Author's note:

guys remember that italics is either a dream/something that didn't happen or if Ron is thinking something (internal monologue, basically). It will be easier to tell based on the context.

also I'm not a licensed therapist, I hope I didn't portray them in the wrong way. I just have attended countless therapy sessions so I have observed how they talk but I don't know the psychology and ethics behind me so spare me, if you can.

This is the first time I've written such a long one-shot. Proof-reading this was a nightmare. Writing Ron's nightmare was also a nightmare, but at least, it wasn't a real scene. A couple weeks ago I saw this fic that got recommended to me after reading a R/Hr fic on (which, by the way, has the actual worst recommender system of all time. Pray tell, why do I get recs to read Drarry, Dramione and Harmione after what is most certainly a R/Hr fic? Makes no sense) and this fic was Harmione but the description was that Ron does the mistletoe thing for Hermione. I read that and I was so aghast when I found out that that fic was actually Harmione and it paints Ron as this absolute loser. I just can't understand why so many Harmione fan fics have to demean Ron? I've never seen Romione fics bash Harry as such (maybe it's because we don't see Harry as a threat).

Honestly, I can even respect Harmione if you compare it to shit like Dramione, Snamione (ewwww btw) etc because at least it won't be abusive (though kinda creepy because they do describe themselves as siblings in the book lmao) but still it's manageable but despite that, its shippers really ruin the reputation of that ship by pretending it's canon, relentlessly bashing Ron and acting so holier-than-thou for no reason, absolutely. . I just wish could, like, really improve their interface and recommender system because this is awkward.

"So how was your past week?"

"I told you, you can call me Ron, it's fine."

"Oh well, I keep forgetting!" Dr. Tate laughs.

"Well, that makes sense; you have far more important things to remember. Uh, about my past week, it's largely been fine, I guess? Just a couple of problems, that's it."

"Is there anything specifically that you'd like to bring up?"

"Well, for one, I've been having nightmares lately."

"Oh, I see, I see." She nods understandably, "And how often do you have them, if you don't mind me asking."

"Well you're a therapist; you have to ask me all sorts of questions about what's bugging me."

"That's surely correct, but we have to make sure that you're also comfortable in answering."

"Yeah, I see" Ron smiles. "About the frequency, for the past week, I've been having them every day actually."

"Okay, uh, Ron"

"It's fine. I've asked my mate Harry, his therapist doesn't call him Mr Potter as well." Ron re-assures her.

"I know. It's just some people like the formalities and others like the first name and it's just kind of confusing. So anyway, do you dream of the same things or of different things?"

"I'd say it's a recurring nightmare."

"And may I ask—"

"Don't worry I've been preparing for the last 24 hours to open up about this." He says, "You want to know what I see, right?"

"Yes, that would help, but only if you feel comfortable. You can share an overview as well, if you don't want to go into specifics."

"It's okay, I can share."

"Well, then, Ron, go ahead."

"Well, you know about the war?"

"Yes, yes, I do. My department was full of patients after the war."

"I'd expect the same; Anyways, so for the war, Hermione, Harry and I, we were going together to hunt for the horcruxes. I'd assume you'd know what those are as well?"

"Yes, yes, of course. We received a lot of news and information."

"Well there was this horcrux that was in the shape of a locket, yeah? And for some reason someone or the other had to wear it at all times."

"Okay" she nods. "This is the locket of Slytherin, isn't it?"

"Yes, you know about it?"

"Well, we actually have to write a research paper about it when we're training for psychology at my university. It's a very peculiar case."

"Well yeah, so I had to wear it at times, you know, the three of us took turns and all that."

"Yeah" she nods.

"And it messed everyone up, you know? It did. But for some reason it messed me up so much more, evidently, than it did Harry or Hermione. Even though both of them have gone through their own hardships, for some reason it really, truly, just seemed to torture me so much more than it did them."

"Uh-huh"

"And I used to think I was weak. Terribly weak. And one day, Harry and I got into this fight. It was a high pressure situation. We both said things we didn't mean. It could have been avoided. Hermione was trying to put in reason in all of us. And I couldn't stand more of it. See, I didn't want to yell anymore, I didn't want to hit someone or break things, and I had no idea what to do. At that point I was so angry and scared. I'd entered that thing you call 'Fight or flight', and I decided to choose the latter option. I just ran away, like a coward."

