A/N: Characters and world property of JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.
Of Blacks and Boarhounds
Chapter One
June 27, 2022
The summer storm formed quickly.
Rain was pelting against her windshield, magnified by the headlights. The already treacherous route became even more so as she tried to peer around each sharp twist and turn on the northeast Oklahoma backroads she was traversing. This far into the foothills of the Ozark mountains, one side of the gravel road led nearly straight up the mountainside, and the other a steep drop down towards Grand Lake o' the Cherokees.
Sinaka whimpered in the seat next to her.
"It's ok, Sin. We'll be there soon and out of this weather," she comforted the Great Dane.
A flash of lightning split the night, the white brightness resounding with a deafening crack. Sinaka whimpered again.
"I know, buddy. Don't be scared. I'm right here with ya—"
A streak of brown suddenly appeared in the middle of the road. The eyeshine of a whitetail deer frozen in the headlights startled her out of conversation with the large black dog. She instinctively swerved to miss the animal, but the narrow way proved too precarious for such a maneuver.
With a yelp from both woman and dog, the Jeep flew over the edge of the hill, careening through the underbrush as they began their steep descent to the waters below. It was all she could do to steer, knowing that any sudden turns would make the vehicle flip over. Without warning a huge oak loomed in front of them, and with a whispered "I'm sorry," to her faithful friend, everything went black.
June 27, ?
She blinked her eyes, awakening in the driver's seat of the bright purple Jeep Wrangler. Glancing over towards the passenger side, she saw Sinaka staring her in the eyes.
"Oh God, Sin, I dreamed we crashed!"
She lunged across the seat towards the dog, forgetting she was wearing her seatbelt. Jerking back, she unbuckled and threw herself at him once again, hugging the massive Dane around the neck.
"Wait. Where are we?" she mumbled into his neck.
Sitting back up, she took stock around them. Nothing looked familiar. They appeared to be in a small parking lot between two stone buildings.
"Why was I sleepin' in the car? Is this a dream?"
She looked down at the back of her hands, and turned them over, palms up. She gave a little bounce in her seat.
"Nope. Can't fly. Not dreamin'. Huh. Where the heck are we, buddy?"
Seeing that the GPS display on the Wrangler's dash wasn't connected to the satellite, she grabbed her iPhone and opened Google maps only to see 'No network connection' displayed on the screen. She tried Apple maps with the same result. Silver eyes narrowing, she tried to connect to the internet, but Safari offered no additional information.
With a sigh, she tossed the phone into her purse. Removing a purple leather leash from the center console, she snapped it to Sinaka's matching collar.
"Let's go see if we can't figure out where in the Sam Hill we are. Maybe someone has a map, since apparently there's no internet 'round here."
Sinaka chuffed in response.
She opened the door, and with a firm hold on both her purse and the leash, hopped out. The dog was right behind her, his back higher than her waist. At 4'11 she was quite small, but the 'oversized' dog seemed to dwarf her in comparison. She secretly delighted in the fact that all she had to do was tip her head down to kiss him on the nose.
Straightening her loose-fitting lilac colored top, and trying to tug down the old and faded short jersey shorts she hadn't been planning to wear in public, they started walking towards the sidewalk that ran in front of the buildings she was parked between. A look to the right saw a florist shop, and to the left a hanging sign for The Boar's Hound Pub.
Her jaw dropped. Glancing down at the 'boarhound' next to her, she said, "Well if that ain't a sign, I don't know what is!"
They walked past the windows towards the door of the pub. She looked around for a place to tie Sinaka's leash, but seeing none simply shrugged and removed his lead.
"Sorry, buddy. You'll hafta wait out here 'til I find out if they'll let ya in or not. Now you stay right here 'til I call for ya, alright?"
He chuffed once more in reply, and she kissed his nose. Sinaka sat down next to the door, prepared to wait for his mistress. With a last pat to his massive head, she turned to open the heavy wooden door of the pub. Hearing the din of voices from inside, she stood, staring and shocked, then let the door shut without venturing inside. She turned wide-eyed to the dog.
"How. In the fuck. Did we get to England?"
She started to pace.
"Sinaka. I've lost my ever lovin' mind. Everybody in there has a British accent! And it's a pub for godsakes! That shoulda been a fuckin' clue! Who the hell calls a goddamn bar a pub?"
She continued pacing in front of the pub.
"There's a British flag inside. There's British beer signs on the wall. And those must be British people in there, too!"
Her hands went to her head, fingers threading through her waist-length, black and purple ombré colored hair to clutch at her scalp in confusion.
"Okay, okay. Either I'm crazy, or the crash wasn't a dream. The crash must've happened, and now I'm in a coma. So it's like a dream, but that's why I couldn't fly when I flipped my hands. Apparently you can't fly in coma-dreams. And the Jeep is fine, when I know we hit stuff. Because I'm in a coma."
She stopped pacing and looked at Sinaka again.
"Right. Okay. I can handle this. I'll go inside the British pub, in British fuckin' England, and figure out where we can stay. It's a coma-dream, so they'll obviously have some kinda easy answer for me, like a room for rent upstairs and a kindly British lady who cooks traditional English fare and sings British songs and loves big dogs, and they'll let me pay in American money with my American credit card. Right?"
Sinaka cocked his head at her.
Taking that as his agreement, she said, "Right," and with a deep breath she squared her shoulders and opened the door once again.
Stepping into The Boar's Hound was an experience in and of itself. Although she realized in the back of her mind that she was technically already in England, she truly felt like she was entering the country by crossing the threshold of the pub. There were only around twenty or so patrons in the bar, plus the bartender and a waitress or two, but the small size of the building made it seem cozily full, just this side of crowded.
"Welcome to the Dog, love! What can we get you today?" called the ginger-haired bartender with a wave.
Walking towards the bar, she replied, "Do y'all have Newcastle on tap?"
Voices around the pub went silent.
Several sets of eyes turned towards her.
She stopped walking. "Was that the wrong thing to say?"
Booming laughter rang out from the burly publican. "Not at all, love! We just don't usually get Americans around here! Come on over and I'll get you set up. Would you like a pint or a half?"
"I don't think I know what that means."
A grizzled man who appeared to be in his eighties snorted from his seat at the bar. "Damn Yank can't even order a pint. You really gonna serve the tart, Ern?"
She spun towards the man. "What did ya call me?"
Now all eyes were on her.
"I called you a tart, same as I'd call any chit who walked in here with short shorts like that!"
She waved her hand, as if flitting away a fly. "Not that, ya ol' coot. My granddaddy would say the same, I'm sure. I'm askin' did ya call me a Yank." The last word was dripping with derision.
He blinked.
The eyes that had been glued to her turned almost as one to the old man.
"Er, yeah? That's what you are, innit? A Yank from America?"
The eyes turned back to her.
With an angry tone, she unconsciously deepened her accent. "I'm American, yes. But I am from the south, My ancestors did not fight in the Civil War, they fought in the War of Northern Aggression. As horribly misguided as their beliefs were, I still take pride in my southern roots, and for you to call me a Damn Yankee, well, them's fightin' words, sir."
Silence rang through the pub.
Suddenly a guffaw was loosed. "Get her a pint on me, Ern! The chit is alright. Sit up here by me, lassie, and introduce yourself!"
Voices picked back up around the pub, but most of the eyes stayed on the pair at the bar.
She primly took her seat. "Thank ya kindly, sir."
"Sir! That's the second time she's called me sir, Ern!" he hollered towards the bartender.
"I heard her, Paddy. You going to shut your trap long enough to get her name?" Ern said with a smile for the girl.
The man thrust a hand her way. "Patrick O'Shaughnessy, at yer service, lassie. But you kin call me Paddy just like the rest of the fools in here."
She took his gnarled hand with a firm grip and shook. "Tallulah Isabelle Blackburn, but everyone just calls me Lulabelle. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
Paddy stood up and turned to the room. "Listen up, you lot! This here's Lulabelle, and don't call her a Yank. Lulabelle, this here's everybody. Happy now, Ern?"
