A/N: I've been sitting on this one since 2017. I dedicate it with love to the members of the IchiRuki Secret Basement (that isn't so much of a secret); without our conversations about crack pairings, I would not have had the motivation to excavate my wardrobe full of crap to find the flash drive holding this story's chapter files. Enjoy, everyone!

There were rabbits.

All.

Over.

The damn.

Place.

And it was beautiful.

She ran through the sunny, green meadow as the snowy white rabbits bounced around her feet, her arms raised with the carefree beauty of delight. Her dreams had been answered, and it would be heinous to ignore this opportunity to be so obnoxiously happy. Frolicking about with fluffy bunnies would bring anyone else to tears of joy, but not her. As much as she wanted to collapse into the soft and copious pile of rabbits surrounding her, she could not sacrifice the moment to gratitude. That would come at a later date, well after she and the ever-growing horde had danced and flounced from one end of the world to the other. For now, she was content to raise her arms higher, reaching straight for the sun. She twirled as she gazed down at the rabbits, her perception turning all but that which was directly in front of her into a swirl of white fur and green grass.

She opened her mouth to shout for joy, but though she registered some noise coming from her throat, her voice was suddenly gone. She shouted louder, hoping it would rectify the issue, but the only thing she received was more frustration. Her voice wasn't working as it should, utterly destroying the perfect world she had landed in. She stopped spinning to focus on her voice, but even then her vocal chords refused to comply. What was wrong with her?

She looked to the bunnies as if they would have the answer. Their faces betrayed no concern; rather, the bunnies continued to watch her with bright, ignorant eyes. They pressed closer to her, but she could not bring herself to smile. Didn't they see there was a problem here? Didn't they see she was flustered? Didn't they see she needed space, to run away, to escape from this idyllic prison where the only ones to help her were fluffy idiots—!?

Rukia sat up with a start, a short sound of panic escaping from her now-functional throat. That had been dreadful. There had been so many bunnies, too little noise, so much stupidity…. Come to think of it, that was more or less the composition of an awkward lull in her conversations with Ichigo and Renji, but regardless, she was shaken.

Water, thought Rukia. I need water. Maybe the walk will clear my head….

Tossing her blankets aside, Rukia stood from her futon and slipped a heavy robe on over her kosode. She opened the door leading to the inner hallway and, by strong January moonlight, started toward the kitchen for a drink. What a silly dream, really, with that unreasonable amount of bunnies hopping all over the place. Sure, to a certain degree it had been fantastic, but even she had to admit it was much too overwhelming to be genuinely happy.

Not to mention the issue with her voice, which made her now more conscious of how loud she was breathing. Her breath felt amplified now, as though her throat was compensating for its earlier failure. Rukia tried to stifle the sound, but even then her breath seemed louder than necessary. Wondering if she was still trapped in a dream, she inhaled hard and held her breath, determined to outsmart herself. Within seconds the breathing stilled, but just as she was prepared to resume typical oxygen intake, the hard breathing renewed in earnest. It was muffled, as though it originated at some distance away. Was someone running through the grounds…?

Rukia looked left and right, searching for the guards at their usual posts. They would surely be obliged to follow any noise or presence atypical to the Kuchiki manor. Regrettably, though, sudden, thick clouds passed over the moon, and Rukia's light source was extinguished in a matter of seconds. But it was no matter, not when there was a heavy breather on the loose.

Pressing forward, Rukia followed along the walkway from room to room, giving each a good listen before moving on. The breathing—it was definitely masculine, she could hear now—steadily grew louder as though she were indeed drawing closer. If she was careful, she could even distinguish which direction it was coming from now. Victory was just a few footsteps to the left now….

But she froze. Even if her current desire was to find the heavy breather, this was still far too close to her brother's rooms. It didn't matter how much their relationship had improved since he had tried to oversee her death. Rukia still hesitated to approach her brother in private, if only because his eyes never seemed to convey what he was thinking. This wasn't to say she didn't admire his control, but you'd think he'd let his hair down a little at home. Moreover, out of respect, one did not simply traipse near Byakuya's quarters.

But the breather….