"Go on." Dr. Tate says, as she takes some notes.

"Anyways, then I did run away. I did. I couldn't do anything else at that time. There was no part of my head that was telling me 'hey, maybe don't bail on your friends?' And well, I forgot to tell you this, I dropped off the locket before running away. Anyways, I get sick of running and I stand still, and I think. And this voice of reason comes back to me. The voice of reason that existed all along when that locket was not in the picture. I think and then I ask myself 'Hey, what the hell did you just do?' I try for hours to find them but I can't. I've run too far away and I have no map. I give up.

I try to set up camp wherever I am. There are some snatchers so I have to be careful. I find my way to me brother, Bill's house, then, and I stay there. Bill prods and pokes and eventually gives up. I don't tell him what happens. We're Weasleys after all. Being loyal is in our blood. I can't let him know what I just did. There are a lot of things I don't want to go through and one of them is being judged my own brother.

I wallow in my own misery for a while. And then one day something happens. This thing that Late Dumbledore gave me, this put-outer, the Deluminator as it's also called, it does something weird. I mean, from its name you can get that it de-lights something. If you turn it on and point it towards a bulb or a tube-light, it'll suck its light away. And I had no idea why I had it, or why I'd need it. And now it came into my use. So, this voice comes out of the Deluminator. It's Hermione's voice. She sounds shaken up, she sounds like she's crying. She's saying my name. And then I know. I just know where to go.

I find myself then, going to where I know I have to go. I go then. And I approach this waterbed, I hear Harry yelling for some reason. At first I can't believe it, think my brain is playing tricks with me, but I still investigate. And he's drowning. I pull him up. He has in his hand a sword. The Sword of Gryffindor. He's surprised, I apologise to him and then we reconcile. And then I realise the purpose of the sword. We have to destroy it. I have to destroy it. I have to annihilate that little piece of garbage. I have to prove my bravery, prove I'm not a coward. I have to face my fears and I stab it, right? Very violently. And it's destroyed then, naturally. A part of You-Know-Who's soul. But I'm scarred now. It's not easy defeating horcruxes, Dr. Tate, it's really not. The horcrux has its own defence mechanism in place. As you attack it, it attacks you. It aims for your psyche. And it's very fierce. It tells me things. Nay, it clarifies my worst fears. It clarifies them with such conviction that I believe it for a while. It tells me my mother regrets having me. That I was a mistake. I was a waste of time. Then it cuts to Harry and Hermione. They also rip on me. They're ghost-like. Misty, gloomy and soupy, but real enough. And they're throwing insults on me. They're killing me with their words and their thoughts. They're killing me. Hermione tells me that I'm nothing and then-"

Ron falters now.

"-Then they snog. And it hurts me so much. It does. And then I believe it. The visual, it fills me with point blank rage, I stab the locket, naturally. And I vow to myself that split second to focus on the task. To internalise how I feel. And I do it to some extent. It's always at the back of my head though. And now, the war's over, isn't it? And now, it's all I think about. And my dream is just that visual. I've been dating Hermione for six months and now with these nightmares, she's giving me space. I need it. And she's so sweet to give me this space, but it's killing me, that no one's out there, you know, telling me my fears are stupid. I mean you can't, you'll word it eloquently. You'll respect it, more like. I don't want her to hate me. These nightmares make me think she does. That's it. Merlin, can you give me some water."

"For sure, Ron."

Ron doesn't show it, but deep inside he feels more self-conscious than he has in his entire life. He hasn't told this to anyone but Dr. Tate, but he trusts her as well. Therapists don't gossip or indulge in chit chat. Hermione promised him that they don't. Dr. Tate has almost gotten him over Fred's death.