Ern just smiled at the older man's antics as he slid a pint of Newcastle towards the girl. "You said you were from the south, but you never said which part?"
"Oh, I'm from Oklahoma. I'm actually a bit turned around at the moment, and I'm not quite sure where I am…?" she trailed off in question.
"Cokeworth!" Paddy hollered out. "You're in Manchester, lassie!"
'Cokeworth? That's a real place?' she thought to herself.
"How'd you manage to turn up here?" he continued.
"I'm really not entirely sure… Hey, Ern, was it?"
"Ernest Miller, but yeah, everyone just calls me Ern. What can I do for you?"
"Y'all don't happen to allow dogs in here, do ya? Seein' as how your bar is called the Dog?"
He boomed out another laugh. "Only if you've got a boarhound, love!"
Lulabelle smirked, then winked at him. "Imma hold ya to that, sugar."
She stuck the thumb and middle finger of her right hand in her mouth and gave a shrill whistle. A moment later the door swung open, pushed by a large black head. Sinaka padded through the pub, heading straight for the bar. When he got to Lulabelle, she rubbed his head. The black dog sat genteelly at the side of her barstool.
"Paddy, Ern, I'd like you to meet Sinaka. He's my boarhound, although back home we call 'em Great Danes. Don't worry, he's very well behaved." She grinned as jaws dropped around the pub.
Two small children escaped their parents' table only to approach the pair.
"Excuse me Miss? Can we pet your doggy?"
Lulabelle could see the mother's eyes nearly bugging out of her head. Giving her a quick wink of reassurance, she turned to the kids. "Well ya see, Sin here only likes people he knows as friends. So y'all will have to introduce yourselves to him."
Nodding seriously, they turned to the Dane.
The elder child took the lead. "Hello Mister Sinaka. My name is Henry, and this is my little sister Hannah. We would really like to be your friend."
"You're the most beautiful doggy I've ever seen," Hannah shyly added.
Sinaka slowly raised to his feet, eye-to-eye with 6 year old Henry and towering over 4 year old Hannah. He sniffed first the boy, then the girl. Chuffing at them both, he sat back down and raised his great front paw for a shake. The children giggled at him and shook 'hands' with the beast. Standing back up, a giant tongue slurped up two small faces, causing laughter to break out across the pub.
"Sinaka! Mind your manners!"
More giggling from the children ensued. They thanked him for the kisses as their mother walked up behind them.
"Hi, I'm Eleanor, and these two belong to me. Thanks for letting them pet him, he really is a beautiful dog."
"Oh, anytime. Sin's great with kids."
Eleanor reached out to pet the massive dog as well. "I just can't believe the size of him! How much does he weigh?"
"Two-twenty-four at his last vet check. Oh, but y'all do stones, right? So he'd be what… sixteen stone? I think that's right."
Paddy hollered out to the crowd, "Did you lot hear that? The boarhound is sixteen stone! Ern! We're keeping these two!"
Chuckling was heard around the room as the door opened once more.
Lulabelle asked if she could get Sinaka some water. Henry and Hannah were soon leading him to the kitchens, where Helen, Ern's wife, promised to get him a bowl fresh from the tap.
"Just be sure to put the bowl on a chair or somethin' high like that. Big dogs can bloat if they eat or drink havin' to bend way down. In fact, if ya don't mind, just turn the faucet on and he'll drink right outta the sink."
As soon as the children rounded the edge of the bar with the dog, a tall, lean man entered the pub.
"L.T.!" hollered Paddy in his loud, gravelly voice. "Come over here and meet the new girl!"
Lulabelle turned in her seat to greet the newcomer.
"Ern, were you aware that there is a purple Jeep in your car park?" drawled a voice like dark chocolate.
Paddy guffawed at the dark haired man's pronouncement. "Don't tell me you have car to match your hair, lassie!"
"Matches the string I keep my puppy on, too, Paddy," she replied with a grin.
"L.T., meet Lulabelle. She's American, but she's definitely not a Yank," Paddy growled to the well-dressed man.
Lulabelle stuck out her hand in greeting. "Nice to meet ya, Lou."
He gripped her small hand in his long-fingered one and raised an eyebrow. "Lou?" he asked.
"Paddy called you L.T.? I guess I just assumed you were a lieutenant somewhere… although now that I think about it, you look more like an academic than a military man." She looked up and down his long frame, taking in the black slacks and deep charcoal dress shirt.
The corner of L.T.'s mouth quirked up. "And 'Lou' is supposed to be short for lieutenant?"
"Well if ya stick an F in there, I guess not," she grinned up at him. "I swear it's like y'all speak a different language over here!"
As he settled onto the barstool next to her, Paddy spoke up. "The boy looks just like his father. We called him Little Toby for years, 'til Big Toby passed on. He's been L.T. ever since."
"Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss," Lulabelle started to say, but was interrupted by both his and Paddy's snorts.
"Don't be, lassie. Not a fool in the world mourned Big Toby when he went, and many a soul rejoiced."
Lulabelle looked stunned for a moment. "Twenty-two years of good southern manners have been drilled into my head, but I don't think even my mama would know how to respond to that."
"He was a hard man, who lived a hard life, and it happened years ago. Don't give him a second thought. I try not to, at least until someone brings him up," L.T. stated with a hard glare for Paddy.
She placed a hand on his arm, saying, "Oh don't be mad at Paddy, Lou. It was my fault for askin' 'bout your nickname. Lemme buy ya a drink to make up for it?"
She reached for her purse, and he smirked a bit when he noticed the large bag was also purple.
"While I appreciate the offer, put your money away, please. A gentleman never lets a lady pay for a drink. Two pints of Guinness, Ern, over at my usual table if you don't mind."
"Not at all, L.T. Be there as soon as they're poured."
The dark haired man stood and offered his arm to Lulabelle. "May I escort you to the table, madam?"
"Of course, but shouldn't we wait for our drinks?"
"It takes time to pour a pint of Guinness. 'Good things come to those who wait' and all."
"Alright then, lead away good sir," she laughed, taking his arm as she stood up.
After assuring Paddy she'd be back to him soon, the pair meandered through the smokey pub towards a corner booth that offered a modicum of privacy. L.T. helped her to her seat, and while taking his, asked, "So you're an American, but you're not a Yank?"
"I'm southern. That's a dirty word in my neck of the woods."
"I'm sure that went over well with Paddy."
"I got the impression he's not generally too fond of Americans."
"He's not, nor is he too fond of anyone not local. I have to say I was surprised to see you two getting along so well."
"Oh, he called me a Yank and he called me a tart, and then I yelled at him, and now we get on like a house on fire," she grinned at him. "I will admit I'm not dressed all that appropriately for company, so the tart comment didn't make me no nevermind. But since I didn't rightly know where we were, I had no choice but to come into this fine establishment as is. I hafta say I didn't realize Cokeworth was a real place! I mean I've heard of it before, of course, but I always thought it was a made up town in Rowling's books."
He blinked. And blinked again. "There is definitely something to what you said about speaking different languages, madam."
She laughed. "Well let's just start all over then, shall we?" Holding out her hand to shake once more, she stated, "How-do, my name is Tallulah Isabelle Blackburn, but everyone just calls me Lulabelle. I'm from Oklahoma, and I got a lil' turned around and ended up in this here bar. Pub! They're called pubs here, not bars. It's very nice to meet ya."
He enclosed her hand in his large one again. "My name is Severus Snape, but people here call me L.T., for reasons discussed earlier. I am actually an academic; I teach chemistry at a boarding school in Scotland, although term just let out for the summer. I am pleased to make your acquaintance as well."
She stared, forgetting to even let go of his hand.
"Severus Snape?"
"Yes?"
"Your name is Severus Snape?" she asked incredulously, dropping his hand.
"You have a problem with my name?" he drawled with a raised eyebrow.
"Is this the part where I'm supposed to ask ya if that's a wand in your pocket or if you're just happy to see me?"
Chapter Two
June 27, ?
"I beg your pardon," Severus hissed at her.
