite a miraculous metamorphose of the villainous PROSECUTOR OF HER RUIN into the heroic CHAMPION OF HER VIRTUE. For indeed, what choice hath she, but to consign herself entirely to my protection? Perfectly well did she understand Mrs Sinclair's menaces. Only my personal prerogative stands in the way of that vicious madam claiming her for a charming fixture of this establishment. I cannot but flatter myself that my darling must greatly prefer my exclusive society, than endure the multifarious company whom she would be otherwise forced to accommodate. She might then, by brutal comparison, discover too late how respectful and gentle was the treatment she lately received from her adoring Lovelace, however presently shocking to her squeamish sensibilities. These, but for me, she would soon be entirely divested of.

But I ought not teaze thy newly-reformed self with visions blasphemous to the instrument of thy salvation and idol of thy devotion, lest it embolden thee to raise a confraternity of zealots to embark upon a holy crusade against all who have sinned against HER.

—I pause here to peruse all I have written. —

Well, well, Belford! I have read over-again this entire missive, and have been by turns engrossed, exhilarated and sincerely affected by the scenes so faithfully depicted and freshly recalled. I'faith, a pretty, pathetic story, admirably told! Capital! For all thy cavilling complaints, I'll vouch thou hast been as excessively diverted and secretly delighted by its narration, as the narrator is by its recollection!

Yet, upon further consideration, I shall defer its relinquishment to thy possession, until I better perceive what consequences may follow. Meantime, I shall stow it safely away, to examine and reflect upon at times of idle leisure, and deliver it to thee upon receiving thy felicitations upon the announcement of my nuptials. Or, perchance, thy gratulations on the advent of a smaller, rowdier version of myself, in addition to my standing accumulation! Whichever may happen first.

Therefore take comfort Jack, if thou art presently reading this, that thy Clarissa is safely affixed to me as my wife, or something very alike. Thou may'st put by thy sword, and swallow thy imprecations, and offer instead thy thanks to me for preventing thy murder, for thy riposte is as aukward as thy repartee, and I couldst not help besting thee.

—Ah! Jack, Jack! A bustle in the hallway!—Dorcas, I doubt, or one of the harpies coming to apprise me that my Belle Dormant is stirring! My heart clatters and bounds with such violence, but for its tethering stalks, it should likely leap from my throat.

What is my fate? What is my fate? Master or slave!— Away to find it out, flies thy

Robert Lovelace

finis

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A/N Thank you for reading! Any thoughts or opinions are welcome. ~ P.P.