The vision, it never stops bugging him. It latches on. It's incapable of remorse because it's a vision. It's been plaguing his brain since the day it happened. Since the day he saw it. He saw them. Passionate. Suddenly anything that Hermione and he shared seems tame by comparison. She doesn't clutch on him like that. She doesn't snog him with such force. She doesn't moan in that voice. The war's just ended and they barely get any time to spend alone. His mum knows they kissed and she can't have them shag under her roof. She keeps them separated unless they're in daylight.

They've been falling apart. The Burrow, then, his home, it doesn't really feel like home. And that's a problem. Because it is his home.

He sips his water slowly and motions for Dr. Tate to speak. He glances at his wrist but remembers he forgot his watch

"We have about 20 minutes left of this session, don't worry about the time." Dr. Tate started, "Now, I'd expect you know that the locket of Salazar Slytherin doesn't know anything about what your friends and family think of you. It only knows what you think of yourself. At such a stressful time, you might not be the most confident, right?"

"Well, I'm never the most confident. I show I am. But inside I feel like everyone hates me. Especially my mates. Ever since that day, there are moments where I zone out and I feel like they're plotting against me. Conspiring against me."

"Ron, the fact of the matter is that the locket is like a bully. It derives pleasure off of someone's sadness. And the way to defeat the bully is to stand up against them, to not take their words seriously and to confront them, and that is what you did. The locket impacts different people differently, as well. You had more to lose. Different things affect different people differently."

"Wait like, how, if Hermione doesn't get an O in Potions, she'll be upset and if I get an E in Potions, I'll be over the moon?"

"Exactly, you get it perfectly. What might bother Miss Granger might not really always bother me or you. And that's all right."

Ron nods.

"Can you do a bit of homework for this session?" Dr. Tate asks.

"Is it very hard?"

"It depends"

"Well what is it?"

"Every time you wake up from a nightmare, and you remember how you felt, write it. Keep it to yourself; you don't have to share it with anyone if you don't wish to. And then pick the pages apart, tear them and blow them away from you."

"O…kay…" Ron says incredulously.

"I know it sounds weird, but it really helps me. Try this as much as you can and let me know if it helped at all."

"Okay" Ron says, while getting up.

"Wait we still have two more minutes and I have another task for you."

"And that is?"

"If at any point of time during the week, should you feel out of control, don't shy away from opening up, to either Miss Granger or Mr Potter or Mrs Weasley, or anyone you trust."

"Do I have to?"

"You don't have to, but if things get out of control, opening up to those you trust always helps."

"Right." Ron said.

"I'll see you next Saturday."

"Likewise"

Hermione was sitting by herself inside her the tent, happily singing to herself. She seemed calm and happy which for Ron was always a good sign. Something seemed off, though, and he couldn't quite place what it was. Harry entered the tent, jovially. Singing too. This was weird. Why were they smiling in the middle of the bloody horcrux hunt where nothing was certain? This seemed a bit uncanny. A bit eerie. What was worse, though, was that he couldn't pin point what it was. He could just identify the part where it was abnormal to be cheery in times like those but there was something else that was distinctively missing.

"Hey, Hermione!" Harry said happily.

"Hey, yourself." Hermione smiled back at him.

"So…What's up?"

"Nothing much, I feel great. I finally got some perspective and I feel like we can move ahead now."

"Hah, took you awfully short to get some perspective. I was expecting some water works."

"Why would there be water works?"

"Oh, you know, the love of your life just left, yesterday, I figured you'd be devastated"

"Oh please, you think I'd fall for that absolute swine of a wizard."

"He is a swine, isn't he?"

"I bet he's miserable now. But at least we'll be able to get more work done without him having to eat bloody food every two seconds"

Wait why was Hermione using the word bloody? That didn't make any sense.

"Oh, food, that reminds me. Let's heat up our food."

"Yeah, it's time to eat."

"Okay, well, a can of beans, coming right up" Harry said jokingly.

"How're you so funny, Harry!" Hermione blushed and giggled.

"I don't know, you tell me." Harry said back.

"Well I don't know, that's why I'm asking you. But I can tell you something else." Hermione said with a smile. A smirk.

"And what's that, may I ask?"

"Well, back when you asked if I was devastated, I think I only told you part of the whole truth."