"Oh come on, if you're gonna gimme a fake name, you'll hafta do better than that. Although your backstory holds up; I'm guessin' chemistry professor at a Scottish boardin' school is your oh-so-slick nod to Potions Master at Hogwarts?"
He paled. "Lower your voice at once! This is a muggle establishment!" he whisper-yelled at her.
"Oh, we're gonna keep goin' with this? Fine. So tell me, Lou. How'd ya survive the snake bite? And why'd ya let everyone think ya were dead? Ya obviously aren't still teachin'; that wasn't in the books. Are ya runnin' an underground potions business outta your home in Spinner's End or somethin'?"
"How do you know where I live? What books? What snake?" Severus was so pale at this point that Lulabelle was half afraid he was going to pass out.
"I'm sorry, Lou, but if you're really Severus Snape, Imma need ya to prove it. Use your wand and cast Lumos or somethin'," she said.
"We are in a muggle pub, you imbecile."
"Aww, you're just as snarky as ya are in the books! I love it! Fine, cast a notice-me-not charm first, then."
"The fact that I have a wand should suffice," he said stiffly, placing it on the table, being sure to keep it out of her reach.
"One would think, but ya see, my mama didn't raise a fool. That's just a fancy stick unless it works, sugar." She winked at him. "Ya probably wanna cast a Muffliato charm first, so none of the muggles hear your spells."
He just stared at her.
"Well? Quit piddlin', sugar, time to shit or get off the pot," she gestured with her hand in a get- on-with-it fashion.
Severus grabbed his wand, moved it about in an intricate manner, then stopped, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "Lumos."
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus, it worked!" she whispered, half to herself. Her eyes sparkled as she stared at the tip of his glowing wand. Suddenly the light went out and said tip was pressed against her throat.
"Who. Are. You?" he ground out through clenched teeth.
"Better put that away for now, here comes our drinks. You can point it at me from under the table if you want. I don't mind at all!" Lulabelle was nearly bouncing in her seat, grinning madly. Severus quickly did as she suggested, cancelling the charms just as Ern arrived at their table.
"Now lassie, have you ever had a Guinness before?" asked Ern.
"No sir, but it looks wonderful!"
"It can be a bit of an acquired taste, to be sure. Just give it to L.T. if you don't happen to care for it, and I'll pull you another draft of Newcastle on the house."
"Thank ya kindly, Ern." She took a sip through the thick foam at the top of the tulip shaped glass, and rolled it around in her mouth a bit before swallowing.
"Well lassie, what do you think?"
"Hmm, it tastes like… it tastes like somethin' you should hafta chew."
Ern's booming laughter echoed through the pub, and even Severus snorted, trying not to smile.
Embarrassed, Lulabelle was quick to correct herself. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, I really like it! It's just, it tastes like it should be food instead of a drink."
This set them off even more, with Ern now holding onto the table in effort to stay upright, and Severus was laughing out loud as well. Lulabelle reveled in the sound of his rich, dark chocolate laughter. Paddy ambled over to see what the ruckus was.
"She said—it tastes—like something—you should chew!" Ern guffawed at Paddy.
Paddy grinned and clapped a hand on her shoulder just as she was taking a second sip, causing the thick liquid to slosh over the edge of the glass. "We'll make an Irishman of you yet, lassie!"
Ern whipped a rag out of his long black apron and quickly wiped up the small spill. "That's enough, Paddy. Let the kids talk and get to know each other while you come back to the bar."
Grumbling but still laughing, Paddy shuffled his way back to his stool, Ern following in his wake. The pair at the table watched them go for a moment, then Severus snorted. "'Kids', he said. No matter how old I get, I will always be a kid to those two."
"They seem like they really care for ya."
"They do," he sighed. "But you should know all about that, right? Seeing as how you know everything about me?"
"Not everything! Just what was in the books. I know ya grew up in Spinner's End; your daddy, Tobias Snape, was a mean ass drunk; your mama was a Pureblood witch named Eileen Prince before she married Tobias; your birthdate is January 9th, 1960, makin' ya 62 years old, which is odd since ya don't look half that age…" she trailed off a bit at that, confused. "I know witches and wizards aren't supposed to age as quickly as muggles, but ya really don't look 62, Lou."
"Obviously. Don't they teach maths in America? I'm 32, not 62."
"No you're not."
"I assure you, madam, I know how old I am."
"But ya were born in 1960, right?"
"Correct."
"And it's now 2022. Which makes ya 62 years old."
"No, it's 1992, which makes me 32 years old."
They stared wide-eyed at each other for a few seconds, then at the same time said, "Fuck!"
"We need to go somewhere private to talk, now," he stated.
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus do we ever!" she replied.
He gave her an odd look as they finished their drinks, taking the empties back up to the bar.
"Hey Ern, Lou here says he'll help me find my way back to my hotel," she fibbed. "Do ya have a card or somethin' so I can find my way back to y'all again?"
Ern tossed her a book of matches with The Boar's Hound logo, address, and phone number on it. "Here you go, lassie. We had a grand time meeting you, just a grand time."
"Oh it was so nice to meet y'all too, Ern! I promise I'll be back!"
Paddy chimed in with, "You look after the lassie, L.T. She's one of us now. And no funny business!"
Severus looked affronted, but Lulabelle just laughed. "Don't worry about a thing, Paddy. Sinaka is very protective."
He guffawed at her. "I don't doubt that for a second!"
"Sinaka?" Severus questioned.
"I said I kept my puppy on a purple string, didn't I?"
Severus nodded slowly, wondering why Ern and Paddy were chortling.
Lulabelle's thumb and middle finger went into her mouth once more. The shrill whistle sounded, and the giant black dog came padding out from the kitchen behind the bar, followed by the two blonde haired children and Helen, who was carrying a parcel wrapped in white butcher paper.
"Does Mister Sinaka have to leave?" the children asked.
"Yes, I'm sorry, but it's time for us to go. We'll be around, though, I'm sure. Y'all can play with him again, I promise."
The kids threw their arms around the dog's thick neck, peppering his head with kisses. Helen approached the group, handing the parcel to Lulabelle. "I wrapped up a raw ham bone for Sinaka to take home. I hope you don't mind," she said.
"Oh, not at all, thank ya so much! He'll just love it." She leaned in to give the plump woman a hug after placing the wrapped bone in her purse.
"If you're giving out hugs, I want one too," grizzled Paddy. Lulabelle laughed and wrapped her arms around his wrinkled frame, kissing him on the cheek as well. "You bring her back to us, L.T., or you'll have me to answer to!"
Severus eyed Sinaka, and replied, "I shall endeavor to do so, as long as this beast does not mistake me for a ham bone."
Ern and Paddy laughed good-naturedly, and the children giggled at the taciturn man. "Shall we away?" he said to Lulabelle.
"I believe we shall," and she took his offered arm. They made their way towards the door of the pub with the two children following, both of whom were calling out 'goodbye' and 'we'll miss you' to the dog. Once Lulabelle made sure the kids had gotten back to their parents' table, the trio left the pub.
Outside, Severus looked down at Lulabelle and raised one brow.
"You brought a Cŵn Annwn into a pub full of people, and then let children play with it?"
"A coon-what?"
He snorted, and the corner of his mouth lifted into the hint of a smile. They started walking towards the car park as he replied, "A Cŵn Annwn. It's Welsh. You probably know him as a hellhound."
Stopping, she narrowed her eyes at him and removed her arm from his. "That's a hateful thing to say!" Turning to the dog, she said, "Don't listen to him, Sin, I'm sure he didn't mean it. Apparently manners aren't a thing in England. You're the best dog in the world!" She tipped her head and kissed his nose in reassurance. "For your information, Sinaka is a Great Dane. You probably know him as a boarhound. I rescued him from an abusive situation, and he's been my protector ever since. I love him very much, and I'll thank ya not to call him names."
Severus was silent a moment. "I apologise for misreading the situation. It was not my intention to… slight… Sinaka. I'm sure he's a lovely animal."