Taking in a deep breath herself, Rukia carried on. If her brother was asleep, she did not have to bother him. If, as an avid lover of the night he was standing outside his bedroom, she would simply inform him of her suspicions about the breathing, as well as the leftover heebie-jeebies from that strangely diabolical dream of hers. Yeah, that was exactly it. She always overthought these things. She complained that Byakuya needed to relax, but she was being a right hypocrite. She really wasn't giving enough credit to their relationship. Besides, how many nights had she wandered just like this, only to find him doing the same thing, and the two had sat down to discuss all the goings-on around them? Yeah, Byakuya was nice to be around! You just had to wait until the rest of the world was asleep and not compare him too much to…well, anything lest you kill the illusion—

She was definitely overthinking this.

Just then, the clouds covering the moon abated, casting sudden, intense illumination upon the grounds. Rukia felt her pupils contract, and in the moment it took her to regain her senses she glanced down at the floor…

…just in time to see a huge, spikey, entirely unnatural shadow plodding right for her.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

"Byaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Rukia screamed, the shadow screamed, everything screamed—and she hadn't even taken Sode no Shirayuki with her! "H-hado 31, S-Shakkaho!" Rukia cried, not even caring who she woke up or where the Kido landed so long as it distracted the shadow long enough for her to run, screaming and flailing, back to her futon where there was safety, stability, and dreams with bunnies for miles.

The following morning, Rukia was informed that at some time in the night, a grave disturbance occurred near Kuchiki-sama's quarters that resulted in an explosive blast which not only destroyed half his bedroom, but defrosted and then obliterated a fair amount of his garden. In response, Kuchiki-sama ordered several, more resilient trees be planted as soon as the weather allowed, refused any and all attempts to help him relocate his remaining belongings to a significantly less demolished room, and had half the guard replaced, all within a matter of five minutes. And all this without a word from him, his commands delivered instead by a constant, unwavering Kuchiki Death Stare™ not even the moonlight would dare touch.

…So maybe the Kido had been a little overkill.

Though she had left for Squad Thirteen headquarters without informing her brother of why his room was in ruins, Rukia knew she had to say something. Putting her confession off would not necessarily earn her a Death Stare™, but she couldn't bear even the thought of Byakuya's disappointment. He was always so tolerant of her eccentricities, even once insisting he join her as she went shopping for Chappy merchandise a few months back; he had then graciously paid for everything himself. The state of his room would definitely require a little more pride to work through, but Rukia had to tell him now before she made the situation worse. More importantly, he would want to know about the heavy breather.

And so, with her legs already shaking from more than just the wintry air, Rukia course-corrected to Squad Six headquarters. Byakuya had the door to his office open, but Rukia knew better than to think it was because he was in a welcoming mood; the only thing he was inviting in was a constant flow of paperwork and squad-related responsibilities for the distraction. No better time than now for her to dismantle those attempts.

Rukia knocked on the doorframe. "N-Nii-sama?" she asked quietly.

"Is it urgent?"

Though Rukia often embraced the chance to walk on thin ice as it typically meant a stronger bond with her Zanpaku-to, every cell in her body screamed at her to run back to solid ground. But she was already here, and it was time to reap the consequences.

She swallowed hard. "Y-yes, Nii-sama. It's actually about what happened—"

"Rukia, I am incredibly busy at the moment and have no time to discuss that."

This left her with one option. "Byakuya, I did it, I blew up your room, I'm sorry!"

Rukia watched as the pen in her brother's hand, gripped by white fingers and a responsibility to do what's right, was gently laid on the desk beside a lengthy report. Her brother's hands slowly joined together then, the fingers crisscrossing like threads of ribbon before his stoic face. His expression did not betray an ounce of what could be occurring in that noble head, but this was her cue to continue.

Rukia swallowed again. "I woke up last night for water when I heard…well, heavy breathing. I thought someone had snuck onto the grounds, and the guards didn't seem to notice, so I decided to investigate myself. I tracked the noise near your room…." Rukia cut off, checking for Byakuya's reaction. He blinked once, and she continued. "I tracked the noise to your room…and that's when I saw this horrible shadow! It was enormous and it had these spikes and it screamed so loud and I panicked, I'm sorry, Nii-sama, I panicked and I destroyed everything you love!" Judgment was upon her now, and guilt and fear washed over her in earnest. She knew she hadn't done a good job of explaining herself, but it was as close to the truth as she could get with those stone gray eyes boring holes into her very existence.