"What do you mean?" Harry said, his smile disappearing, a concerned expression replacing it.

"I am devastated about one thing…" she smiled.

"What?" he said.

"I am devastated at the fact that you aren't fucking me right now."

"Ron! Ron! Wake the hell up!" someone yelled.

Ron opened his eyes groggily.

It was Harry.

"What happened? Is everything okay?" Ron asked calmly.

"Oh so you're going to act all indifferent?"

"Indifferent?" Ron said.

"What was all that yelling about?"

"Well, now that I think about it, I was having a nightmare." Ron said, trying his level best to seem nonchalant. Whether or not he was successful, only Harry's reaction would be able to tell.

"The shrink didn't help, huh?"

"She did. It just takes time to work. I mean I didn't have a nightmare last night so I guess I'm doing slightly better. I was having them every day earlier."

"Yeah, well, that sure is an improvement."

"Oh, well, I'm so sorry for disturbing your sleep. Let's go back to sleep, eh?" Ron said, wishing to not have this conversation at all if possible.

"No, I don't think we're quite done with our conversation yet." Harry said.

"What do you mean, mate? Are you having nightmares too?"

"That's not relevant. I want to know why you were yelling 'don't snog her, don't snog her' in your nightmare. You usually yell out, you know, other things."

"Uh-"

"Get over Viktor, Ron. You know they kissed like one time back in 4th year and she didn't even seem to like it or remember it that fondly anyways. And I don't mean to be out of line but you were kind of a prat, being all, and 'well, you're a witch.' Now, I'm no ladies' man but that's not how you ask someone to a dance."

"Yeah." Ron nodded, deeply relieved inside, for the first time thankful for the fact that Harry had interrupted him.

"So, you must understand that Hermione likes you very much. She kissed you in the middle of the battle for Merlin's sake."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"I am right. Anyways, it's 5 in the morning. Let's go back to sleep, yeah?"

"Yeah. And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this, mate. Feel free to ask for my help if you ever have a nightmare, I'll be right here." Ron smiled.

"For sure" Harry smiled back.

Ron climbed back in his bed, trying his level best to fall asleep and forgetting his nightmare. He knew how stupidly impossible it was. Harry was with Ginny and there was no way that he would ever get close in that way with Hermione when he fancied Ginny. It made no sense for Hermione to act the way she did in the nightmare. She was so mad at Ron when he came back, it was clear that she missed him. And she didn't even talk the way she did in that dream. She didn't giggle at Harry's jokes. She only giggled at his. And she barely giggled to begin with.

Ron mentally chided himself and asked himself to stop having such silly dreams since they were obviously not helping him in any way, shape or form.

She had kissed him after all.

But then he'd start to worry if that kiss was a do or die situation. Whether she felt pumped with adrenaline at that moment or whether she actually did it because she liked him. In that way. The more he thought about it, the more worried he became. For the millionth time in his life, he wished he would stop overthinking and second-guessing everything all the time, but alas, he seemed like he couldn't and it was positively driving him insane.

3 o'clock in the morning was a weird time to wake up because of a parched throat, but it was what it was. Ron had forgotten to drink his recommended 8 goblets of water a day (not that anybody even counted how many goblets of water they had in a day to begin with).

Getting up at 3 o'clock in the morning was weird. But it was fine. At least it wasn't as bad as keeping watch outside a tent at 3 o' clock in the morning with that bloody locket on. Ron shuddered.

He heard footsteps approaching as he sipped on his goblet. It's probably Harry going to meet Ginny. As much as he didn't like the mental image of his best mate and sister snogging, he couldn't help but acknowledge that they would work well together. They did too, to a large extent.

The footsteps were approaching his way, now. Well, maybe someone else was also thirsty this time of the night. He decided to stick around, exchange pleasantries with the fellow thirsty person. The footsteps became louder and louder until they disappeared. It was Hermione.