"Thank ya," she answered primly. They resumed their stroll towards the Jeep, each silent and lost in thought, Severus in particular wondering how in the hell this witch didn't know a hellhound from a boarhound. They quickly reached the vehicle, and Lulabelle opened the back door on the driver's side for Sinaka.
"Load up, buddy!" Sin just looked at her. "We have company. Ya can't sit in the front. Load up!" Severus could swear the dog gave him a dirty look before leaping into the backseat of the Jeep.
She turned to open the driver's side door, and noticed Severus standing close by. "Did ya wanna drive?" she asked.
"Not particularly," he drawled.
She made an odd face at him, then gestured towards the other side of the car. Quickly glancing inside the vehicle, he noticed the steering wheel was on the opposite side of the Jeep than what he was used to. Incredulously he asked, "You brought your own vehicle all the way to England? Merlin's beard, how much did the shipping cost?"
She stared slack-jawed at him, the events of the day finally catching up to her. She opened her mouth and words suddenly poured forth.
"It didn't cost a damn thing! I didn't bring anything anywhere! I was on my way to my family's cabin at the lake, in Okla-fuckin-homa, late at night, in the rain, and there was a deer, and I swerved, and I drove off the side of the road, and then a tree, and then it was black, and then I was in this parkin' lot! None of this is real, you're just a character in a book, and I'm in a coma in Oklahoma! I don't even know if Sinaka is okay in real life! But you just wanna call my dog mean names and then yell about shipping costs!" At that she burst into tears.
Severus was at a loss. He'd never been good with crying women, even shying away from Lily when she turned on the waterworks. The few Slytherin students who sought his attention when upset were quickly dispatched to either a prefect or another professor more equipped to handle the situation. He found himself actually wishing he'd taken Minerva up on her offer of sensitivity training, if only to know what in the fuck to do right now. Slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal, he raised his arms and wrapped them around the crying woman. She instantly melted into his embrace, sobbing into his chest.
"It's going to be alright," he tried, patting her back and desperately seeking the right words of comfort to offer. "We'll figure this out. Sinaka is right here and he's fine, and I know I'm a real wizard, not a book character. Just like you're a real witch. Who isn't in a coma in Oklahoma—" he broke off as she pushed away from him to look into his dark eyes.
"I'm not a witch. Why do ya think I'm a witch?"
"What do you mean you're not a witch?"
"I'm a muggle. I never got a letter at the age of eleven, or however old ya are when Ilvermorny sends 'em out. I never had any signs of accidental magic. I'm a muggle. Or a no-maj, since I'm American."
"But you… but this… you know so… No. We cannot have this conversation here. Give me the keys, I'm driving as you are in no state to do so. Nor do I assume are you used to driving on the left side of the road." He held out his hand for the keys.
"Where are ya takin' us?"
"To my home. It is not far, and it is well warded; we can discuss everything that has happened to you there."
Lulabelle threw her arms around the tall man's waist, hugging him tightly. "Thank ya so much, Lou. You're really takin' me to Spinner's End?"
"Well. Yes. But I fear you are placing too much value on the place, and will be sorely disappointed upon arrival."
She leaned up to place her hands around the back of his neck, tugging him down to her level so she could kiss his cheek.
"Nothin' about ya could disappoint me, Severus Snape." She released him to dash around the vehicle and get in on the passenger side.
Chapter Three
June 27, 1992
Severus slowly folded himself into the Jeep, deep in thought. This small chit of a woman had appeared in his life, out of nowhere, and somehow knew all about him? The things she'd said, facts about his past, glimpses of his future, had him craving more. He had to know all that she did. And yet, at the same time, he had a most uncomfortable feeling in his chest when he looked at her. He brushed off the lure of attraction; there was no denying her beauty. It seemed her tiny body was mostly leg, and her petite figure was exquisite in its hourglass shape. No, this was something more than that. He felt a need to help, nay, to protect this mere slip of a girl.
"I still need the keys, Lulabelle."
"First ya need to buckle up, Lou. Ya never start a car without your seatbelt on," she lectured.
Huffing, Severus pulled the belt across his lap, fastening the buckle soundly. He held his hand out towards her. "Keys."
"Just mash that button, there. It's a push-button start."
Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, he pressed the button. Gobsmacked, he stared at the dash as the vehicle came to life. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before, yet at the same time vaguely reminiscent of the sci-fi shows he'd loved in his youth. He turned his head towards Lulabelle in silent question.
"I guess cars come a long way in the next thirty years?" she said and shrugged apologetically.
"Quite." Severus took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and backed out of the parking spot.
They turned left onto the road, passing by the front of The Boar's Head on their way to Spinner's End.
Conversationally, Severus said, "I guess it is a good thing that you know all about me. I haven't driven in at least ten years, but I do still keep up my driving licence."
"I hadn't considered that at all, to be honest," she sheepishly replied. "Like I said, I only know what's in the books, and the only cars they mentioned were the Weasley's flyin' Ford Anglia and couple Ministry vehicles. Oh, and the Dursleys had a car; I don't remember what kind, though."
"Every time you open your mouth, I'm left with more questions. First and foremost, what books?"
Lulabelle hesitated, knowing this man's complicated feelings regarding the boy around whom the novels centered.
Cautiously, she stated, "A woman by the name of J.K. Rowling wrote a series of books about a young wizard and his time at Hogwarts. There are seven total, one for each year of school. I can tell ya what happens in all of 'em, but since the first book covers what was last year for y'all, we should probably talk about that one first. Just to make sure everything, well, happened the way the books say."
"And you've read all of these books?"
She laughed. "I think half the world has read the books, Lou. It's a huge deal in my time. Each book was made into a movie, and the last book was made into two. The author made over a billion dollars, sorry, pounds, and then became the first billionaire to lose her 'billionaire status' 'cause of charitable givin'. There's more merchandisin' than ya can shake a stick at, kids dress up in Hogwarts robes for Halloween, hell, they even made a theme park based on the Wizarding world. People write fanfiction about it! But yes, to answer your question, I've read all the books. Many times. I'm sure I could quote my favorite passages to ya. They've long been a favorite of mine."
The car slowed, and Severus pulled over in front a small, dingy-looking house at the end of a row of other small, dingy-looking houses.
Putting the Jeep in park, he asked, "I assume I am to… 'mash'… the same button to turn off the engine?"
"Yep, that's it."
"You said you were on your way for a week at a cabin? I gather you have luggage of some sort?" he queried, turning to look into the back of the vehicle.
"Oh! I figured that after our talk I'd just find a hotel that allows pets. I'll probably need to find a place to exchange dollars for pounds, first, though. And figure out how much cash I have, since I'm bettin' my credit cards won't work for another thirty years…" she trailed off at the end.
Severus turned back to face her. "Foolish girl. Do you really think I'd let you wander off on your own now? You and your beast shall stay here. I have a spare room."
"Oh sugar, we'll definitely be revisitin' the subject of ya lettin' me do anything, but if you're sure, I'll gladly take ya up on your offer of hospitality. My bags are in the back, if ya don't mind helpin'."
They exited the Jeep, and Lulabelle opened the back door to allow Sinaka to escape. He gracefully leapt from the seat and immediately went to sniff around the yard. The human portion of the trio rounded the vehicle, where Lulabelle opened the swing gate. She handed Severus what appeared to be an oddly-shaped mattress and a blue IKEA bag, grabbing the large duffel bag and a 40 lb bag of dog food for herself. His eyes widened at the apparent ease in which she hefted the food bag over her shoulder.
"A featherlight charm wouldn't go amiss, if I may?" he asked, gesturing towards the large bag on her shoulder.
"Thanks, but I do this all the time. I 'preciate the offer, though," she said, slamming the swing gate closed. After a quick explanation of smart keys and locking systems, she turned towards the house.
"So this is the famous home of Severus Snape!"
Startled, he shook his head for a second. Severus realized she could see his house, and wasn't simply looking past it towards the next one. He vowed to double check the muggle-repelling wards once they brought in all her things, but he knew his wards were without fault. After all, his privacy, and at times his life, depended on them.
