Calm the Fuck Down, Itadori
Yuuji Itadori x Jennifer Lawrence
Where Yuuji manages to drag Megumi and Nobara to a Tokyo Comic Con.
"Calm the fuck down, Itadori"
Megumi wanted to shoot himself in the foot.
He absolutely loathed conventions.
Especially when you got a bunch of idiots with a complete disregard for deodorant and personal space simping around in costumes as if they aren't fully grown men.
Idiots like Itadori, who was currently wasting his life savings on X-Men stickers.
"Yeah," Nobara piped in, already side-eyeing a man in a green cape with white and blue wings, and funny looking swords that look like box cutters—he was asking her if he could take a picture with her Petra Ral look.
Who the fuck is Petra Ral anyway? Nobara is SURE she looks way cuter though.
"How are you still so gaga over X-Men anyway?" she continues, with a flip of her ginger hair. "You're literally a sorcerer, Yuuji. You fight curses in real life."
Almost like whiplash, Yuuji turns on Nobara with an intensity she's only seen in battle.
"Never. Disrespect X-Men."
Yuuji was wide eyed; one hand pointing at Nobara, another clutching a handful of stickers and keychains (when did he buy those?) with a very blue woman on them.
Is she… naked? Nobara wonders, but was immediately interrupted by Yuuji's incoming sermon.
"X-Men is a poignant commentary on society, Kugisaki. It is a masterpiece that only people with taste can appreciate, with characters so well written—"
But Yuuji's fanboying gospel was cut short when a smattering of whoops and applause erupt from onstage, as a man dressed as… Thanos in a thong—Thongos, he called himself. Ok.—officially started the day's most awaited event, and that was to meet X-Men's Hollywood actors, in the flesh!
It was then that Megumi verbalized what everyone is thinking at this point.
"I didn't know Itadori knew what 'poignant' meant"
Yuuji Itadori raced towards the front of the crowd like it was an orgasm out of reach, tightly clutching onto the barricade (also like he was clutching his [redacted]).
He didn't know when and how his friends managed to catch up to him, but when X-Men's glittering line up of beautiful people came out on stage, both Nobara and Megumi looked to each other in complete understanding beside him- of course Itadori was here to simp for Jennifer Lawrence.
And of course he'd spend every yen to his name just to catch a glimpse of this woman in nothing but a skin-tight blue spandex that left no curve nor valley to the imagination.
"I LOVE YOU JENNIFER LAWRENCE"
Yuuji proceeded to fucking shriek in broken English.
"I EAT AMERICAN FOOD FOR YOU"
Megumi and Nobara both took a step from Yuuji.
'Nope! The weird guy? They don't know him.'
To their horror, they watch a grinning mouth appear at Yuuji's cheek, already salivating.
"Gotta give it to ya, punk. That IS one fine ass,"
Sukuna's mouth let its long tongue lick around his lips. "I hope you got us some backstage passes, kid"
Megumi and Nobara shivered.
But clearly, Itadori and Sukuna weren't the only ones going absolutely bananas for the X-Men, it might have very well been the entire building cheering for the cast.
It was until a bald guy in a wheel chair signaled for the audience to quiet down, did the sea of sweaty geeks calm down.
After a few introductions, and further hyping, the mic was finally passed to Jennifer Lawrence, whose character was apparently named Mystique.
Like a child showing off to his parents, Yuuji looks to Megumi and Nobara, pointing at Jennifer Lawrence as if saying, "Look! It's her! That's her! It's actually her!"
Yuuji then proceeds to kiss three fingers raised up like he was doing a Boy Scout's pledge, and raised those three fingers in there air, whistling three drawn out notes.
The idiot was giving her the Hunger Games salute, Jesus fucking Christ.
"Ehehe. Yeah, show her which fingers you're gonna fuck her with," Sukuna chuckles.
Which Yuuji responds to by forcibly jockeying Sukuna's mouth off his cheek, shutting the curse up;
Yuuji Itadori drinks enough Respect Women Juice to give the Sahara a year of rain, alright.
Soon, everyone was giving Jennifer the salute.
Jennifer waves away the salutes, and stage-whispers into the mic with that raspy and sexy, according to Yuuji, voice of hers, and says, "Psst! Wrong fandom guys!"
The crowd laughs, as Jennifer awkwardly prattles about how she's contract-bound to only talk about X-Men today, and that she really needs her job, ok?
And to be honest? Megumi and Nobara are starting to like her! I mean, who wouldn't? Jennifer's such a sweet, and down-to-earth girl. They're glad that if there was anyone Yuuji was going to simp for, it's Jennifer Lawrence.