For what it was worth, though, Byakuya took the news surprisingly well. Actually, he took it so well, Rukia couldn't help but wonder if his mental state had finally collapsed after all these years of dealing with, well, everything there was for Kuchiki Byakuya to deal with. Certainly a flash of disappointment crossed his features, but he did not offer so much as a hint of a Kuchiki Death Stare™, or even a regular death stare.

Rather, Byakuya simply let out a huff of breath and said, "You were more than likely suffering from a hyperactive imagination and sleep deprivation. You've been working incredibly hard lately, and it has obviously affected your subconscious. This isn't to say I'm not upset my bedroom is no longer a room so much as a hovel, but I see why it happened. You are forgiven, and you may leave."

That went…well? Rukia's shoulders fell in relief, but how could Byakuya be so lax about the breathing and the shadow she saw? "Nii-sama," she said, "I am humbled by your forgiveness, but aren't you concerned about an intruder?"

"I trust in our…new…guards to take care of anything unusual around the manor," he said.

"Yes, Nii-sama," continued Rukia, "but the shadow—"

"Your imagination, Rukia, as I have said." Byakuya lifted the report on his desk and began to scan it with all the nonchalance in the world. "I suggest you return to your squad before those idiotic third seats of yours damage something."

"But—"

"Goodbye, Rukia."

And that was that. Though it was blatant Byakuya was avoiding the topic, Rukia knew better than to press him. She would only receive silence and a greater sense of failure.

With a final bow of respect, Rukia left her brother's office. I wonder if he knows something I don't, she wondered, walking down the hall toward the exit. But that was strange for Byakuya. Maybe he's the one sleep-deprived. He never gets a break, I swear….

Item number three on Byakuya's list of stressors came traipsing down the hall just then. Rukia gasped, for she knew someone who would see the logic behind her panic.

Running up to the stress purveyor, Rukia called out, "Renji, wait up!"

The red pineapple turned around. Rukia couldn't help but notice he suddenly looked rather pale, but she figured it was probably just a reflex. Ever since they'd entered their current peacetime, Renji's underground fan club had grown in size as stories of his bravery began to circulate. At first he welcomed the attention, but after the fourth time he'd stepped out of the shower to find a gaggle of girls with cameras ready, he finally realized he was never, ever safe.

"Renji," Rukia said after he'd slowed down. "I have something to tell you. About last night."

Renji's mouth twitched. "T-the, uh, captain already told me," he mumbled. "They're still investigating, right?"

"This is different from that," she said, deciding to ignore the question. She relayed the story of the heavy breather yet again and waited for Renji's response.

It was incredibly disappointing. "Well, I think your brother's right," he said in a rush. "If the guards weren't worried about it, you shouldn't be either. They know what they're doing."

"But Renji, what if someone's trying to hurt the family?" Rukia asked. "This could be serious. What if it's, I don't know, a conspiracy or something among the guards?"

Renji waved a hand and started walking again, adamantly not looking at her. "Rukia, you're overthinking this, so just take a deep breath and move on. It's probably nothing…."

Feeling disheartened, Rukia returned to her squad.

Later that night, Rukia bolted upright, mentally cursing at her rustling sheets' interference with her stealth. She'd heard it again. She purposely didn't go to sleep because she had a feeling it would happen. And as always, her intuition was right.

The heavy breather was back.

Slipping out of bed, still dressed in her shihakusho, Rukia snatched up her Zanpaku-to and quietly left her room, listening hard to see where the breathing was coming from. She padded off to the left as it picked up again. However, she wasn't hearing just the breathing this time around. Slightly louder than the breathing itself, there was a subtle, almost rhythmic banging coming from the same direction. It was muted, as though the object making the sound was of wood as opposed to metal. But just as Rukia began to form a plan of attack, she arrived at the source.

Byakuya's new room.

That did it. Byakuya was definitely involved with the heavy breather in some way. He probably even knew what was making that noise. Renji was most likely in on it too based on his behavior earlier that day…. This could only mean one thing.

It was time to call in the big guns.