"Yes, this is my home, such as it is, for two months of the year. The rest of the time I reside at Hogwarts. Follow me," he said, leading the way through the crooked front gate and up the cracked walkway towards the door. Lulabelle took in the patchy, brown grass of the yard, eyes lighting on the tangle of weeds near the house.
"Are these potion ingredients?" she asked, gesturing to the weeds.
"Merlin, no. I've only gotten home today. That's just a mess that needs to be cleared out. I do have a small garden in the back with things I use for potions, but it will need clearing as well."
Lulabelle smiled and said, "I'd offer to help ya with that, but my mama has always despaired over my inability to keep a plant alive. She says I have the black thumb of death instead of a green thumb. I'm better with animals than plants at any rate."
Severus opened the front door with a wave of his hand. "After you, my lady."
Lulabelle started at his casual display of wandless magic. "God that's hot," she muttered under her breath. Whistling for Sinaka, she entered the house, stumbling when the large dog pushed past her. Severus quickly caught her by the arm before she could fall.
"I'm sorry, apparently Sin's just as excited as I am to see your home!" she said, dropping the dog food bag against the wall of the entryway. Severus raised a questioning eyebrow. "No, that's a lie. He just always has to be first," she admitted.
Severus chuckled at her confession. He gestured towards the living room. "We can put your things here for now; I'll show you to the spare room after we talk. Would you care for tea?"
Lulabelle clapped her hands in delight and grinned toothily at him. "Real English tea?"
"Obviously."
She laughed at his expression. "Can I watch ya make it? From what I've heard, English tea is akin to one of the mysteries of the universe if you're American."
"Of course. As a teacher, one should always aspire to impart knowledge to those less educated. Even if it is something as difficult and mysterious as tea."
Lulabelle snorted at his reply. "I shall endeavor to do ya proud, Professor," was her response.
"I should take points for your cheek."
"Yeah, but from which house?"
"Doesn't matter. You've already been expelled for not knowing how to make tea."
She laughed at his snark and followed him to the kitchen. "Expelled already? What would happen if I asked ya for a glass of sweet iced tea?"
"You'd be Kissed. Immediately."
She blinked in surprise, then understanding dawned on her face. "Oh, ya meant like with the Dementors. Damn," she whispered the last word under her breath. Severus' eyes widened at the implication. Surely she couldn't have been disappointed that he hadn't been talking about kissing her?
"Yes. Quite. Now to your lesson…" The next several minutes were filled with an impromptu and in-depth class in the art of making tea, interspersed with asides such as 'You must let it steep longer. Patience is a virtue,' and 'Never put the milk in first.' Process complete, they retired to the living room to take their tea.
"Sinaka! Get off that couch immediately! This is not our home!" Lulabelle shrieked, mortified at the sight of the big black dog.
Severus snorted and said, "Leave him be. The sofa is older than I am. He can't hurt it."
Still flushed with embarrassment, she replied, "Thanks. Back home Sin has his own couch, so he just kinda does what he wants. I promise he's house trained, though."
"It's no matter. Please, have a seat," he said, gesturing to the faded loveseat opposite the couch. As they settled themselves down, he added, "Now, about these books?"
Lulabelle took a deep breath. "Right. Well first, I need ya to promise me that you'll listen to what I have to say before ya get all mad and storm off."
With an affronted look, he said, "Naturally."
"The first book is called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Wait! In England it was called the Philosopher's Stone."
Severus let out a long breath. "Of course it had to be Potter," he spat.
"Don't forget your promise! Now. Was there really a stone?"
"Yes."
Bouncing in her seat in excitement, she asked, "For real? Did y'all call it the sorcerer's stone or the philosopher's stone? Was Voldemort really stuck on the back of Quirrell's head? Is Fluffy real? Can I meet him? Did—"
"Merlin's bollocks, woman!" Severus interrupted her. "Calm down!" At the sound of his raised voice, Sinaka lifted his head off the couch where he was laying and growled lowly at Severus. Gulping, he lowered his voice and added, "We call it the philosopher's stone. Mayhap you could start at the beginning, and I shall let you know if anything is inaccurate?" The dog nodded at the man, and lay his head back down.
"Sorry, he's a lil' protective. Doesn't like people yellin' much."
"I gathered."
"Right. So, keep in mind that these are essentially children's books. The later ones become more of a young adult genre, but they were originally marketed to kids. So the first story opens late at night on Halloween of 1981, with Dumbledore leaving a one-year-old Harry Potter on the front porch of the Dursleys home in Lil' Whingin' with a note. This is—"
"Wait. Who are the Dursleys?"
Lulabelle looked at him in confusion. "Vernon and Petunia Dursley? Harry's aunt and uncle?"
"Albus gave the boy to Tuney Evans? The cow who hates magic? How could he be so stupid?" Severus raged.
Lulabelle leapt from her seat towards the Dane, grabbing his collar as he was already halfway across the room. "I think I oughta put Sin out back while we have our talk."
Pale-faced at taking in the now glowing red eyes of the dog, Severus said, "Yes. Right. I apologize for my tone, but that may be for the best." He sighed in relief as Sinaka's eyes returned to normal, noting that Lulabelle didn't seem to notice the change at all. 'Interesting,' he thought. "The back door is just through there," he said, pointing towards the doorway to the kitchen.
He sipped his tea in an effort to calm himself, but had failed miserably by the time she returned. He watched her closely as she sat back down on the loveseat next to him, settling sideways in the seat with her legs crossed under herself so she could face him.
"Trust me, I get it," Lulabelle said. "I've been pissed for years that he left a baby on a doorstep all night, and it was just a story to me. I mean, it gets cold at home on Halloween, but y'all are so much further north than we are!"
"He was there all night?"
"Yeah. Petunia doesn't find him 'til the next morning."
"Christ."
"Lou! Ya just swore like a muggle!" she snickered at him.
Severus snorted. "It happens occasionally, but not often. Don't get used to it."
She smiled at him. "Right. Well, obviously ya know how Petunia feels about magic. Vernon, her husband, is worse. They also have a son named Dudley, and he's just as bad as they are. There's no outright mentions of physical abuse other than by his cousin, but as I said this is for all intents and purposes a children's book, so I have my doubts as to how accurate that is. The next scene in the book is of ten-year-old Harry wakin' up in the cupboard under the stairs, where he's been forced to sleep his entire life. It's Dudley's birthday. Harry gets up and has to cook a full breakfast for 'em, even though he doesn't get to eat much of it himself. Dudley's whinin' 'bout how there's only thirty-seven presents when he'd gotten thirty-eight the year before—"
"I'm sorry, did you say the cupboard under the stairs?" Severus cut her off.
"Yeah. He had a small cot to sleep on, and grew up 'used to spiders.' They also would lock him in there as a punishment, and refuse to feed him. Usually it was for his accidental magic, which they termed his 'freakish behavior.' They were big on appearances, and wanted everything to be normal. The house had four bedrooms, too. One for Vernon and Petunia, one guest room, and Dudley had two rooms to himself. Has. Had? Tenses are hard right now. Shut up. Anyway, it was Dudley's eleventh birthday, and they were goin' to the zoo with one of his lil' friends. The neighbor, Mrs. Figg, was supposed to watch Harry, but—"
"Arabella Figg? She's a—"
"Squib. Yes, I know. She's supposed to be keepin' an eye on Harry for Dumbledore. The Dursleys use her as a babysitter, where she makes Harry look at pictures of her cats and her house smells like cabbage. I think. But we find out later that she deliberately kept her house unpleasant durin' Harry's visits specifically so the Dursleys would keep sendin' him to her. She was worried that if he had fun with her, they'd keep him away. Anyway, she couldn't keep Harry that day because she'd broken her leg. They had no one else to watch him, so he gets to go to zoo with 'em. He talks to a snake, and accidentally—"
"Potter is a—" Severus started to yell.
"A parselmouth, yes. This really will be easier if ya stop interruptin'. So he accidentally vanishes the glass on the snake cage, and sets a boa constrictor free. Vernon is super pissed, they leave the zoo, and Harry is locked into his cupboard for days as punishment. Any questions so far?"
