There once was an ordinary male magikarp who was minding his own buisiness, happily going wherever the current takes him.
He was finding some food to eat, but he heard angry screaming coming from an underwater cave. What came out of it was an angry sharpedo who started to bump and smash into things.
"Damn wife," The sharpeo grumbled.
The magikarp was confused as to why the sharpedo was so angry so he decided to talk to him.
"Uh sharpedo," The magikarp said. "What in the world is going on?"
"It's my wife," The sharpedo rumbled. "She won't let me have sex with the kids!"
The magikarp was shocked, to say the least. Like, why the fuck would you even admit that? So, like any reasonable pokemon he decided to put him in his place.
"Oh sharpedo," The magikarp wailed. "I'm sorry to butt in to your affairs, but you are a disgusting and deplorable pokemon and-"
The sharpedo stopped the weak and frail pokemon with a load roar. It seems that the magikarp's sense of justice has angered the short tempered shark and he is in for a lot if trouble.
"You know what magikarp, you can fuck right off and eat big bag of dicks," The angry sharpedo barked.
Then the sharpedo suddenly charged at the flopping scalie at full speed. The red fish was terrified and didn't know what to do.
If he tried to swim away, the sharpedo would surely catch him. If he tried to attack or dodge, he would be shark food. So you can see that magikarp was in a tough situation.
But then, a miracle happened. A line with a pokeball on it appeared. He had heard the legends that the line lead to a place called "The Outside".
The magikarp wasted no time in grabbing the line. Once he did, he was immediately pulled upwards to "The Outside".
He then found himself in a big blue place with a lot of fluffy white objects. For a moment, he thought that this was heaven, until he faceplanted into a weird green ground.
After a few seconds, the magikarp tried to look around, but was unable to because he could only flop around in one place. But then, he was approached by a mysterious black figure.
"Finally!" The figure yelled in excitement. "I finally caught something!"
The figure revealed himself as a boy with pale skin, white looking hair, and some green looking fabric wrapped around his head.
"Hey there little fella," The boy greeted. "I'm Brendan, what's your name?"
"I don't really have a name." The magikarp said. But since Brendan wasn't a pokemon, he could only hear, "Magikarp!"
"Eh, I'll just give you a name myself," Brendan shrugged. "Hmm, how about... Mr. Magikarp!"
"Wow, cool name!" The Magikarp replied. But, as I said the first time, Brendan wasn't a pokemon, he could only hear, "Magikarp!"
"Whatever," Brendan said in a sarcastic tone. Then, he got an idea.
"Hey, I know!" Brendan exclaimed. "I'll catch you and show you to May!"
Magikarp didn't even get to ask what he meant before he was hit by a ball and found himself in a big black void. He was released after a few seconds and was very confused.
"Now we're partners!" Brendan shouted. "Now to show you to May!"
Brendan had started repeatedly shouting May's name like a banshee, in hopes that the person would turn up suddenly out of the blue. He was yelling for a good 5 hours until a mysterious black figure showed up.
"Oh my god Brendan," An unknown voice called. "What the hell do you want!?!"
The voice was a girl with red and black clothing and also has a piece of green fabric wrapped around her head.
Brendan had jumped up and ran to the voice. Magikarp had concluded that voice must've belonged to the May character Brendan was talking about 5 hours ago.
"May, May!" Brendan shouted. "Look what I found!"
He ran up to his new friend and scooped Mr. Magikarp in his arms, to show him to May.
Brendan ran up to May, with the fish still in his arms and said, "Look at my new friend, May!"
May went from mildly annoyed to laughing her ass off. Brendan was a little hurt and embarrassed by her laughter that all he could utter was a simple, "umm..."
When she finally stopped laughing she explained, "Magikarp is not only a weak and pathetic pokemon, but they're incredibly easy to catch!"
"To put it simply Brendan," She added. "It's nothing to get exited about."
Brendan was angry and shocked that she would say such a thing about an innocent pokemon.
Mr. Magikarp was also angry, but at an even higher level. Like how dare this random bitch walk up and insult his strength like that. What this girl needs to get put in her place.
Mr. Magikarp suddenly hopped out of Brendan' s arms to face May. He was glaring at May, ready to battle her, but in May's eyes he was just staring blankly at her and saying, "Magikarp!"
"May!" Brendan called out. "How could you say such things about an innocent pokemon!?!"
"Like this!" May said with a goofy smirk on her face.
Then she did the unthinkable. She kicked the poor magikarp right into Brendan's arms.
Brendan gasped and yelled, "That's it, May, I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
May laughed villainously and asked, "Do you realize who you're messing with?"
"Does it really matter?" Brendan answered with another question.
"To give you a refresher, I'm Norman's kid!" May cried out vehemently. "I'll easily win this fight, go combusken!"
She sent out her combusken, who looked like an absurdly phallic looking chicken. It was so phallic, that even May chuckled at its appearance.
"Magikarp!" Brendan shouted out. "You know what to do!"
Magikarp hopped towards the penis-chicken and attempted to tackle it. But, because of his slow speed on land and the fact that it's a magikarp, it didn't even hurt May's Combusken.
"Heh," May chuckled "Now it's our turn!"
"Combusken, use scratch!" May ordered. Combusken charged at the poor fish and hit him with their large claws, putting deep claw marks on Mr. Magikarp' s body.
"Magikarp!" Brendan cried out. He ran to his magikarp's side and grabbed him.
May scoffed and said, "I told you that your magikarp is worthless and pathetic. You'd be better off dumping that thing in the ocean!"
But then, something snapped inside of magikarp. He hopped out of Brendan' s arms and started glowing.
"No way," May said with her mouth agape. "No fucking way."
"Magikarp, shinka!" Magikarp cried out. "Gyarados!"
Brendan watched in awe and said, "Mr. Magikarp, use hydro pump!"
He did as Brendan told him to and released a large, and fast amount of water from his mouth. May's Combusken wasn't fast enough to dodge it, so they ended up getting hit. Once Mr. Magikarp stopped using hydro pump, combusken had fainted.
"Your combusken is unable to battle," Brendan told May. "Looks like I win!"
May was shocked. She stood there motionless, trying to process what just happened.
May started to get angry and throwing a tamper tantrum.
"No! No! No!" May cried out. "That's impossible!"
She fell on the ground and started slamming on it with her fist and shouting, "I can't get beaten by a magikarp, a weakling, I'm Norman's kid!"
Mr. Magikarp had started to get really pissed off at her attitude and insults that he decided to hyper beam the girl.
"Aaaaaaahh!" Was May's final words before she was disintegrated into nothingness.
"Holy fucking shit!" Brendan cried out as he watched the attack unfold.
Brendan started screaming like a girl and ran to Odale Town to call the police.
Mr. Magikarp watched as he ran and got bored. He decided to go back into the water and decided to kill that bastard pedo shark.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The end
This story is fucking stupid and I should be ashamed for writing it.