He hated to admit it but he was avoiding Hermione. He didn't like doing it but he didn't know how to tell her what went on in his brain. He didn't want her to think he was miserable. That he was broken. That the locket had taken some part of his confidence from him. He hated avoiding her. He would very well prefer spending every waking moment of his life with her, that's how much he was in deep. It was scary, though, really. What was instilled in him was sticking, and he feared it was sticking for good. He felt he couldn't, well, match her. He wasn't as bloody perfect as her. Sure, she could get stubborn, vindictive and jealous but she was also the Brightest Witch of Her Age. He, on the other hand, was just another Weasley. The biggest thing he'd achieved was becoming prefect. He wasn't the first in the family to become prefect, though. Bill and Percy had already done that long before him.

"Ron?" Hermione asked, and Ron snapped back to reality.

"Hey." He said, simply.

"What brings you here at quarter past three in the morning?" she asked, slightly worried.

"Oh, I woke up with this terrible feeling in my throat which made me realise that I was terribly thirsty." He replied.

"Ronald!" she whisper-shouted, "Is it so hard to drink eight goblets of water a day? You do realise what could happen if you aren't properly hydrated? You could faint, for all I know! Why? Because you couldn't remember to drink water. And it's very funny how you get to do this and if I do so much as miss breakfast, you get all concerned."

She'd turned red in the midst of all this and her red face along with her scowl made her look like this ball of fire. He chuckled.

"Well, I'm sorry Hermione. From tomorrow I will tally exactly how many goblets of water I drink. Does that sound fine?"

"Yes." She said, not amused.

"Well, I thought you liked me getting all concerned." Ron said, mischievously.

"That's hardly part of the question" Hermione blushed violently.

"What is part of the question?" Ron inquired with mock curiosity.

"Well, for starters, I just want to tell you that if you want space because of all that has happened, I'm fine with it, but if you want to talk about it and such, just remember, I'm here." She said, slowly.

"Thanks, Hermione."

"I just wanted to ask if you wanted distance from me or anything because you've been avoiding me recently, and I want to know if you need your space because that is completely understandable."

"Well, in all honesty, I think the therapist has helped me enough with Fred." He shuddered, "And I don't really want to avoid you. It's just that I'm scared."

"Scared of what, Ron? It's not like I'm going to eat you, is it?"

"No, though I hope not. I just don't want to project, you see?"

"Project what?"

"Project what I feel," he sighed, "Listen, Hermione. That locket, it did things to me, right? Apparently it attacks people who don't have, well, good self-confidence. And well, it told me things and showed me visions that I can't quite get over. And well not having talked to you about romance and kissing since the war has made it worse because the more I hide away from the conversation, the more shit my mind makes up."

"I understand, Ron, but I want to once again tell you that nothing that locket was saying was true, and I still wish that you'd just taken it off more often. But whatever's happened has happened. Just know that none of it is true."

"I don't know how."

"It's getting to your head, isn't it?"

"Wha-"

"Ron, let's have that talk now. I like you, in that way. I didn't kiss you because of the whole 'do or die' adrenaline reason; I would have done it either way. If you don't like me-"

"Of course I like you." Ron said firmly

Hermione seemed like she was waiting for him to say something. Something that could make or break both their lives.

"In that way." He clarified.

"What does that mean then?" Hermione asked, again, seeming scared.

"Well, I'd personally like to do the whole dating thing where we go out to dinner and see some plays and say cheesy things to each other as our proclamations to each other keep getting more and more intense. What are your thoughts?"

"I wholeheartedly agree to this proposition."

"So, we're boyfriend-girlfriend now?"

"I would really hope so."

"Me too."

"Great" Hermione muttered in a very soft and inaudible voice. Ron reckoned she was thinking of something else.

"What is going on in that wonderful head of yours, Granger?"

She smirked. It seemed more natural now. "I was thinking whether your lips were as soft as I remembered them to be."

Ron gave her a lopsided grin. "Well I think you can find that for yourself then"

She did. They were as soft.

"Hello…Ron" Dr. Tate managed.

"Thank you!" Ron exclaimed.

"Well how was your week?"

"It couldn't have been better"

end note: Thanks for reading this, guys!

Please comment if you can and let me know what you liked/didn't like. I would really appreciate it.

psa: introspection is a not well-defined series. It's mostly from different fandoms and contains fics which involve, well, introspection and self-reflection.