"Why was Vernon drunk at the zoo?"
"What? When did I say that?"
"You said he was super pissed."
Lulabelle laughed, "And pissed means drunk here. I'm sorry, I forgot. I meant he was really angry."
Severus was stunned. The boy he hated, the boy he'd assumed had led a gilded life, the boy he'd sworn to protect, was living in deplorable conditions. Locked away, starved, possibly beaten. Lily's boy. Shame coursed through him when his past treatment of the child came to mind. Lulabelle noticed his expression and touched his hand.
"Are ya ok? I know it's a lot to take in."
"Not really. Please keep going."
"Alright, if you're sure," she said softly. Severus nodded in reply.
"Okay, well, they never told Harry anything about his parents; only that they'd died in a car wreck. Nothin' 'bout magic at all. They called him a freak all the time, they encouraged Dudley hittin' him, and they punished Harry for gettin' better grades than Dudley. The only clothes he had were Dudley's hand-me-downs, none of which fit him properly. Not a great life. Then, a few days before Harry's eleventh birthday, he received his Hogwarts letter, which was addressed to him in the cupboard under the stairs. Vernon took the letter and wouldn't let him see it, but the next day they moved him into Dudley's second bedroom. Soon more owls came with more letters, addressed to the smallest bedroom. For days, more and more letters came. Finally Vernon packed everyone up and went to a hotel, but there were letters waitin' for 'em there. So he takes 'em to some island with a tiny cabin to hide, but Hagrid shows up just after midnight on July 31st to hand-deliver Harry's letter. He brings Harry a birthday cake, his first one ever. Hagrid tells Harry he's a wizard, yells at the Dursleys for not tellin' him sooner, and gives Dudley a pig's tail for sneakin' the cake.
"Hagrid ends up spendin' the night, and the next day takes Harry to Diagon Alley for his school supplies. Harry finds out he has a vault at Gringotts and is able to buy all his things. He also finds out that he's famous, meets Draco, who acts like a jerk, and gets an owl from Hagrid as a birthday present. After that he has to go back home for a month 'til the start of school, which is rather unpleasant for him. On September 1st, Vernon takes him to the train station, fully expectin' platform 9¾ to be a fake, and just leaves him there without makin' sure he gets where he's supposed to be. The Weasleys end up helpin' Harry find the platform, since Hagrid forgot to tell him how to access it. Ya still with me?"
Severus nodded once more.
"Right. So he's on the train, where he meets Ron, Hermione, and Neville. He and Ron are fast friends, and they ride the boats to the castle together. He's sorted into Gryffindor, as I'm sure ya remember. He does alright with his classes at first, although Potions is difficult. Did ya really start the first lecture with, 'You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-makin'. As there is lil' foolish wand-wavin' here, many of ya will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect ya will really understand the beauty of the softly simmerin' cauldron with its shimmerin' fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitchin' the mind, ensnarin' the senses... I can teach ya how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death—if ya aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually hafta teach?'"
"I start it that way for every class of first years. Saves having to re-write my lectures," he admitted, surprised that she had quoted him exactly.
"Will ya say it for me?" she asked, a bit breathlessly.
"What? Now?"
"Nevermind. Shut up. Let's move on. So all was well, there was a thing with a remembrall at a flyin' lesson which got him a place on the Quidditch team, but pretty calm for the most part. Until Halloween and the troll, that is. So Quirrell lets in the troll, Harry and Ron save Hermione, even though Ron was the reason she was there in the first place—"
"Wait." Severus stopped her. "That's different. Miss Granger had gone looking for the troll. Mister Weasley had nothing to do with it."
"Actually, that's just the story Hermione came up with to cover for 'em. Ron had been an ass and she was cryin' in the bathroom. She didn't know about the troll, so they went to check on her and ended up lockin' the troll in the bathroom with her. It was kinda a mess."
"I see. Please, go on."
"Right. So they figured out you'd been bit by Fluffy, and became convinced ya were tryin' to steal whatever he was guardin'. At Christmas, Dumbledore gives Harry his daddy's invisibility cloak."
She stopped for a moment at Serverus' quick inhale, but then kept going. "They figure out the philosopher's stone is in the school. At some point, there's a Quidditch game where Quirrell jinxes Harry's broom. Ron and Hermione think it's you, though, so she sneaks under the stands and sets your robes on fire. Please don't punish her, Lou; it broke Quirrell's concentration, so it did actually work."
He snorted. "I promise. I will, however, bring it up with her. Often."
Lulabelle laughed. "Sounds fair. Anyway, there's the incident with a dragon, the detention in the Forbidden Forest, Harry's scar hurtin' in the presence of Voldemort, and final exams. Then Hagrid tells 'em that he told a 'stranger' how to get past Fluffy, and they rush to tell Dumbledore that Voldemort can get the stone. McGonagall tells 'em that he's away from the castle, and doesn't believe 'em when they say the stone's in danger. So they go off to get it themselves before it can be stolen. Everything accurate so far?"
"Yes," he stated. "Although I wasn't aware that either Potter had an invisibility cloak."
"Yeah, that's a whole thing… we'll get into it later. Ready to keep goin', or do ya need a break? I know this has been a lot," Lulabelle said.
Severus pinched the bridge of his large nose. "It seems we are at the end of the year. Please keep going, let's just get through this before I bombard you with questions."
"Whatever ya want, Lou," she smiled at him. "So they play music to get past Fluffy and go down the trapdoor. They have to pass Sprout's Devil's Snare, Flitwick's flyin' keys, McGonagall's chess set, the troll is already knocked out, and then your potions logic puzzle. Ron was knocked out at the chess match, and after Hermione solves your puzzle, there's only enough potion for one of 'em. Harry goes on while she goes back to Ron. He finds Quirrell in front of the Mirror of Erised, and ends up with the stone in his pocket and facin' Voldemort. They fight, Harry's skin burns Quirrell's, then he blacks out. Harry wakes up in the hospital wing to Dumbledore tellin' him that Quirrell died and the stone is safe. He goes to the leavin' feast, where a last minute points addition sees Gryffindor beatin' out Slytherin for the house cup. Total Gryffindor bias, by the way. Ya know Dumbledore planned out exactly how many points to award 'em so Slytherin wouldn't win. That jerk…" she trailed off at the end, giving herself a small shake. "So they get their grades and head home on the train. That's… that's pretty much it. What do ya think?"
Severus was silent for several long moments. He opened his mouth to speak, stopped, and closed it again. He took a deep breath, and then another. Finally, he said, "I have no idea what to say."
Lulabelle asked, "Well, is it accurate at least?"
"Yes. Other than the troll at Halloween, which you've explained, everything happened as you've said. Obviously I can't speak for what happened to Potter before arriving at Hogwarts…"
"Let's take a break for awhile, Lou. Lemme let Sinaka in, and then maybe ya can show us your spare room?" she took pity on the man.
Severus responded, "Yes. That's a good idea. Thank you."
Lulabelle rose from her seat and went to the back door, letting in the dog. The two returned to the living room, where Severus was standing near her luggage. "How much of this will you need upstairs?" he asked.
"If ya don't mind, I'd much rather feed him in the kitchen. It's where he eats at home."
"That will be fine."
"So just my bag and his bed, then. The IKEA bag has his bowls and whatnot in it, so I'll just leave it with the food," she answered.
"As you wish," he stated, throwing her bag over his shoulder and picking up the dog bed once more.
Lulabelle was quick to say, "Oh Lou! Lemme take part of that!"
"Nonsense, woman. Just follow me and I'll show you to your room."
She huffed at him, but did as he bade. Lulabelle stopped him at the foot of the stairs, however. "Sin has to be first on the stairs. He'll knock ya clean over tryin' to win the race if ya don't," she said apologetically.
Severus snorted and then gestured towards the stairs. "After you, Sinaka." The large dog bounded up the narrow staircase, three steps at a time. "I see what you mean," he smirked to Lulabelle as he turned to ascend the stairs.
"No manners at all when it comes to bein' first," she sighed, rolled her eyes, and followed Severus up the staircase.
