"Well - we could stop on this planet, but the Captain said to carry on. We'd better not," Sulu said regretfully.
"Oh fiddlesticks to that! I say shore leave for the main crew, and that's doctor's orders! I don't care what Jim says!" Bones said in a voice that was far too loud for a confined space like the bridge, sipping aggressively away at his mint julep. He heard the sound of Nurse Chapel bleating for him on the intercom, something about a patient's heart collapsing, but he ignored it. He only went down to the medbay when the episode required it, after all.
"My ears are burning," Jim declared, popping up suddenly from seemingly nowhere. He levelled his crew with an accusatory eye. "What are you lot chit-chatting about?"
"Captain, that is an illogical statement, your ears are not burning," Spock said, with his most logical tone - which included raising his eyebrow impressively. "What does it mean?"
"Well Spock, what do you think it means?" Jim asked genially, smiling his famous Kirk smile. He winked at Uhura and she blushed sweetly.
"Ears are a Russian invention," said Chekov, feeling a bit left out. No one listened to him however, they were all far too wrapped up in watching the fascinating conversation going on between Spock and Jim. Sulu shovelled some replicator popcorn into his slack-jawed mouth.
Spock considered Jim's question, his hands clasped behind his back. He gave it some serious thought. If anyone had asked him, Bones would have said he thought the Vulcan looked like he was about to solve Pi. But no one did, so he kept that gem to himself. "Since your ears are very clearly not on fire, Captain, I will assume you meant simply that they are feeling very warm."
Jim shrugged, draping himself luxuriously over his captain's chair. "Whatever you say, Spocky my old friend! What say your sensors? No signs of life?"
Spock crossed the room and started fiddling with the airlock in a clever way.
"I shall lower the heat for you, Captain. Your ears will be all right."
"Spock! Watch what you're doing, you green-blooded, pointy-eared, computer brains, emotionless stupid robot!" Bones moved to stop him, but Jim shook his head.
"Ah it's fine, Bones old buddy, let him do what he wants. Those things are stuck tight. Nothing can open them, not even awesome Spock's awesome Vulcan strength. Very stiff I tell you."
Hearing an opportunity for offense, Scotty sprinted into the vicinity, a look of horrified anger on his face and an open bottle of scotch in his hand. He nearly threw it over Jim's Kirk smile in his hurry. "Och Captain, are ye really insultin' me ship!?"
"No no no, not in the slightest," Jim said mildly, kissing a blonde yeoman deeply as she passed by him. She giggled and tripped over his feet. Unrelatedly, Jim pondered on how short the women's uniform is and what can be done to make it even shorter.
"I have done it!" Spock said, a hint of-was that...triumph? in his voice. He flung the airlock open, and instantly got sucked out through it.
Everyone blinked for a few seconds. Uhuru twiddled her green earrings in great distress. Sulu reached for the controls and stealthily set it to warp 5.
"Airlocks are a Russian invention," said Chekov quickly, before anyone could get their hand over his mouth.