Chapter Four
June 27, 1992
Severus showed Lulabelle to the first door on the right. "This is it, I'm afraid. My room is the next one down, and there's a bathroom across the hall."
Glancing around the small but meticulously clean room and taking in the single bed with it's faded quilt, the old but sturdy dresser, and the small, overflowing bookcase, she gushed, "Oh Lou, it's perfect!"
Startled, he said, "Right. Well, it's a room in any case." He placed her bag on the bed and readjusted the mattress in his arms, asking, "Where shall your beast sleep?"
"Oh, just anywhere his bed'll fit will be fine."
Severus laid the mattress down under the window, next to the bookcase, and said awkwardly, "There are towels in the cupboard in the bathroom, should you have need for them. It's a muggle house so everything should be as you're used to as far as electricity and hot water…" He trailed off at the end, unsure what to say next.
Lulabelle placed her hand on his arm. "Lou, it's wonderful. Thank ya so much. I really do 'preciate all you're doin' for Sin and me," she said softly, sensing his reticence at the situation.
He scoffed lightly. "Madam, you are offering me the knowledge of my future. The chance to correct mistakes before they happen… the mere idea of that is priceless. I should be offering you more than a dingy bedroom in a two-up, two-down in Spinner's End."
"Lou," she said, her eyes filling with tears as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "We'll fix it. We'll fix it all, I promise."
Slowly, fumblingly, he raised stiff arms to embrace her in turn. His head lowered, seemingly of its own accord, until his cheek rested on her black and purple curls. He felt the tenseness leave his body for the first time in longer than he could remember, melting away at her touch and her easily given support. Severus marveled at how much this tiny woman was affecting him. His arms tightened around her unconsciously as his mind drifted to the few times he thought he'd seen attraction in her eyes directed his way. He stepped away from her before his thoughts could delve further into that type of dangerous territory.
"Right. Er, thank you. It's just gone seven o'clock, would you like to get supper?" he asked.
"Oh! Sure thing. I love to cook; would ya like me to make somethin'?"
The corner of Severus' mouth quirked up. "I haven't made it to the shops since being home. I'm afraid it's takeaway for tonight's menu."
"Takeaway? Oh, like carry-out. Gotcha. Well, what's good 'round here?" Lulabelle asked.
"Fancy a curry?"
"I've never had it before, but I'm up for most anything. The only real food rule I have is that I don't like eatin' things that'll eat people. Except for pigs. Bacon is the candy of meat, ya know."
Severus blinked at her. "You won't eat things that eat… Wait. Pigs will eat people?"
"Oh yeah. Pig farms are a great way to get rid of bodies. They'll eat the bones and everythin'. I named one of my pigs Killer 'cause of that," she said matter-of-factly.
"One of your pigs?"
"Yeah, I have two back home. It's kinda a long story, but their names are Killer and Richard. My daddy says I have a weird sense of humor."
"I am missing the punchline," he said.
Lulabelle answered, "Killer, 'cause pigs'll eat people, and Richard, 'cause ya can't go wrong with a big fat dick."
Severus stared at her, then burst out laughing. The rich sound washed over Lulabelle, warming her from the inside out. She grinned toothily at him, giggling as well.
"Ya really have the best laugh, Lou. Ya need to do it more often."
"I may have to keep you around, then. You seem to bring it out in me," he replied. "I'll let you get settled while I go pick us up some food. Feel free to set out the beast's things in the kitchen whilst I'm gone."
"Sure thing. We'll be right here when ya get back," Lulabelle replied. Severus left the room, thankful for the distance as he walked down the stairs and out of the house. He needed the space to collect himself, to think through his reaction to her embrace. How long had it been since someone had willing touched him in such a manner? For her to offer such freely given comfort… Severus shook his head. 'Must be an American thing. Or a southern thing. She can't actually be attracted to me,' he thought as he apparated to the alley behind the restaurant. Ruminating over the times he thought he'd seen attraction in her eyes, the way she mumbled something at his use of wandless magic, her whispered 'Damn,' whenshe realized he hadn't meant to kiss her, her breathless tone when she asked him to repeat his lecture; he entered the restaurant, paused, and realized he had no idea what to order for her.
Lulabelle looked around the room again after Severus had left. "Well Sin, I guess this is home for now," she said, rubbing the ears of the dog who was currently leaned against her side. She kissed his nose and pushed him off, heading towards the door Severus had left through. "Let's get ya set up in the kitchen, buddy." The dog dutifully followed his mistress out of the room, then, seeing the stairs, rushed past her to leap down the staircase at top speed. Lulabelle was still laughing at his antics when she met up with him sitting next to the bag of dog food in the front hall.
"You've got a one-track mind, buddy. Come on. We'll put your things away and I'll get your dinner set up."
She hefted the large bag over her shoulder, and picked up the blue IKEA bag as well. In the kitchen, she glanced around for a place to store the food, settling on the pantry. After dropping her burden there, she turned and walked to the table, placing the bag on top. She pulled out a box of treats and two large stainless steel bowls from the depths of the bag, and moved to place the bag and the box of treats in the pantry as well. Lulabelle tossed one of the dog biscuits over her shoulder at Sinaka, who lept into the air to catch it, while saying, "Now. Where should I put your bowls?"
Deciding on two of the chairs at the table, she pulled them against a blank space on the wall near the cabinets. She filled one of the bowls with water from the sink and placed it on the chair, followed soon by the other, full of dog food, once she'd filled the bowl. "Dinner's served, buddy."
Once the Dane had finished his meal, Lulabelle retrieved his brush from the IKEA bag. "Let's go out front and brush ya down. I don't want ya sheddin' all over Lou's house anymore than ya have to," she told the dog.
They were just finishing up and were sitting on his porch together as Severus returned from the curry house. He stood watching her carefully brush the short coat of the massive dog for a moment before clearing his throat. Lulabelle looked up at him with a sweet smile on her face, and he said, "He really is a magnificent beast."
She laughed. "That he is, but keep it down. Don't want him gettin' too big for his britches."
"Too big for his… britches?" Severus queried, mind flashing through all possible connotations of the phrase, and deciding that dogs in short trousers had to be horribly wrong.
Lulabelle cocked her head to the side. "Means conceited? Not somethin' y'all say, I'm guessin'."
"Ah. No. One wouldn't want him to get a big head."
At that aside, Lulabelle laughed outright. Looking at the dog in question, she stated, "Surely not. His head's plenty big already," and placed her small hands on either side of Sinaka's face to emphasize its size.
Severus chuckled. "Quite," he said, then lifted the numerous white bags he was carrying. "I come bearing food. Shall we go inside and eat?"
Lulabelle stood and opened the front door. "Yeah, just lemme put Sin out back so he doesn't graze at the table," she said, rolling her eyes. Severus smirked at the dog. Apparently this was a common occurrence, one he could well see given the size of the beast. She stopped in the living room to take the ham bone out of her purse, unwrapping it on her way to the back door before tossing it outside for the dog.
"Good Lord, Lou! That's a lot of food!" Lulabelle said a few minutes later as Severus was removing box after box of aluminum containers from the bags and placing them on the table in the kitchen.
"Yes, well, I wasn't sure what you would like, so I got a bit of everything," he mumbled sheepishly.
After retrieving plates and silverware from the cabinets, Severus told her what the dishes were called as he removed the lids from each container.
"This is tikka masala, probably the most common curry dish in England. This one is madras, it's rather hot, so be warned if you do not care for spicy food. This green one is saag gosht and contains lamb. The vindaloo is also spicy, but the korma is rather mild. Then we also have rice and garlic naan. I stopped and got us a bottle of red and a bottle of white wine as well, as I was not aware of your preference," he explained, as he moved to gather two wine glasses from the side cupboard.
Wide eyes taking in the feast laid out on the table before her, Lulabelle said, "It all looks just wonderful, Lou. Thank ya for gettin' it for us."
As they settled into their seats and began filling their plates, Severus cleared his throat. "I thought, perhaps, while we ate, you could tell me about yourself. I feel at a bit of a loss, seeing as how you know all about me, and all I know about you is that have a dog and two pigs, and are from Oklahoma."
"Ya know I'm from thirty years in the future, too," she returned, pointing her fork at him.
"Yes, and I know you're from thirty years in the future, too." He quirked a smile at her from across the table.
"Well, what do ya wanna know? Or should I just tell ya my life story?"
"Perhaps you could start with the events leading to your arrival in this time? Then we could build from there…" Severus led.
"Hmm. Alright. Well, I'd planned to go to the lake for a week. I live in a small town outside of Tulsa, but my family has some land up at Grand Lake. I'd spent the weekend workin' at home, but had plans with my folks to spend the week at the cabin with 'em. I slept in this mornin' and just kinda piddled around all day, not doin' much of anything, then got packed and loaded up. Sin and I finally left just after dinner to head to the lake. It's about an hour and a half away from where we live. It started stormin' somethin' fierce when we got close, and the roads up near our land are pretty treacherous. One side goes straight up the hill, one side goes straight down. Sin's scared of storms, too, by the way. So it's dark, I'm drivin' in the rain, tryin' to calm down 220 pounds of shakin' dog, when a whitetail jumps out in front of me. I swerved, which was the total wrong thing to do, and we went over the edge of the road. We were crashing through the underbrush, hittin' crap left and right, 'til a giant tree was just right in front of us. I don't rightly remember hittin' it, but I must've 'cause everything went black, but then I was in the parkin' lot of the Dog. I was fine, Sin was fine, it wasn't dark out anymore, and there wasn't a scratch on the Jeep at all. So ya see, I'm obviously in a coma. Ya don't go through all that without gettin' real bad hurt," she finished.
"I have some ideas on that, to be honest," he said. "First, though, tell me more about yourself. You spent the weekend working from home?" Severus prompted.
"Yeah, doin' up another grant proposal for my foundation. We help abused kids with animal therapy. Get 'em ridin horses, takin' care of different types of animals, sometimes pairin' 'em with therapy dogs, too. Some of the animals are from similar situations, as well. We rescue abused animals, do as much as we can for 'em, and they in turn help with the kids. Well, the ones that pass trainin' do, at least," she replied.
"Very commendable. Is this where Killer and Richard came from?"
Lulabelle laughed. "No, I've had them for years. My daddy wouldn't let me join the FFA 'cause he said I'd end up with pets instead of profit. Then I dated a boy who was in the FFA, and ended up with with his profits as pets anyway." At Severus' questioning look, she added, "The FFA is the Future Farmers of America. One of the things they do is raise farm animals for show. I kept the pigs, but not the boy. Daddy says it was a fair trade."
Severus snorted and Lulabelle grinned at him. "So you ride as well?" he asked.
"Daddy's had me on horseback since before I could walk. He's in oil, but horses are his true love. I used to show 'em when I was younger, but after I started the foundation, there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything I wanna do," Lulabelle sighed. "I still get to work with 'em most every day, so I can't complain too much."
"You sound very busy."
"Like a one-legged man in an ass kickin' contest most days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's why I was takin' a week off, truth be told. Mama says I'm runnin' myself ragged. Honestly though, I think she's just put out that I won't go on any more of the dates she sets up for me." Lulabelle dramatically thrust the back of her hand to her forehead and cried, "But sugar, how're ya ever gonna find a nice boy to settle down with if ya don't get yourself out there and look?" She lowered her hand. "I don't particularly wanna settle, and she just can't understand it. I want someone who wants me for me, not someone who wants me for my family's money. And those are the kinds of boys she finds for me to date. They're all real pretty, I'll give her that, but I want a man who can hold an intelligent conversation longer than five minutes without bringing up the oil business," Lulabelle finished her rant with a roll of her eyes.
Severus decided to take a chance. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I know nothing about the oil business. I can guarantee I won't bring it up in conversation, unless you wish me to do so."
Lulabelle smiled around her bite of chicken tikka and pointed at him with her fork as she swallowed. "Ya know, I've been half in love with ya ever since I finished reading the last book when I was 14. Or more the idea of ya, I guess I should say, since ya were just a character in a story," she said thoughtfully. "If I ever wake up from this coma, I'm gonna tell Mama it's all your fault I can't find a man. Ain't nobody in the world could ever match up to Severus Snape." She reached across the table to scoop up some more food from one of the containers, missing the gobsmacked look on his face. "This is really good, Lou," she continued, as if she hadn't just completely shocked the man. "I like this spicy one the best, I think. What was it called again?"
Severus quickly schooled his features before she could look up at him. "Er, that one…" he stopped to clear his suddenly dry throat. "That one is the madras. It's a hot curry."
"Well, it's wonderful. I like 'em all, really. I don't get to Tulsa very often, but I'm bettin' they have an Indian restaurant or two. I'll have to check it out. My lil' town has a pretty good Mexican place for when I'm cravin' somethin' spicy, though," she informed him.
Still trying to recover from her revelation, Severus managed to get out, "I don't believe I've ever had Mexican food before."
Lulabelle dropped her fork. "No! Really?" She exclaimed.
Severus managed a smile. "You forget, madam. You are now on the other side of the Atlantic. I am nearly as far from Mexico as you are from India."
"We'll just hafta fix that, then. If ya let me use your kitchen, I'll make ya enchiladas," she said decisively, adding, "and some good southern cookin', too, if ya want. Ya said ya needed to go food shoppin' anyway."
"That would be… most appreciated, actually." Lulabelle beamed at his response and Severus sipped at his glass of white wine. "We can either save the red for your enchiladas, or I can pick up another bottle of white while we're at the store if that doesn't pair well."
"Oh. Oh no. Lou. Ya don't drink wine with enchiladas. Ya drink tequila. Margaritas are a must with Mexican food," she shook her head in exaggerated exasperation. "Don't ya worry your pretty little head about it," she said, patting his hand. "I'll get ya fixed up right."
Severus chuckled at her cheek. "I am yours to enlighten, my lady."
"Speakin' of enlightenment, Lou, can I ask you some questions too? Like about magic?"
"Of course."
"Well, I was wonderin'... I mean, if it wouldn't be too much of an imposition… could I, maybe… canItouchyourwand?" she finished all in a rush.
He blinked at her. She blushed.
"Can I touch your wand?" she repeated, slowly this time. "It's just that, that's a real magic wand, Lou. I mean, I know I can't use it, obviously it won't work for a muggle, but can I just hold it for a second? Maybe pretend like I could cast a spell? I've just always wanted, my whole life… Nevermind. Shut up. It's stupid." Lulabelle flushed brighter and looked down at her lap.
Severus softly cleared his throat and she looked up at him, only to see him holding his wand out to her, balanced across his palm.
Lulabelle's silver eyes brightened. "Really? Ya mean it?" she asked longingly, reaching her hand out slowly before waiting for his answer.
"Of course, madam," he replied quietly. He watched as she reverently took his wand from his hand with her own small one. He watched as she ran her fingers up and down its length, inspecting the carved handle thoroughly. He watched as she grasped said handle firmly, and he watched as a sense of wonder lit up her heart-shaped face.
"It's warm!" she whispered, excitement warring with reverence in her voice. Severus quirked a smile at her tone.
Lulabelle held the ebony colored wand and pointed it across the room. "Lumos!" she cried, then shrugged sheepishly as nothing happened. She moved to hand it back to Severus. "I wasn't really expectin' it to work…" she trailed off a bit sadly.
Severus snorted at her. "It wouldn't work for anyone like that. Your wand movement is atrocious. Here, like this," he said, taking the wand from her and moving it in the correct pattern. "Lumos." The tip of the wand lit up with a warm blue light. After cancelling the charm, he repeated the movement slowly for her several times, before handing the wand back to her.
Taking the wand once more, Lulabelle repeated the movement he'd shown her, asking, "Like this?"
"Yes. Try it again, now," he commanded, having slipped into his teaching voice without noticing.
She waved his wand in the correct movement, and repeated, "Lumos!"
The wand lit up.